


Who said our love is forbidden?

by Lluna



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Lexa, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Girl Penis Lexa, Human Clarke Griffin, Knotting, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Romance, Slow Burn, Wolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-10-05 03:48:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 116,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10296791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lluna/pseuds/Lluna
Summary: Wolves don't mingle with humans. It is a rule, an unbreakable one, humans are dangerous.Lexa knows that, and as The Commander it is her duty to protect her people from humans but, when Clarke and her group arrive to the earth to see if life is possible there things start to change.Not only they make a truce to get to know each others' cultures, but they also start to see a different side of each other.Who said wolves couldn't fall in love with humans?Love can be found in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected people.





	1. Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> Okay, so I finally decided to post this story after weeks of thinking about it, it is my first story on this site and also it is my first Clexa fic ever, so please be gentle!  
> I am really excited about sharing this with you guys and also I'm excited to start this journey, so I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it :)  
> English is not my first language so apologize in advance for all the possible mistake you're going to read.
> 
> Enjoy the first chapter and please tell me what you think about this, your comments are welcomed :)

Wolves had different smells. That’s something Clarke was starting to learn even though her smell sense didn’t allow her to understand what that meant. She lacked the kind of skills that all wolves seemed to have naturally, meaning: extremely good hearing, smell sense incredibly developed and their sight sense was incredibly good.

She was starting to learn quite a few things on the road but still, those strange creatures were still a mystery for her.  
Apparently wolves were divided in categories, something Clarke didn’t understand but had learned to accept. There were wolves that the rest called alphas.  
Clarke had no idea what made them different at first, but the more time she spent with them, the more she learned. Apparently these categories meant that each wolf had a certain characteristics and behavior.  
The alpha ones were extremely possessive, or at least that’s what Clarke could sense. They were also violent (sometimes even too much) and also seemed to be really defiant. Mostly all the alphas were bigger than the rest and most of them were leaders on in high positions.  
Then there were the beta ones. Here Clarke had no idea what to think; she actually hadn’t mingled with too many betas to say a clear opinion of them or actually to see how different they were. She had only met a few and they were actually the more “normal” ones, meaning that they weren’t violent nor ferocious as alphas and not as strangely submissive as omegas.  
Omegas were weird, Clarke couldn’t tell which category was each wolf by smell; obviously she couldn’t really distinguish that, but omegas were extremely noticeable just by their behavior.  
They were quiet, obviously that didn’t mean that they couldn’t be violent when needed or even be in charge of things but whenever alphas were around they seemed to calm and tilt their heads as if they had to show submission of some kind…  
However, Clarke still had no idea what to think about them or what she could do. The situation was out of hand for her and pretty much for everyone that dared to be with her right now.

 

Wolves were the last thing she expected to see when she, with the rest of her people landed on the earth. The mission was simple: make sure the earth was a habitable place again. That was it, they were supposed to land on the earth, explore the territory and then warn the others if they could land as well or not.  
But if Clarke had learned something in this past month is that missions were never so simple.  
They landed on a hill, near a big extension of woods and lands with no signs of life; they had been warned that there could be something down on the earth so they were prepared with weapons and some technology to help just in case.  
Fortunately though the first week they didn’t have any problems, the lands were inhabited and lonely, the only thing they found there were animals but that was it.  
They didn’t find any sign of human life until week two.  
The group had separated into smaller groups to cover more extension; they wanted to finish the mission as quick as possible so travelling with fewer people was easier. Her group had gone far into the woods, they never expected to get that far but once they were there they realized that something had changed.  
The first signs of human life appeared.  
It was just a few shacks and a small column of weak smoke coming from an abandoned bonfire. The group walked in silence through what it seemed to be a small village and suddenly found what it seemed to be the center of it.  
Hidden behind some giant trees and a metallic gate there were more small houses and what seemed to be stands with fruits, meet, and even fabrics. The more they walked, the more they realized that something was up there. The first one to break the heavy silence was a girl called Raven “Where is everyone?” She asked as they kept their slow pace.  
Clarke eyed her with confusion and then looked around once more trying to decipher the question.  
“This is weird” A girl named Octavia said with a husky voice as she held her weapon close to her chest in alarm. “Either this people is out for a walk” She said ironically “Or they just vanished like smoke”  
There was a silence. Someone trampled on a fallen branch and the entire group turned around abruptly holding their weapons ready to open fire. They exchanged relieved looks once they realized that there was no danger but still they were still alert.  
“I think we should get out of here” A deep voice came by a boy called Bellamy. He was visibly tense, looking around as if he just saw something.  
Clarke took a deep breath, her hand wrapping the weapon harder trying to stay calm; she eyed her surroundings again and nodded “I think that’s a good idea”  
They were about to move and start running again to try and get away from any danger when suddenly an arrow flew quickly as wind and rammed a nearby tree.  
_“Nou sen yu fut daun nowe!”_  
The words lingered through the tense atmosphere leaving everyone still and nervous; no one understood a word obviously but the arrow spoke for itself. The group got closer ready to defend each other when finally they saw their enemies emerge from the woods.

  
_“Veida!”_ Someone yelled with a voice that sounded more like a loud growl.  
A dark skinned woman emerged from the enormous group that was surrounding them and stood right in front of Clarke.  
_“Frag emo op!”_ She said after a moment of eyeing the intruders. Clarke had no idea what was happening but the moment she saw a few of the strange man raise their weapons she knew that they were going to die.  
She closed her eyes expecting to at least die fast and not suffer too much, the others reminded silent probably thinking the same when a voice came behind the woman standing in front of her. _“Em pleni!”_

  
This time it was a man; Clarke opened her eyes slowly and her jaw literally fell to the floor when she saw what must’ve been the biggest man on earth. He was not only tall but muscular and with a brute appearance that was enough to scare anyone. But as scary as he was, he seemed to be stopping the others from hurting them.  
“What the hell is happening here?” Raven spoke in a whisper trying to understand the situation. Clarke was unable to offer a response so she shrugged her shoulders lightly and looked at Bellamy who was next to her. “It seems like we’re trapped” He whispered  
_“Shof op!”_ the woman yelled with anger.  
None of them understood, but they reminded silent. The giant man seemed to be interested in them; he eyed each member of the group carefully and… Was he smelling them?

  
Clarke didn’t understand what was happening but then he turned to the woman and they seemed to argue for a while apparently about their fate. And the argument didn’t seem to be going well.  
So Clarke finally decided to swallow her fear and addressed directly at them “We came here in peace” She said trying not to stutter on her words.  
The pair arguing in front of them stopped midsentence and the rest of the people there seemed to pay attention to her, as if they were surprised she spoke.  
The woman turned to them and let out what Clarke though it was an actual snarl… she had bared her teeth and her eyes were black full of rage and hatred. _“Gostos ai ste beja yu daun teik ai frag em op!”_ she said  
_“Shof op Indra”_ The man said. He took a step towards them and looked at them with disgust.

  
“Peace?” He asked after a moment. So they speak English, Clarke though. This was beyond weird; she was in a strange land now full of strangers, who spoke a strange language and that now seemed to want to kill them. “You say you came in peace” He growled getting angry “Didn’t seem like peace to me when you burned hundreds of our people alive!” He shouted.  
Clarke was about to respond but the air got stuck in her throat, so instead it was Octavia who spoke “What?!” She asked in almost a yell “We haven’t killed anyone!”  
“You can’t expect us to believe you” The man said “You’re the enemy”  
“We just want to…” Clarke never got the chance to finish her sentence because the woman who apparently responded to the name of Indra growled loudly at her.  
_“Jus drein jus daun”_ She said and everyone around her started yelling and growling repeating the same words over and over until the man raised his hand up in the air making everyone stop.  
_“Teik em!”_ He said and suddenly a few men were over the confused group tying them down.  
“Wait!” Clarke yelled at him as two men grabbed her by the arms “What are you doing?!”  
She could hear Raven yelling at someone, and Octavia fighting a man who was hitting her. Bellamy tried to shoot but they kicked him and got rid of his weapon.  
“What are you going to do with us?” Murphy, a guy who had been quiet until now asked.  
The man approached to him and offered a macabre smile “We’re holding you prisoners” He said before releasing a loud guffaw and walking away.

* * *

No matter how hard they tried to fight, or how much they resisted; these people captured them and soon they found themselves inside of a big cage as the Grounders, as they called them, took them.  
The journey was long and tiring; the Grounders fed them and gave them water but not too much, enough to not let them die but never enough to let them satisfied.  
They travelled during the day and camped at nights; a few guards always protecting the cage where they were trapped. Apparently this group wasn’t the only one, and by what Clarke heard they were going to be taken to see one they called Commander or ‘Heda’.

  
“I wish we knew why the hell they are taking us with them” Raven grunted as she kicked one of the bars of the cage. Bellamy sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose “They keep saying that we killed their people”  
“But we didn’t!” Octavia jumped into the conversation “We didn’t kill anyone; jeez we didn’t even saw a living soul”  
Finn one of the boys of the group who had been mostly quiet during the journey spoke “They don’t seem to mind that” He said  
“Yeah the only thing these people understand is fucking violence” Bellamy stated  
“I wonder if they plan to kill us” Raven said with fear. Everyone looked at her silently sharing that same thought.  
“They seem to need us for something” Clarke finally said  
“And that makes us what? Untouchable?” Bellamy asked “The moment these people get tired of us we’re over”  
“My brother is right” Octavia said “We need to do something”  
“We have to get out of here” Murphy said in a low voice.  
That was something that was easier to say than to do, but everyone agreed. It was only matter of time until these people killed them and they couldn’t let that happen.

  
During the next few days, they planned a way to escape the cage and run away from the grounders. But the more time they spent with them, the more they realized that it was going to be more complicated to get out of there.  
The grounders didn’t seem to be human… or at least didn’t seem to be completely human. They were primitive, haunting and fighting over food, their strength was abnormally high and their sense of hearing was disgustingly well developed.  
The thing that confirmed this theory was when they heard some of the grounder men howl?! How in the hell could someone howl… and then again, how could anyone growl and snarl like a fucking animal?

  
Then someone finally opened the eyes for them.

“Wolves don’t mingle with humans” Gustus aka the giant man said to Clarke.  
He quickly realized that the one who seemed to be in charge of the “invaders” group was the blonde girl so he ordered the guards to get her out of the cage so they could talk.  
Seeing him closely made Clarke realize that he must not be that bad even though he still held her prisoner, but at least he told Clarke some interesting information.  
“Wolves” Clarke said in a whisper trying to figure out if he was joking or not.  
“Our breed is ancient and our ancestors descend directly from wolves” He explained quietly  
“So you’re like werewolves?” Clarke asked afraid to say something wrong. Gustus growled lightly and shook his head  
“Humans don’t understand us” He muttered “You aren’t capable of comprehend our history nor our life”  
Clarke sighed “So if you don’t like humans” She saw how Gutus shrugged his nose in disgust at the mention of the word: humans “As you try to state so much” She mumbled “Then why are you taking us?”  
He seemed to think about the question “It’s not me who has to decide yours and your people’s fate” He said finally  
“Then who has to?”  
“Commander” Gustus said.

  
Clarke didin’t get any more information from Gustus; after that she went back into the cage and they all waited one more day until they arrived to destination.  
Luckily and against any of their hopes, Jasper, one of the guys managed to actually escape the cage before anyone could kill him and he disappeared into the woods with the promise of bringing help.  
“We’re doomed if the grounders kill him before he can find help” Raven said once they heard the grounders send patrols to ‘haunt’ him.  
The information of the Wolves thing was actually not well accepted within the group. Clarke told them about her conversation with Gustus but none of them believed her.  
“He must’ve been playing with your mind princess” Finn said.  
But the more time they spent there the more real it became.  
They were locked for what seemed to be weeks or even months in a small cell that smelled like mold and dirt; but actually they hadn’t been locked up in there for an entire day when someone, another giant guard came looking for her.  
He said something in that strange language the Grounders used and when he saw that none of the prisoners seemed to understand, he cleared his throat and corrected his words “Your presence is requested by the Commander, Clarke of the Sky people”  
Everyone turned to watch Clarke, whose mouth hanged opened in confusion; Raven glanced her a questioning look and Finn seemed to be worried but didn’t say a word.  
“You better find a way to get us all out of here blondie” Octavia mumbled as Clarke stood up and walked past them.  
“What about my friends?” She asked to the guard once she was out of the cell. He growled, not happy with the question.  
“I’m here to take Clarke kom Skykru to Heda” He said impatiently pointing at her with his weapon, a large spear. “Your friends stay here”  
Clarke was about to reply; she didn’t like to take anyone’s orders, and much less if they were unjustified, but the man eyed her with a menacing look and grabbed her by the arm pulling her out of there.

  
She was taken through dark, creepy hallways until she was dragged out of a building; outside the sun was bright up in the sky and its rays hit Clarke right in the face making her blind for a few seconds until her gaze adjusted to the light.  
She expected to find more woods and small shacks like the ones they saw previously, she certainly did not expect to see an actual ‘city’ (if one could call that place that), there were some buildings, and people walked around as if nothing happened. Even though the place seemed ancient it was nothing like Clarke expected to see.

  
The man took her along a few streets until she was met by what had to be the biggest tower her eyes had ever seen. It stood proudly right at the center of the city, it was old and the outside seemed to be a very old ruin but once she stepped past the threshold of the giant door she quickly saw that the place was decorated and seemed actually cozy and warm.  
People inside eyed her curiously; someone smelled her and tried to approach her, obviously stopped by the brute guard, who snarled at anyone who dared to take a step towards her.  
They used an old elevator and Clarke honestly had no idea which floor it took them, but finally they stopped by a door. “You must stay here” He said before knocking  
A small woman, with brown mane that fell loosely around her shoulders opened the door and eyed them both; she didn’t seem happy to see the guard and told something to him in their language, to what the man growled but then he just left.  
Clarke entered the room and the first thing she saw was a big bed in the middle that seemed to be extremely comfortable… her gaze lingered there and she wondered how it would be to lie there and close her eyes for a moment. She hadn’t had the chance to rest in several days and sleeping in the hard concrete floor of the cell was a torture. Quickly she brushed off those thoughts of her head and looked at the large window that occupied half of the wall.  
From there she could see literally the entire city and the nearest villages and forest extensions; that’s when she realized that they were really high…  
“That’s Polis” The woman said dragging Clarke out of her thoughts. The blonde turned around at the words and was met by brown colored eyes that stared deep into her.

  
It was nice for once to not be surrounded by testosterone and hatred as she had been used to the past days. The woman didn’t seem hostile; in fact she was calmed and her face expression was peaceful. She didn’t seem angry at her as most of the grounders were and certainly she didn’t seem to be going to attack her any time soon.  
The woman must’ve noticed Clarke’s confusion so she spoke again offering a warm smile “Polis” She said pointing to the view outside “Our capital; house of Heda and meeting point of the twelve clans”  
Clarke nodded, although she didn’t understand half of the sentence; for her everything related to these strange people was new and weird, and the woman noticed it and laughed  
“You have a lot to learn Clarke kom Skaikru” She said with a hint of humor in her voice and then gestured Clark to follow her.  
“Why does everyone keep calling me like that?” Clarke asked suddenly. The woman stopped and faced her “That’s not my name” She finished  
The woman nodded “Then what is?”  
Clarke rubbed the back of her neck “Clarke Griffin” She mumbled “Or just Clarke”  
“Okay Clarke Griffin or just Clarke” The woman said “I am Kiara, kom Trikru” She commented dismissively “It is the name of my clan and Skykru is the name of yours”  
“Clan?” Clarke asked  
“Your people fell from the sky” Kiara said. Clarke understood now, she had tons of questions but kept her mouth shut. “Now follow me” She ordered  
Behind some wooden screens there was what seemed to be a large tube filled with warm steamy water, which made Clarke’s heart melt, she hadn’t taken a bath in ages! She was extremely grateful to see that.  
“You must get ready to see the Commander” Kiara stated as she gestured Clarke to start pulling off her clothes.

  
Clarke did as requested and got rid of her dusty pants and sweaty shirt quickly not really caring that this woman could see her naked. “Who is this… Commander everyone talks about?” She managed to ask as she stepped inside the hot water.  
Kiara moved behind her and grabbed what seemed to be a sponge and a cube of soap and started rubbing Clarke’s back gently.  
“Heda is our leader” Kiara started as she kept on with her movements “She’s the one whose spirit protects and defends us. Above Heda there’s no one and we all follow Heda’s orders” She said with a serious voice “The Commander is the one who either can save you or condemn all your people”  
Clarke turned around to this with a curious look “We didn’t do anything wrong” She said trying to make Kiara understand what was really happening “We were captured by all those people but we didn’t do anything wrong”  
“That’s not what my people say” Kiara said surprisingly without any malice, she just seemed to be giving Clarke information.  
“Then your people must be wrong” Clarke argued “We just wanted to make sure the earth is ready to live again, our mission was just to check the ground and come back with news”  
Kiara sighed putting the sponge away and then nodded “Hundreds of people died” She said in a soft voice “Burned alive by the hands of strangers. Maybe you and your friends didn’t, but someone did and it’s up to Heda to decide to believe you or not”  
Great! Clarke thought as she turned around again letting Kiara finish her job. ‘My future depends on some weird Commander that is probably another giant brute man that wanted power and praise'

  
The bath ended once the water went cold; Kiara handed her clean clothes telling her that they were going to wash the old ones and then she offered her food and drink.  
Clarke literally engulfed a plate of chicken and potatoes and drank nearly a liter of water. Kiara just observed her quietly as if she was taking care of a little girl, making sure she didn’t choke on anything.  
The small woman was nice compared to the rest of people Clarke has seen so far since she was captured; she didn’t seem too pleased with her but at least she treated her well, Kiara was nice and gentle, always careful to not hurt her and answering any questions the curious blonde might have, which were tons of questions actually.  
Once the day ended, Clarke realized that she wasn’t going to be meeting the Commander any time soon. So when she was lead to the room again, she decided to ask.  
“When am I going to see Heda?” She asked applying her best pronunciation skills.  
Kiara stepped inside of the room and sighed “You have to get ready before you stand in front of the Commander” She says simply  
“Ready? What?”  
“Purification ritual” Kiara said “Only you’re not going through the whole thing, you just need to smell properly, be healthy, appear strong”  
“Purification?” Clarke asked. Kiara smiled and sat at the edge of the bed gesturing Clarke to do the same.  
“It is a ritual to cleanse the body” She started “And the soul, but don’t worry kid, you’re not going through all the process” She waved a hand dismissively “But still we have to get that human stink out of your body”  
Clarke let out an uncomfortable laugh… human stink? “What kind of process is that?” She asked “And why am I not going through it?”  
“You’re full of questions, Clarke Griffin” Kiara laughed “It is a process all woman have to have in order to see Heda”  
Clarke frowned in realization “Your Commander wants me to…”  
Kiara erupted into laughter and then shook her head “Of course not” She said “It’s not like you’re an omega” She laughed again as if she had just told the most amazing joke ever “Wolves never mingle with humans” She said after a moment  
“Is that like your motto or something?” Clarke asked curious, she had heard that same sentence lots of times in the past days.  
“No dear. That is our way to survive” Kiara stated but this time with a serious voice and a dark expression in her eyes that filled Clarke’s brain with more questions that she couldn’t ask because as the woman noticed she stood up from the bed “You must sleep now, Clarke Griffin” She said “Tomorrow Heda waits for you”  
Clarke stood and realized that Kiara was actually offering her to sleep in the bed. A bed… for her, she contained a huge grin that menaced to appear on her face. Kiara handed her some sleeping clothes and a robe and then excused herself leaving the blonde alone in the room.  
It had been a long day; jeez, it had been a long week and to say that she was exhausted was to not say enough. She hadn’t had a proper night of sleep since she landed on the earth, always alert on the forest, and also her body was tired and tense from sleeping on the floor so when her back hit the soft mattress and the soft furs that covered the bed, she nearly moaned in pleasure.  
A bed just for her, “For me” She said grinning contently, although, that same grin disappeared a moment later once she remembered that her friends were still trapped in that small cell.  
She closed her eyes finally welcoming sleep and hoped that this situation could be solved soon; otherwise things could actually get pretty ugly for everyone.  
In the cell, Octavia was pacing nervously around slamming her hand against each bar and making a huge effort to not lose her nerves. They had been there for a day now, and there was no sign that they were going to be getting out soon.

* * *

“Stop it” Raven said, Octavia let out a scoff  
“Or what?” She defied  
“Stop both of you” Monty, another guy of the group told them with a weak voice  
“I can’t stand this wait” Octavia said angrily  
“And you think the rest of us does?” Raven told her standing up “We are all trapped in here as well as you and none of us is walking nonstop around the room getting on our nerves!”  
The last part was literally a yell that made Octavia clench her jaw; definitely the two girls were about to start a fight if it hadn’t been for Bellamy, who stood up and stepped between them  
“Leave my sister alone” He warned Raven, the Latina turned around visibly annoyed and sat down again with a growl “And you” He said to Octavia “Calm down”  
“We all should calm down” Finn said rubbing his forehead “Fighting and arguing is not going to solve anything”  
“I’m surprised I’m saying this but… Griffin is the only one who can save us” Raven said bitterly  
“What if she can’t?” Octavia asked nervously  
“Then we’ll die in here” Monty said  
“Let’s pray so she can find a way” Bellamy said

* * *

The pale rays of the sun entered the room through the big window and hit Clarke’s face making her shrug her nose in discomfort and started to stir. Her eyes refused to open the first attempts; it had been the first entire night of sleep she had had in a while and the idea of spending a day in bed, curled up in the soft furs was tempting… but a loud knock on the door finally dragged her out of her slumber.  
She sat on the bed confused at first and then the door opened. She saw Kiara stepping inside along with two young ladies who carried a variety of clothes with them as well as a jar with water and a small basin.  
“ _Heya_ Clarke Griffin” Kiara said offering a toothy grin as she approached the still sleepy girl “I hope you rested well” Then she gestured the two girls to approach too.  
“I’ve slept like a rock” Clarke said rubbing the sleep away from her eyes, she observed as the girls prepared the basin at a near table and offered her a towel to clean herself.  
It took Clarke a second to finally get out of the bed and wash her face; she would have gladly stayed the entire day in that bed. “You must get dressed” Kiara said as she observed how the blonde finished cleaning herself with a content look “Breakfast will be ready soon”  
“Breakfast?” Clarke asked as one of the girls started to help her out of her sleeping attire.  
_“Sha”_ Kiara said “Do you not want breakfast now?” She asked confused  
Clarke answered quickly almost yelling “No! I do” She said, she cleared her throat and tried to control her excitement “I do want breakfast”  
Kiara smiled and nodded _“Ban op”_ she said to one of the girls who immediately left the room as the other helped Clarke into some new clothes.  
“It’s been so long since I ate this much” Clarke said referring to all the food the Grounders provided her yesterday and the upcoming breakfast “That I can’t believe it”  
The young girl, who was helping her putting a pair of black boots, let out a laugh and Kiara mimicked her eyeing Clarke almost tenderly.  
“You are living under Heda’s roof” Kiara said finally “As long as you’re here you’ll be provided with a warm place to sleep, as many food as you need and someone serve you” She pointed to herself  
“It’s actually pretty considerate” Clarke said “Thank you”  
“You must thank the Commander” Kiara muttered eyeing the blonde who had finally finished changing “Heda’s orders are law, and as long as you’re here you’ll be protected and treated well”  
Clarke exhaled softly and looked down, that almost made her feel as if she wasn’t a prisoner there… Only… she was, and her friends were still trapped in a cell without any luxury as she had.

  
Kiara dragged Clarke out of the room and led her to a spacious corridor that led to what seemed to be a dining room, it had a table in the middle, with chairs and candles and for Clarke’s delight the table was full of all kinds of food that made her mouth water in anticipation.  
She almost died of a heart attack at the sight of such delicious food; Kiara observed her quietly as she sat down and devoured as much as she could. She completely forgot manners at the table as she engulfed a plate of chicken broth with slices of bread and then continued with the salads, beef and fruit.  
She was almost finished with a large piece of pineapple when someone stepped inside of the room, she saw a guard who whispered something in Kiara’s ear and then left quickly.  
“I see you’re pleased with the food” She commented a second later. A piece of pineapple fell from Clarke’s half opened mouth as she chewed soundly to the plate which caused Kiara to chuckle. “You remind me of a pup” She said  
Clarke cleared her throat and swallowed the food in her mouth “Sorry” She muttered  
“I understand. You’ve been under a poor diet the last weeks, so your body needs energy”  
“Sure it does” Clarke stated  
“Also I believe eating is helping with your nerves” Kiara said nonchalantly “You seem more relaxed”  
“I’m not nervous” Clarke snorted trying to cover up the fact that she actually was.  
Kiara laughed “I can smell it” She said in a low voice “Your nervousness is feeling the room with a sour scent”  
Clarke’s jaw almost fell to the floor and she quirked an eyebrow in surprise “S-sour?”  
“Each creature has a scent” Kiara explained “Scent varies depending on our mood or our mental state, even on our sexual needs”  
“So you literally can smell me?” Clarke asked “As in… really smell”  
Kiara nodded “Wolves have a privileged smell sense” She said “That’s how we recognize each other or even warn others with our presence”  
“I feel like all this… wolves’ thing is way too much for me” Clarke mumbled.  
“You’ll learn with time Klark Griffin” The brunette woman said offering a soothing smile. Clarke somehow started to feel better and more relaxed, secretly Kiara was releasing calming pheromones to make her calm down but the blonde had no idea. She only knew that she started feeling better.  
“Heda waits for you now” Kiara said after a pause

  
It was time.

  
Two giant guards escorted Clarke through long hallways until the elevator who took them to the last floor. They walked past a balcony and Clarke almost fainted when she saw how high they were now.  
Her sudden fear vanished quickly when they reached a big wooden door guarded by, you guessed right, more giant guards who wore neutral faces and reminded unmoved.  
The door opened with a loud cracking noise and Clarke saw a large carpet that led to the center of the room where a bunch of people were sat in circle; then in front of all of them there was what seemed to be a throne, big and fierce but it was empty.  
_“Monin Klark kom skaikru”_ A deep voice said, she eyed her surroundings quickly and then saw a man approaching her.  
It was surprising to say the least to see someone like him; he stood right in front of her as if he was smelling her carefully, and then let out a light snarl. Unlike the guards and warriors Clarke had seen the past days, this man wasn’t huge or extremely muscular; he was tall and thin, with a bald head that had strange tattoos on it and wore a large tunic. Despite of the lack of muscles he had a serious face with deep brown eyes that stared at her for long enough to make Clarke look down.  
“Heda is ready to see you” He said simply, and then started talking again giving a speech to the people there.  
Clarke was confused, she didn’t understand a word of the Grounder’s language and she didn’t know what was going to happen. Being surrounded by unknown people that started at her with judgmental and hateful looks were making her feel small and weak.  
The man stopped talking and then there was a heavy silence quickly broken by the sound of the doors opening once again. Clarke’s back was facing the door so she didn’t know what was happening, and didn’t dare to turn around, but suddenly everyone bowed slowly.  
She heard steps; heavy steps that approached her and suddenly she saw a figure walk past her followed by a few guards.  
And then Clarke’s jaw fell to the floor.

  
“Raise everyone” The Commander said with a sharp voice that made Clarke’s legs tremble.  
To be honest, she had been expecting the Commander to be someone completely different thus her surprise. A part from the weird man in the tunic, all guards and warriors she had seen were huge, testosterone machines ready to kill following their most primary instincts.  
But the person who stood there wasn’t like that at all. First of all, it was a woman. Clarke was not prepared for this; the Commander, a powerful creature praised for everyone was a woman and actually she seemed to be really close to Clarke’s age.  
Clarke studied her carefully; her features were delicate and smooth, she didn’t appear to be a brute person; at least not like that other woman called Indra, whose brutality was visible in each pore of her skin.  
The Commander was slim and Clarke had to admit that she actually was beautiful… her green eyes stared at her defiantly for a few seconds until she finally spoke again.  
_“Monin Klarke”_ She said _“I laik Lexa kom Trikru_  Commander of the twelve clans. And you’re the one whose people have kill three hundred of my soldiers burning them alive” The Commander said  
The small crowd in the room erupted into whispers as they eyed the blonde woman standing in front of the Commander. Lexa raised her hand making everyone stop talking and then looked at Clarke.  
“Speak” She ordered.  
Clarke gulped a heavy lump in her throat “I am not responsible of the crimes you’re accusing me, Commander” She said finally. Whispers and insults filled the room again.  
“Liar!” Someone shouted “We want vengeance” Another voice said.  
_“Shof op!”_ The man in the tunic said “You’ll remind silent until Heda says otherwise” He growled  
“Titus” Lexa said firmly “Enough” He nodded at her and stepped back.  
“So you say that my soldiers decided to burn themselves” The commander said bitterly  
“That’s not what-” She was cut midsentence by a growl. Lexa was extremely defiant; Clarke didn’t understand why but being in her presence made her feel weak, the Commander had something… some kind of power that made her want to run away.  
“You and your people don’t belong to these lands” Lexa raised her voice “You landed here without permission, invading my people’s villages, stealing our food and you expect me to believe what you say?”  
The room fell into silence at the words. Clarke looked around and saw everyone looking down, people tilting their heads and someone even bowed again as if they feared something.  
“We didn’t know that the earth was habited” Clarke said quickly “Our intention was just to check the ground and send a report”  
“You have a weird way of ‘checking’ the ground Clarke of the sky people” Lexa whispered as she got close to her. So close that Clarke could hear feel her breathing in her face “What your people did is an act of war”

  
Clarke was overwhelmed, and not just because of the situation she was in now… not just that. The Commander was too close and for a moment the blonde got lost in green emerald eyes that stared deep into her. Those eyes were too much to look at, it was a heavy stare, a stare that spoke of violence and hurt, but also of compassion and something probably similar to humanity. She could tell that Lexa had been through a lot, but there she was, standing before her with strength and pride.  
Also, another thing that overwhelmed her senses was the strange smell she perceived, she was not capable of differencing smells. She had heard a few times about that and how wolves were sensitive to it, but all she knew was that some grounders smelled like sweat and something strong and sour, and others smelled kind of sweet and citric. But the Commander… jeez  
Clarke wasn’t ready for this, the smell that invaded her nostrils was strong, that was for sure; Lexa smelled clearly stronger than others but it was neither sweaty nor sour. It was a weird mix between a smell that reminded Clark of the forest, nature even fresh air and then something indescribable sweet but at the same time with a hint of wildness.  
She needed a moment to regain her composure and look back at Lexa, who was studying her carefully still waiting for an answer.  
“We demand justice” A man within the crowd yelled and then everyone started to speak again until their words became one single sentence that sounded the same: _Jus drein jus daun_

  
The Commander was serious; her face was expressionless as she eyed Clarke who was now confused and starting to panic. People wanted vengeance for their deceased brothers and also wanted a war against the people who menaced to take their lands from them.  
But at the same time she felt curious. This was the closest she had gotten to be to a human; and she had to admit that she was intrigued even though she also wanted justice.  
“You have nothing else to say human?” She asked with a severe tone.  
“Release me” Clarke said suddenly. The man in the tunic whom Lexa had called Titus before took a step towards her eyeing her incredulously and opened his mouth as if he was going to speak; but then Lexa raised her hand silencing him quickly.  
“So what? So you can keep murdering my people?” Lexa said in irony.  
“Look, I know that what happened to your army was not good. And I’m sorry for that, but my friends and I didn’t do it! We were separated from the other groups and maybe if you let us go we can find them and talk to them, there is no need for more violence”

  
The Commander studied her for a second, Titus, who was behind her let out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head in disbelief “Heda please, there is no need to listen to this nonsense; execute these invaders and…”  
Lexa stopped him midsentence and took a step back “Today I call upon the armies of the twelve clans” She said; everyone seemed content with that and Clarke looked at her with a horrified stare “We will send haunt groups to find the Skaikru people, we’ll find them and we’ll march on them with the strength of our united army to show them who has the power here!”  
The crew erupted in cheers and howls and Clarke reminded silent trying to think of a way to stop this, even though she knew that she couldn’t do anything.  
“You heard the Commander” Titus said before starting to speak in their weird language. Lexa took a few steps towards Clarke now that everyone was concentrated in the upcoming battle.  
“And you Clarke” She said “You’ll remind prisoner here at Polis”

  
“Why are you doing this” Clarke whispered in anger trying to hold back tears.  
Lexa sighed and looked right into her eyes “This is how we survive. _Jus drein jus daun”_  
“What the hell does that even mean!” Clarke snorted back frustrated. Lexa smirked but returned to a serious face immediately, she got even closer until her lips were gracing Clarke’s ear and whispered to her:  
“Blood must have blood”


	2. Prisoners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke doesn't like being a prisoner and is ready to do anything to save her friends. Lexa is a bit of a knight in a shining armour...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! So thanks so much to everyone who left kudos, commented but most of all thanks to everyone who read the first chapter! I was so happy to see your response that I just decided to post the second chapter as soon as possible so... here it is. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> But before we get into it I think it's time to explain something. I've read a few Alpha/Beta/Omega fics before and I know that most authors change a few things about the universe to adapt it to their story, so I did the same here.  
> The A/B/O dynamics work nearly the same but I changed a few things about it, however I can't give much detail for the moment because I would ruin the magic ;) so you'll have to be patient and discover it along with Clarke!

“You must eat” Kiara nudged Clarke’s arm gently trying to get the young woman to at least try her untouched plate of food.

 

Clarke was hungry, she was actually starving to the point where she felt like eating a tree if necessary, but she was stubborn. Her stubbornness was epic and she never gave up without a fight. And this fight might be long but she wasn’t going to lose.

She hadn’t been eating anything for the past three days even though Kiara and the other girls tried to feed her. Her motives were simple, she wanted to see the Commander and she wasn’t going to stop until she could speak to her.

 

“I must be heard by your Commander” She said harshly. Kiara sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration

“ _Beja_ Clarke, you can’t keep doing this” She pleaded “Whatever it is that you’re doing it’s going to get you into trouble or worse… killed”

“I prefer dying before spending one more second being prisoner inside of these walls” Clarke blurted out

“Yeah well you won’t help your people if you’re dead won’t you?” Kiara said sarcastically.

 

Clarke exhaled and looked down in defeat, but quickly regained her composure and frowned with decision “I can’t be locked in here forever Kiara” She said “My friends are in that cell and I have to do whatever it is in my hand to help them”

Kiara nodded in understanding but reminded silent for a moment “Heda is attending some war issues” She explained

“Yeah? I thought me and my people were war issues” Clarke snorted

 

She stood up and started pacing around the room under Kiara’s analyzing look. Being captive wasn’t something she was used to, and as the days passed she grew impatient and frustrated, and not knowing what was going to happen or what they were going to do with them was killing her.

“Heda will talk to you eventually” Kiara said soothingly

“Eventually is not enough!” Clarke shouted “I don’t have time for eventually and neither do my friends”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to find that time” Kiara said, Clarke looked at her and folded her arms

“So I’m a prisoner in a fucking strange land by an arrogant, smug, and brute woman!”

 

Kiara eyed her and let out a small smile as she shook her head, then she stood up and walked up to Clarke “You seem to have read the Commander pretty well” She joked “And as much as I appreciate that sincerity of yours, you must know that it is not allowed to anyone to speak such things about Heda”

“So what I must profess her my love or something?” Clarke said irritated

 

Kiara laughed “Of course not. But just be sure not to say something like that ever again, then you would totally get yourself killed” She made a pause and offered a warm smile “Also Clarke Griffin, you speak judging by what your eyes see and your mind understand, but that doesn’t mean they speak the truth. Heda might not be of your liking but she’s certainly not what you think; you must know her more to see that”

Clarke let out a frustrated laugh “Well Kiara, for the moment I’ll trust my eyes and my mind, because I am not interested in knowing that woman at all. I just want to talk to her and convince her to free my friends”

Kiara laughed as she walked back to the small table where Clarke’s still untouched and now cold plate was; she picked it up and walked to the door in silence. Then as she opened it she turned a moment to see Clark and said “Good luck with that one _strikon._ You might think you’re stubborn, but you haven’t met _Lexa kom Trikru_ yet”

 

With that she disappeared through the door leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts and her anger.

 

“And I don’t want to meet her” Clarke whispered to the empty room with anger.

 

The Commander’s tent was submerged in a heavy atmosphere and an annoying silence that was getting on Lexa’s nerves by the minute. She stood by the big table placed at the center as she eyed a few maps and tried to set a route for the army that was to move closer to Azgeda, a clan who was starting to give her more than one headache, and then she studied a few more routes for her haunt groups to follow in order to find the sky people. Right in front of her, at the other side of the table Gustus reminded silent observing her under his scrutinizing gaze.

 

His breathing was steady, and physically he didn’t show any signs of being agitated or nervous, but he was subconsciously pumping out nervous pheromones that were making Lexa uncomfortable.

 _“Chit yu gaf, Gostos?”_ She asked looking up at him, the paint war around her eyes giving her an air of superiority and power.

 

Gustus growled lowly and rubbed his neck “Disha Skaikru ste get ai daun” He said “Humans are dangerous Heda, you should not allow them under your roof. It could be dangerous”

 

Lexa placed the map she was holding between her hands back on the table and clenched her jaw before speaking “Are you questioning my decisions?” She asked defiant. Gustus lowered his head a bit

“No Heda. I’m just trying to…”

“Skaikru is under my roof with the purpose of collaborate into find their people, they’re not my guests if that’s what you’re implying” She cut him

“Humans are tricky Lexa, they’re full of rage and hatred and do not respect us. You better than anyone know this” Gustus said harshly. Lexa seemed to be about to shout at him but instead she calmed down and nodded. “Wolves don’t mingle with humans” He reminded her “Never”

“Humans might not be worth of our trust Gustus, but these ones are not like the tribes at the south” Lexa explained “They are different”

“They’re still human” Gustus stated “No matter where they come from, they’re still humans”

“And we must use the chance we have to know what they know about us and to get information” She said.

Gustus laughed “They don’t know a thing about us Heda, they didin’t even believe that we’re _Tu Keryon_ , they don’t understand what wolves are” He said

There was a brief silence “They will know from now on” Lexa blurted out

“Is this for that girl?” Gustus asked afraid of the Commander’s reaction.

 

Lexa immediately started releasing strong pheromones that almost made the man fall on his butt; he might be twice her size but she was the strongest alpha and she didn’t accept being spoken like that.

“Don’t you dare implying things like that” She said harshly. “The sky girl is our connection to the humans and nothing more. She’s nothing more than that”

 

Lexa was mad at Gustus, but she understood why he was saying that. Clarke had certainly surprised her yesterday when they finally met. The Commander had to admit that she had been expected to be met by a horrible figure, maybe a despicable and ugly woman whose smell would be like mold and sweat. But no; that didn’t happen.

Because the moment she stepped into the throne room she spotted a young blonde woman with actually a delicate figure and jeez… the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

Once they were face to face Lexa felt like for a second she couldn’t breathe, because the sight before her was just not from this planet. And then there was her smell… Clarke didn’t smell like sweat nor mold, she smelled sweet, tempting and soft, it was like spring, with a hint of something so sweet that almost made Lexa fall apart. Obviously she was Heda, so she didn’t let anyone notice this and immediately directed her anger and severe tone against the woman.

 

 _‘Wolves don’t mingle with humans’_ she reminded to herself, no matter how well they could smell or how good looking they could be. Humans were all the same; murderers, monsters. Her mission was to protect her people and keep humans far from their lands.

 

The tension in the tent finally faded away once Gustus despite of his strong alpha spirit tilted his head in submission and decided to not touch that issue again. Lexa respected and admired him for he had been like a mentor to her since she was a pup; he had taught her everything she knew about fighting, from holding a sword, to planning war strategies. But she was Heda, and he must respect the boundaries.

 

The flap of the tent opened abruptly and a very pissed off Indra stepped inside mumbling and groaning under her breath and clearly about to kill someone.

Lexa studied her for a second and raised an eyebrow in confusion “Something’s wrong” She said.

“Worse” Indra spit the word out bitterly “Sky girl wants to see you” She said cringing at the solely mention of the girl.

 

Gustus growled and folded his arms as he shook his head in disapproval. He knew that that girl would be trouble. “Heda is occupied with more important matters” He said

“Heda can speak for herself” Lexa said annoyed eyeing at Gustus.

“She must die” Indra said

“She must live until I say so” Lexa said raising her voice “I cannot meet her any time soon, at least not for the next days”

Indra let out a sarcastic laugh and then frowned “That is the problem Heda. This stupid girl has been three days without eating and she says she won’t try a bite until she gets to talk to you”

 

Gustus laughed at this “Well it seems like she’ll be fun after all” He said, Lexa glared at him

“She must be feed and remind healthy” She said

“ _Sha_ Heda, but she won’t listen” Indra explained “Maybe it’s better this way. She can starve to death and then we can feed her corpse to the dogs”

“Shof op Indra” Lexa ordered then she turned to Gustus “Prepare my horse and an escort. I’m going back to Polis within two hours”

“Heda” Indra protested “You cannot give her the pleasure of controlling you; she must be punished for her actions!”

“And she’ll be” Lexa said before leaving the tent to get ready.

* * *

 

Clarke was leaned against the window breathing in the soft air of the evening; she must admit that the sights from her bedroom were beautiful, for instance, the sun was still up on the sky, but there were a few reddish clouds that tainted it in various shades of soft orange and red, a soft breeze ran quietly helping to ease the heat and she could hear birds from afar.

 

For a moment she felt the desire of grab her sketchbook and draw what she was seeing now to capture that moment. But then she remembered where she was and she lost interest.

 

Her stomach growled in protest for the lack of food and she rubbed her temples; being locked inside of that room for so many days was getting on her nerves and making her nauseous.

A woman emerged from behind a few panels where she usually bathed, she walked to the door and looked at Clarke “You’re bath is ready” She said “Kiara will bring you towels” She said before leaving.

 

Clarke didn’t want to bath; she didn’t care about hygiene right now. All she wanted was to see the group and make sure they were okay; she had to get them out of that cell.

With parsimony she walked to the closed door and kicked it angrily, her rage quickly escalated and she slammed both fists against it until she finally started punching it with hatred trying to push it open or at least break it. Tears streamed down her face and she was losing her patience when she grabbed the doorknob and pulled hard.

 

For her surprise the door opened with a loud thud leaving her in shock “What the hell…” She whispered as she stared at the opened door.

She expected the guards to come in instantly, to lock her up again, maybe punish her bringing her to a cell or killing her, her breathing was fast as she waited for her unfortunate fate but the seconds passed and nothing happened.

She waited a moment and then moved closer to take a look around; she was surprised to see that there was no one around; no guards at the door, no ladies, no Kiara… no one

 

So this was her moment. As soon as she checked once again that there was no one by her door she slowly stepped outside and ran along the corridor trying to figure out what to do now.

She hadn’t had the chance to study her surroundings since she was there, except from the time when she was taken to the tower and the small trip to that room where she met the Commander, Clarke had only seen her room and the view from her window.

So she didn’t know where all those corridors and doors led, and she was getting nervous and agitated. Someone approached; she could hear steps and her heart stopped.

 

Clarke ran as fast as she could trying to hide and when she arrived to the end of a corridor she saw two guards walking “Shit” She mumbled. She was trapped someone was coming from one side and guards were approaching her by the other. Her only escape was the elevator but anyone could see her so she took a quick decision, opened the first door she found and stepped inside a random room.

The place was empty judging by the complete silence, she could hear steps outside and she rested her forehead against the door praying or at least faking to pray as she waited for a miracle.

 

Suddenly she realized that she didn’t know where she was so she turned around slowly, and realized that she was in a big room with nothing but a few armchairs and a big window that showed her how high she was. She was outside of her room but was now trapped in another “Shit” She said again in frustration.

Rushed steps coming from outside put her on alert as she desperately tried to find somewhere to hide. “Find her. Now!” Someone yelled harshly as they walked fast.

 

Clarke started to run, she was going to hide behind an armchair, at the balcony, jeez, she was even ready to jump through the window if it was necessary, but…

 

The door slammed opened and everything seemed to happen in fast motion. A tall figure ran inside behind her and within seconds Clarke was pressed on the floor; her chest being pressed down by the weight of what seemed to be a woman.

A face hovered over hers letting out a deep snarl as the mysterious woman bared her teeth to her and put her hands around her neck.

 

“Give me one reason to not slide your throat” The woman said. Her voice was deep and sharp and her eyes were red with anger, but then Clarke eyed her more closely… this woman’s eyes were actually red, her iris was bright red as if it was injected in blood…

 

“Please!” Clarke pleaded, her eyes were filled with tears that she was trying to contain and she was so scared that she was sure that her heart was going to explode and jump out of her chest.

She heard a change in the woman’s breathing; she started to breathe heavily and quickly, growling huskily as if she was containing something which only made Clarke more nervous and agitated.

 

“Humans must die” She groaned out; she was about to move when someone else stepped in.

Clarke had her eyes closed expecting the inevitable, she was going to die today _‘Fantastic’_ she thought _‘now my friends and my people are going to die because I was stupid and got caught’_

 

But her thoughts along with her heartbeat stopped when she heard a harsh voice yelling “Em pleni!” The voice said so loudly that Clarke was sure the walls trembled.

She opened her eyes the moment she felt the strong hands around her neck loosen its grip and then she realized that the Commander was standing there.

 

Lexa looked different; she didn’t look like the delicate figure she saw the other day. She had paint, dark paint that marked her eyes making her look fierce and menacing; she was wearing some sort of armor covered by a long cape and in her hand she was holding a sword. Her face was serious with a brutal expression; as if she was about to attack someone.

 

The other woman whose name Clarke ignored tried to make a move but the Commander nodded her head to the few guards that came with her and they ran over her to trap her.

“Take her out of here to a safe place” Lexa ordered “Make sure she’s far from here until it passes”

Clarke looked in confusion as everything occurred “Heda I…” The mysterious woman said

Lexa looked at her; her expression softening as she put down her sword, and Clarke didn’t understand a thing “Everything will be okay Anya” The Commander said “They’ll make sure you pass this without any more incidents”

The guards took the woman outside and closed the door, leaving Lexa and Clarke inside; both girls reminded silent for what seemed an eternity until Clarke dared to speak again once her heartbeat went back to a normal state.

 

“What the fucking hell just happened?!” She asked annoyed

“I don’t know Clarke” Lexa said ironically “You tell me”

 

Clarke sighed and shook her head in disbelief “That… woman just jumped on me! She was going to kill me… fuck” Clarke paced nervously around pulling at her hair as she spoke and rubbing her temples, then she turned at Lexa “She was going to kill me!”

 

Lexa looked at her and for a moment she didn’t say anything, then she rubbed her nose slightly and shook her head “It would appear Clarke, like you decided to go wandering around without anyone’s permission, and I’m sure you didn’t have the intention to go back”

“So what?” Clarke snapped “The first person who sees me gets to brutally murder me right?”

“You’re confined into your room for a reason” Lexa said

“Yeah, I’m your prisoner I already knew that. And you know what? I don’t care” Clarke said harshly “You can’t just lock me up inside that room without any explanations or any reasons, you just kept me there for days and I can’t stand it!”

 

Lexa sighed deeply and eyed the blonde woman who was clearly just freaking out. She then took a few slow steps towards her, folding her arms and took a deep breath. “You are my prisoner, yeah” She said gently “And until now you’ve been having everything you needed even though you clearly don’t deserve it”

“I don’t want your hospitality” Clarke snorted bitterly

“Oh believe me, you do” Lexa said raising her voice a little and getting closer to Clarke “We need you to find your people, so as long as you’re under my roof, you’re under my protection”

“I don’t need protection” Clarke said, this time she was the one taking a step towards Lexa and now they were practically sharing the same air

“You know nothing about us” Lexa said seriously “Humans can’t understand the depth of our nature and that ignorance is what almost got you killed today”

Lexa said those words with such intensity that Clarke’s knees trembled almost giving up and making her fall on her butt.

“Wolves are dangerous Clarke” Lexa whispered against the blonde’s face “An angry alpha could cut you in a half without even blinking”

 

There was a silence.

 

“You know, this wolves shit is getting me annoyed” Clarke admitted taking a step back and sighing

 

Lexa was about to say something but she decided against it and instead address the issue that had brought her there in the first place. She placed her hands behind her back and raised her chin a bit in a ‘commanding’ position “You wanted to see me” She said in a completely different voice from before, she seemed so… cold and distant “I’m here”

 

Clarke studied her for a moment “You can’t keep me in that room forever”

“We already covered that issue before” Lexa said “You should find better reasons to disturb me from my duties”

“I need to see my friends!” Clarke lost her nerves and shouted.

Lexa let out what seemed the closest thing to a laugh but her face reminded serious, she shook her head and took a step back pacing lightly around Clarke.

“You know Clarke of the sky people, you don’t seem to understand what the concept of being prisoner means” Lexa said.

“And you don’t seem to understand that I need to make sure my friends are okay!” Clarke shouted “You have them locked up in that cell”

“They are where they have to be” Lexa said

 

Clarke looked at her full of hatred and rage and for the first time in a really long time if not ever, Lexa felt actually defied. She was not used to people doing this, everyone in her lands respected her, people feared her and no one dared to move against Heda.

But then this stubborn human girl seemed to not care at all about her title and the fact that she was the strongest alpha and the leader of the pack. And it was true, because Clarke certainly didn’t give a fuck about all that. She had a goal and she was going to achieve it no matter what.

Lexa was pumping out strong pheromones to show her superiority, the air of the room became thick and heavy but Clarke didn’t notice it, she sensed a change but didn’t understand what was happening.

 

“So what Commander, your master plan is to keep us locked until we die here?” Clarke blurted out annoyed. The air of arrogance Lexa was showing right now was making her hate the Commander even more.

“My master plan is to keep you here until you can be of help” Lexa said calmed. Clarke was about to explode.

“I won’t do such thing” Clarke said folding her arms

“Oh, you will” Lexa’s voice sounded deep and serious, she got closer to Clarke making her take a few steps back until her back almost collided with a wall. “Because if I remember correctly, your friends are under my protection too, but that protection can stop any time, and my people are hungry for vengeance”

 

Clarke clenched her jaw in anger, Lexa had a point and she felt frustrated and angry, but at the same time having the Commander so close to her was having an effect that she was trying to ignore covering it with her hatred for the woman.

“You can’t keep me locked in here forever” Clarke said “I won’t eat anything until you let me see my friends”

“I see that you’re stupid enough to keep doing this” Lexa said

“Maybe, but you need me more than I need you, and if I die you won’t have anything to help you, because I assure you that my group won’t accept to help you under any circumstances”

Lexa studied her carefully still reminding close to her, she could sense Clarke’s stubbornness but also could smell her fear and nervousness; the blonde irradiated hate through every pore of her skin which for some reason caused Lexa to feel uncomfortable.

 

Suddenly, before none of them could speak again, the door of the throne room opened abruptly and a very agitated Kiara ran inside looking everywhere until she finally saw Clarke.

Lexa took a few steps back and cleared her throat and Clarke looked down trying to regain her composure.

“Thank God you’re here!” Kiara said approaching her “I’ve been looking for you everywhere”

“Is there a reason why my prisoner wandered around the tower without my permission?” Lexa asked serious. Kiara looked down; titling her head in submission but at the same time released calming pheromones to ease the tension.

 

The Commander was for sure angry and Clarke seemed extremely pissed off which was kind of understandable but at the same time it seemed like the human didn’t understand exactly the consequences of what she had done.

“I apologize, Heda” Kiara said in a surprisingly calmed voice “One of the maidens forgot to lock the door”

Lexa rubbed her forehead “The sky girl is your responsibility, if she escapes again you’ll pay for it” She said with a serious voice. Clarke was not surprised that Lexa was this ruthless but at the same time, she sensed something strange there, as if Lexa for a moment didn’t want to say those words… was the Commander worried? That couldn’t happen, maybe she was imagining it.

“ _Sha_ , Heda” Kiara said “It won’t happen again”

Lexa nodded and turned to Clarke who had reminded silent “And as for you Clarke Griffin. Prisoner means that you’re under my orders, and my orders for you are to stay in that room”

“But…” Clarke tried to speak but Lexa growled at her

“You were lucky that I was here to save you before, an alpha in rut can be extremely dangerous. And until you don’t learn more about us, you’ll remind locked”

 

Those were Lexa’s last words, she glanced at Kiara and nodded at her lightly and then stormed outside of the room.

There was a silence after that; Kiara looked at her with a sad look and then shook her head as she started to walk to the door “Come on” She ordered waiting for Clarke.

Both women walked outside in silence, and two guards escorted them back to the room where she had to be confined until the Commander decided.

* * *

 

Clarke sat on the bed and rubbed her forehead frustrated trying to calm down; Kiara sat next to her slowly and eyed her carefully before speaking again.

“You have no idea how dangerous it was what you did today” She said seriously. Clarke could tell that the woman was disappointed and she didn’t like that; in the end Kiara had been the only person there to treat her well.

“I just needed to get out of here” Clarke explained

“I know, but because of your actions you almost get killed and also you put me and my maidens in danger too”

 

There was a silence again

 

“I’m sorry” Clarke mumbled a moment later “It’s just…” She stood up and walked towards the window “I… this whole situation is so overwhelming! I’m far from home, I don’t know if my friends are okay or if they are suffering on the cell and also I have no idea where the rest of the groups are and this ‘wolves’ thing is so confusing that I didn’t think” She said, hot tears streamed down her cheeks and suddenly she was sobbing.

 

Kiara stood quickly and without thinking about it she wrapped her arms around Clarke in a very comfortable and warm hug.

“You need time _strikon”_ She said soothingly rubbing Clarke’s back. The blonde was a few inches taller than her but still she rested her head on the older woman’s shoulder as she cried “Our culture is ancient and you just met us, you can’t expect to understand everything in such few time”

Clarke’s sobs faded a while later until she finally stopped, the hug didn’t break for a moment though, she was comfortable in Kiara’s arms; she was releasing soothing pheromones, Clarke was oblivious to this but she felt better.

They finally separated and then Kiara wiped the tear streams from her cheeks and they both sat again on the bed.

 

“A woman attacked me before” Clarke whispered breaking the silence “I think her name was Anya… she…” Clarke raised her chin lightly showing Kiara the bruised marks on her neck “She tried to kill me”

Kiara sighed and brought a hand to caress the marks softly, the bruises fortunately weren’t too big but were deep red and purple and seemed painful, she should cure that.

 

“Her eyes” Clarke continued “I’ve never seen eyes that color before. They were red, like actually red and her strength…”

Kiara nodded in understanding, she sure had a lot to explain to Clarke. There were a lot of things to learn about them but at the same time she thought that it wasn’t a good idea to share everything with the girl just yet.

“Alphas are dominant” Kiara said “They are ready to fight and to kill if necessary, these characteristics get worse when they are in rut” She explained trying to make Clarke understand.

“Rut?” The blonde asked, she heard Lexa say this before but she didn’t understand.

Kiara nodded “It is a basic need, a primal call inside Alphas that forces them to be possessive and needy” She explained “They need sex and violence in that moment”

Clarke nodded and then fell silent for a few seconds “Was she going to…” She didn’t know how to finish the sentence

“Maybe” Kiara said “But the Commander saved you”

“The Commander can go to hell” Clarke said bitterly. Kiara laughed

“You sure didn’t start with the right foot with her” She said

“I don’t understand how someone can be so annoying” Clarke mumbled irritated

“You’re stubborn, Clarke Griffin and so is Heda” Kiara commented “You just need to find common ground”

“I need her to leave me alone” Clarke said

 

Kiara laughed again; she should probably be lecturing Clarke for what she did, she almost got her and all her maidens killed, Kiara should be mad at her but… for some reason she understood her.

She didn’t know Clarke too well but for what she could see the girl wasn’t made to be locked, she was a free spirit, someone who didn’t like to be controlled. Lexa in the other hand needed to have everything under control; Kiara knew her well, she knew how the Commander hated rebellion and disobedience, Lexa needed to control and to dominate and for the first time there was someone who didn’t seem ready to be controlled.

 

 _‘This is going to be interesting’_ Kiara thought as she studied Clarke.

 “You’re going to be here probably for a long time” Kiara said after a moment “So the least you could do is get along with the Commander. It will be good for you and your people”

“What’s going to change?” Clarke asked “That woman doesn’t care about anything, she just want to wipe us out and that’s it”

 

Kiara sighed, Lexa was ruthless and most of the times lacked of sensitivity, but she wasn’t heartless “She cares more than you think” She said with a hint of sadness “The fact that she doesn’t show it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care”

“Oh yeah?” Clarke asked ironically “She has a particular way of caring then” She said bitterly

The brunette woman nodded and took a deep breath “Actually, she does” She made a pause “The Commander… she has been through more than you think”

“Please” Clarke said “I’m not in the mood to listen to Lexa’s sad story now, doesn’t change the fact that I’m prisoner here and that my friends are locked in a cell”

 

Kiara stood up slowly and shook her head; there was no point in arguing with someone so stubborn, at least not now that Clarke was agitated and mad at everything so it was better to leave her alone.

She walked to the door, leaving the blonde sat on the bed, but before stepping outside she turned to her “You’re not the only one who’s suffering _strikon,_ you should keep that in mind, because some scars never close”

Clarke looked at her confused, was Kiara talking about Lexa? What could possible mean that? Everything was so confusing that she just waved a hand dismissively but before Kiara left she stopped her with a question.

 

“What does that mean?” She asked curious

“What?” Kiara asked as she opened the door still looking at her. Clarke quirked an eyebrow and sighed

“ _Strikon_ she said, you have called me that a few times now…” She said, Kiara offered a smile

“You’re a very interesting creature Clarke Griffin” She said still smiling “You need to learn a lot”

With that she just stepped outside and closed the door behind her leaving a very confused Clarke on her bed.

 

As Kiara walked through the hallway she still had a big smile on her face _‘This is going to be so interesting’_ She thought as she changed her direction in the last second heading to the elevator, she needed to talk to someone.

* * *

 

“I’m not going to eat this shit!” Octavia grunted as she threw a wooden bowl with some strange goo that a few guards gave them. The bowl and its contents landed on the floor next to the door and the guard outside growled as he eyed her

 

“What the hell is this?” Raven asked as she buried her spoon into the weird food.

The guard growled again and shook his head “It’s your dinner” He said “And you better eat that because you won’t be getting anything else to it until tomorrow”

“You can grab this shitty goo and shove it up your a-” Before Octavia could finish her sentence Bellamy grabbed a spoonful of that weird puree and shoved the contents into her sister’s mouth.

 

Octavia spitted it out immediately coughing harshly and fighting the urge to throw up at the flavor, the rest of the group looked at her with surprise, then Bellamy got closer to her and whispered

“Those guards are armed” He said “We don’t need to make them use those weapons”

Octavia was about to reply but she thought better and reminded silent, Bellamy was right, she should control her temper if she wanted to remind alive.

“I don’t know how much time we’re going to last here…” Monty said with a weak voice

“We’re going to last enough to get out of here” Finn said to him trying to sound convincing “You’ll see, Clarke will save us”

Raven snorted and glared at Finn “Clarke? Yeah; and what if she can’t do anything for us?”

“I know she will” Finn said

“Why I’m not surprised that you are defending her” Raven said bitterly. She was going to say something else but before she could Murphy stood up and spoke

“We don’t have time for your little love quarrels” He said “We have to wait for Clarke and if she can’t do anything” He lowered his voice “Then we’ll have to find a way to get the hell out of here and warn the others”

 

There was a silence after that, as if everyone was thinking about those words “I agree” Bellamy said finally “If Clarke doesn’t find a way to get us out of here in two more days, we’re leaving on our own”

* * *

 

Lexa was sat on a couch in the warmth and silence of her room; in her hands, she held a steamy cup of tea with some calming herbs and she had her eyes closed.

It had been a long and exhausting day; the humans’ presence was getting on everyone’s nerves and she was starting to feel the consequences. And to top that, Clarke was starting to really annoy her. The blonde woman was stubborn as hell, she was defiant and arrogant and Lexa was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to control her.

 

Suddenly, as she thought about everything someone knocked on her door startling her. She placed the cup on the nearest table and cleared her throat.

“Enter” She said adjusting her position on the couch.

 

The door opened slowly and for her surprise Kiara stepped inside slowly. She walked towards the Commander and then both women looked at each other in silence.

“Kiara” Lexa mumbled eyeing her “Is… is there something wrong?”

 

Kiara offered a small smile and shook her head “No Heda” She said. Lexa nodded

“What are you doing here then?” The Commander asked curious. Kiara took a few steps towards her and sat on the couch adjusting her clothes as she sat.

“Why can’t a woman see an old friend?” She asked after a moment

 

Lexa quirked an eyebrow in confusion, “Friend?” She asked, Kiara nodded

“I thought friends talked and trusted each other” Lexa started “And you barely speak to me since…”

Kiara looked down and took a deep breath “Maybe it’s time to change that” She said, she did a huge effort to hold back tears but then finally she managed to speak “I came here to talk about Clarke”

 

Lexa stood up quickly and paced around the room nervously “What about her?” She asked

“Heda, you can’t just lock her there without any explanations” Kiara said “She won’t accept that”

“So now you speak for her?” Lexa asked harshly “She’s my prisoner here Kiara, not my guest”

“She’s a girl who is far from home and whose friends are locked away from her. All she wants to know is if they are okay or not”

 

Lexa studied the older woman for a moment and then rubbed her temples slowly “I asked you to attend her so you could be of help, not let her get into your head” She blurted out, Kiara felt the power of the alpha and felt the need to submit almost titling her head but fought it and reminded calmed. Lexa seemed to sense that and immediately she took a step back.

 

“I know you mean well Kiara” She said “But you know as well as me that I can’t let that happen”

“You kept her alive because you wanted to know more about humans” Kiara said “You were curious”

“I kept her alive because I need to find her people. I know everything I need to know about humans, and you do too” Lexa said

“She’s not like the others” Kiara mumbled “You’d know it if you’d give her a chance”

 

Lexa growled loudly and shook her head “A chance?” She asked “You saw what happened to her today. She almost got killed; she doesn’t understand a thing about us but still wants to act as if she knew everything”

 

“That’s because the only thing she’s received since she got here was hatred and confusion, she doesn’t know a thing about us because no one cares enough to teach her. Maybe she could surprise you Heda. You only need to trust her… or better, trust me” Kiara said

 

Lexa reminded silent for a moment thinking about it “I don’t want surprises” She said “And trust is something she needs to win, and for the moment she’s not doing that so well”

“I know” Kiara agreed “But… you should give her a chance, she’s… she’s truly different”

 

Lexa looked at the petite woman for a moment as she considered it. Kiara was just a maiden but she was strong and caring, and deep inside of her heart the Commander felt an endearing sensation for her that was engraved in her soul.

 

“I do trust you Kiara” Lexa said “But you’re asking me too much”

Kiara knew that Lexa was in a complicated position, as Heda she couldn’t just let humans wander around her lands, her people would never accept it.

She walked to the door but was stopped by Lexa “Clarke is a human” The Commander said “What do you see in her?”

Kiara smiled “I see potential” she said before leaving.

 

Lexa stood confused for a moment not knowing what to think about this. Potential? What the hell did that even mean? And why was Kiara always so enigmatic?!

She walked to her bed and kicked it harshly before collapsing on the mattress with a loud growl.

“Humans are dangerous” She mumbled “Wolves don’t mingle with humans”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng translations:  
> \- Beja: Please  
> \- Chit yu gaf, Gostos?: What is it, Gustus?  
> \- Disha Skaikru ste get ai daun: I'm concerned about these Sky people  
> \- Tu Keryon: I actually took the liberty of making this a word... it means something like 'two spirits' our 'double spirit' meaning human and wolf  
> \- Sha: yes  
> \- Em pleni: Enough  
> \- Strikon: you'll find out later ;)
> 
> Thanks again for the support! Let me know what you think :)


	3. Wolves don't mingle with humans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets what she wanted and Lexa gets a bit carried away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks a lot for reading this and commenting here, I'm glad that you like it.  
> Hope you enjoy this new update with a bit of angst and lots of Clexa moments!  
> (English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistake)

 

“I fucking hate her!” Clarke hissed under her breath as she kicked a chair that was on her way. Behind her, Kiara was making the bed and preparing new clothes for the pissed off blonde to wear

One day had passed since she had been able to see Lexa, and even though she had tried to see her again the next day to keep insisting, the Commander won’t meet her.

 

Clarke had even asked Kiara to ask Lexa for a meeting, even if it was for a brief one, she just needed to talk to her but Kiara came with bad news. Heda was busy for the moment and it wasn’t possible for her to see Clarke.

“Heda has duties, _strikon_. You need to understand that” Kiara tried to explain. Clarke only sighed in response

She was desperate. She needed to see her group, she needed to know they were okay and needed to help them out of that cell. She needed to escape the tower.

But it was impossible.

 

Ever since her little attempt to escape yesterday, the Commander had reinforced the security; meaning that there were more guards than before. No matter what, there were always two guards outside her door and whenever a maiden or Kiara entered they had to be followed by more guards who made sure the door remained closed while they were there.

 

Clarke felt like dying inside that room. The walls seemed to become smaller every passing day and she was starting to lose her patience little by little.

“This isn’t fair” She mumbled as she sat on a chair near the window, she rubbed her temples hard “We didn’t ask for this!”

“I know Clarke” Kiara said approaching her to calm the girl “No one did”

“I just wish I could do something…” Clarke whispered sadly trying to hold back tears.

“You can” Kiara stated placing a hand on Clarke’s arm, the blonde looked at her confused “You can stay strong Clarke Griffin, your people need you, and if you fall they will too”

 

Clarke swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded; Kiara was right, she won’t be of any help to her friends if she fell apart too soon. She couldn’t show weakness now, not when she could still fight and get her goals.

 

“You’re right” She said “But I won’t be of much help if I can’t speak to your Commander again”

Kiara smiled “Something tells me that talking to Lexa would end up pretty much as the last time” She stated

“It’s not my fault she’s so annoying and rude” Clarke argued “She keeps saying that I don’t understand a thing about wolves, but I am starting to think that she doesn’t understand a thing about humans either”

 

Clarke folded her arms frustrated and Kiara eyed her carefully “I think she knows more about humans than you think” She said. Clarke looked at her confused

“She knows nothing about me” The blonde said harshly “Nor my friends. People here just hate us for no reason!”

 

Kiara looked down immediately trying to hide a hurtful look that Clarke noticed anyway; the older woman for a moment seemed to be sad, as if she was remembering some dark memory or something, but quickly she swallowed and looked up again with a neutral gaze.

 

“Well _strikon_ , you kind of hate most of my people for no reason too” She said

“Your people trapped us” Clarke said “And they’re keeping us locked in here without explanations. I have my reasons”

“Lexa is not a bad person you know?” Kiara asked ignoring Clarke’s words. The woman took a few steps back and eyed Clarke with a scrutinizing look

“Oh really?” Clarke said ironically

“She might seem harsh now, but she’s in a very complicated position here”

Clarke sighed “What position is that?” She asked

“Wolves don’t mingle with humans” Kiara said seriously to what Clarke rolled her eyes; she was getting tired of hearing that stupid sentence over and over again.

“Yeah well, humans don’t mingle with wolves either… It’s not like wolves are that amazing” She snorted

“The story of Wolves and Humans is ancient Clarke” Kiara said “We used to have a bond, a powerful connection that broke. Since that day the hatred for humans is strong and deep, you have no idea how dangerous it is for someone like you… a human to be in these lands without protection”

 

Clarke remained silent as she processed the information. She would be lying if she said that she wasn’t curious about what happened… why everyone there hated them so much? She was tired of receiving hate without reasons but at the same time, her own stubbornness made her want to ignore everything and just keep with her life until she could get out of there.

 

“Heda knows this” Kiara continued “And believe me, she is more curious about you than angry; but letting you free would mean a possible war between the twelve clans”

“Twelve Clans?” Clarke asked

“We are divided in clans, each one coming from different lands and with different characteristics. They used to fight each other until Heda, Lexa kom Trikru united them”

“Beautiful” Clarke said sarcastically “That makes her a caring soul worthy of everyone’s love”

Kiara laughed as she shook her head “You have a lot to learn _strikon_ ” She said

“Maybe you should stop saying that and just teach me” Clarke mumbled

“I will” Kiara promised “When you’re ready”

“And when will that be?” Clarke asked frustrated.

 

Kiara got closer to her until she was a few inches from the girl and then signaled to her head “When you silence this” She said and then pointed to her heart “And open this”

Clarke grunted and shook her head; Kiara smiled at her and then left the room leaving her alone with her thoughts. How in the hell was she supposed to open her heart?! It sounded ridiculous and stupid.

* * *

 

Indra was submerged in her thoughts as she eyed a map that was in front of her; this wasn’t being her day at all and she was so pissed off that she could kill someone with just a look.

The door of the room she was in opened and Lexa stepped inside with a serious face, Titus came slowly behind her closing the door after they were both inside of the room.

 

“You asked for me” The Commander said to Indra as she walked to her. The woman nodded her head

 _“Sha, Heda”_ Indra said “We have news”

Lexa looked between Titus and Indra and nodded “Speak” She commanded

 

Indra cleared her throat and clenched her jaw; her anger was visible and the smell of it was making Lexa feel sick; luckily Titus realized and released a few calming pheromones to ease the atmosphere

“Our first haunt group returned” Indra said “Without any luck”

“I see… Send the next one” Lexa said

“That’s not all Heda” The woman said “The boy who escaped is headed to the north, past the forest”

 

Lexa looked at her pensive and Titus growled softly “How could he get so far?” He asked “These forests are our ground; we control these lands!”

Indra snarled as she rubbed her temples _“Fayogon”_ She said harshly “His weapons are not like ours. He killed two soldiers and hid on the trees”

“If he keeps heading to the north he’ll be in big trouble” Titus stated seriously “Azgeda will capture him”

“Let them do it!” Indra nearly shouted “Maybe those traitors can finally do something good and kill him”

“ _Shof op_ Indra” Lexa said bitterly “He deserves to be punished, but Azgeda catching him would not be something good”

“What do you order Heda?” Titus asked. Lexa took a moment to think and then cleared her throat

“Send our fastest horses to the clans near Azgeda, that ground is tricky; that boy won’t survive there much more. Our soldiers must capture him and also check the place. If he’s going there maybe it is for a reason”

 

Indra nodded her approval and ran outside the room to warn the riders and start the mission. Titus observed as the woman left and then turned to look at Lexa, who was deep in thought.

 

“What’s troubling you Titus?” Lexa asked when she sensed the man’s eyes on her and smelled his worry.

Titus sighed and put his hands together inside of the sleeves of his tunic “You Heda” He said “I’m worried about you”

Lexa growled “You worry for nothing Titus”

“You think?” He asked “Rumors fly quickly Heda; people know that humans are here, they know that our lands are probably full of them and that our army is already seeking for them. But also people know that your prisoners are still alive”

 

Lexa knew what he was trying to say and sent him a killing glare “The prisoners are still alive for a reason Titus”

“Lexa, you better than anyone know what humans are capable of doing; you better than anyone know what those prisoners are accused off and you better than anyone know that blood must have blood” He stated seriously

“I know Titus” Lexa blurted out with a loud voice “And you better than anyone should know that I am Heda, and I do not accept anyone questioning my decisions”

 

Titus felt the rage in Lexa’s voice and sensed the amount of intense pheromones she let out to prove her strength; he immediately looked down and nodded “Is that for that girl?” He asked a moment later fearing the Commander’s reaction.

Lexa looked at him with anger but decided to calm herself; in the end she understood Titus and why he was doing this and she couldn’t really be mad at him.

 

“This is not for anyone Titus” Lexa mumbled “But this is the first time in years that we have the chance to have humans under our orders; maybe this is a chance for us to study them, to see how they are, if another war rises, we could have an important advantage”

 

There was a short silence. Lexa had her arms behind her back raising her chin a bit to show superiority and Titus studied her carefully; he understood what she said, but also he knew Lexa too well.

 

“Clarke of the sky people is strong and stubborn” He said “I know she reminds you of…”

“Don’t you dare to say her name” Lexa said seriously followed by a loud growl, suddenly a pang of anger ran through her body and she bared her teeth in a menacing way which caused Titus to take a few steps back.

“I’m sorry Heda” He said

“Get out of here before I do something I could regret” Lexa whispered angrily.

Titus nodded his head and immediately stormed out of the room. Lexa would need a while to calm down and it was better if she did that alone.

* * *

 

Kiara was sat on a chair next to the window contemplating the sights and feeling the soft breeze on her face. She had a book between her hands which was now forgotten as her gaze was fixed on the views, she was kind of enjoying the time.

It was some point after lunch time; she had brought Clarke her food and after that the human had gone to sleep since she was tired and bored. In the end there was not much she could do so Kiara just sat there in silence until Clarke fell into a peaceful sleep.

 

A slight movement on the bed startled Kiara who turned around to check on the sleeping blonde.

The sight was almost endearing… Clarke was hugging one of the pillows as she snored softly, her mouth slightly opened and her hair fell disheveled around her face.

 

Now that she looked at her, Kiara realized that there was not much difference between humans and wolves; at least when they were asleep… she could even get used to Clarke’s presence. Kiara smiled softly and turned her attention to the book between her hands again.

She was about to turn the page when suddenly she felt Clarke move agitated and suddenly she was startled by a loud yell that turned into a desperate growl and tears.

 

“Leave me!” Clarke yelled nearly at the top of her lungs as she cried and tried fight to wake up.

Kiara, with an impressive speed, nearly jumped out of the chair and ran to the human’s side shaking her “Clarke!” She said as she tried to wake the girl up “Come on _strikon,_ it’s only a dream”

 

Clarke’s cries faded once she opened her eyes and realized where she was. She looked everywhere desperately and relaxed a bit when she saw Kiara next to her and the first thing she could do was hug her tightly as she cried.

 

“It’s okay Clarke, you’re safe” Kiara said soothingly “It was only a nightmare”

Clarke sobbed loudly as she tried to calm down “It was so real” She said between tears “I couldn’t do anything… I…”

“It was a dream” Kiara said again “You’re safe here; you’re okay”

 

Clarke nodded frantically as she finally broke the hug and rubbed her temples trying to ease her breathing.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Kiara asked carefully not wanting to make Clarke feel pressured or uncomfortable.

 

Clarke looked at her for a moment and then closed her eyes as she tried to remember “I dreamt about home” She said “My mom… it was like being there again but then… we were here and everything was so real” Clarke said “I couldn’t save them… my friends were all dead and…”

 

The door of the room slammed opened abruptly and a very concerned and scared Lexa stepped inside almost collapsing on the bed due to the impressive speed.

 

“Heda” Kiara said standing up quickly. Lexa looked at her and then looked at Clarke confused; the girl seemed to be fine

“What the hell just happened?” Lexa asked worriedly approaching the bed.

 

She could see tears in Clarke’s eyes and her face was tired and seemed tensed; she was still sobbing lightly and seemed to be extremely concerned.

“I heard a scream coming from here and someone crying” Lexa continued, she eyed Clarke carefully

“It was a nightmare” Kiara explained “Everything is okay”

 

Lexa, whose breathing was agitated, calmed down immediately. For a moment she had thought the worse, she thought that someone broke into the room or that someone was trying to hurt Clarke… and somehow she felt the need to save her… she brushed those thoughts out of her mind. The girl seemed to be fine after all.

“Can you give us a moment?” Lexa asked Kiara with a voice that actually surprised Clarke. The blonde looked at the Commander with a confused gaze. Ever since she met Lexa she had only heard her talk in a commanding and authoritarian way, she was always so uptight and ruthless that hearing her address Kiara with such delicate tone was weird.

 

It was as if somehow Lexa was not ordering but asking politely and actually showing respect that Clarke hadn’t seen before in her. For a moment Lexa didn’t look defiant but looked calmed and respectful.

Kiara nodded lightly and walked out of the room without saying another word. Once the door was closed again Lexa approached the bed where Clarke was still sat and studied her for a moment.

 

“Is everything okay?” The Commander asked with a weird tone. Was Lexa trying to be nice to her? ‘That can’t happen’ Clarke thought, Lexa was there probably to make sure she was okay to keep torturing her with this unbearable wait.

“It was just a nightmare Heda” She said bitterly as she wiped the tears from her cheeks “I’m fine”

 

Lexa surprisingly took a bold step and sat at the edge of the bed trying to not be too close to Clarke and both women stared at each other for a moment.

“You don’t seem fine” Lexa stated

“What?” The blonde asked sarcastically “Now you worry for me?”

“I just want to know if you are truly okay or not” Lexa mumbled almost embarrassed, luckily Clarke didn’t notice

“Oh right, you need me to help you so you can’t let anything happen to me until then right?”

Lexa sighed deeply at the words and shook her head “Are you always that stubborn?” She asked. Clarke exhaled a laugh and then shook her head

“Are you always that uptight Commander?”

 

Lexa looked down, she was aware of how little she knew about how to interact with other people, maybe she should work more on that “Maybe” She said

Both women reminded silent

 

“I had a terrible nightmare” Clarke said finally with a more relaxed tone. She couldn’t really stand Lexa but she needed to talk and the Commander didn’t seem so guarded now so maybe it was time to open up a bit. “So much blood…” She mumbled

“You’re not in danger Clarke Griffin” Lexa said trying to be soothing “Nothing is going to hurt you while you’re here”

“Maybe but my friends…” Clarke mumbled, she felt a lump in her throat “Are they okay? I haven’t seen them in days”

Lexa looked down troubled and confused. Was this a trick? A way to manipulate her into let the human see her group? She looked into Clarke’s blue eyes and saw nothing but sincerity and concern.

 

“You worry about your people” The Commander nearly whispered

“Of course I do! They’re the closest thing to a family I have down here, I promised them I’ll help”

“You can’t do much for them now Clarke” Lexa said trying not to sound so serious

“No. But you can”

 

Lexa looked at her confused. What was Clarke implying exactly? “What?” She mumbled

“Lexa… we didn’t kill your soldiers” The blonde said, she grew bolder and tried to approach Lexa but the moment the Commander realized that she moved back putting some distance again, she felt nervous all of a sudden. “We were just trying to go back home” She finished

 

“Maybe you and those humans on that cell didn’t do anything. But your people sure killed my army; I can’t just let you free”

“I’m not asking you to set me free” Clarke said and Lexa looked at her surprised. The human was more than worried about her friends and all she wanted to do was to free them and run far away from all the wolves and go back home… but she’d have to play it cool and try not to sound so desperate if she wanted to get something.

“I just want to see my friends” She said “Make sure they are okay; and please just let me out of this room for a while” She begged “I can’t stand being here anymore”

 

Lexa stood up and paced around the room pensive; she understood Clarke, but at the same time the human was asking too much. Humans needed to be locked away and punished… however until now none of them seemed to be a threat to them; at least not now that they were her prisoners.

 

“You’ll have five minutes to see them” The Commander said in a cold tone, once again Heda was distant and fierce

Clarke’s face lightened up in a second and she smiled brightly, five minutes were more than enough right now, maybe she could convince Lexa to let them free later…

 

“I personally will escort you there with a few of my guards” The Commander said

“Thank you so much Lexa” Clarke said relieved “This means a lot to me”

Lexa nodded but didn’t say anything; she was worried that something might happen when they were outside but she owed Clarke at least five minutes “Get dressed” She commanded “I’ll be back in half an hour”

* * *

 

“I can smell your worry” Kiara said as she watched how Lexa paced from side to side of the place nervously. They were at the entrance of the tower waiting for the guards to bring Clarke, and Lexa was scared of what could happen once they were outside.

 

“This is too dangerous” Lexa commented

“You will protect her Heda; your guards won’t let anything bad happen” Kiara soothed her

“What if she tries to escape?” The Commander asked “This could be a trick”

 

Kiara exhaled a laugh as she looked down to hide it; Heda was a calmed and strong woman, she never showed any signs of weakness in front of anyone, never. And now here she was, almost freaking out because of a human girl. It was a bit funny to watch.

“I don’t think Clarke Griffin wants to escape” She confessed “I think she is being sincere and just wants to see her friends”

 

Lexa eyed at Kiara for a moment and reminded silent; the older woman always had words for her, always found a way to calm her and even if their relationship had been limited to just the Commander and one of the maidens, Lexa still had a lot of respect for her.

 

“I just don’t want humans to cause us more problems” She said after a moment “We’ve had enough”

“These humans seem different Lexa” Kiara said “And I’m sure that deep down you know this, because Clarke sure caused a great impression on you”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow in confusion “What?” She asked

“You never talk more than five minutes about anything or anyone, unless you’re in a meeting, even more; you barely talk unless you’re in a meeting or attending duties. And you’ve been talking about her for the past twenty minutes”

 

The Commander fell silent as she thought about this… it was not true, she might not like to talk too much but it was nothing like that, Kiara was just messing with her.

“That’s not true” She mumbled; she was about to reply something else when the doors of the elevator finally opened and the guards and Clarke stepped outside.

“Heda, we’re ready” One of them said.

 

Lexa nodded and gestured them to follow her, they had to be quick and be extremely careful. There were four guards with them, and the Commander had ordered that all of them were betas so they could control the situation better.

Alphas were violent when they were angry and territorial and knowing that there were humans in their lands was something that could lead to a disaster, so it was better if betas could do something against it.

 

They walked outside of the tower and through a few small streets; Clarke was completely thrilled to finally be outside of the room; she was finally breathing fresh air and walking… she needed that… she needed freedom.

 

Their way was a bit tense though; Clarke could see how people around her looked at her with rage, some of them with just curiosity but mostly with hatred; it made her feel uncomfortable and weird, one man even tried to run to her and was stopped by a guard who punched him hard enough to make him step back.

“People are not happy to see me” Clarke mumbled as they kept walking through a big square. One of the guards turned at her and growled

“That’s because wolves don’t mingle with humans” He said “Humans are the enemy”

 

Lexa turned around slightly and eyed Clarke carefully; she could sense that the girl was nervous and probably scared. Wolves didn’t like the sky people presence there and maybe now, Clarke could understand how dangerous it was for her to be there.

* * *

 

“How in the hell are we going to get rid of the guards?” Raven whispered into Bellamy’s ear as they kept thinking about a plan to get out of there. The boy shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

“I don’t know” He said

 

Octavia stood up from her spot at one corner and approached them “we need to distract them” She said “Maybe fake an injury or something that can entertain them long enough”

“And what do we do after we get out?” Raven whispered “We don’t know where to go”

“Maybe we could run to the forest” Murphy cut in with another whisper “That could give us some advantage”

 

Bellamy nodded and remained pensive as the others tried to think of something else; it was going to be harder than they thought at the beginning, because the guards never let them alone. They were constantly watched and it made things really complicated.

Finn was about to say something when they all heard the gates of the building opening and heard steps coming to them.

 

They all stood up curiously and suddenly a woman entered the room where the cell was; she eyed them and then said something to the guards.

“What the hell?” Raven mumbled eyeing the strange woman. She wore some kind of war paint on her eyes and a black armor covered by a cape, and the soldiers seemed to obey her…

 

Then the woman turned around and a few guards stepped inside escorting someone, when they moved, the group could finally see Clarke standing there.

“You have five minutes” The woman said to her, to what Clarke nodded.

 

The blonde ran to the bars of the cell where her friends waited for her; Finn’s arms moved through the bars and she gladly accepted the restraint hug.

“For fuck’s sake” Octavia said happily as she joined the strange hug “Where the hell were you Clarke?” She asked

“Yeah princess, what happened?” Finn added.

“It is a long, long story” Clarke told them

“How did you survive there?” Monty asked curiously with a low voice. The woman was no longer in the room but a few guards were still there

 

Clarke pulled apart and rubbed her forehead lightly “The Commander” She said “She’s helped me a bit” She said bitterly, she didn’t really like to recognize that Lexa had actually been of help.

“Commander?” Bellamy asked

“Yeah, it’s like their leader or something” Clarke explained “She was here a moment ago”

 

“That woman was the leader?” Raven interrupted them; she had been quiet until now, ever since she saw Finn greet Clarke with such ‘love’. She was angry and irritated at them both but for the moment couldn’t do anything for escaping was more important.

 

Clarke sensed the tone of hurt Raven had used against her and looked at her with sadness; she had messed up things and she knew it, and at some point she should talk to Raven about it; but now they didn’t have time for that

 

“Her name is Lexa” She said “She said she’ll keep us alive for the moment”

“Great” Murphy said “So we can relax finally” He added ironically

“We need to get out of here Clarke” Octavia said “We need to warn the others about this people”

Clarke looked down and took a deep breath “That’s the thing guys; their army is already looking for them; the Commander wants us to help them”

“And what did you say?” Bellamy asked “We can’t help the grounders”

“They are going to kill us” Clarke said “The moment they see that we can’t be of any help they will kill us”

 

The group exchanged frustrated looks and they all sighed in frustration; Bellamy rubbed his temples and Octavia clenched her jaw.

“We will be dead anyways if they find our people” Finn said “They just want blood”

“Clarke” Bellamy said seriously “You need to find a way to get us out of here; talk to them, fight them, anything… but we can’t stay here forever”

“I know” Clarke said “But things are not so easy, these people are really dangerous, we need to be careful”

“Win their trust” Raven snorted after a moment of silence; they all looked at her “Make them trust you, it’ll be easier to find their weak spots if they think you’re one of them… in the end faking friendship and trust is your specialty right?” She said ironically.

 

Murphy, who was standing beside her, elbowed her softly and everyone looked at Clarke who looked down slightly hurt.

“I agree with Raven” Monty said “Not in the last part though…” He added quickly

“Yeah Clarke, if you can become one of them maybe we’ll have a chance” Bellamy said

“How am I supposed to do that?” Clarke asked “They hate us, they hate humans… there is no way they’re going to accept me as one of them”

 

Octavia snorted and got closer to one of the bars, clinging to it lightly and looking at Clarke in the eyes “Listen to me blondie” She said harshly “We’ve been trapped inside of this stupid cell, eating a shitty goo, drinking brown water and peeing in a bucket. I don’t care if you have to fake a new identity, if you have to be more like them or if you even have to wear those ridiculous tattoos this people have; but you have to try it, because if you don’t and we die here I swear I’ll be rise from my tomb and kill you with my own hands!” She blurted out.

 

Clarke gulped audibly as she eyed the younger woman. Octavia was serious, and behind her Raven was nodding as she eyed her with disgust.

Finn reached out a hand and touched her arm softly “I know you can do it” he mumbled

“We trust you” Bellamy added. Both Murphy and Monty added a quick “Yes” to that.

Clarke nodded “Okay… I’ll do my best” She promised “I swear that you won’t die here”

She looked at Octavia and the girl nodded at her.

“Time is over” Lexa’s voice came from the door as she stepped inside of the room “We must go back”

 

Clarke looked at her and then turned to her friends; Raven and Octavia were now at the back of the cell whispering to each other; Bellamy nodded at Clarke and then stepped back as well sitting on a bench next to Murphy who was there silent. Monty waved a hand to her and joined the boys and Finn looked at her with sadness.

“Stay strong” He said offering a smile “You’ll find a way to save us princess; you always do”

Clarke looked down and smiled “Are you guys going to be okay?” She asked

“We’ll survive” He promised

“Clarke” Lexa said

“Yeah” Clarke responded “One moment”

She took a step closer to Finn and took his hand through the bars “May we meet again” She said. Finn nodded and offered a last smile

“May we meet again”

 

Clarke smiled and then took a look at her friends inside of the cell before finally turning around and walking away.

Lexa, who had observed the last interaction, looked at the group of humans one more time before heading back outside.

“We need to get back” She said as they exited the building.

“ _Sha_ , Heda” The guards said as they started to walk back to the tower.

* * *

 

For some reason Clarke didn’t understand, Lexa had insisted in going with her to the room; she had allowed the guards to go but still wanted to make sure Clarke was safe until she was in her quarters.

They both stepped inside after a long silent walk along the hallways; Clarke had been deep in thought ever since she spoke to her friends.

She knew that they trusted her but… how in the hell was she going to fit with the grounders?! How was she going to become one of them when they were so different from each other?

 

“Your friends are okay” Lexa said in an attempt to break the silence. Clarke walked around the room for a moment and sat at the edge of the bed pinching the bridge of her nose

“They are trapped in a cell…” She said “How is that being okay?”

“They are still alive” Lexa snorted “Which is more than they deserve”

“Oh really?” the human asked harshly “Then why am I not there with them? I should be there and not here, not in this stupid tower knowing that they are suffering”

“You are privileged Clarke” Lexa said “You should accept that”

“I can’t”

“Then you’ll suffer for nothing”

 

Clarke sighed deeply “You can’t keep them locked in there forever” She said

“They are safe there Clarke, it is better for them to be away from my people”

“Can’t they be safe here? In this tower?” the blonde asked irritated.

 

It was a lost battle; she knew it. Lexa was as stubborn as her and she was not going to give up so easily and plus, she won’t be winning any trust if she kept fighting…

But she couldn’t help it. The Commander was the most infuriating person she had ever met in her life! She could be nice or at least try to be nice from time to time but that was only for a brief moment because Lexa was irritating.

 

Clarke couldn’t put into words how much she hated that woman right now, she hated her for keeping her locked, she hated her for locking her friends away, she hated her for so many things right now…

“They must stay there for now” Lexa said in a cold tone.

 

Clarke stood up almost in a jump, she paced nervously around the room and rubbed her temples; and then she approached Lexa trying to seem intimidating.

“Fuck you” She mumbled in anger. Her blood was boiling inside of her she wanted so desperately to punch Lexa “I don’t know what could possibly have happened between humans and wolves, and what you think you know about us, but you are being unfair here, and if you don’t release my friends  I swear to God that I won’t help you with anything!”

 

Lexa exhaled and eyed the woman in front of her. She was the strongest alpha, no one menaced her, no one ever tried to defy her and yet… this human was standing before her, ignoring completely the strong alpha pheromones that left Lexa’s pores; Clarke was oblivious to this, she didn’t care because the pheromones didn’t affect her and that infuriated Lexa beyond measure.

Everyone respected her, either because she was Heda or either because she simply was a very strong alpha, she always had been; the pack submitted to her, even other alphas. And now a single human girl was defying her like it was nothing.

 

She felt heat in her stomach, her inner alpha growled desperately for control and power; she needed Clarke to submit and suddenly an increasing need for dominance hit her insides. She felt the urge to take Clarke right there, to claim her and make her scream so she could know who was in charge.

But at the same time those thoughts scared her; she couldn’t do such thing, it was wrong. She was a wolf, and Clarke was a human; it would be disgusting just even think about it and other than that… Lexa couldn’t do it, she was stronger than that.

 

She took a deep breath and then decided to fight back. She took a step towards Clarke almost invading the girl’s personal space.

The human girl felt this and immediately took a step back, then another, and then another until her back collided with the nearest wall.

She felt trapped; she was trapped, Lexa was standing right in front of her, with her face mere inches from hers and literally breathing the same air. The Commander’s arms reached the wall so she trapped Clarke between them not letting her room to move.

 

“Do you want to know what I know about humans?” Lexa asked, the rage palpable in her voice “Your kind are monsters, Clarke. Monsters who massacred us for years, tortured my people, killed our women and pups, they raped tons of innocent girls and tried to exterminate us from these lands” She clenched her jaw in anger “That’s what I know about humans. And believe me, you’ve been lucky that I’d let you into my house and kept your friends safe, because my people is hungry for vengeance. I assure you that if they land their hands on you or your friends you’re going to beg me to save you, so yeah, for the moment your friends are going to remaind there and you’ll be in this room and if you defy me like this again, Clarke of the sky people, you’ll regret it”

 

Clarke gulped; not only because of Lexa’s speech but because the woman was too close to her. Her knees felt weak and she wanted to believe that it was because of fear and nothing else…

 

Lexa’s green eyes were staring at her with anger but also with a hint of sadness, as if she was trying to hide something; suddenly she started to relax and they just reminded silent for a moment without moving.

None of them had enough strength to move which was strange, why did Clarke felt like this? Lexa was the enemy, she was a brute wolf who hated her and yet, right now it seemed like the only thing Clarke could see was green… those eyes were so mysterious…

 

 _‘Put it together Griffin’_ Clarke thought regaining her composure

 

The door opened suddenly and Kiara stepped inside carrying a jar of water that fell to the floor once she got to smell the strong alpha scent that clung to every surface of the room.

Lexa subconsciously had been releasing an incredible amount of pheromones that Clarke obviously didn’t notice but Kiara did, because she was about to bare her neck in submission and lose control.

 

Immediately, the Commander took a few steps back and cleared her throat and Clarke did the same; it seemed as if they were just doing something wrong…

 

Lexa obviously noticed Kiara’s state and felt terribly bad; she had sworn to herself once that the older woman was the only person she would never force to submit to her, and here she was watching how Kiara struggled to control herself.

She got closer to the woman trying to release some calming pheromones to ease the tension and help her “I’m sorry” She said in a low whisper, Clarke heard it but didn’t understand a thing.

 

Kiara shook her head and placed a hand on Lexa’s arm “I’m fine” She assured her.

Lexa seemed pleased with the answer because she nodded and then turned to look at Clarke; she had had enough for one day, there was no point in being there anymore.

 

She didn’t dare to say another word as she finally exited the room; what had just happened was so confusing for her that she needed a moment to think.

Clarke wasn’t a wolf, she didn’t have the scent of an Omega, or even the scent of a Beta… then why did she feel like the human was calling to her? It was like she felt a pull towards Clarke that was stronger the closer she got to her…

 

For a moment she had even considered kissing her when she had her trapped against the wall… Clarke’s lips were inviting, and her smell was sweet…

“She’s a human” She mumbled to herself as she entered her quarters “I’m a wolf. Wolves don’t mingle with humans” She said angrily as she headed to her bed.

* * *

 

Clarke ran to Kiara as she saw the woman struggling and helped her get to the bed. She was panting, and sweating and seemed to be agitated for a reason… it was confusing to say the least.

“Are you okay?” She asked after a moment. Kiara waved a hand dismissively

“I’m fine _strikon”_ She said “Just a bit overwhelmed”

 

Clarke quirked an eyebrow “What happened?” She asked again

Kiara took a few deep breaths to calm herself down “Heda just happens to be one of the strongest alphas in our lands” She explained “Her pheromones are so strong that is very hard to resist”

 

“Alpha?” Clarke had never thought about it, she obviously knew what alphas were but she thought that male soldiers were alphas, well and that woman who attacked her but still she never thought that Lexa was one of them

“Yes Clarke. Lexa is an alpha; they have the urge to mark everything with their scent” Kiara made a pause “You’ll learn this with time, but their pheromones are strong, they are made to call Omegas and Betas and to prevent other alphas into their territory”

“That’s why you’re so agitated?” Clarke asked

 

Kiara nodded “I’m an omega” She explained “Usually I don’t get affected like this, since I am experimented but when I came in here, this room was plagued with alpha scent… it almost made me lose control”

Clarke kind of understood “Was Lexa marking me?” She asked all of a sudden confused and kind of annoyed; she wasn’t anyone’s property

Kiara let out a laugh “She was, and she did a good job because you reek of her scent”

“What?!” Clarke immediately raised both arms smelling her armpits, then her clothes and then her hands… she didn’t notice anything

“I don’t think anyone would dare to get close to you in a few days” Kiara stated

Clarke immediately got angry “I can’t believe it!” She shouted “I’m not of her property! I am not hers… she can’t do this”

 

She stood up and started to take off her clothes quickly not caring about anything else; then she stood up in only her underwear and looked at Kiara.

“What are you doing?” The woman asked curiously

“I’m taking a shower” Clarke said “Right now. I don’t want her smell all over me, can you bring the water?”

She disappeared behind the panels were the bathtub was and sat there waiting for Kiara to bring what she needed.

 

Kiara stood from the bed and laughed as she shook her head; it didn’t work like that; an alpha scent didn’t disappear with water or soap; it could be covered a bit by other scents but never disappeared that easily, and Clarke for sure would be having Heda’s scent for weeks now which was kind of funny to think.

But obviously she didn’t say anything; the last thing she needed was to piss Clarke off even more. She walked to the door and shouted a quick “I’ll be back in a moment” Before stepping out to look for the water.

 

Clarke remained silent in the room thinking about what had happened. She couldn’t believe that Lexa had marked her… how could she?! She didn’t have any right to do that!

Definitely if there was a person Clarke hated with all her being, that was Lexa, she was annoying and infuriating and she was going to need a lot of strength if she wanted to be part of the Commander’s people.

“Fucking Lexa” She mumbled angrily to the empty room.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng translations:  
> \- Fayogon: gun
> 
> Thanks guys for your support, tell me what you think about this one :)


	4. Becoming one of them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has an intense dream.  
> Clarke is not happy about what Lexa did and learns a few things about wolves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot guys for your response! It means a lot to me that you like this :)  
> I apologize in advance for any mistake, Enlgish is not my language

_Lexa ran her hands along the sides of the beautiful blonde lying beneath her; her skin was so perfect, so soft and pale with a sweet smell that filled Lexa’s nostrils making her dizzy and wanting more…_

_Her hips moved frantically as she pushed harder against the girl; her hard member was buried deep inside of her and they both grunted and moaned with each thrust._

 

_“Lexa!” The girl nearly screamed as she dug her nails in the Commander’s back “Faster”_

_Lexa obeyed gladly and thrusted harder, she put both hands to the sides of the girl’s head and pushed faster until the bed almost cracked beneath them._

_“Clarke!” Lexa growled as she felt the blonde’s insides clench around her cock. She was about to explode right there; the pressure in her belly was growing by the minute and she didn’t know how much longer she could contain._

 

_Clarke grabbed Lexa’s face between her hands and pushed her down for an urgent kiss that was all teeth and tongue as they desperately panted and grunted._

_This was all Lexa had wanted to do since she saw her for the first time, this was what her body and her inner wolf asked her to do every time the human defied her; and now she was doing it. She had Clarke beneath her, screaming her name; finally she was showing her what she got; and who was in charge there._

 

_“I’m not going to last much longer” Clarke warned as she wrapped her legs tighter around the Commander’s waist pulling her impossibly closer._

_Lexa buried her face in the crook of the blonde’s neck and breathed her in; she smelled sweet and soft and she loved it… she ran her lips along the soft flesh there until she reached the most special point; subconsciously she bared her teeth wanting to bite the skin there, claiming Clarke; making the human hers forever, but she had to contain._

 

_“Me neither” She said finally. Lexa could feel her knot inflating and rubbing against Clarke’s entrance._

_Clarke looked down when she noticed it and then looked at Lexa in confusion but didn’t say anything, she only wanted release; she needed it._

 

_Lexa felt her abdomen tightening as she approached her climax; she also could sense that Clarke was as close as her because of the way the girl’s walls were tightening making her almost explode. Lexa’s eyes shut closed as she tried to hold back her release, obviously wanting Clarke to come first._

 

_Clarke placed a hand on her cheek and stroked her skin gently “Look at me” She pleaded softly. The Commander opened her eyes slowly and was met by a deep blue stare that she was sure could see through her soul._

_“Fuck Lex” Clarke let out a throaty moan “I’m going to-”_

 

“Heda!” Titus nearly shouted at her as he shook her by the shoulders.

Lexa finally opened her eyes startled and confused and sat up on the bed still panting and sweating.

“What?” She asked with a sleepy voice as she rubbed her eyes.

 

Titus breathed out relieved now that he finally could woke the Commander up, and cleared his throat “I’m sorry for waking you up this early Heda” He said apologetically

 

Lexa looked at him curiously as she tried to suppress a yawn “I hope you had a good reason” She said ‘ _a good reason for interrupting my dreams’_ she thought; it had been a long time since she’d had such a pleasant dream, she was used to nightmares, recurrent bad dreams about war or deaths but this dream… but it was wrong. How in the hell could she dream about Clarke like that?! That was something that couldn’t happen, she didn’t like Clarke; and knew that the stubborn human despised her so… it was not possible

 

Titus’ voice dragged her out of her thoughts “Indra is back” He explained “She has news about the haunt mission”

Lexa rubbed her temples and nodded; duty was calling her but her mind was not focused, she knew it was going to be a long day. She moved finally pushing the sheets to the side of the bed and standing up.

 

“Heda” Titus said hesitantly

“Yes?” She asked, the man gulped audibly and moved nervously, to what Lexa raised both eyebrows in confusion

“Uh… I don’t mean to be rude but… you should probably take care of that” He said pointing to Lexa’s crotch.

 

She hadn’t really payed attention to it, but the bulge in her sleeping pants was pretty noticeable. She groaned in frustration as she saw it and realized that maybe that’s why she was so irritable… it actually was normal since she had that dream…

 

“Uh… sure” She said slightly embarrassed. She hoped that she hadn’t spoken in dreams or anything because if Titus had heard her saying Clarke’s name… she was doomed.

“Do you want me to send an Omega?” The man asked with a serious tone.

 

Lexa thought about it for a moment. She was privileged, that was for sure, normally, Alphas had to fight for Omegas and sometimes Betas, they had to prove them their worthy and strength, and when they were in rut or about to have one, Alphas became extremely needy and violent, meaning that they would search for any Omegas in heat or just any Omega or Beta who could satisfy their needs.

 

Luckily for Lexa this was easier; she didn’t have to fight for she was the Commander. Whenever she needed it she knew she could have any Omega she wanted, other times she just picked a Beta of her licking and used them to feel better. Women weren’t a problem for her and she was grateful, because her ruts were hard and sometimes her sexual needs even when she wasn’t in rut were still very demanding.

 

But despite of this, today she didn’t feel like it. She couldn’t name what she was feeling now, maybe she felt guilty or embarrassed, or simply she just didn’t want any Omega because it wasn’t Clarke… no! Clarke is off limits! She told herself.

 

“Thanks Titus, but I’ll… take care of it” She said dismissively. Titus nodded

“As you wish” He said and walked outside quickly.

 

Once Lexa was alone in the room she sighed in relief. She seriously felt miserable now; how in the hell could she dream something like that?! She couldn’t lose control like this! Clarke was a human; it was disgusting just to think about the idea of touching her… but sleeping with her?

 

She couldn’t sleep with a human. Wolves were different, sex for them meant something else, they needed it to claim, to mark, to breed… how in the hell could she be dreaming about having sex with a human?! That would be an aberration, not to mention that knotting Clarke or biting her could hurt her beyond measure and- Stop! She told herself.

 

Lexa quickly ran to the door and asked the guards to call her maidens. She didn’t want to sleep with an Omega now but she sure needed a really cold bath.

* * *

 

“Do I smell weird?” Clarke asked to Kiara as she grabbed a piece of bread and chewed on it quickly.

 

Kiara eyed her for a moment and sniffed lightly. Clarke smelled pretty much as always; she smelled nice, pleasant, not like other humans Kiara had had the ‘pleasure’ to smell; they always smelled sweaty and sour, human females smelled a bit better but still Clarke had something… maybe it was the fact that she had spent more time with her, who knew? But the only difference was that, the blonde’s scent was mixed up with a pretty strong Alpha scent; one that smelled like woods and sweetness; one that had Lexa’s name written all over it.

 

The maiden wanted laugh; she found this whole situation pretty funny but didn’t want to make Clarke feel bad, so she shook her head in answer.

Clarke didn’t really believe it. She had seen the guards’ reaction that morning when Kiara came to take her for breakfast. One of them had gotten a bit close to her and immediately took a few steps back shrugging his nose; same had happened with a few other guards.

 

And now she was pissed off; she didn’t really understand why Alphas marked with their smell or what exactly did that mean, but she didn’t like it one bit.

“You should relax _strikon_ ” Kiara said as she saw Clarke devouring the bread without even blinking “You’re going to choke”

 

Clarke looked at her as she chewed “I’m not going to relax” She said to a mouthful of bread, crumbs fell from her mouth to the table “I still smell like her, don’t I?” She asked

 

Kiara nodded “You do, but actually it’s not a bad thing”

Clarke swallowed finally “Not a bad thing?! I don’t want to smell like the Commander!”

“Look, here in the tower we take some… security measures” Kiara explained “Most of our guards and people who work here are Betas, but obviously there are exceptions and well as you know by now, Alphas are dangerous”

 

“So what?” Clarke asked harshly

“I think Lexa is just trying to protect you” Kiara commented “Her scent would prevent Alphas to get close to you”

“I didn’t ask for her protection” Clarke asked “And I want to talk to her”

 

Kiara let out a laugh “Clarke, all your attempts to talk to Heda had ended up the same way” She said

“Well, it would be easier if she wasn’t so rude”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you talk to her” Kiara stated

 

Clarke sighed in frustration but didn’t say anything, maybe Kiara was right, but still she was mad at Lexa “Can’t you do the same?” She asked all of a sudden

The older woman looked at her confused “Do what?” She asked

“Mark me” Clarke said “Do whatever it is that you do with your scent and get rid of Lexa’s”

There was a short silence followed by a loud guffaw as Kiara started to laugh as if she just had been told the greatest joke of all times.

 

The blonde eyed her in awe as she saw how Kiara laughed and tried to put it together. Why was what she said so funny?

“Oh _strikon_ ” Kiara said “You have so much to learn”

Clarke raised an eyebrow and sighed

 

“Scent marking doesn’t work like that” Kiara continued “Look, our hierarchy is pretty simple. Alphas are on top, they’re territorial and possessive, their scent glands are prepared to mark powerfully; they use it to claim Omegas and sometimes Betas; that’s why their smell is so strong. Then you have Betas…” she made a pause “I think they’re pretty similar to humans somehow, they can claim too but their scent isn’t as powerful, also their fertility is pretty limited”

 

“And you?” Clarke asked remembering that Kiara had told her that she was an Omega.

“Well, Omegas are the bottom of this list” The brunette woman said “We also have strong scent but it is mostly used to call Alphas. Our smell is sweeter than Alphas and Betas and well, we only can use it to claim when we’re in heat” The last part was told a bit uncomfortably.

 

Clarke quirked an eyebrow “Heat?” She asked. Kiara nodded

“We are wolves” She said seriously “Our kind is ancient and was usually called _Tu Keryon_ , which means double spirit; we have human qualities somehow but our inner wolf is the one who rules our life the most. Heats and ruts are the periods in which Alphas and Omegas have the primal need to claim each other, to have sex and mostly it is the time when fertility is possible. Pups are conceived during heats which is when an Omega feels all these needs”

 

“Wow” Clarke said nearly out of words “So when you’re in heat you pretty much just want to have sex?” She asked

Kiara blushed a bit but nodded “Yes, same goes for alphas when they’re in rut”

“And Betas?” Clarke asked

 

“Betas are lucky in this department; they don’t go through heats or ruts, they pretty much help us to keep control”

“This is all so confusing” Clarke finally said after a moment of silence. Kiara exhaled a laugh

“I know, but you’ll learn soon. But for the moment, just know that I am not able to do anything about Lexa’s scent on you”

 

Clarke snorted frustrated “I swear the next time I see her I am going to kill her!”

Kiara laughed again “Good luck with that one Clarke Griffin” She said

* * *

 

“Heda?” Indra called her for the third time. Lexa came back to real world after a moment and looked between Indra and Gustus who were eyeing her confused.

“Uh… what?” Lexa asked casually.

 

Gustus growled and rolled his eyes and Indra clenched her jaw in pure anger “So I’ve been talking to a wall for the past hour” She blurted out.

“Is everything okay Lexa?” Gustus asked worriedly.

 

Lexa looked down slightly embarrassed and trying not to show any sign of weakness. It was ridiculous and stupid for a grown Alpha like her to feel this shaken by just a dream, she was a leader for God’s sake, the leader of the pack, who was there to protect her people and here she was, having sex dreams with the enemy.

 

But she obviously wasn’t going to admit that; she couldn’t tell Gustus and Indra that she just had a very intense dream in wish she literally fucked Clarke’s brains out so she took a deep breath regaining her composure and shook her head.

 

“I’m tired, that’s all” She said finally

“What I was trying to say” Indra repeated growling softly “Is that our second haunt group is really close to get that human boy. The armies near Azgeda have closed the territory so he can’t get much further but still he is sneaky, we lost him last night again”

 

Lexa remained pensive and Gustus looked at her “I suggest to let him go” He said finally

Indra snarled at him with fury and Lexa felt confused “And I suggest to smack your head against a rock to see if that way you can think properly” Indra said seriously

 

“ _Chil yu au_ Indra” Lexa growled at her “Explain” She said looking at Gustus.

The man took a deep breath and folded his arms “What if he knows where the rest of his group is?” He asked

“What if he doesn’t?” Indra replied bitterly “What if he just keeps us going in circles distracting us from finding the rest of the humans?”

“But maybe he knows where the rest of the group is and can take us there” Gustus said

 

Lexa thought about it for a moment. Both Gustus and Indra were right about this; the boy could lead them to their people or could just be running with no direction.

 

“Give him two weeks” Lexa said finally earning a content nod from the giant man and a very frustrated groan from Indra “If he hasn’t found his people by that time capture him and bring him to Polis”

“ _Sha_ , Heda” Gustus said before leaving the room. Indra stood a few moments there in silence trying to contain her anger.

 

Lexa noticed the amount of angry and heavy pheromones Indra was pumping out and growled loudly to her.

“Heda, humans are dangerous” The woman said still pissed off “You know it, you shouldn’t give them a chance to move against us”

“It’s because they are dangerous that we need to keep an eye on them” Lexa said “These humans could help us learn what we need if another war against the tribes at the south raises”

 

Indra was not convinced about this, and Lexa knew it. The woman was obviously stubborn and full of hatred and obviously she was an amazing warrior and general but sometimes she was to extreme.

Neither woman said anything else. Indra stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her and Lexa let out a silent snarl as she tried to keep her mind calmed.

 

She took a moment to relax and paced around the room quietly trying to think properly about this whole situation.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the door opening again and steps getting closer to her.

 

“You should consider letting some Beta guards into your meetings” A familiar voice said startling the Commander “This room seriously reeks to Alpha’s defiant pheromones”

Lexa turned around and saw Kiara standing a few meters from her, the woman smiled at her to what Lexa felt her heart get slightly warm “Indra was having a rough time” She explained

Kiara sighed “I believe she’s not the only one”

 

The Commander looked down “I’m fine”

“Not for what I can smell from here” Kiara said “You’re agitated Heda”

 

Lexa approached her softly and allowed the older woman to surround her with a cloud of calming and soothing pheromones “You know there is no need for you to call me Heda when we’re alone” She nearly whispered. Kiara smiled

 

“Well, it is not appropriate anymore, you’re the Commander. I just work for you” She said in a sad tone

“You know you don’t need to work if you don’t want” Lexa said “You could just live here”

“I can’t do that” Kiara asked

 

Lexa nodded; she understood, but still didn’t like to see Kiara struggled to work and receive orders from guards and other maidens.

“What’s wrong?” Kiara asked after a moment.

The Commander exhaled deeply and rubbed her forehead “Humans are giving me more than one headache… and well I think my rut is coming soon”

 

It was not a secret that Lexa had very complicated ruts, over the past years people in the tower had witnessed it, they had seen how extremely violent she could get and how much she suffered. She even had to build a cabin far away in the forest so she could lock herself up there and pass the whole rut without incidents.

 

Everyone there remembered when she almost dismembered a guard just because he entered the room at a bad time.

“When?” Kiara asked

“Maybe a week or so” Lexa responded

“You should go. Last time you had a really rough time”

“I can’t do that. Not now that this whole ‘humans’ thing is getting so complicated” Lexa explained “I need to stay at Polis”

 

“You need to be careful Lexa” Kiara said concerned “I don’t want you to get hurt, and certainly I don’t one of the guards or maidens decapitated because of your rut”

“I’ll be careful” Lexa promised

Kiara looked at her not exactly convinced but she didn’t say anything else “Why did you come here?” Lexa asked after a moment.

 

The older woman cleared her throat and sighed “I came to ask for a favor” she said hesitantly.

The Commander looked at her confused “What do you need?” She asked

“It’s actually not for me, Heda… I’m asking a favor for Clarke”

 

Lexa growled, she took a few steps back and lifted her chin up a bit showing superiority; she didn’t know if she had gotten pissed off because Kiara was asking her for a favor for a human or because Kiara mentioned Clarke.

“Speak” She ordered trying to keep calm.

 

“I understand that she’s a prisoner here… but would it be too much if I asked you to let her at least out of her room?” Kiara asked in a soft tone. She recognized Lexa’s body language perfectly and knew that the Commander was about to get really angry; she needed control and sadly Clarke made her lose it every time so she needed to be careful.

 

“Yes Kiara, you’re asking too much” Lexa said harshly pumping out dominant pheromones subconsciously

Kiara immediately titled her head in submission fighting the urge to bare her neck and muttered a quick ‘sorry’. Lexa realized what she was doing and stopped immediately

 

“She’s not going to cause any trouble” Kiara continued after a moment “I will supervise her and if anything occurs… you can totally blame me for it”

 

Why was Kiara defending this human so much? Lexa thought about that for a second. If anyone had reasons to hate the human kind with all their soul it was Kiara. She had every reason to be resentful and to hate them and still here she was; asking her to let a human free under her supervision…

 

“Why are you asking for this?” Lexa asked

“She’s special” The maiden said softly “She reminds me so much to-”

 

“Okay” Lexa interrupted her immediately not wanting her to finish the sentence “I’ll give her permission to be out of the room but she will not leave the tower under any circumstances, at least not unless I order it. And I swear that if she causes any problems, she’ll go back to that cell with her group”

Those words were said harsh, probably more than necessary but Lexa was tired; she couldn’t keep fighting with Clarke about the ‘I need freedom’ issue and she didn’t want to deal with it anymore so if Kiara took care of the human it could be a good thing.

 

“I promise she won’t be a problem” Kiara said

 

The Commander nodded slightly, she trusted the maiden, she knew that if Kiara trusted Clarke it was for something and even if she didn’t like the human, she trusted Kiara and that was enough.

 

“ _Mochof_ Heda” Kiara said gratefully

Lexa didn’t say anything; she waved her hand dismissively and watched as the older woman exited the room without another word.

 

“You better don’t do anything stupid Clarke” Lexa muttered to herself as she kept her pacing around the room.

* * *

 

To say that Clarke was happy was to not say enough; because Clarke was excited, thrilled, and extremely content with the fact that she could finally leave her room and walk around.

 

Even though she knew that she couldn’t leave the tower, she was still happy about it, it made her feel less trapped and a bit more calmed.

The first thing she did, besides hugging Kiara as tightly as she could was to nearly jump into the elevator and take a look at all the floors she could.

 

She wanted to get to know that place; obviously there were rooms where she wasn’t allowed to be but still, she wanted to know the tower and she wanted to walk.

Kiara followed her quietly at first, making sure she didn’t got into any problems and telling her a few stuff about the tower.

 

The maiden told her that the first floors were used mostly for guards and maidens, also a few rooms were prepared there for guests.

And then the upper floors were reserved for generals, the throne room, a few other rooms Clarke didn’t remember and of course, Heda’s quarters.

Once Clarke was well informed Kiara decided to attend more urgent matters trusting that Clarke won’t cause any trouble.

 

It was nice for a change to be on her own; being all day surrounded by people watching her and following her around was exhausting so Clarke was enjoying this; she was just walking around along the tower and she probably looked ridiculous but she couldn’t help it.

Now she was ‘free’, there were no guards trying to capture her or creepy angry ladies threatening her. She could walk past the soldiers by the doors and no one moved against her.

 

The door of the elevator opened and she stepped outside looking around carefully; she remembered this floor pretty good, but she didn’t really remember the room she was looking for.

 

A very (surprisingly) nice guard had told her where the throne room was even though at first he had hesitated… in the end no one could enter that room without permission unless there was a meeting.

Clarke walked along a large corridor, walking past closed doors and finally stopped when she arrived to her destination.

 

The doors were opened and there was no one inside which was weird to say the least. Clarke frowned confused as she stepped inside and took a look at the surroundings.

 

The room was larger than she remembered, or maybe it was just because it was empty. There was a large carpet that led to the imposing throne, and behind it, there was a large balcony.

“Damn it” Clarke hissed under her breath. Lexa was not there! She had to talk to her; she needed to let the Commander know that what she did was wrong and that she didn’t accept it.

 

But obviously Lexa was not there.

 

“It seems like we see each other again” A strange voice came behind her.

 

Clarke let out a soft yelp as she turned around startled trying to find the voice’s owner; to her surprise she was met by a beautiful, tall woman… aka the mysterious Alpha woman who attacked her days ago.

 

Immediately the blonde felt fear running through her body and her palms started sweating as she started to look around nervously trying to find a way to get out of there.

 _‘I’m doomed’_ Clarke thought as her heart beat fastened

 

The woman let out a laugh and shook her head “There is no reason to be nervous” She said and took a step towards Clarke. The blonde immediately took a step back.

 

“No?” She asked sarcastically “Maybe I’m just scared because the last time you jumped on me and almost killed me… is that enough reason?”

 

The woman laughed and finally approached Clarke trying to seem relaxed “Don’t take it too personal” She said “I wasn’t in my best moment” She extended a hand to Clarke “I’m Anya”

 

Clarke shook the woman’s hand hesitantly “Clarke”

“I know” Anya said “You’re kind of popular around here”

 

“Yeah… well so you… don’t want to kill me?” Clarke asked scared and confused.

“Don’t give yourself too much importance sky girl” Anya told her smiling softly “It’s not my decision to keep you alive or not”

Clarke gulped “So when you tried to slid my throat…”

 

“I was in rut, I’m not proud of what I did but I couldn’t control it”

“Ruts are that bad?” Clarke asked. Anya looked down and nodded

“It’s different for every Alpha, I have some hard moments but it’s not that bad. As I said, don’t take this personally”

 

Clarke breathed out a laugh “Well remind me this the next time you want to dismember me” She joked tried to get rid of her nervousness.

Anya gave her a confused look but then understood the joke and laughed “I sure will” She winked at her.

“What are you doing here anyways?” She asked to Clarke after a moment “Last time I checked you were locked in a room”

 

“Yeah well, your Commander apparently let me out of there” Clarke said quickly, she didn’t need more problems.

Anya studied her and nodded “I see… well, Heda knows what she does” She mumbled more to herself than to Clarke

Clarke snorted “Yeah sure” She said sarcastically

 

“What?” Anya was confused

“Nothing. I just  can’t believe you all are so pleased with her when she’s such a…”

“A what?”

“I hate her” Clarke said folding her arms as she paced around “She’s annoying, and irritating and…”

 

Anya took a few steps towards Clarke again to what the blonde looked at her confused. The taller woman got closer and then she inhaled deeply and then shrug her nose almost as if she had been burned. “What?” Asked Clarke pissed off

 

“I just think it is funny”

“What is funny?” Clarke asked

“You say you hate her so much but you have her scent all over you” Anya commented “Like seriously you reek of Lexa’s scent… it is disgusting”

 

“What!?” Clarke almost shouted. She lifted both arms trying to smell something but couldn’t find anything “How is that possible?! I took like three baths today!”

Anya burst out laughing “You sure are funny sky girl” She said

“What? Why?”

“Well” Anya said rubbing the back of her neck “Scent marking is a powerful thing my human friend, it doesn’t go with a shower”

 

Clarke clenched her jaw in anger and sighed deeply “How in the hell can I get rid of it?!”

“The smell disappears with the time if the Alpha doesn’t keep marking you, it’s something temporary, you can also use some herbs but they smell like ass and can give you allergies so you probably don’t want to consider that option; or you can simply use another Alpha to mark you”

 

“And that’s it?” Clarke asked

“Yeah, if their scent is strong enough you can use that”

 

Clarke fell silent, seriously considering it

“But” Anya said “I doubt you can do that… you see, there aren’t many Alphas as strong as Lexa so probably you’ll just have to give it some time”

 

The blonde was about to explode with anger; she wanted nothing more than to punch someone or kick something.

 

She sure was going to kill Lexa, she was going to kill her slowly and painfully and she also was going to kill Kiara for letting her bath a million times like an idiot knowing that it was useless.

 

“You shouldn’t worry too much” Anya said after a while “You’re lucky it’s her who marked you and not some random and really brute Alpha”

“I guess” Clarke said trying to calm down “Do you know where I can found Lexa?” She asked casually

“For what? Are you going to kill her with your smooth words?” Anya asked sarcastically

“Maybe” Was all Clarke said in response.

“Follow me” Anya ordered with a smile.

* * *

 

Lexa was sat on the couch, her legs on the small table in front of it and her arm over her face covering her eyes as she tried to rest for a while.

Her day was being really shitty to be completely honest, and she wasn’t in the mood for all what was happening.

 

The ‘humans’ issue was fine for the moment, she knew that Indra and Gustus were going to do a good job as always but Clarke… she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

 

Lexa was being haunted for that dream she had, the images flashed inside of her brain not letting her think clearly. It was wrong! She couldn’t think about that girl like that, it was wrong to think about her sweet smell and her soft skin, her naked body… her deliciously tight….

“Stop it Lexa!” She growled to herself as she sat up straight trying to get rid of those thoughts.

 

Her rut was due in a week probably so this was probably her hormones talking for her. Clarke was off limits; she was a human and Lexa was a wolf. And wolves don’t mingle with humans, never.

She needed to find a way to stop thinking about this and focus on her goal, which was to study the humans, get as much information for them as possible and then kick them all out of her lands.

 

The door slammed opened with such force that the wall trembled; Lexa nearly jumped from the couch and looked at it with her heart beating so fast that it nearly broke her rib cage and collapsed against a wall.

 

Clarke stormed into the room extremely pissed off, slamming the door shut once again and standing in front of Lexa with her arms folded and her face completely serious.

Lexa didn’t need to be an expert to know that the girl was mad; she could smell it on her, her scent was stronger and the sweetness she always had was a bit sour now.

 

The girl remained silent for a moment trying to contain herself; because if she just started yelling at Lexa she was going to slap her.

“Are you going to explain to me what are you doing here?” Lexa asked finally

“Yes” Clarke snorted “Of course I am, but first you’re going to answer me a question” She said

“Okay…” Lexa said hesitantly

 

Clarke took a step towards her and pushed her with force making Lexa retrocede

“What the hell is wrong with you!!?” The blonde shouted at the top of her lungs

 

Lexa looked at her confused, she didn’t know what was happening but her inner wolf was not happy with this. She didn’t like being defied like this, and her Alpha asked her for dominance.

“I’m not yours Lexa” Clarke said bitterly “How in the hell did you decided to mark me with your disgusting scent without my permission?!”

 

The Commander eyed her carefully trying to not lose control; she was close to her rut, and not being able to show dominance and possession could be dangerous.

Alphas in that state could be dangerous; Lexa knew it, they needed control more than ever, their rut blinded them to the point where it was even ‘normal’ for some Alphas to rape some Omegas or Betas, or even kill them. They needed control and they needed to prove their strength over the other members of the pack.

 

However with Clarke everything was different. If the girl was a wolf, she would’ve noticed the dominant and menacing pheromones Lexa was releasing to warn her; but she didn’t so the Commander understood that she was going to need to be careful.

 

“I apologize for it” She said finally “I didn’t do it on purpose”

“You didn’t do it on purpose” Clarke said she let her arms fall to her sides as she started pacing around “Then what, you just casually decided that it was a good idea to do it?”

“You have no idea Clarke” Lexa said seriously “And you are giving this too much importance”

 

Clarke clenched her jaw; maybe Lexa was right, but she couldn’t help being so annoyed.

 

“I have no idea, of course, but I do know that I am a prisoner here, I’m being held here against my will and I’m being told constantly that wolves don’t mingle with my kind, so explain to me why suddenly you did something like this”

 

Lexa rubbed her temples “I’m an Alpha for God’s sake” She explained

“So what?”

“My scent is everywhere in here! You are bathing in it right now just by being here” The Commander said; Clarke took a few steps back quickly and shook her head.

 

“I am not of your property” She said after a moment; Lexa felt like someone just stabbed on her pride. It was a really bad thing for an Alpha to be defied like this.

 

She took a few steps towards Clarke, standing mere inches from the girl, in a very similar position as last night; only this time, the human wasn’t against a wall.

 

“Do you find me so repulsive that the idea of me protecting you with my scent disgusts you so much?” She asked

The closeness was too much for Clarke; she wanted to stay strong, she needed to be strong! But her knees where trembling and she felt her heart beating faster… her palms were suddenly sweaty and all she could see was green.

 

The green of Lexa’s eyes, those mysterious eyes that spoke of hurt and loneliness… for a moment she got lost in them.

But immediately came back to reality and remembered who she was and who Lexa was; they were different in every way and she couldn’t feel like this. She gulped audibly trying to regain her composure and then nodded.

 

Lexa snorted “Then what are you doing in my room if you find me so disgusting?” She asked

Clarke walked past her, pushing the brunette slightly to put some distance in between; that was an interesting question she didn’t really know how to answer.

“I… wanted to say thank you” She said finally. Lexa looked at her with wide eyes

 

“For?” She asked really confused.

 

Clarke felt stupid; she had stormed in there with the idea of telling Lexa how much she hated her and how much she wanted to kill her; she despised the woman but now that she was there she remembered her mission.

 

She had to become one of the grounders.

 

And gaining the Commander’s hate wasn’t going to help; she actually needed to find a way to get along with Lexa if she wanted her friends back.

 

“You let me out of my room” She said in a neutral tone.

“Well, you told me you needed some space so… you have it now” Lexa explained “Also if you’re going to be here for a while, you’ll need to know the place a bit”

Clarke clenched her jaw and nodded “I guess…”

 

There was an uncomfortable silence

“Lexa”

“What?”

“You don’t have the right to mark me again” Clarke said seriously

“I understand” Lexa said “And I apologize”

 

Clarke nodded and forced a smile

“Is that all?” Lexa asked trying to hide her disappointment

 

“Yes” The blonde said

There was nothing more to say; Clarke didn’t need to mess things up even more so she had to get out of there and think about a way to start getting along with Lexa.

“I believe you should go then” Lexa said

“Yeah…”

 

Clarke turned around to walk to the door but before she reached the doorknob Lexa’s voice stopped her

“Clarke” She said

“What?”

 

Their eyes met at the distance and the Commander looked at her seriously “Maybe someday you’ll realize that you actually need my protection”

Clarke sighed deeply “I don’t think so, Heda” She said bitterly before opening the door and walking out of the room.

 

Lexa looked down slightly agitated once she was alone again; she was angry and irritated and about to lose control. She needed control, she couldn’t let that human girl mess with her every single time, she had to show her who she was!

She walked to her the table next to the couches and kicked it with such force that it almost broke in a half; then she let her body collapse against the couch once again and sighed frustrated.

 

“You are a pain in the ass, Clarke kom skaikru” She whispered to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng translations:  
> \- Chil yu au Indra: Calm down Indra  
> \- Sha: yes  
> \- Mochof Heda: Thank you Commander
> 
> So that's it for today, let me know what you guys think!


	5. Getting along...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens at the lake  
> Lexa and Clarke don't really seem to get along (as always)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks so much for your comments and kudos! I appreciate it a lot.  
> I wanted to post yesterday but... life happened so I couldn't, but hey, here you have a new chapter
> 
> Enjoy!

Lexa’s steps were calmed as she walked through the forest quietly; she could hear leaves and branches under her feet and she could smell the sweet scent of the trees and the fresh air. This was all she needed to remain calmed.

 

It had been an intense morning; she knew that as Heda, she had duties and matters to attend, but honestly, sometimes she hated politics with all her heart. It was so boring and tiring that sometimes she wished that she could go back to those few happy days when she was a pup and her only worry was to play and obey her parents… the days when she was happy…

 

She had had two meetings that day, one with all the generals of the armies and then another with the leaders of the twelve clans; she had to discuss a few issues with them and well, her mind was overwhelmed.

 

After the second meeting she had been deep in thought for a few hours, trying to be calmed and to relax and after that she’d had a meeting with Clarke which… hadn’t been really good, as always.

 

That stubborn human was so… frustrating; Lexa didn’t have words to describe her and how much she hated her sometimes; Clarke was always pushing her buttons.

 

But despite all this she had done something she never thought she’d do. It had been a rushed decision that she knew she could regret but in the end she didn’t have too many options.

 

She was about to head back to Polis when she heard something and her nostrils caught a strangely pleasant smell that came from not so far from where she was.

Lexa hesitated for a moment but then decided to follow that smell and walked through trees and bushes trying to decipher where that scent came from.

 

It smelled sweet, like flowers and somehow a bit sour but not in a disgusting way, actually it was wild and refreshing; and strangely, the closer she got, the stronger was the call she felt.

 

What was it calling her like this? Was it an Omega? The only thing that could have such an effect on her was an Omega, or maybe a Beta, it didn’t really smell like one of them but still… She had never felt something like this before… it was weird

 

Her steps became more rushed as she approached the source of the scent and her inner wolf growled excitedly at the pleasant smell, she didn’t understand why she was so excited about this.

 

The river was close; this part of the forest was one of her favorites because the river was actually small but lead into a lake that was placed behind some trees; it was beyond beautiful, Lexa loved it and for some reason the smell was leading her there…

 

She stepped past a few tall bushes and suddenly she was faced by the lake; everything was calm and peaceful, she could hear birds and water running softly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath realizing that the entire place was filled with that sweet scent that had captivated her so much.

Then it hit her when her eyes landed in one of the most amazing views she’d ever seen.

 

A few meters from her, there was a figure submerged in the water; said figure emerged slowly revealing a beautiful toned body… It was a woman, and her back was to Lexa but still, the Commander didn’t need to see her face to know who it was.

 

Clarke’s blonde locks fell cascading around her shoulders, she ran her hands through her hair, trying to get rid of some water and then she looked up as if she was just contemplating the sky.

Lexa’s jaw nearly fell to the floor, her pupils were dilated and her body was starting to get really hot as she eyed every curve and every millimeter of Clarke’s skin.

 

She was so beautiful and seemed to be so free in that moment. Lexa felt weak and disarmed; her brain was telling her to keep calmed and to control the situation, but her wolf was telling her to claim, to give into her deepest desires and make that girl hers… she imagined for a moment how it would be to run her lips along that pale and soft skin, how it would be to caress every inch of smooth flesh and touch every intimate place of Clarke’s body, how it would be to be inside her… _‘Not again’_ she told herself.

 

Lexa slapped herself mentally and shook her head feeling extremely guilty. She couldn’t be thinking like that. Clarke was off limits, and she didn’t even like her.

 

She moved uncomfortably and then realized that something had started to stir between her legs. “Shit” She mumbled as she tried to cool down, the last thing she needed was for Clarke to see her like that.

 

Then she remembered that she shouldn’t be there; that she was watching Clarke without the girl knowing and that she was a pervert that should be minding her own business and leave the human alone.

 

So she was about to go when Clarke turned around ready to leave the water.

 

The human’s intense blue eyes made contact with Lexa’s and they both stared at the other in panic. Lexa for being caught doing such despicable thing and Clarke because she couldn’t believe that this was happening.

 

Immediately the blonde’s brain started to work again, she let out a small scream and she ran out of the lake to grab the towel “What the hell?!” She yelled at Lexa as she covered her body.

The Commander was in shock… she had just seen Clarke naked; her cheeks were red and her body was not working properly anymore.

 

“Clarke… I’m… I didn’t… sorry” She took a step towards Clarke as she tried to apologize

“Don’t!” Clarke yelled “What the hell are you doing here?”

 

Lexa stepped back like a pup that had just been burned and looked around nervously trying to find an explanation.

“Could you at least turn around?!” Clarke yelled at her again as she tried to cover her body from Lexa’s view.

 

Lexa turned around feeling terribly embarrassed; she hadn’t expected that at all… why did she always end up finding Clarke?! Fate or universe or whoever above them was seriously trying to mess up with her.

She couldn’t deny that the sight of the blonde’s beautiful and perfect body was amazing, perfect, inviting… _No!_ She couldn’t do this, what had just happened was wrong and she had to find a way to apologize.

 

“I’m sorry Clarke” She said quickly with a trembling voice “I didn’t know you were here”

Clarke snorted as she put her underwear as quickly as possible “Yeah? And couldn’t you just say something instead of staring like a stalker!”

 

Lexa turned around with the intention of protest, not caring anymore about Clarke’s nudity. The human had her panties on but was fumbling with the bra trying to put it on quickly; she stopped again when she saw Lexa facing her.

 

“You shouldn’t be alone here!” Lexa told her “This is too dangerous!”

Clarke grunted angrily feeling terribly embarrassed under Lexa’s deep stare; she picked up one of her boots and threw it at Lexa with force “Turn around!” She shouted

 

“Sorry” Lexa said looking away again.

Clarke finally managed to put her bra and immediately grabbed the rest of her clothes dressing up as fast as possible.

“I thought that I made pretty clear that you couldn’t be left alone” Lexa told her trying to keep a serious tone.

 

Clarke sighed “I’m literally in the middle of nowhere Lexa; there is no one else here! Besides, excuse me if I didn’t want any pervert looking at me while I swam”

She had finished changing finally and walked towards Lexa leaving a cautious distance between them. Lexa once again faced her and folded her arms eyeing her with a hard look.

 

“You have no idea what dangers this forest hide Clarke” Lexa told her “What if instead of me another Alpha had found you? You could’ve been in big trouble”

“Or maybe said Alpha could’ve just warned me about their presence instead of just staring at me and stalking me!”

“What?” Lexa asked “I did not do that! You just can’t come here alone and bath naked on the lake! It is dangerous and it wasn’t part of our deal”

“Our deal?” Clarke asked “For what I know it is your deal, you barely left me any other options”

“Well, maybe because you don’t really have many more options if you want to survive here” Lexa explained.

“Oh yeah? And why the hell do you care if I survive or not?” Clarke blurted out angrily

 

Lexa opened her mouth but she couldn’t find words. The truth was that, that was actually a really good question. Why did she care? Clarke was just a human, just a prisoner. She didn’t need to worry if something happened to her, in the end, she didn’t matter so much…

* * *

 

_Earlier that day_

Clarke opened her eyes slowly as she felt the pale sunrays hitting her face; she mumbled some incomprehensible words as she started to stir slowly and rolled over until she was lying on her stomach with her face buried on the pillow.

 

As soon as she started to fully wake up, she realized that the room was filled with a pleasant sound, a soft, sweet melody that warmed her heart. Someone was singing, and that someone seriously had a powerful and amazing voice, because it sounded like angels… so heavenly; Clarke smiled contently and rubbed her eyes to get rid of the tiredness.

 

She sat up on the bed and saw Kiara; the woman was sat on a chair by the window, the soft air of the morning hitting her face softly as she sang, Clarke didn’t understand the lyrics but the melody sure was amazing.

 

Kiara must’ve heard her because she turned around offering a smile and spoke “It is an ancient song” She explained.

Clarke moved to the edge of the bed and sat there while she waited for the woman to continue

 

“It’s a story” Kiara said “A love one”

The blonde smiled “About whom?”

 

“It is about two souls, they both were destined to be separated for life; not being able to touch each other, condemned to be apart… but somehow they ended up falling in love and finding each other over and over again no matter what” Kiara said

“Sounds beautiful” Clarke mumbled.

 

Kiara stood up and walked to the bed “It is the story of our ancestors” She said “that song is like an hymn for us; it speaks of war and hate, of fight and struggle, but also speaks of love and unity”

Clarke nodded as she remained pensive for a while; every day she seemed to learn something new about wolves; she actually was starting to like it, but at the same time it made her feel more like a stranger.

 

And her purpose there, for the moment was to become one of them; but now that she thought about it she realized how hard that was going to be.

“It is a beautiful song” She said after a moment “And you have a beautiful voice”

Kiara looked down slightly blushed “I used to sing for the soldiers… a long time ago” She explained

 

“So you were famous?” Clarke joked and they both laughed

“Well, I had a pretty nice reputation” Kiara said proudly “Heda heard me accidentally once when I was still living in my childhood village, and well after that I was asked to go to Polis to sing at a few meetings and for soldiers from time to time”

 

Clarke looked confused for a second… she sworn that Kiara was older than her “You mean Lexa?” She asked curiously. The brunette laughed at this and shook her head

“Lexa’s been Heda for a while now but before her there were others” She explained “Actually, Lexa wasn’t even born at that time” Kiara laughed again

 

“Those must had been nice times” Clarke joked and Kiara smacked her shoulder playfully but she smiled brightly

“I understand that you and Lexa are not in the best terms right now” The woman said “But you should know that she’s nothing like you imagine”

“Well, I know everything I need to know” Clarke argued “She’s rude, fucking possessive, uptight, and a pain in the a-”

“Okay” Kiara said “I understand your point, but that’s only because you’ve only seen that part of her”

“What are you going to tell me now that she’s sweet, caring and all that stuff?”

 

“Well _strikon_ , Lexa can be the most caring person you’ve ever met if she wants. She’s protective over the ones she cares about, to the point where she could even give her life for them and yeah, believe it or not, she’s actually sweet” Kiara said with a sad smile that didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke.

“You speak as if you knew her pretty well” The blonde stated curiously

 

Kiara looked down and nodded “I do. And I know she’s not being exactly nice to you, but that is because you haven’t been nice to her either”

Clarke looked down guiltily

 

“You’re both stubborn” Kiara continued “And I believe you won’t be able to see the other side of her if you keep fighting over and over”

Clarke stood up and walked slowly to the big window and took a moment to just contemplate the sights and breathe in the soft breeze; then she sighed deeply.

 

“I do want to see the other side of your people” She said gently and then turned around “But I certainly, don’t want to see any other side of Lexa”

* * *

 

“I think you should give her some time” Anya said as she paced around the room eyeing Lexa carefully.

The Commander was sat on the throne room after a particular long meeting. She was exhausted but had to remain calmed and with a cold head if she wanted to do things right.

 

Titus had gone a while ago to set a few things with Indra and another generals and Anya, who had returned from her confinement was finally back.

“Some time for what?” Lexa asked with a tired voice, Anya had been telling her about her encounter with Clarke the day before “She’s made it pretty clear that she hates me”

 

“That girl has been captured by strangers that are forcing her to be locked in a tower not knowing exactly where she is or not allowing her contact with her friends” Anya made a pause “Of course she hates you”

“Thank you _Fos_ ” Lexa said rubbing her temple

 

Anya let out a small laugh as she approached the Commander “Come on Lexa, aren’t you going to tell me that you’re not intrigued by her?”

“Well, of course I am Anya, that’s why I allowed her to be here instead of killing them all. Studying the humans can be a nice…”

“I’m talking about the sky girl Clarke” the tall woman interrupted her folding her arms and Lexa quirked an eyebrow

“What about her?” She asked

“She’s wild” Anya said smirking and winking at Lexa “She’s stubborn and a bit crazy for my liking but damn… she is beautiful”

“So?”

“Come on Lexa” Anya teased “Doesn’t she remind you of-”

 

“Stop it!” Lexa nearly shouted as she stood up from the throne and started pacing around the room nervously. The incredible amount of nervous hormones she released made the other woman feel weak for a second but she controlled it and immediately took a deep breath and released her own.

 

Anya was a strong Alpha as well; she was a leader, and she rarely got defied or affected by other Alphas, usually Lexa was the only one who could make her submit but she didn’t care. She had been Lexa’s mentor since forever and she got to love her like a sister, so she knew her well, and it was because of that she knew that the Commander was deeply sad.

 

It was no secret to anyone that Lexa was different, she was always serious, always lonely, her contact with the real world was limited to meetings and war ‘issues’ with the other leaders of the clans but that was it. Outside of the tower Lexa didn’t have any friends, and she didn’t seem to want any.

 

“I’m tired of everyone telling me that Clarke should remind me of her!” Lexa snapped “She doesn’t, she’s a human, just another human that is also a prisoner here so she’ll be treated as one”

 

Anya let out a soft laugh “You won’t treat her like that Heda” She said seriously “If you really want to get to know humans better, then she’s the best source you have, and if you keep treating her like another prisoner, she’s just going to hate you more and you won’t have a single chance”

The Commander remained pensive for a moment… Anya was actually right… Clarke hated her because she hated the fact of being prisoner.

“What do you suggest?” She asked looking for an honest advice

 

“I suggest that you let her be” Anya said simply “She might be your prisoner but she doesn’t need to be reminded of that every few seconds. Just let her feel good again, like she’s at home, I don’t know, allow her a bit of freedom, maybe allow her to get out of the tower and she’ll open to you”

It wasn’t a bad idea; Clarke was tense because she was living in a tense situation, not knowing what was going to happen next and being prisoner in a strange land, she maybe deserved a break; but at the same time the girl was still a human.

 

Humans were hated there, no one would approve if they just saw Clarke walking around as if nothing had happened, as if she was just one of them…

 

“I’ll see what I can do” Lexa said finally with a growl and started to walk towards the door.

“Lexa” Anya called her

“What?”

“You seriously should consider giving her a chance, maybe she’ll surprise you”

Lexa looked down and nodded quickly “Let’s go step by step” She said finally before leaving.

* * *

 

Clarke was sat in her room, her gaze lost in the beautiful sights and her hands busy with a paper and what seemed to be a pencil as she drew.

Kiara had given those to her a while ago, when Clarke told her that she missed drawing a lot, and she wasn’t lying. There was nothing more relaxing in this world that to have a pencil in her hand and unleash her creativity.

 

She was concentrated in the large extension of forest that she could see from her window; the trees were like a big mass of green that seemed to be endless as it got lost between mountains. Definitely she loved that sight.

 

Clarke inhaled deeply as a soft breeze hit her face and smiled softly closing her eyes. She was bored, like really, really bored since she had to be all day locked up inside that tower with nothing to do but at the same time she was enjoying this time.

The quietness and the silence was kind of making her happy.

 

Behind her, the door opened slowly and she heard the creaking of the woods as she turned around. She sighed deeply when she saw the Commander stepping inside.

 

“Heda” Clarke said applying her best accent to the word

“Good day Clarke” Lexa said with a neutral tone. Her hands were securely behind her back and she was trying not to make too much eye contact.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Clarke said as she stood up

 

Both women looked at each other nervously; Lexa was feeling weird, her body was hot and her thoughts weren’t focused, and she knew why.

 

Her rut was really close, she was due in less than a week but still, she started to suffer days before, and her sexual frustration mixed with her primal sexual need were starting to make her really annoyed.

 

In the other hand, Clarke was nervous, but because she didn’t want to argue anymore. Sadly Kiara was right about this; every single conversation with the Commander ended up in an argument, it was as if they couldn’t just get along like adults.

 

And she knew that if she wanted to get closer to the grounders, she had to do something to get along with Lexa.

“I wanted to talk to you” Lexa nearly whispered taking a few steps towards her.

“About?” The blonde asked

 

It was a mistake, to get too close, but Lexa realized it later; Clarke’s scent wasn’t as powerful as an Omega, but still it was pleasant and the heat she irradiated through her body was so inviting…

 

The Commander lost control for a brief second and her eyes slightly travelled along the human’s features. Starting from her deep blue eyes; passing along her voluptuous hips and ending in her generous breasts.

Her body felt hotter all of a sudden and Lexa felt a pang of uncomfortable heat between her legs. Suddenly she realized what she was doing and shook her head. _‘Focus!’_ She told herself

 

Clarke was eyeing her a bit confused but didn’t say anything as she waited for Lexa to react again.

The brunette cleared her throat “I want to make a deal” She said quickly trying to control her hormones.

 

“A deal” Clarke repeated

They remained silent for a moment until the human spoke again “Tell me”

 

“I want to learn about you” Lexa started; to ease a bit her own tension she started to walk slowly around the room trying to distract her mind “Your culture. Your ways… everything”

Clarke looked at her surprised “Why would you like to learn that?”

“Because I think it’s time that wolves try to understand your kind from other point of view” Lexa said

“And what do you I get in exchange?”

“You can also learn about wolves” The Commander stated “And I offer you freedom”

Clarke’s jaw nearly fell to the floor “What?!”

 

“I’m offering you the chance of being out of this tower. Obviously you’ll be watched, for you’re still a prisoner here, you must be always with some of my guards or maidens, you can’t be left alone; that could be dangerous”

 

Was Lexa being serious?! Was this a dream?! She could finally get out of that stupid tower! And Clarke wanted that more than anything; to walk around, to feel the sun on her skin and the air on her face, to interact with people and not just brute guards all day…

 

“Are you seriously letting me out of here?” She asked in disbelief.

Lexa nodded quietly

 

“Oh God… Thank you” Clarke said surprisingly, she never thought that she would say this, but she felt grateful “I need fresh air; and my friends…”

“What about them?” Lexa asked confused

“You’re… you’re not letting them free?” Clarke asked, her previous excitement fading quickly

 

“Your friends are war prisoners. The will remain where they are”

“You cannot do this!” Clarke yelled angrily “They didn’t do anything wrong!”

“That doesn’t change anything”

 

“Don’t you want to learn about us?” Clarke asked in annoyance as she got close to Lexa.

“That’s why I am offering you a deal” Lexa stated in a very cold tone

 

Clarke took a few steps forward and suddenly they both were incredibly close to each other, to the point where the blonde could feel the Commander’s breath in her face.

 

“Well then. I don’t accept your stupid deal” She said bitterly, and she turned around frustrated.

She was going to walk away but Lexa stopped her by grabbing her arm “Yes you will” She told her with a serious voice “Because you know you need us to survive here, your friends are still alive because of me; you are alive because of me. What I’m offering you Clarke is the chance to change my mind about you and your people”

 

Clarke was breathing fast due to her anger; she looked at the Commander’s intense green eyes for a moment and then approached her again.

“Take it or leave it” Lexa said challenging her.

 

Then it all happened quickly. Clarke groaned frustrated and decided to express her anger through actions; violently pushing Lexa with all her force.

 

But the wolf had so much strength that the push barely moved her; she stumbled back a little bit but in a matter of two seconds, with a very surprising speed, Lexa grabbed Clarke by the arms and pushed her against the wall.

 

She was mad, that was for sure. Her inner Alpha was desperate for dominance; no one could defy her like that, she won’t let it happen.

But at the same time her body was on fire.

 

Clarke was breathing fast; her heart pounding hard against her chest and she looked into the Commander’s eyes waiting for an answer.

“Get off me!” She demanded as she realized that Lexa was pressing her body against hers.

 

Lexa was nearly panting. With her eyes focused on the human’s lips and neck… it would be so easy to claim her; she just needed to bite her and that was it, no resistance, and her wolf was asking her to do it.

 

“No” She growled with such a deep voice that Clarke for a moment got scared “I told you that if you ever defied me again, you’ll be in big trouble” She warned the blonde with a snarl

“Are you going… to kill me?” The words left Clarke’s mouth in a soft whisper as she dared to look into the Commander’s big green eyes.

 

She expected to see fury, anger and maybe hatred, as she always saw in everyone’s face since she was there but instead she saw something else... something deeper...

 

Lexa was agitated; her breathing was heavy and raged and she was sweating as she pressed her with force against the wall; and…

 

Suddenly her brain went off for a moment as she felt the warmth of Lexa’s body against hers, with her face mere inches from hers and her beautiful lips parted… _beautiful?!_

 

Clarke recovered her sense and was about to push Lexa again when she saw that the wolf moved her head, moving it forward slowly… was Lexa going to kiss her?!

Lexa in the other hand was about to explode. She was doing a giant effort to not get hard right there against Clarke’s body, but the pull she felt towards the girl was making her mind blurry and dizzy; her body was hot and needed contact.

 

None of them knew exactly what was going to happen; the room was filled with a tension that could easily be cut with a paper, both women were nearly panting now and when Lexa was going to give the final step, the door opened abruptly.

 

“Heda” It was Kiara’s voice that got some sense into Lexa’s head allowing her to finally think properly.

She immediately released the girl and separated as if she had been burned; Clarke cleared her throat and tried to breathe normal again.

 

The pheromones in the room were powerful; not only there were dominant Alpha pheromones but also a lot of sexual ones. The room was submerged in such a sexual tension that Kiara felt weak having to take a few steps back to regain her composure.

“You’re required at the throne room” Kiara managed to say.

 

Clarke rubbed her neck quietly and took a few steps towards the door trying to calm herself “I’ll be right back” She told the maiden

“Clarke” Lexa called her still a bit agitated.

“What?” Clarke blurted out angrily

“My offer still stands”

 

The blonde nodded but didn’t say anything else. She just left the room nearly running leaving Kiara and Lexa alone.

 

“Can I ask what was happening in here Lexa?” Kiara asked with a curious but serious voice.

“Nothing” The Commander said

“Didn’t seem like nothing”

“We had an argument” Lexa explained “And…”

“Your rut is dangerous Heda” Kiara told her worriedly “You need to rest”

“I’m fine!”

 

“What would’ve happened if I didn’t interrupt you?” The maiden asked

“Nothing!” Lexa repeated

“I can smell it on you Lexa, you should take a few days off”

“Kiara, I am fine. I just need Clarke to stop defying me and questioning everything I do” The Commander stated

 

“You are strong Heda, but you can’t think properly when you’re like this” the older woman said sadly “If you need to knot someone, you can call any Omega you want, but remember that Clarke is a human, you have to remain strong around her”

 

Lexa nodded; Kiara, as always was right. Doing something like that with Clarke would be a really stupid idea, and she needed to keep her mind cold.

 

The small brunette placed a hand gently under Lexa’s chin making the woman look up and then smiled at her gently “You’re sure you are okay?” She asked

“I am” Lexa mumbled

“Okay. Then go, Titus is waiting for you”

* * *

 

_Present time (at the lake)_

Lexa and Clarke looked at each other in silence but obviously with annoyance; none of them knew what to say or what to do next.

Clarke was beyond embarrassed! How could Lexa do something like that?! She had seen her naked! Lexa… a stupid wolf had just seen her naked, what the hell?! Now she was really mad, she was about to kill someone; not only the Commander made her life a living her at the tower, now she also stalked her.

 

“I’m just trying to protect you Clarke” Lexa said

“No one asked for your stupid protection. Plus, how in the hell do you call this protecting?” The blonde asked pointing to the lake “Watching me swim naked protects me or what?!” She yelled

 

“I was not… it… was an accident!” Lexa tried to explain

“You’re telling me that you accidentally ended up here? In this part of the forest?”

“No, I just didn’t know that a stupid, careless, naked human was going to be bathing at the lake not caring what kind of dangers can appear out of nowhere”

“I told you I am not alone” Clarke argued.

 

Immediately and luckily out of the bushes, two figures emerged quickly. Lexa recognized Anya, who was clearly worried and then one of Kiara’s maidens.

“What happened?!” Anya said as she checked the surroundings quickly and looked between Lexa and Clarke

“We heard screaming” The maiden said scared.

 

“Nothing” Clarke blurted out angrily “This brute here was spying on me as I bathed naked”

“What?!” Lexa protested “I did not do such thing!”

“Yes you did”

 

“Okay” Anya interrupted “I understand that neither of you is very happy, but arguing like this is not going to take us anywhere”

“She started” Clarke pointed to Lexa; she knew that she looked like a little kid, but she was so mad that she couldn’t think properly.

 

Lexa had no right to see her naked!

 

“You know, my patience is reaching the limit” the Commander said in a low voice “You want to wander around the woods and be naked without caring? Fine” She said harshly “I won’t do anything to stop you. But if you get into trouble then it’s your problem”

 

“My only problem here is you” Clarke said looking at her right in the eyes.

“Fine” Lexa said

“Fine!” The human replied

 

“Anya we’re leaving” Lexa commanded with a really heavy tone as she took a few steps back

 

“Heda…” Anya didn’t have time to reply because the Commander’s growl was so loud that she nearly fell on her butt

“I said, we’re leaving” Lexa ordered, then she looked at the maiden who had her head titled in submission “Clarke must be on the tower before it gets dark” She said and the girl nodded nervously.

 

Lexa started to walk angrily without looking back; Anya started to follow her but before finally leaving she turned to Clarke.

“You seriously messed up this time sky girl” She told her

“What? She was the one perving on me!” Clarke argued

“Look, I know you don’t like her, and the feeling is mutual but… you really think that arguing and being mad at her is going to help you in any way?”

 

There was a silence filled by guilt and resignation. Clarke folded her arms, she didn’t really know why she was mad, because Lexa had seen her naked, because Lexa almost kissed her before or because Lexa didn’t kiss her… _‘Stop!’_ she told herself

 

“Think about it Clarke” Anya said as she started walking away.

Of course Clarke was going to think about it all she was going to be able to do for the rest of the day was going to be thinking about it.

* * *

 

“You messed up” Anya said rudely at Lexa as they stepped into the Commander’s quarters

“ _Shof op_ Anya” Lexa growled

“Seriously Lexa, what the hell was that?” The taller woman asked

“Look, I really appreciate your concern, and you know I value your opinion and all but right now I’m not in the mood!”

 

Lexa was jumpy; and pissed off and agitated and Anya quickly realized the matter and let out a laugh.

“What?!” Lexa asked

“I see” Anya said “Or should I say… I smell” She joked “You’re in rut”

“I’m not, not until next week”

“You reek of sex pheromones Lexa, which is kind of disgusting actually. And for what I see from here you’re in need for a good fuck”

Lexa sent her a killing glare

 

“Call an Omega”

“I don’t need to” Lexa grunted “I’m fine”

“You won’t be in a few days and you seriously need to release some tension if you don’t want to repeat the episode of your last rut”

 

Anya was actually right. Lexa needed release and needed to claim; her body asked her, her wolf asked her. She was horny and agitated and if she didn’t get what she needed she might get extremely violent.

 

But she didn’t decide to do anything until that night. Anya and Titus had been all afternoon trying to convince her, even Kiara had mentioned it a couple of times and the Commander was starting to get really pissed off.

 

So finally, when she felt that her body was going to betray her at any moment, she just decided to call an Omega.

 

She stood by the door of her room when the girl stepped inside, and she must admit that she was a very exquisite and beautiful girl. She was tall, with smooth curves and a pale skin to die for; her dark blonde hair fell in waves around her shoulders and her dark eyes were deep and with a hint of wildness, not to talk about her intoxicating smell.

 

“Bed?” She asked to Lexa offering a suggestive smile.

 

Lexa didn’t return the smile; she simply nodded and walked behind the girl observing how she got rid of her clothes and jumped on the bed, spreading her legs and wiggling a finger to her asking her to join.

 

Every time Lexa had to do this she felt bad; when she was in rut and her mind was clouded she didn’t think about it because she only wanted one thing: sex. But at these moments she hated herself.

 

She didn’t even ask for the girl’s name, she never did she preferred her to be just another Omega, because things were easier.

 

By the time Lexa was naked she could feel her hard member twitch in need as she set her body between the girl’s legs. She ran her hands carefully along her sides and then it hit her.

An image of… _Clarke?!_

 

 _‘No, no, no, no’_ Lexa thought as she shook her head. She was about to have sex with a girl, an Omega, not Clarke!

But then, once again as she looked down, what she saw was the perfect body of the human girl.

 

Her big and perfect breasts, her flat stomach… the area between her legs. Clarke was smiling at her; she sat on the bed and quickly wrapped a hand around Lexa’s cock massaging it gently

 

“You know you want this Lexa” Clarke whispered “You know you want me”

“NO!” Lexa yelled as she jumped off the bed.

 

Immediately the girl looked at her confused and sat up covering herself with the furs “Heda?”

 

The Commander was in shock, she was breathing heavily as she tried to get those images out of her head.

The girl stood up and walked to her trying to put her arms around her neck but Lexa stepped back.

 

“Heda… did I do something wrong?” She asked with sadness.

She actually didn’t do anything, and that was the problem, Lexa didn’t want her to do anything… she wanted…

 

“No” She told her “I’m just… not in the mood, I apologize”

The girl nodded quickly and gathered her clothes from the floor putting them in a rush and running out of the room without another word.

 

Lexa walked to the nearest wall and slammed her fist hard against it; so hard that the second it collided with the surface, she felt blood running through it.

“Fantastic!” She said frustrated as she walked to her bed.

 

“I can’t wait for this stupid rut to go away” She mumbled as she lied down. Maybe once all this sexual needs passed she could stop thinking clearly and stop thinking about Clarke.

“Maybe” She whispered to herself.


	6. The first attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa manage to have a conversation without arguing. Will it last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot guys for leaving a kudos and comments! I'm really happy to know that you like this :)  
> Enjoy!

_Her hands were cupping rounded and pale breasts as her mouth nipped at the soft flesh of a perfect neck that was being offered to her._

_She groaned loudly when she felt hips rotating perfectly against hers creating a delicious friction against her pulsing cock. Clarke moaned deeply as she kept moving on top of her; a position Lexa hadn’t tried in a long time, but that definitely was making her lose her senses._

 

_They were sat on the bed and Clarke was straddling her as she pounded deep into her, and it felt amazing; she was feeling her muscles tightening as her release approached and could feel the blonde’s body get close too._

_“Do it” Clarke pleaded between moans as she felt Lexa’s teeth teasing her neck._

_“I can’t” The Commander said in a barely audible voice_

_“I want you to claim me” Clarke nearly yelled as she moved her hips faster “Please Heda, I want you to knot me! Mate me!”_

 

_It was hard not to obey those words that echoed in Lexa’s brain; her body asked her to do it, she needed it more than anything, so in a matter of seconds, her hands found the back of the human’s neck puling her closer as she bared her teeth._

_And finally she did it; just at the time her knot entered Clarke, her teeth bit the woman finally claiming her as her own; making this infuriating human her mate, hers!_

_She was about to explode, to reach her orgasm, the one she needed desperately-_

 

Lexa opened her eyes.

 

And the sensation her body had at that moment was so heavy and uncomfortable that she felt nauseous.

She was lying on her side, clutching a pillow hard against her chest and apparently biting on it, because it had her saliva on it and her teeth were marked there, and her hips were desperately thrusting at nothing, just against air, which made her incredibly frustrated.

 

It took a moment for her to totally wake up and get back to real world stopping her actions and sitting on the bed with a frustrated sigh.

Her body was covered in a layer of sweat and in a heat that was making her crazy; her penis was rock hard, she could feel her heart pounding on it as it called for attention.

Lexa looked down at the prominent tent in her sleeping pants and growled in irritation and anger. She hated this.

 

She stood up from the bed trying not to touch anything on her way to the door since the minimal friction against her skin caused her to go wild. Then she called for her maidens to prepare cold water for a shower.

Everyone was prepared for her rut now. The floor where she lived in was only being guarded by Beta soldiers and only Beta maidens were allowed there for precaution; the strong scent Lexa had right now was enough to drive an Omega wild and to defy any Alpha around so she had to be careful.

 

The maidens worked fast, knowing how irritable Heda was these days. Lexa observed them, sat on her bed, covering her body from them and once they left the room she quickly stood up and got rid of her clothes.

It was a relief to not have any garments touching her skin; she felt hot and agitated, her breathing was raged and instead of going away, her erection was even harder than before.

 

She approached the bathtub filled with cold water and submerged one hand in it closing her eyes at the slight relief it provided; then she put that hand over her neck, feeling a bit better at the cold contact.

Her rut was going to be there in less than three days; and she was already suffering the consequences.

 

And it made her incredibly angry.

Her ruts were never like this when she was young; her first ever rut was complicated but for obvious reasons; she was a pup who had never knotted anyone, she hadn’t even had sex so when it came it made her go wild but then she learned to control it.

 

Over the years she was proud of her self-control; she was good at containing her sexual needs… but now… she was a mess.

Lexa groaned frustrated as she stepped inside of the water and sat on the tub; the cold water relieved some of her tension but sadly her hard member was still demanding attention; and she couldn’t just deny it so finally, she wrapped her hand around it and started pumping fast and hard trying to get some release.

 

It was not what she needed but for the moment it was good enough.

* * *

 

Clarke was sat on the ground contently drawing a few lines on her brand new sketchbook as she hummed a random melody.

She was outside the tower once again, but not too far from it; she was actually just chilling before she had to go back inside.

 

The thing was that she was starting to think that she could get used to that if all days were like that one, because for the first time she kind of felt good living there.

Kiara had woken her up that morning, once again singing; then she offered Clarke to go with her to the market and for a walk and damn, Clarke needed it!

She jumped out of the bed, got changed quickly and they both left the tower headed to the center of Polis.

 

It was early but there were people around by that time; men laughing loudly and chatting while they drank or simply walked around, women gossiping and children playing on the streets; actually the scene made Clarke feel good, because she felt at home.

 

The breeze of the morning was a bit cold but it didn’t matter because it meant that she was free finally, she got to feel the air in her body and not just in her face because she was locked in her room.

Kiara took her to what seemed to be a large market placed at a square; there were stands and tents all around it and people offering various products; it was really exciting to see everything and Clarke was aware that she seemed a little kid with a new toy.

 

She looked at everything, touched as much as she could and laughed genuinely for the first time since she was there. Kiara laughed too and told her a few times that she reminded her of a pup.

Then, after buying a new sketchbook, a few paints, and well the cloths and food Kiara needed they went for a walk around the city.

 

After that, Kiara just went back to work, having to prepare a few things for the day and Clarke asked her to stay for a while outside.

 

She was allowed to do so but obviously a few guards had to stay with her; luckily they allowed her to have some space since they were standing a few meters from her as she drew the outside of the tower and a few trees that were there.

 

She smiled at her drawing as she saw the results and took one more look to the tower to check if she had forgotten to add something when suddenly she spotted a group of people stepping out through the big doors.

Clarke saw ten guards walking in silence with a serious face and then that giant man she remembered was called Gustus, and behind him a very serious looking Lexa.

 

The Commander walked with her eyes fixed on her feet, as if she wasn’t in the mood that day; but still she had that air of superiority and wildness that was so intriguing… _‘Not that I care’_ Clarke thought.

Their gazes met quickly as Lexa tore her eyes from the floor and found Clarke’s blue ones staring at her.

 

It was brief, both ladies looked away quickly and Lexa walked away with the guards in a rush, not looking behind.

 

“Wow sky girl, you have some talent in you” A familiar voice said behind her, startling Clarke who turned around quickly.

Anya was standing there with her arms folded and ogling the drawing that rested now on Clarke’s crossed legs “Who would’ve said”

The blonde smiled softly, slightly blushed by the compliment and stood up holding the sketchbook close to her chest. “Thanks Anya” She said

“I used to draw when I was a pup” The taller woman said with a hint of melancholy in her voice

“Really?”

 

“Well” Anya waved a hand dismissively “Old times… I haven’t practiced in ages”

“I spent a few months without drawing” Clarke explained “But I couldn’t resist trying again”

Both women smiled “Do you have any plans for the day?” Anya asked casually.

 

Clarke wasn’t stupid; she knew that she asked to keep her controlled, Lexa did the same but at least Anya was discreet and didn’t bother her with her questions.

“I haven’t decided yet” She answered smiling “Maybe I should take a walk around the forest” She joked.

Anya laughed but then shook her head “You’re a brave pup Clarke” She said “I admire that, but I don’t think you wandering around the forest is the best idea”

 

“Yeah I know, your Commander would get mad”

“Heda is just trying to protect you” Anya told her

“I guess” Clarke said “But she should mind her own business”

“She does that too” The taller woman replied smiling

“That I saw” The blonde stated “Apparently she takes good care about her own stuff”

“What do you mean?” Anya asked confused.

 

Clarke was about to answer right away but then decided against it. In the end it wasn’t her business… she was referring to last night, when she ‘accidentally’ saw a half-naked woman sneaking out of Lexa’s bedroom.

It had been a bit weird to see that; Clarke couldn’t sleep at first so she walked around the tower for a while and then when she walked close to the Commander’s quarters she saw that woman leaving quickly.

 

First of all she didn’t know that Lexa was into women… not that she had thought about what Lexa was into…

Second, she also didn’t know that Lexa was a player; she assumed that the woman wasn’t the first one to taste the Commander’s Honey

And third, Clarke didn’t care!

 

Lexa was an adult, she had every right to do whatever she wanted and well, being a Commander must be a lonely life.

“Nothing” Clarke said finally offering a smile “I wish she stopped with the ‘I’m protecting you’ shit and left me alone”

“Lexa would never do that” Anya said softly

“Why?”

“She cares too much, it’s in her nature”

“I don’t need her care” Clarke said

“Did you think about what I told you?” Anya asked after a moment.

 

Clarke looked down; she actually had thought a lot about what Anya had told her.

Because the woman was right even if that infuriated her; she didn’t like Lexa, the Commander was frustrating and stubborn and she didn’t want to spend too much time near her but sadly, she was her only chance to save her friends.

 

Sadly she knew that she had to apologize to Lexa and to start doing something to get along with her; which was easier said than done.

“I did” She answered

“And?” Anya asked expectantly

“Lexa is not going to make things easy” Clarke stated sighing deeply

“And I assume you won’t either” Anya laughed “Look, she’s uptight as hell, and stubborn as anyone else, and well… her temper has known better days…”

 

She made a long pause as if she was thinking deeply about what she was saying, to what Clarke looked at her confused

“What I am trying to say here is that yeah, she’s not easy, but you have to know her better. Trust me Clarke. Lexa is definitely not how you think”

Clarke snorted and shook her head “It seems like everyone keeps telling me the same over and over”

“Well, it is true” Anya said “Lexa is a big puppy, soft and sweet, but she’s just trying to seem harsh”

“Excuse me if I don’t believe that” Clarke said and Anya laughed once again

“You don’t have to like her sky girl, just remember that she can be of help, or your worst enemy” The taller woman winked an eye to Clarke before finally walking away.

 

This was not going to be easy, and she knew it. Lexa was not going to be easy but she had to do something or else, her friends would be stuck in a cell for ages.

* * *

 

Hours later, Kiara was occupied folding some cloths and furs for the Commander’s bed when the door opened abruptly.

She turned around startled and growled softly at the two guards who stepped in rushed but then she quit the annoyance when she saw that a very bruised Lexa stepped into the room.

 

The Commander was being held by a Beta guard, who carried her to the nearest couch and laid her there trying not to move her too much.

“What happened?” Kiara asked worriedly, although she already knew the answer

“I’m fine” Lexa groaned with a weak voice.

“Fights” The guard explained “Six of them”

 

Kiara rubbed her forehead as she approached the couch to check on Lexa “Don’t tell me more, Alphas?” She asked

The guard nodded “She fought two Alphas at the last fight”

“They definitely left her in a poor state” Kiara mumbled, she put a hand on Lexa’s cheek and ran her thumb over a cut on her lip causing the young Alpha to hiss at her

 

“I don’t think so Kiara” The guard said “You should see how those two Alphas ended up, they’re lucky Lexa fell accidentally… Heda will be fine” He said

Kiara nodded “Okay then, bring me something to cure her and make sure no one disturbs Heda for the rest of the day”

“But… Titus wanted to-” the guard started saying but Kiara raised her hand to cut him

“I don’t care what Titus says; Heda is injured and about to enter rut; she needs rest”

 

Both guards nodded and left the room in a rush.

Kiara sighed as she approached the couch more sitting at the edge to take a better look at Lexa; then without a warning she smacked the Commander’s shoulder a bit too hard.

 

“Hey!” Lexa protested as she tried to move, which caused her ribs to hurt even more “What was that?!”

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Kiara asked in annoyance “You could’ve gotten yourself seriously injured or even killed!”

“No one kills Heda” Lexa grunted to what Kiara smacked her again “Jesus Christ Kiara!” Lexa groaned in pain

“Heda is not immortal you idiot!” The older woman snapped without thinking.

 

She was aware that, that was no way to speak to the Commander, but she couldn’t do anything against it; Lexa looked at her surprised for a moment and then looked down slightly embarrassed, she couldn’t be mad at Kiara, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t so she should accept the lecture.

 

“Everything was under control” Lexa assured

“I see” Kiara blurted out, she grabbed the hem of Lexa’s shirt and pulled it up a bit to reveal her abdomen which was covered in light bruises, then she placed a hand there and Lexa growled loudly at the touch, it hurt more than she expected. “You call this control”

“I needed it” Lexa said

“You needed release Lexa, not to get beaten up like this!”

“I needed to release adrenaline. I always do this, you should be used to it” Lexa told her

 

Kiara sighed “You never get into more than three fights a day, and you never pick two Alphas at a time… and I don’t think I could ever get used to this” She said softly, she cupped Lexa’s cheek and stroked the skin with her thumb soothingly “I don’t like to see you hurt Heda”

“I was particularly frustrated” Lexa confessed

“You should follow my advices more often and call an Omega instead of getting your ribs broken”

“I don’t have anything broken Kiara” Lexa mumbled “And, I’m not in the mood to call anyone”

The maiden looked at her and shook her head “You have needs Lexa; you’re still an Alpha and as much as you hate to admit this you need someone during your ruts”

 

Lexa struggled to move into a sitting position which caused her to hiss and groan in pain but finally she managed to do it. “I am not in rut yet; I can control my needs until then. The last thing I need now is to get locked in my room for an entire week”

 

Kiara sighed frustrated and was about to reply something, when a maiden stepped into the room with a bowl of water and a cloth to wash the Commander’s cuts.

They remained silent as Kiara started to wash Lexa’s wounds; it was true that the Commander didn’t have any serious injuries and that she probably will feel completely better tomorrow; but still that didn’t make the older maiden worry any less.

 

And Lexa sadly knew it; she observed as Kiara helped her with a heavy look in her eyes, she was sad, and pissed off and probably worried… which made Lexa feel beyond terrible.

 

“I’m sorry” She said once they were finished

“You don’t need to say that” Kiara told her placing a hand on Lexa’s arms

“I do. I don’t want to make you suffer” Lexa nearly whispered

Kiara smiled softly at her and moved to hug her tightly “You won’t” She said smiling against Lexa’s neck.

The Commander nodded but then felt her ribs protesting as the hug lasted so she hissed as she pulled back.

“Sorry” Kiara said “But you totally deserve that” She joked as she stood up

 

Lexa looked at her and nodded knowing that probably the maiden was right; and Kiara saw what was the hint of a smile… it faded too quickly but maybe that was a good sign and meant that Lexa was finally better.

 

Or maybe it just meant that the Commander was trying to be nice to her. She hated to not be able to help Lexa and it hurt to see her so broken after all these years.

* * *

 

Lexa spent part of the afternoon between short naps and drinking a disgusting beverage which was made to help her ease the pain.

She definitely felt better after resting a bit, and she was glad that her duties for the day were cancelled because she seriously needed to relax and heal properly.

 

It had been a really stupid idea to fight those Alphas, and now that she thought better about it she should’ve probably stopped fighting before getting so damaged but she had been so frustrated that she needed the distraction.

 

Her rut was close and she was already feeling the effects, she was worried about the ‘humans’ issue, and to top everything, she couldn’t get the release she needed last night with that beautiful Omega because Clarke invaded her mind for a moment.

 

She sighed deeply as she opened her eyes after one of her short naps and looked around the empty room. The sun was still up in the sky so it wasn’t too late, outside she could hear birds, and a gentle breeze entered through her window.

Lexa closed her eyes to enjoy the moment as she stretched her still sore body and then sat on the bed looking for the disgusting tea she hadn’t finished before and took a sip shrugging her nose at the taste.

 

“I want to talk to her!” She heard a voice outside which she immediately recognize, then she heard a guard trying to say something

“Heda is not to be disturbed today” He said firmly

“I’m not going to disturb anyone! I’m here to talk”

 

Lexa stood up quickly and walked to the door opening it slowly and looking at the guards. She wasn’t surprised to see a very pissed Clarke in front of them with her arms folded and her cheeks nearly red with anger.

She actually was more surprised about the fact that Clarke was daring to yell and defy two male guards that were the size of a house and were there to precisely scare people away.

 

Still, the sky girl didn’t seem affected by this, she looked between the two guards and then her gaze landed on Lexa who was eyeing her quietly.

“What’s going on?” The Commander asked

One of the guards was about to speak when Clarke cut in taking a step towards Lexa “I just want to talk, but these stupid guards won’t let me in” She grunted.

Both guards growled angrily at her but Lexa stopped them “They have orders to not let anyone here today” She explained

“What are you throwing a private party or what?” Clarke asked sarcastically.

 

Lexa snorted and finally opened the door fully gesturing the blonde to come inside. Once it was closed, the human walked to the middle of the room in silence as the Commander eyed her curiously.

 

“Are you searching for the party?” Lexa asked in an attempt to joke.

“Very funny Heda” Clarke said, she turned to face the brunette “At least someone has fun here”

“I wish” Lexa said “If by having fun you mean sleeping all day then I am having lots of fun”

 

The blonde eyed her confused and then eyed the Commander carefully taking in Lexa’s damaged figure.

“What happened to you?” She asked noticing the cut on her lip and the bruises on her arms and face.

 

Now that she looked at her better, Lexa wasn’t dressed with her typical ‘Commander’s’ outfit, she was actually wearing a pair of what seemed to be sleeping black shorts and a sleeveless black shirt that revealed an interesting tattoo in one of her arms.

“Rough day” Lexa answered “I’m not really feeling too well”

“You do look like crap” Clarke commented

 

Lexa exhaled what sounded like a laugh but then nodded “Thanks. If you’re finished with your compliments towards me” She moved to the couch and sat there “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

 

“I wanted to… talk” Clarke said nervously

“About?”

“Well… I… was hmmm thinking… and” Lexa quirked an eyebrow in confusion as she saw Clarke stuttering _‘that’s a first’_ she thought.

 

“How old are you?” The blonde asked suddenly taking a seat at one of the armchairs.

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck “I’m… twenty four” She said “Uh… you?” she asked back not really understanding what was happening.

“Aren’t you too young to be a Commander?” Clarke asked curiously “I’m eighteen” she added quickly

“Age doesn’t matter to be Heda” Lexa explained “That’s why you’re here, to ask me about my age?”

 

There was a silence after that, and it was a bit uncomfortable since both women looked down not knowing what to say.

 

“Well, for what you’ve told me, I’m going to spend a long time here” Clarke said “And well, that also means that we’re going to see each other quite often, so I thought that maybe I should get to know my captor better”

Lexa looked at her wide eyed and nodded slightly “There is not much to know Clarke” She said

 

“Well, I know that you’re older than me, that you’re stubborn, and that you’re uptight as hell”

“Well, you are stubborn too” The Commander said

“Are you gay, Lexa?” Clarke asked all of a sudden. Lexa looked at her surprised and moved uncomfortably in her seat

“What?” She asked

“Well, you heard me, and you know… gay, as in liking girls and stuff”

“I don’t see why knowing that is going to help you know me better” Lexa stated confused

 

What did exactly Clarke mean by liking girls? Of course she liked girls… what kind of question was that?

 

“It’s a start” The blonde said “I would be surprised if you said yes… it’s not like I didn’t think about it when I saw that girl, but I’m just curious”

“What?” What girl?” Lexa asked extremely confused.

 

Clarke slapped herself mentally; she had said those words out loud. _‘Stupid!’_ she thought

“You don’t need to pretend Heda” Clarke said “I actually understand you… it must be hard to run an entire kingdom without anyone by your side”

“You saw the Omega” Lexa mumbled

“Well, not every day I see a half-naked woman running down the hallway. Did you have a great time?” Clarke asked bitterly but half joking

Lexa growled “That’s none of your business”

 

“I see” Clarke said “Well, at least now I know a few more things about you”

“I doubt that you know anything about me Clarke” Lexa said with a low voice “But if this is going to make you stop asking weird questions, then yes, I do like girls”

“Okay…” Clarke said and remained pensive and then she smiled

“What?” The brunette asked confused

“This is the first conversation we’ve had without arguing”

 

Lexa nodded in realization and they both looked at each other for a moment

“I see” the Commander said “Did you hit your head or something?” She asked

“Did you just make a joke?” Clarke asked surprised

“What? You also thought that because I’m the Commander I can’t joke?”

 

“No, but you’re way to serious for my liking and I’ve never heard you making a joke” Clarke said

“Well, I can make jokes” Lexa said

“Point for you Heda”

“As far as I am enjoying this conversation… I need to rest” Lexa said standing up

“Wait!” Clarke exclaimed following her.

When Lexa turned around she realized that they were standing too close and she took a step back

“I actually didn’t came here just to ask you questions”

 

“What do you need?” Lexa asked

“Uh… I wanted to apologize” Clarke said finally

The brunette looked at her genuinely surprised “Wow, who would’ve thought”

 

Clarke lost her temper for a second and smacked Lexa’s shoulder which made the older woman hiss in pain “Ups, sorry” Clarke said with a childish voice, obviously not sorry

 

“I’m trying to do things right here okay? I’m sorry for how I spoke to you yesterday”

“Clarke, you don’t need to apologize, I shouldn’t have watched you naked and I shouldn’t have reacted so poorly”

“I pissed you off; it was kind of my fault”

“I’m starting to think that you really hit your head” Lexa said jokingly once again. Clarke laughed at this and the Commander thought that it was a really beautiful laugh…

 

“I’m just thinking that we started with the wrong foot… and as much as I don’t like you, it wouldn’t hurt for us to try and get along” Clarke mumbled a moment later

“I don’t like you either Clarke” Lexa said “But maybe you’re right”

 

The blonde smiled softly and nodded; she didn’t know how much time she will stand being friends or whatever with Lexa, but Anya was right, she had to try because Heda was the only one who could help her.

 

“So what do you say Heda?” Clarke asked, then she extended her hand for Lexa to shake it “Friends?”

 

Lexa looked at her hand and after a moment she took it giving it a soft shake. Neither woman had expected the contact to be so… pleasant…

Clarke looked at their joined hands and felt her heart speeding up when she felt the heat that emanated Lexa’s skin, it even made her own skin tingle which made her extremely confused… Lexa’s hand was too soft…

 

“Friends” Lexa said after a moment.

 

The contact lasted more than it should and Clarke finally broke it abruptly retreating her hand as if she had been burned “Okay… cool… but don’t think I’m going to like you all of a sudden” She said quickly.

“Of course not” Lexa said

“Good”

“Good”

 

They looked at each other for a moment. Why Lexa’s eyes were so green now? Clarke asked herself and why was she noticing this?! Clarke cleared her throat and took a few steps back.

“Okay… then I should go” Clarke said

“Okay”

 

Lexa watched confused as a very nervous Clarke exited the room; what the hell had just happened? She wasn’t expecting that… not that she was expecting anything about the sky girl but this was weird.

 

Or maybe the girl just thought better about it and realized how important it was to accept Lexa’s protection, finally

Who knew?

 

Lexa hissed in pain once again as she started to walk to the bed and laid there relaxing her sore body one more time.

Maybe from now on Clarke wouldn’t be a problem for her…

“Who knows?” She asked to herself as she closed her eyes welcoming sleep once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo chapter finished, don't forget to tell me what you think. You think these two are going to get along for good or not?
> 
> Till the next time!


	7. The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the could actually be friends...  
> (Some nice Clexa moments in which they are not fighting or trying to kill each other)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot as always for your response to this! I'm really glad that you like the story :)

The sound of loud whistling echoed through the small cell, Bellamy was lying on his back in one of the ‘beds’ if you could call those damn things beds. His eyes fixed on the ceiling and his hands behind his head.

 

Monty was asleep a few meters from him and Murphy and Raven were sat near the bars, looking lost in thought.

Octavia was pacing around nervously trying to keep her mind cool; they had been there for days now, and the wait was starting to become too much.

 

“Could you stop?” Raven asked Bellamy referring to the annoying whistling sound he was making.

The boy looked at her and stopped for a moment but then started again, to what Raven growled annoyed and threw him her shoe

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bellamy asked as he sat up.

Octavia stopped her pacing and Fin, who was trying to sleep, opened his eyes watching the scene.

 

“I told you to stop” Raven said

“You don’t tell me what to do!” Bellamy said

“I do if you annoy me!”

“Okay guys” Fin said trying to put some order “I think that’s enough”

“Shut up” Bot Bellamy and Raven said

“Fin’s right” Octavia interrupted “We shouldn’t waist our energy arguing”

“It’s not like we have anything better to do” Bellamy stated as he laid back “I’m starting to get tired of this”

“Me too” Murphy said “Do you think Clarke’s fine? What if something happened?”

 

Everyone remained silent for a moment reconsidering his words

“I’m sure she’s fine” Finn said after a minute

“Yeah?” Raven snorted “You dreamt about her? Do you have visions now or what?”

“Raven” Octavia said

“What?” The Latina asked frustrated “For all I know Clarke could be dead by now, or living la vida loca with the grounders, she forgets who her friends are really easily”

“Stop it now!” Fin said raising his voice

 

“Finn’s right” Bellamy said before another argument started “It’s not good for any of us to keep arguing about this or to keep being so negative about this situation”

“Maybe the princess can actually help us” Octavia said in a low voice “She’s our only hope for the moment”

“And Jasper” Murphy said

 

“Yeah well, that idiot wouldn’t survive a day without us… I don’t think he’s going to be of any help” Octavia scoffed

“We need to trust Clarke in order to keep our hopes up. We can’t just give up” Bellamy mumbled rubbing his eyes

“If you say so” Raven muttered

* * *

 

“You droll sky girl” Anya said as she saw Clarke finally opening her eyes to welcome a new day.

Clarke sat on the bed slowly and sloppily wiped the small droll off her mouth and then yawned quietly as she saw the tall Alpha sat near her in a chair.

 

“Anya?” She asked confused

“Morning Clarke” The woman said “I hope you had a good rest”

“I did… until you woke me” Clarke protested as she lied back and covered her body with the furs again.

 

Anya didn’t waste any time and stood up quickly and pulled the furs away earning a groan from Clarke.

“No going back to sleep” She ordered “You have a whole day ahead of you and you need to be ready”

“What time is it?” Clarke asked confused. Anya remained pensive for a moment and then smiled

 

“The sun just rose… I believe it’s around seven”

“What?!” Clarke said surprised “Go away Anya! I want to sleep”

“Days ago you were ready to fight anyone and now you want to sleep?” Anya joked “Come on, you’ll have fun, Heda’s waiting for you and-”

 

Clarke sent Anya a killing glare and rubbed her eyes roughly

“What does Heda want now?” She asked trying to cover her annoyance. Why was Lexa making her wake up so early?!

“Well, I believe she arranged a ‘bonding’ day for you two” Anya explained “And it starts with breakfast in half an hour, so get up and change!”

“What?!” Clarke asked surprised

 

“Did you just not hear me?” Anya questioned

“Uh… I heard you but… why does the Commander want to bond with me?”

“Look sky girl” Anya started “I’ve been told that you asked for a ‘friends’ kind of treatment finally, so it starts with you getting to know more about us, and the perfect person to teach you so is Heda, unless you secretly still have a problem with her”

 

Clarke looked down reconsidering Anya’s words… showing any kind of disagreement here would be terrible for her plans, so she finally shook her head.

“I don’t have any problems” She said

“Good. Now dress up!” Anya ordered “Heda is waiting”

 

Clarke stood up lazily rubbing her eyes once again and letting out a soft yawn; she was tired and to be honest, the last person she wanted to see now was Lexa.

She was aware that she had to change her attitude towards the Commander, but she didn’t really like her. It was a person who she couldn’t understand and that’s what made Clarke annoyed.

 

She had always been pretty good analyzing people; she had been taught that by her mother and she always could read everyone perfectly, her capacity of understanding and analyzing was what got her a place as a leader when they came down to the earth.

 

But now, she had found one person who she couldn’t read.

 

She didn’t understand Lexa; she didn’t know her reasons or her motives to be the way she was and she didn’t understand anything about her, it was enervating and seriously frustrating, because she couldn’t find a way to negotiate nor have a decent conversation if she didn’t know how to find common ground with the other person.

 

But despite all of this, she had to try; Clarke could be a lot of things, but she wasn’t a quitter. She never gave up without fighting and she wasn’t going to start now. She had a mission, and she was going to do everything in her hand to accomplish it.

 

Anya left the room to give Clarke more privacy to change; Kiara had let her clothes finally washed on a table near the bed so she put it on.

This was all the clothes she had here, and the past days she had been wearing ‘grounder’s clothes, that weren’t that bad, but she liked her deep blue jeans and her leather jacket; her mom had given it to her a week before her trip to the earth and sadly it was the only thing she had from her.

 

Clarke never was one to give much importance to material things, but she had two exceptions; that jacket and a small silver necklace she always wore no matter what; and as she finished putting her shirt on, she traced the form of the necklace with her hand ending in the small pendant that had the shape of a little star.

 

She sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a second remembering the exact day she got that collar. _‘This is for my little star’_ Her dad had told her as he put it around her neck _‘So you never forget how to shine’_

A tear escaped her eyes and she wiped it quickly; her dad was not with her anymore, he passed away a month after he gave her the necklace and she missed him madly.

 

She promised him that she would never give up on anything, and she had also promised her mom that she would come back home. And that’s what she was going to do; no matter what.

* * *

 

After a few more minutes, she left the room; two guards escorted her to what seemed to be a small dining room that left Clarke open mouthed.

She always had breakfast with Kiara in her room or at the other dining room where all the maidens and some guards ate; but this was different, and as she stepped in she took a look around completely marveled.

 

The place wasn’t particularly big but it was incredibly bright since the walls were covered by giant windows which curtains were completely opened; it also had a big classy lamp that hung from the ceiling in the middle of the room; and then there was the table.

 

It was a wooden table incredibly large, and there was so many food that she didn’t know if she was dreaming or not; she could see fruit, bread, but also a big variety of pastries, cookies of all kinds, and another part with eggs and meat.

She walked to the center of the room and kept eyeing the table in awe not realizing that Lexa was standing next to her.

 

“Do you like it?” The Commander asked.

Clarke looked at her startled and nodded “Are… are we going to eat all this?!” She asked confused; not that she was going to complain though.

Lexa eyed her and then looked at the table as she rubbed her neck “Well, I didn’t know what you liked… so I ordered to put a bit of everything”

 

The blonde was still a bit in shock about the fact that she had to spend the day with Lexa, but she smiled softly at the brunette’s words; she had to admit that it was pretty considerate.

“Thanks” She muttered as they moved to take a seat.

 

As Lexa walked to her chair, Clarke took a moment to look at her; the Commander seemed to have a thing for black clothes, because it was the only color she ever wore; ever since Clarke saw her for the first time, every piece of clothing she wore was black or for a change grey, but mostly black.

 

She was wearing tight pants, with high black boots, a black shirt that was covered by a long black jacket. Her hair was loose, only braided at the top with a long braid and she wasn’t wearing her war paint.

 

One could even say that she looked… beautiful… _‘No’_ Clarke told herself to relax.

They sat in silence and looked at each other not really knowing how to start a conversation; Clarke was a bit uncomfortable even though she was amazed by the food and Lexa was beyond nervous.

 

This ‘spending the day together’ hadn’t been her idea; in fact her plan was to get involved in her Heda duties for the rest of the week, pass her rut and forget about Clarke.

 

But apparently Anya and Kiara saw Clarke leave her room the night before and they insisted in that it would be a good idea if she could mingle a bit more with the human; maybe that way she could start to feel better about the whole situation.

 

So here they were.

The maidens served them what seemed to be juice and Clarke started off by the pastries sections, grabbing a big scone from a platter.

 

“So… mmm… are you feeling better?” She asked to Lexa, who was now grabbing an apple “You were hurt yesterday” She said

“Oh, yeah” Lexa said nervously “It was nothing”

Clarke looked at her carefully and then pointed to her eye “You still have a few bruises there”

“Yeah, but they’ll go eventually” The Commander said as she waved a hand dismissively “This comes with the job”

“You get beaten really often?” Clarke asked quirking an eyebrow

“Well, depends on the day”

“So yesterday it was a bad day?” The blonde asked again

“You could say so”

 

“You should be careful then” Clarke pointed out in a serious tone “If you fight regularly and get beaten you should check periodically for internal bleedings or infected cuts; it’s dangerous not to cure them on time”

Lexa eyed her curiously and then frowned… Was Clarke worried about her now? And how did she know so much about this?

 

“I’ll live this time” She said biting the apple “You won’t get rid of me so easily”

“Sadly” Clarke said but this time she said this jokingly and realized that she didn’t mean it…

 

The Commander noted this and looked at her confused

“Who would I argue with then?” Clarke asked smiling

“I’m sure you’d find someone quickly”

“Wow Commander, is this a funny side that you have?” Clarke asked “Or are you just being brutally honest?”

“Can’t I be both?” Lexa asked after swallowing the apple.

 

Clarke laughed as she kept eating and then took a sip of juice; suddenly she realized that for some reason she couldn’t understand, she didn’t feel uncomfortable.

It was weird to say the least, because if she thought better about it, Lexa was still a stranger; they didn’t know each other at all, and yet, now she could genuinely say that she felt comfortable sat there.

 

She leaned back on her chair with a smirk as she eyed Lexa and took the last bite of her scone enjoying the delicious taste.

“What’s the plan for today Heda?” Clarke asked with a surprisingly gentle voice.

“I’m aware of your desire of fresh air” Lexa started “And your stubbornness about getting lost into the woods, so I thought that we could go to the forest”

 

Clarke, who was currently taking a sip of her drink, nearly spit her juice as she heard this. Was Lexa seriously going to let her go to the forest? Really? What the hell had happened to Lexa?

“Oh, and you can call me Lexa” The Commander said “We’re not at an official meeting so, for today, I’m just Lexa”

 

Clarke was a bit confused, but she offered a genuinely smile and she was sure that it was the first time she smiled like this since she was on earth “Okay, Lexa” She said

 

The Commander obviously didn’t return the smile; she maintained the eye contact with Clarke and felt her heart warm with that perfect smile the blonde offered to her.

Lexa wanted to return it; because somehow she noted that this smile wasn’t like the others Clarke had had on her face since she met her; this smile was pure, sincere… she felt like it was a gift that had been given to her and she should repay it but she didn’t know how, so she just nodded.

 

Clarke looked down slightly embarrassed for no reason; she didn’t understand what was happening but she didn’t really care. She glanced quickly at Lexa and for a second she felt curios about the woman.

 

It wasn’t as if suddenly she wanted to know everything about her, because she didn’t but… why Lexa didn’t smile at her? She seemed like she was trying a moment ago, Clarke saw it, she saw a flash of a small smile in the corner of the Commander’s lips, but it fainted slowly until she simply tore her eyes away from her.

 

Clarke had never really wanted to know anything about anyone there, not because she didn’t care but more because she didn’t want to know anything about her captors. She hated them; she was prisoner and her friends too and had no idea what was going to happen, and Lexa had been the only one keeping her there, locked inside that tower… she didn’t want to know her, she didn’t deserve it.

But now… was Lexa this serious because she was Heda? Did they teach Commander’s to be this ruthless and heartless? Or it was just her?

 

Clarke avoided those thoughts quickly when she realized that she had zoned out. Lexa might seem nice now, but she was still her captor and the enemy. She had to stay strong.

Breakfast ended in relative silence, they made some small talk as they finished eating but that was it.

* * *

 

After that, Lexa and the guards escorted her through the long hallways to the elevator and then to the entrance of the tower where Clarke could see the big front door being opened and felt the soft fresh air of the morning hitting her face.

As they stepped outside, Clarke noticed that the guards, who always followed her around remained inside the tower.

 

“Is everything okay?” Lexa asked gently, the blonde came back to real world and looked at the Commander who was standing a few inches from her eyeing her questioningly.

“Uh… aren’t they coming with us?” She asked pointing to the guards.

Lexa shook her head “We won’t require their presence. You’ll be safe with me Clarke” She promised

 

Clarke didn’t respond, she just nodded accepting the words. It was actually a relieve to not have two or more people following you around all day; she felt observed every single minute of the day and she hated it.

They walked in silence, but fortunately it wasn’t an uncomfortable one; Lexa led the way walking down dusty streets and squares not even paying attention to the people who called her or tried to touch her for she was Heda.

 

Clarke was surprised to see Lexa like this.

She had sworn that Lexa was one of those persons who loved being worshiped; she saw how powerful she looked at the throne the first day the met, surrounded by people who bowed before her and she assumed that Lexa was completely used to it.

 

But now it seemed like the brunette despised it; not that she said anything but, every time sometime tried to approach her, Lexa would speed her steps and walk past them looking down, as if she was embarrassed… Now Clarke could say that she was genuinely curious.

 

“Why are you walking so fast?!” Clarke asked a while later. Lexa was a few meters from her now, walking with rushed steps and her gaze fixed on the floor, she seemed to be startled when the human spoke and she turned around abruptly as if she had forgotten that she was there.

“Are you okay?” She asked. Now that they both stopped, Clarke took a deep breath and rested her hands on her knees trying to catch her breath again

“Well, I’ll be in a moment” She responded “Are you in a rush or what? You were almost running”

 

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck softly and looked down visibly embarrassed “Sorry… I am not used to walk with people” She confessed

“Aren’t you surrounded by guards every day?” Clarke asked

“My soldiers are meant to follow my pace” Lexa explained “They must run if I do so”

“Well, maybe you could relax a bit since I am not one of your soldiers” Clarke asked as she sighed

Lexa nodded “Excuse me”

“No problem”

 

Luckily for Clarke, the Commander resumes the walk but this time at a much slower pace making sure that she didn’t speed up at any time.

They continued like this until they reached the start of the forest, where the trees were taller and the vegetation was more abundant.

 

“I love the smell of trees” Clarke mumbled as they walked past some bushes. She said it more to herself than for Lexa but the brunette looked at her curiously and she noticed it “We didn’t have any of this on the space” Clarke explained “No nature… no fresh air… no earth” She said as she ran her foot over the earth beneath her.

“Do you miss it?” Lexa carefully asked “Being up there I mean” She said referring to her home in the space.

“Sometimes” Clarke said pensive “It’s not like it was the best place to be but… it was home”

 

There was a silence that none of them knew how to break.

Lexa seemed as if she was about to say something but then she just gestured Clarke to follow her and both girls walked in silence once again.

 

“You seem to know this pretty well” The blonde said after a while, when she noticed that they were far away from the village.

 

She had gone to the forest previously but always in company; the first time she went there she realized that it was bigger than she thought and that it was pretty easy to get lost in there; in fact, the day Lexa saw her at the lake and then left with Anya, the maiden who accompanied her back to the tower nearly got lost.

 

“I grew up here” Lexa said quietly and with melancholy “For as long as I can remember the forest is my home”

“I thought you were a city girl” Clarke tried to light up the mood joking a bit “That you were born at that tower and never left it until you were old enough” She laughed

Lexa stopped walking for a moment and looked at her “That doesn’t make sense” She said

 

“It does actually… it would explain why you’re so uptight and so weird” Clarke said giggling

“I don’t see the fun in there” Lexa commented.

Clarke sighed and folded her arms “Are you always this serious or what?” She asked

“What do you mean?”

“Well, at first I thought that you were like that because you had to show how ruthless and badass you are in front of people” Clarke said and took a few steps towards Lexa “But it seems like you’re like that even if we’re here alone”

 

Lexa felt the proximity and felt her stomach tightening, she immediately took a step back and cleared her throat “Uh… we should continue” She said

“Okay” Clarke said raising her arms in surrender

 

As they resumed their walk, Lexa glanced at the girl next to her cautiously and then sighed knowing that she should at least try to open up a bit.

She didn’t trust Clarke fully; despite of her bad and hot temper, and her stubbornness, the blonde seemed to be nice but she still was the enemy, she still was a stranger so Lexa didn’t really know if she could trust her or not.

 

But she had to try “I was born at the other side of the forest” She explained after a moment and Clarke looked at her surprised “Where the river starts and the trees are higher, I came to Polis years later”

Clarke smiled gently thanking her for the information; it seemed as if Lexa was doing an effort to share this with her.

 

“Have you ever… gone back home?” She asked a bit reluctantly; Lexa looked at her sadly and shook her head

“As Heda I must supervise the villages under my protection… but I never had the courage to go back”

“Do you miss it?” Clarke asked quietly.

 

Lexa felt a knot in her throat and was about to answer when she spotted the place she had been looking for.

“Here” She said to Clarke quickly avoiding the question.

It was a familiar place, and Clarke smiled brightly at the sight of it. Before them, there was the lake, the beautiful and peaceful lake with crystal clear water she had fell in love with the first time she saw it.

“This is beautiful” She mumbled as she walked towards it.

 

They weren’t at the same place as the other day though, it was another part of the lake, one where there were colorful flowers and a small cascade, the smell of the flowers was sweet and soft and Clarke loved it.

“I’m aware that you like it” Lexa said “So I thought you might enjoy coming here again”

“I love it” Clarke mumbles; she kneels at the edge and deeps her hand inside cold water closing her eyes to enjoy the sensation “There’s something about this place… so peaceful and… calmed”

 

“I come here sometimes” Lexa said “When I need to clear my head or keep my thoughts in check”

“That’s why you were here that day?” Clarke asked suddenly.

 

None of them had discussed the events that occurred the day Lexa saw the human naked at the lake. The Commander was afraid to offend the girl even more and Clarke just didn’t want to talk about it in order to keep her pride intact. But what if it had been a misunderstanding and Lexa was not the pervert she thought she was?

“Yes” Lexa confirmed

“No spying on me then” Clarke said smiling

“I swear I wasn’t” The Commander promised “But I still owe you the apology. It was wrong on my part to stare and to lose my temper”

“Well, you weren’t the only one losing it” Clarke snorted ironically “I’m sorry too”

 

They looked at each other not knowing what to say. For the first time since they felt good around each other… maybe it was the fact that they were far from the tower and people but still, it felt nice.

Then Clarke smiled as she got an idea and walked to the edge of the lake again; she started to take her jacket off slowly.

 

“W-what are you doing?” Lexa asked terrified when she saw the leather garment hit the ground and Clarke moving to get rid of her shirt.

After a moment, the blonde stood there in only a black bra and Lexa swallowed hard, noticing that the air escaped her lungs and that something was stirring inside her pants.

 

“I’m going for a swim” Clarke said as she moved to take her jeans off “And you too”

“M-me?” Lexa struggled to ask

“You said you have to protect me right?” The blonde asked “Then protect me. I’m about to enter unknown waters on my own, you should come with me” She joked

 

Clarke’s body was beautiful in every way, she had perfect creamy skin that seemed soft and pure, that underwear fit her perfectly and Lexa couldn’t help but fix her gaze on those perfect breasts that she had dreamed of so many times… ‘Focus’ she told herself

“I don’t think so Clarke” Lexa said hesitantly

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you are ashamed” The blonde said jokingly

 

With that, Clarke didn’t think twice about it, she stepped inside the water until it covered her to the waist and giggled happily as she splashed some to Lexa “Live a little!” She dared her

Lexa rubbed her arm insecure and thought deeply about it. She didn’t want to do this, but she didn’t want to leave Clarke alone…

“Okay… but turn around” She commanded as she started getting rid of her jacket.

 

Clarke sent her a confused look and then simply rolled her eyes turning around “Is not like your body is something special” She muttered

Only Lexa’s body _was_ special somehow, she was aware that humans were different, their anatomy was different, humans were simple; wolves weren’t and Lexa was not a normal girl. She was an Alpha, which meant that she obviously had different equipment between her legs, and she didn’t really think that it was a good idea to show Clarke.

 

She stripped to her underwear quickly and then walked into the water behind Clarke.

The blonde turned around slowly and smiled when she saw Lexa “See? It wasn’t that hard”

“It’s cold” Lexa commented as she moved her arms playfully inside the water

“Please, don’t tell me the mighty Heda is taken aback by some cold water!” Clarke challenged as she fully submerged her body under the water and dived for a few seconds.

 

Lexa observed as blonde locks emerged from under water and blue eyes focused on her, Clarke was beautiful… her smile was amazing and under the sun light and with her skin bathed by the cold water, she was breathtaking.

 

It was a good thing that she was also in the water because the cold caused her hardening member to soften once again; this was the main reason why she accepted the offer to swim. She needed it.

Lexa was aware that with her rut so close, it was dangerous for her to be near anyone; she could just lose her mind at any moment and do something she could regret and as they swam at the lake she started to regret being there.

 

Clarke wasn’t trying to provoke her in any way, but the girl’s curves and her delicate skin were doing all the job, and Lexa felt how the temperature of her body rose and her muscles tightened.

They were there for hours, or at least that’s what Lexa thought, maybe they were in the water one hour or two but it felt like ages.

Clarke in the other hand seemed to be enjoying the time there; she swam around happily not caring about Lexa’s presence and she even dared to smile distractedly something she had not done in a very long time.

* * *

 

“Thank you for today” Clarke said with a low voice as she looked down. They both were sitting at the grass fully clothed now enjoying the sun. Lexa looked at her and nodded

“I guess you deserved a break from the tower” She explained

“You know, I know that I said that I didn’t like you and that stuff… but you’re actually not that bad when you’re not on your… Heda role”

“I’m always in my Heda role” Lexa said

“Whatever you say” Clarke said smiling “At least now you seem more relaxed”

 

They looked at each other for a moment; did this mean that they were friends now? Lexa doubted it. She knew how delicate the situation they were in was and that once they went back to Polis probably the tension and the fights will return too, but it was nice to see Clarke like this for a change.

She had only seen the blonde arguing and fighting nonstop and seeing her relaxed and content was nice.

 

The silence was broke by a strange sound coming from behind some bushes and Lexa’s senses immediately made her stand up in a jump and look in the sound direction with a deep snarl.

 

“What was that?” Clarke asked as she stood up too

It sounded as if a branch broke and as they stared at that particular direction, they saw some bushes moving but they didn’t hear anything else.

“We should go” Lexa said trying to keep her voice steady and calm. She didn’t want to worry Clarke but she was catching a weird scent.

 

Clarke wanted to protest; it was not too late and she wanted to enjoy the sun a bit more but seeing Lexa so worried made her think that she probably should obey and go. It was a first, since she always liked to defy the Commander but… she didn’t want to push her luck.

 

“Okay” She mumbled as the started to walk; only this time Lexa didn’t go first or next to her; the brunette stayed behind silently smelling the surroundings and trying to make sure everything was in order.

Luckily, the strange scent didn’t follow them, which meant that no one was following them, which made Lexa feel relieved.

 

“We should come back soon” Clarke said nonchalantly as they stepped back into the village.

“You sure like the forest” Lexa stated

“I need to draw that”

“You draw?” Lexa asked curiously, Anya might have mention that to her but she didn’t really pay attention

 

“Well, I try to… I found it extremely relaxing” Clarke explained “I used it to get my mind off things back when I was at space. Don’t you do anything like that?”

“Like what?” Lexa asked confused

“You know something to get your mind off things” The blonde said.

“I cannot draw” The Commander stated “I’m terrible at it… and well I guess I fight”

Clarke snorted “What?” Lexa asked

 

“Life is more than just fighting Heda” Clarke laughed

“Well, it does relax me… and I kind of like it”

“You like to get beaten? Like the other night?” Clarke asked sarcastically

“The other night was an exception. I hardly lose a fight, but when I do, it serves me to learn how to stand up again and keep fighting”

 

“I see that you’re pretty stubborn” Clarke commented

“Didn’t you know that already?” Lexa asked ironically.

 

They both arrived to the tower finally, as always, some guards were standing outside and they looked at them as they stepped inside the building.

Clarke was smiling brightly as they walked to the elevator and Lexa was looked down quietly.

“So you came back” Kiara said once they arrived to Clarke’s room.

“Sadly” Clarke said

 

“Are you two in one piece?” The maiden asked as she checked both of them

“ _Sha_ Kiara” Lexa assured her with a serious look

“I wish we could have stayed a bit linger though” Clarke breathed out

“Well, we couldn’t stay there forever… plus, I have a meeting in a while” Lexa explained

 

Clarke looked down sadly and sighed, Kiara rubbed her back gently and eyed Lexa, there wasn’t any awkward tension between them as always and she wondered if something was going on.

 

“Yeah and I had to come back to my room… after all I’m still a prisoner” The blonde said harshly

Lexa opened her mouth to say something but couldn’t. No words came out. She actually felt bad for the human; not that she had any compassion for humans in general but… Clarke was different… she felt bad for her.

 

“I’ll take care of her Heda” Kiara interrupted her thoughts “You go back to your duties”

The tone Kiara used was almost authoritarian and Clarke wondered why Lexa didn’t say anything to the woman; the Commander never let anyone do that and yet, every time Kiara opened her mouth she seemed to just do as she was told.

 

“Sha” The taller brunette said quickly and walked away.

She was halfway to the elevator when she heard rushed steps behind her “Wait!” Clarke yelled to stop her.

Lexa turned around and faced the blonde “Is anything wrong?” She asked. Clarke shook her head

 

“No… I… wanted to say thanks” She muttered nervously

“You already did” Lexa said

“Yeah but… I wanted to say it again. You have no idea how badly I wanted to get out of here for at least a while” Clarke explained.

Lexa nodded in understanding “You’re welcome Clarke Griffin”

 

Clarke extended her hand for Lexa to shake; she didn’t know exactly why, but she felt like it. The Commander eyed her carefully and swallowed hard but then took the hand and shook it slightly.

The contact was brief but the tingling sensation they both felt lasted for a while; Clarke retired her hand immediately and looked down. Lexa’s skin was hot… like… really hot… like… how could someone’s skin be that hot? Was she sick? Was the water too cold for her?

 

Lexa didn’t say anything else; she nodded once again and then walked away for good, disappearing inside the elevator.

“I see you haven’t killed each other yet” Kiara’s soft voice came from behind her; the maiden stood next to Clarke and eyed her.

“Not yet” The human nodded

“I told you Heda was not like you thought” Kiara stated as she walked away with a smile on her face.

 

Clarke looked down and her previous smile disappeared; Heda was not like she thought? She didn’t really know what to think now, not that Lexa was suddenly the best person in the world, because she wasn’t.

The game hadn’t changed; she was a prisoner, she was still trapped and away from her friends and the Commander was still the person who kept her locked in there without explanations.

 

Maybe she had seen a new side of Lexa, but that didn’t mean anything, the game hadn’t changed and the rules hadn’t changed either, her plan was still the same.

She returned to her room in silence and lied on the bed trying to think of what to do next. Now that she and Lexa seemed to be able to be in the same room, she had to try and be friends, and this time for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to tell me what you think :)


	8. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper is finally found  
> Lexa is really close to her rut and Clarke is really close to her
> 
> Maybe they can be friends after all... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot guys for reading!  
> I'm really sorry for the wait, my intention was to post this chapter a few days ago but didn't find the time, but anyways finally it's here! So I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> And well Lexa's rut will come next chapter (which I'll try to post as soon as possible) so stay tunned :)

It was still dark outside when Lexa stormed into the throne room nearly slamming the door against the wall; the guards, Gustus, and Indra, who were already inside waiting for her looked at her startled and surprised.

 

“You better have a good reason to wake me up” Lexa said in a very deep and serious tone, showing her dominant side as she glanced heavily at the people in the room.

“We’re very sorry to disturb you Heda” Gustus said as he approached the Commander pumping out a few calming pheromones and silently urging the Beta guards to do the same.

 

It was pretty evident what was happening to Lexa; she reeked of distressed and sexual pheromones, she must be really close to her rut. She probably should be resting instead of surrounded by Alphas and other wolves, but this matter could not be ignored.

Indra then moved to what it seemed to be a big cage covered by a long sheet “You need to see this Heda” She said quickly as she moved to pull the sheet.

 

Under the long garment, Lexa could see a large metallic cage with thick bars and inside, there was a pale, thin boy who looked like he was about to pass out. He moved to the bars quickly and started screaming; immediately a guard hit the cage harshly with his sword and the boy shut his mouth in shock.

 

“The sky boy…” Lexa mumbled as she approached him to see him better

“Our soldiers caught him at the forest near Azgeda” Gustus explained “He was hid inside a cave, apparently Azgeda’s soldiers were helping him” He said.

Lexa got closer and as she stood a few centimeters from the cage, a vile smell hit her nostrils making her take a few steps back and cough

 

“They also helped him hide his disgusting human smell with plants” Gustus said “He smells likek shit” He said to the boy growling deeply

“I can’t believe _disha Branwada_ got to escape our army for a week” Indra snarled angrily

“What do we do Heda?” Gustus asked “We can’t let him go so easily… if Azgeda has been helping him it had to be for a reason”

“We cannot seriously let this stupid human alive” Indra snapped “He has to die!”

“ _Shof op_ both of you” Lexa said in a loud voice, she approached the cage once again and looked at the boy, who didn’t really look like a survivor but like a scared pup “What’s your name?” She asked

 

The boy looked at her but didn’t say anything, he was shaking and seemed to be at the verge of passing out.

“He won’t speak Heda” Gustus said “We’ve tried a few times but he doesn’t want to talk”

“That’s because you haven’t let me try” Indra growled trying to approach the cage

“Indra!” Lexa yelled quickly, the older woman took a step back titling her head in submission

 

“What do we do?” One of the guards asked to her

“He can’t be back with his group for the moment” Lexa said “That could be dangerous for us… we need to figure out what Azgeda wanted from him, and what did they tell him”

“ _Sha_ Heda” The soldiers said

 

Lexa nodded and looked down trying to calm herself; she was hot, but not as in just a bit hot, she seriously felt like her body was burning; her skin felt like fire and it was so sensitive that the slightest touch made her shiver and become blind with need.

Her ruts were unbearable and every time they became worse; she barely could keep her head focused anymore on her duties and all she wanted besides from having wild sex in every corner of the tower was to kill everyone.

 

“He’ll remain here for the moment” She said in a commanding voice “We’ll keep this room closed until we decide what to do with him”

Everyone agreed to that, even though Indra wished they could do things her way, but she just had to obey orders.

 

Lexa exited the room in a rush, wanting to go to her quarters and lock herself inside and jump into a very cold bath to ease her pain and the fire within her but was interrupted when Gustus’ deep husky voice sounded behind her

 

“Are you okay Heda?” He asked with concern. Lexa stopped and turned to face him

“Yes Gustus” She said quickly

“Your rut is close”

“So? I can manage myself” Lexa told him

“I don’t doubt you Heda, but don’t forget what happened last time; I believe it would be good for you and maybe for everyone here if you go to your rut cabin” Gustus said trying to sound calming

 

The calming pheromones didn’t have any effect because Lexa quickly grew agitated and growled at him “I said, I can manage myself” She said “I can’t leave Polis when we have such a delicate matter between our hands”

“Lexa” Gustus said in a more serious voice “You won’t be useful here if you’re out of your mind, we need you sane and at full capacity to think”

“I need to stay here” Lexa said angrily

“You need to do what’s best for you Lexa” Gustus said “You keep rejecting Omega’s to help you ease the tension, but at least do something to protect yourself. Being here is dangerous and you know it”

“The human girl is here under my protection” Lexa explained referring to Clarke “And now this other sky boy is here too, I can’t leave for the moment”

 

Gustus looked at her and then nodded in defeat; arguing with her was pointless and in the end Lexa was right, but also she was in danger if she lost her mind again.

“Just promise that if it becomes too much, you’ll do something about it” He said

 

Lexa nodded, Gustus was trying to help; everyone was trying to help, but it was not easy. She might still be a wolf, and an Alpha, but she was Heda, and she could not disappear for a few days leaving her duties unattended. She was stronger than that.

“Make sure no one enters that room under any circumstances” Lexa said in a commanding voice “if someone does, they’ll pay with their life”

 

Gustus gave a quick nod and disappeared down the hallway leaving her alone; the Commander then released a breath she had been holding and started walking to the elevator to go to her room.

She needed to remain strong for a few days, only a few days and she’ll be able to go back to her duties with normality.

* * *

 

Once on her floor, she rushed out of the elevator and walked quickly along the hallway; she was in such a rush, lost in thought that she didn’t see a figure in front of her until she collapsed against a mysterious person and they both fell to the floor with a loud thud.

“Damn it” A very familiar voice mumbled. Lexa rubbed her shoulder since she bumped it against the mysterious figure and then looked up; she was met by blue eyes and a concerned face

 

“Clarke” She mumbled as she stood up ignoring the heavy uncomfortable feeling inside her body. She saw the blonde standing up slowly as she rubbed her forehead and mumbled something to herself “I’m so sorry” Lexa told her, truth being said, she was not used to apologize, and her inner Alpha growled in fury when she did so, but Clarke seemed to like it, because she smiled lightly.

 

“You sure are strong Heda” Clarke said “I wasn’t expecting that”

“I didn’t see you… are you okay?” Lexa asked with concern.

Clarke had hit her forehead lightly but other than that she was perfectly fine, maybe a bit startled but, the real question there was: Was Lexa okay?

The Commander was pale as a ghost, she had dark circles under her eyes and seemed to be sweating a bit, which made Clarke think that maybe she was sick.

 

“I’m okay” Clarke answered quickly “But I don’t know if you could say the same” She pointed out jokingly. Lexa frowned

“What?”

“I don’t mean to be rude or anything” Clarke said “But you look like you’re about to pass out”

Lexa sighed and rubbed the back of her neck “I’m okay…”

 

Clarke didn’t believe that for it was obvious that there was something wrong; actually as soon as Lexa said those words she growled lightly and closed her eyes as a pang of pain and hotness ran through her body

“Lexa?” the blonde asked now genuinely worried

 

Lexa felt terribly bad, she had woken up with a terrible body ache and she was already grumpy and irritable but now it was getting worse, because the pain was strong and she honestly felt like she was about to faint at any moment.

Clarke watched as Lexa took a step forward erratically and then stumbled a bit until she nearly fell again.

“Lexa!” Clarke yelled as she moved to help the woman. She wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her.

 

The contact made Lexa shiver, her skin was hot and sensitive and the slightest touch made her squirm with want and need; Clarke being so close didn’t help at all, the girl smelled sweet and inviting. Not as appealing as an Omega but her scent was pure and soft, like fresh air and flowers, Lexa wanted to smell her… to bring her nose to the human’s neck and breathe in her scent… but that probably wasn’t a good idea.

“I’m going to take you to your room” Clarke mumbled as she helped Lexa walk.

 

“I can go by myself” Lexa protested. Not that she was going to complain about having Clarke so close and nice but, having the girl touching her and their bodies making soft friction with each step, was making the Commander dizzy with want and she was starting to feel like she was about to lose control.

“Like hell you can” Clarke said shaking her head “You can barely stand on your own”

“I didn’t ask for your help” Lexa said trying to be rude. She didn’t want to piss the blonde off, but Clarke couldn’t see her like this.

 

“You didn’t Heda, but since when I listen to you?” Clarke joked “This is what friends are for” She said after a moment

“So your _‘friends’_ proposition was real?” Lexa asked. Not that she doubted Clarke, but knowing the blonde, it was weird that all of a sudden she wanted to be friends. They obviously were making progress since the day at the lake was nice but Lexa was still a bit reluctant

“I think so, yeah” Clarke said, she tightened her grip on Lexa’s waist to help her walk better as they got closer to her room “Not that you’re my favorite person here, but I want to try”

 

“You’re not my favorite person either” Lexa said and Clarke laughed

“We’re even then Heda” The blonde said smiling

The Commander’s room was luckily empty, no guards, no handmaidens, no one, and Lexa was grateful because she was tired of being surrounded by people and mostly she didn’t want to be seen so weak.

 

Clarke closed the door behind them and helped Lexa lie on her bed; the brunette growled lightly when she collapsed against the mattress.

“Jesus Christ Lexa” Clarke said as she carefully placed her palm over the Commander’s forehead “You’re burning”

“I’m fine” Lexa mumbled

“Stop saying that!” Clarke said annoyed “Take this off” She instructed tugging at Lexa’s long coat.

 

The older woman snorted in protest but then just obeyed raising her torso from the bed and sliding the coat off of her body. She then, lied again only with a black blouse and her back pants.

“You should take this off too” Clarke commented signaling to the pants

“Wanna get me naked sky girl?” Lexa asked, Clarke smiled and shook her head

 

“Don’t be so smug” She said “You’re not that interesting. But you’ll be more comfortable without them”

Lexa frowned “My pants can stay where they are for now” She said finally. The last thing she needed was Clarke seeing the slight bulge forming between her legs.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything; she stood up slowly and grabbed the small water basin that was at the table near the couches and a cloth.

“Stay still” She ordered as she sat at next to Lexa and submerged the cloth inside the water

“I’m not going anywhere if that’s your concern” Lexa kind of joked but obviously without changing her serious face

 

Clarke smiled at her and then rubbed the wet cloth over the brunette’s forehead, Lexa shivered at the contact, but the cold cloth helped her calm down

“Is that better?” Clarke asked in a whisper as she continued rubbing the cloth gently over Lexa’s skin, she then went to place it on her neck and Lexa closed her eyes as she nodded

“You should rest, Heda” The blonde said “And maybe some herbal infusion, you don’t seem to be sick but maybe the stress is making you have fever”

“Are you a healer or what?” Lexa asked curiously

Clarke smiled and shrugged her shoulders “Well, my mother is the doctor” She said “I still need to learn a lot but yeah, you could say so”

 

Lexa looked at her surprised, she had said that just to joke but it turned out that it was true, which was kind of impressive.

“Why didn’t you say that earlier?” She asked

“Well, not that you gave me the chance, plus I was too busy being mad at you for trapping me”

“You could work with our healers if you wish” Lexa offered “I’m not so sure that human healers and wolf healers have the same methods but, you could help”

Clarke smiled at the offer; maybe that could be a good chance to get to know wolves more, she could even learn about their diseases and healing procedures.

“That could be nice” She whispered

 

They looked at each other, the cloth was no longer cold, since Lexa’s skin was too hot but none of them realized or cared about it. Suddenly Clarke found herself staring into deep green eyes and realized that she was lost in them.

Those green eyes like forest were looking at her with intensity; and Lexa didn’t seem like the mighty Heda right now, she actually seemed like a lost pup who needed love and affection.

 

She cleared her throat when she realized that she was staring and then she removed her hand carefully and moved to stand up.

Lexa’s hand suddenly wrapped gently around her wrist to stop her “Stay” She asked with a pleading voice.

 

This was very weird for Lexa; she never begged anything, and she always craved loneliness, but it was about time to admit that maybe being alone wasn’t that good after all. She felt weak and hot and her body ached, but also she felt like she really enjoyed the company.

Clarke eyed her for a moment as she hesitated but finally she nodded; it was not like she had anything better to do; and Lexa wasn’t that bad after all so… she could stay.

 

“Are you enjoying my company Heda?” She joked as she smiled. Lexa sighed

“Never” Lexa said, Clarke shoved the cloth into her arm as she laughed

“You can be honest” She said “I won’t tell anyone”

Lexa looked at her and then nodded “Fine; your company is not so bad”

“Wow, thanks” Clarke said “And yours is a little annoying but, not that bad either” She laughed

Lexa watched her but her face remained as always, serious and neutral.

 

“Do you ever smile?” Clarke asked curiously “Or laugh?”

“Why?” Lexa asked uncomfortably

“Well you’re always too serious, and I thought it would be because you’re always on your role of Heda but… even when we’re alone, you still are too serious” The blonde commented

 

“I’m not so serious”

“Trust me you are” Clarke said

“Is that bad?”

“Kind of… you should smile from time to time”

“I don’t really see a reason for it” Lexa confessed looking everywhere but at Clarke

 

“That’s sad” The human mumbled

“I used to do it a long time ago” Lexa said

“And what happened?”

There was a silence as the Commander thought about the answer, she sighed deeply “I lost my reason”

 

Clarke looked at her confused, the answer was vague and confusing but Lexa’s face turned so somber suddenly that she didn’t dare to ask any more questions about it.

“I’ve lost lots of reasons too” She said after a moment trying to lighten the mood “But I always found a new one to keep smiling; maybe someday you could find a new one too”

 

Lexa looked at her again and sighed, she felt her chest tightening and her eyes a bit watery so she decided to change the subject “I like your smile” She let out without thinking.

Both girls stared to each other a bit startled; Lexa because she couldn’t believe she just said that and Clarke because she didn’t know if she heard well.

 

“Uh… thanks” She said hesitantly; probably Lexa was just saying that because she was under the fever effects.

 

They remained silent for a long while, just enjoying each other’s company; after a few minutes, Clarke took a bold move and lied down on the bed next to Lexa, obviously letting plenty of room between them; she just made herself comfortable as they started talking again.

The conversation was short and not meaningful but it was welcomed; Lexa finally could distract herself for a while and Clarke found the Commander’s company surprisingly pleasant; maybe they could actually be friends.

* * *

 

The door opened quietly an hour or so later, and a very concerned Kiara, followed by another woman stepped inside.

“Heda…” Kiara mumbled but fell silent as she saw the image before her. The two women were lying on the bed… “I’m sorry for interrupting” She said apologetically

Clarke immediately stood up “You’re not interrupting anything” She said quickly as she looked between Lexa and Kiara; then she noticed the girl behind the maiden and realized that it was the same woman she saw leaving Lexa’s room half naked the other day “In fact I was just about to leave” She said finally

 

Before anyone could react Clarke was out of the room slamming the door behind her; the three women remained silent for a moment until Kiara decided to break the silence “What was that?” She asked

 

Lexa rubbed her temples “What was what?”

“You, and Clarke” Kiara said

“Nothing”

“Really?” The maiden asked

“She was keeping me company” Lexa explained

“Company” Kiara repeated “Sure”

“Kiara…”

 

“What? I’m sure she was just keeping you company. Now tell me, all these sex hormones you’ve been releasing were because you wanted her just to make you company?” She asked as she shrugged her nose.

Lexa hadn’t realized that before, at least not consciously; apparently she had been releasing an incredible amount of sex and calling pheromones while Clarke was in the room…

 

Said pheromones were used by Alphas to call Omegas or Betas to mate them or just have sex with them, they could do this whenever they wanted but during rut periods these pheromones became stronger.

“I… this wasn’t for her” Lexa argued

“Of course” Kiara said ironically

“I’m serious Kiara. Clarke is a human” The Commander said as she sat on the bed “I would never dare to think about a human in that way”

“You’re exaggerating” The older woman told her approaching to the bed

 

“Wolves don’t mingle with humans” Lexa told her

“Don’t forget that it hasn’t always been like that” Kiara said softly

“And look how we ended up” Lexa said sadly

“Your rut is too close” Kiara changed the subject quickly “You’re weak, and tense”

“I’ll be fine”

 

“You will, because you’re going to stop being so stubborn and let others help” Kiara raised her voice. Lexa realized the other woman’s presence and her Omega scent filled her nostrils quickly, she felt her insides twitch.

“I can’t”

“You can. And you will” Kiara said “Because you’re not going to hurt anyone this time and you’re definitely not going to get hurt again”

 

Lexa looked down sadly and the petite brunette sat next to her cupping her cheeks gently “You’re not betraying her by doing this” She whispered, the Commander felt a lump in her throat “Please Lexa; let us help”

Lexa couldn’t say no. Not to Kiara; she was just too important to her to see her disappointed so she gently nodded. This was not going to make her feel better, but at least it could help a bit.

* * *

 

Kiara sighed relieved and left the room moments ago, knowing that probably Lexa would just dismiss the Omega in a few minutes. But at least she was trying; she wished that the Commander was less stubborn and allowed people to help but she was the way she was and it was hard to change that.

That was what make Lexa be her anyways. So Kiara couldn’t complain; she just left the room quickly and walked down the hallway.

 

“I didn’t know you had those kinds of services in here” Clarke commented softly startling Kiara

“We don’t” The woman replied

“So that woman who went into Lexa’s room with you before is reading her a book now right? Or playing chess with her” Clarke said jokingly

“The commander is sick” Kiara explained

“Yeah, and that’s a good way to cheer her up”

 

Kiara smiled brightly and took a step towards Clarke “What’s with you _strikon_? Are you jealous?”

Clarke, who had been smiling until now chocked on her own saliva and coughed harshly for a moment before looking at the petite woman with a serious expression “What?!”

“Nothing” Kiara said laughing “I’m just guessing”

“You guessed wrong” Clarke said quickly

 

“Since when do you care so much about Heda?” Kiara asked curiously “Last time I checked you couldn’t even be in the same room with her, and a while ago you were in her bed”

“I don’t care about her” Clarke said dismissively “She nearly fainted on the hallway so I took her to the room and kept her company” She explained

Kiara quirked an eyebrow “I see”

“I don’t care about her” Clarke repeated to what Kiara smirked and let out a laugh

 

“And who are you trying to convince _strikon_ , me? Or yourself?” Kiara asked

“I don’t need to convince anyone” Clarke said as she folded her arms

“Of course” Kiara mumbled

Clarke sighed, she wasn’t in the mood for this, she was pissed off for some reason and she didn’t want to stand Kiara’s jokes.

 

“Look, Heda is sick” The brunette explained “I wish I could explain this to you better but…”

“You don’t have much to explain Kiara” Clarke said offering a sad smile “I guess even wolves have… needs right?”

Kiara didn’t dare to say a word; she shook her head and placed a hand on Clarke’s arm “I hope you can understand soon”

 

None of them said another thing; Kiara walked away quickly and Clarke went to her room slamming the door behind her. She didn’t have to be so mad, in the end she shouldn’t be so surprised to find out what kind of person Lexa was.

* * *

 

When Clarke opened her eyes, probably several hours ago, the room was silent and submerged in darkness. She sat on the bed rubbing her eyes gently and yawned softly.

She had no idea what time it was but it must be late since she could see the dark sky through her window. She had slept nearly all day.

 

After helping Lexa and going back to her room, for some reason she wasn’t in the mood for anything; she wasn’t exactly mad, but also she wasn’t in the mood to be around as she usually did, so she stayed in her room.

She distracted her mind drawing a few sketches but then she got tired and just collapsed on her bed just wanting to close her eyes and disappear.

 

Why? Easy, she thought that Lexa was different, maybe at first she didn’t believe it, but these past two days she had gotten to see a slight different side of her and now… it was all a lie; Lexa might be a decent person but she was just like everyone else there, a brute, probably someone who used people to her own benefit and treated them like shit, probably she had an army of prostitutes all for herself.

 

But Clarke didn’t care. She shouldn’t care; she needed to be friends with Lexa, she needed her no matter what, Lexa was the only one that could help her save her people, and regardless of how the Commander managed her private life, she needed to follow her plan.

 

“If you don’t move I’ll do it myself” Clarke heard someone say outside the room, the door opened and a very pissed off Anya stepped inside, she turned to the guards “If you ever defy me again I’ll slid your throat” She said

Clarke looked at her a bit startled “What’s wrong?”

 

“These idiots seem to have forgotten that I am allowed into your room too” Anya explained

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked curiously

“Well, I could ask you the same thing” The taller woman said folding her arms

“Uh… this is my room Anya” The blonde stated “I live here”

 

“Aha, your room” Anya snorted

“Yes”

“And since when do you prefer staying in your room, sky girl?”

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked playing fool

“Well you hate it here, you only come here to sleep at nights so I wonder why exactly you decided to lock yourself up in here” Anya asked

 

“I wasn’t feeling well” Clarke lied

“Do you want me to get a healer?”

“No, I’m better now”

Anya got closer to her and sniffed deeply and then smiled “What?” Clarke asked

 

“You know, one of the things you should learn about us is that our sense of smell has evolved… we can smell anything; and by anything I mean that, besides Lexa’s Alpha possessive pheromones, I can smell your nerves which tell me that you’re lying”

“Possessive pheromones?” Clarke asked

“Wolves mark territory; you lack of that capacity so anyone who smells your human scent could just decide to mark you as theirs and you’d be in trouble; Lexa’s just making you a favor”

“I bet” Clarke said sarcastically

“Are you going to tell me the truth or not?”

 

“I wasn’t in the mood to be out okay?” Clarke said finally “I wanted to sleep”

“Okay” Anya said satisfied “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m better anyways, so it’s okay”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that” Anya told her smiling “I came here to tell you that you missed dinner. It was an hour ago”

“Shit” Clarke mumbled, now that she thought about it, she was hungry and had forgotten completely about dinner before.

“Fortunately, even though most of the maidens are resting now, Heda has offered you to have dinner with her”

 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked confused

“She has been sleeping all day too”

“Yeah I bet she slept a lot” Clarke joked

“What?”

“Nothing”

“Anyways sky girl, she offered you to have dinner with her” Anya said and frowned when she saw Clarke hesitate “Unless you have a problem with her…”

 

Clarke was tempted to speak but she decided to shut her mouth and just shook her head “No, it’s fine… tell her I’ll be there”

“Fine” Anya said softly and smiled “You’ll be having dinner at a special place so… maybe you want to dress up a bit”

Clarke smiled and nodded as she waited for Anya to leave the room; a moment later, Lana, her personal maiden came inside the room to help her get ready.

* * *

 

Lexa was standing at the balcony, her hands behind her back and her eyes fixed on the horizon as she breathed into the cold air of the night.

 

She was feeling better, at least she could walk now, but she still could feel the effects of her upcoming rut; she still felt weak and probably tomorrow she’ll be feeling even worse so that’s why she came up with the idea of inviting Clarke for dinner.

 

Despite of knowing that Clarke still had her doubts about her and that they weren’t exactly the best friends; the human girl had helped her that morning and she felt really grateful. The Omega had helped her a bit this time and even if Lexa refused to knot her, she at least allowed the woman to take care of her once so she was a bit relieved, but tomorrow she’ll need to be locked up in her room and well, Clarke won’t be able to see her in a few days so, this was Lexa’s way of saying thanks and goodbye for the moment.

 

She heard steps outside the room and then heard how the door opened hesitantly; Clarke’s soft and sweet scent filled the place instantly, and Lexa took a deep breath.

“You came” She mumbled as she slowly turned around.

Clarke had walked to the center of the room, where the table was and was looking at her curiously but with a hint of annoyance (as always)

“Well, I would be a fool if I rejected food. I’m starving” She said offering a small smile

 

Lexa gestured her to go to the balcony and Clarke walked there slowly; they were at the same room in which they had breakfast yesterday, the same small but cozy room with the big table and big windows, only now, she was standing at the balcony which offered an amazing view.

“This is beautiful” She mumbled as she eyed the sight. They were really high; the ground beneath them seemed small and Clarke smiled when she saw the village only illuminated by the moonlight and some lights at the streets.

 

“Well, it’s not the only thing” Lexa said politely as she eyed Clarke.

Clarke blushed quickly “Thanks” She whispered.

She was wearing a long blue dress, it was not fancy actually, it was just a simple dress but it fit her perfectly, it didn’t have sleeves so her long arms were exposed and it had a nice cleavage so Lexa could see the soft skin that lead to her chest. She gulped quietly a she tried not to stare.

 

“I didn’t want to wear my jeans tonight” Clarke said trying to lighten the mood

Lexa nodded nervously. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all; she had trusted too much in her capacity to stand this, and now, it seemed like it was going to be harder than expected. Clarke smelled good; too good, too sweet and too inviting, and she looked amazing, and Lexa was not made of stone, so she started to feel heat rising inside of her and something was starting to stir inside her pants.

 

“You’re not so bad yourself” Clarke added a moment later as she looked at Lexa.

The Commander wasn’t wearing the armor; just a pair of dark grey pants and a tight sleeveless black shirt. “Thanks” she said

“Are you feeling better?” Clarke asked genuinely curious

“Well, yeah. I’ve had better days though, but I will survive” Lexa told her “I wanted to thank you, Clarke, for helping me this morning”

 

The blonde smiled and looked down “I didn’t really do anything, just took you to your room”

“Thanks to you I didn’t end with my face on the floor, and you even kept me company, so thank you” Lexa said sincerely

“Even if you don’t believe me, I’m a good person” Clarke joked “Couldn’t let the big badass Commander faint on the hallway. And well, that other girl probably kept you better company than me, but you’re welcome”

 

Lexa raised an eyebrow “What?”

“What do we have on the menu?” Clarke asked changing the subject quickly.

Lexa didn’t have time to answer because in that moment, the door of the balcony closed abruptly behind them.

“Jesus” Clarke said turning around startled.

 

Lexa did the same and looked at the closed doors surprised and moved to open them “Open the doors!” She yelled as she slammed her fists against them “We’re locked here” she announced after a moment

 

“What?!” Clarke managed to ask

“Open the doors!” Lexa yelled again; she could hear steps on the other side of the doors but couldn’t see who was there

“What the hell is happening?” Clarke asked again, this time showing a hint of annoyance

“We’re locked, Clarke, the doors closed, we’re outside, whatever you want to call it” Lexa explained

“And what do we do now?” The blonde asked as she folded her arms

“Well, someone must come here and open the doors for us”

“Yeah, I saw how that went” Clarke said “Maybe your guards don’t have a good hearing after all, because we’re still here”

“My guards aren’t here tonight” Lexa said

“That makes it better”

 

“Someone closed the doors on purpose though” The Commander stated

“Perfect; so now what? We make a fire here and spend the night telling horror stories and anecdotes until we fall asleep cuddled under the moonlight?” Clarke asked sarcastically

Lexa looked at her for a moment and then shook her head “You have a lot of imagination Clarke. There is no way we are going to light a fire here and we’re not sleeping at this balcony”

 

“I was actually joking Heda” Clarke said raising her arms in fake surrender and laughing “You know, you should relax a bit sometime, you’re always too tense”

Lexa didn’t respond; she growled at her lowly and then moved again to start slamming her fists angrily against the doors as she yelled for someone to open.

It obviously didn’t work; and after the first ten minutes passed, Clarke grew tired and sat against the railings as she watched the brunette get annoyed while screaming; she smiled softly when she saw Lexa losing her nerves and snarl loudly to the door a she kicked it.

 

Five minutes later, the Commander turned around defeated and rested her back against the doors as she looked at Clarke with puppy eyes.

“That didn’t work huh?” Clarke asked

“You didn’t work!” Lexa said annoyed as she folded her arms. Clarke just laughed and shook her head.

“Do you really think that me yelling along with you would’ve made any difference?” She asked “You’ve been screaming and slamming the door for ages and it didn’t work so… I’ll just sit here until we have a better idea”

 

Lexa growled again and sat in front of the blonde as she tried to think about what to do. This didn’t really have much sense; who the hell dared to lock her outside? Heda couldn’t be fooled like that!

She had a mixture of anger and annoyance inside of her and all that along with the fact that her body was starting to welcome her rut, didn’t help her at all.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked as she eyed her

“I’m fine” the brunette simply answered

“Look, your guards are like… always glued to your feet, I’m sure they’ll notice that you aren’t out there in a while and they’ll come to save us” Clarke said soothingly

 

“I don’t think so” Lexa said

“Why?”

“I gave them a free night”

Clarke frowned in confusion “Wait… a free night? Why?”

 

The Commander looked at her for a moment and then looked down slightly embarrassed “I know how much you hate to have guards around all day” She explained “So I thought you would like to not see them at least for the night”

Clarke was about to respond something, because she opened her mouth but no words came out of it. Had Lexa just told her that she gave her soldiers a free night just to allow Clarke to have a break from them? Since when was Lexa this nice?

It was something unexpected, but also, for some reason it warmed Clarke’s chest softly and she smiled gently as she looked down to hide the light blush in her cheeks.

 

“Who would’ve said that Heda could be a nice person?” Clarke joked as she smiled

Lexa eyed her and shrug her shoulders “Well, maybe I am a nice person” she said

“When no one’s watching you mean” Clarke joked again and started to laugh.

 

There was a moment of silence and they looked at each other until the brunette spoke again “You really don’t like me huh?” She asked with a gentle voice.

Clarke wasn’t expecting the question so she rubbed the back of her neck “What makes you think that?”

“Uh… I kind of have been feeling that since the beginning” Lexa said

Did Clarke like Lexa? It was a simple question, but the more the human tried to think about it, the more complicated the answer seemed to be.

 

She didn’t hate the Commander, maybe at first she did, but now she wasn’t that sure; she didn’t know her too well yet, but Lexa had showed her that she could be a decent person when she wanted.

“I love these sights” Lexa said interrupting her thoughts and changing the subject. Clarke looked at her confused and saw that Lexa’s eyes were focused on the sky.

 

She moved to sit next to the brunette and looked in the same direction, immediately realized that above them, there was the most amazing view she had ever seen.

The sky was dark since it was late; a dark blue that held thousands and thousands of stars that covered it shining powerfully above them, and right in front of the tower, there was the moon, illuminating the view softly.

 

“Wow” Clarke said in complete awe as she looked at the view “This is beautiful”

Lexa looked at her and then went back to look at the stars “I used to think that stars are the spirits of our ancestors and loved ones, souls that were trapped above us to watch over us until we join them one day”

“That’s pretty sad…” Clarke commented in a low voice “But beautiful at the same time”

“I guess” Lexa said “It gave me hope for a long time”

“You have a lot of loved ones there?” Clarke dared to ask

 

For a moment, Lexa looked down not sure of how to respond “Yeah” She said finally “A lot”

Clarke subconsciously put her hand on Lexa’s arm stroking the skin gently offering comfort “I’m sorry…”

Lexa nodded and went back to look up.

“My dad is up there too” The blonde said again

“Sorry” Lexa managed to say as she looked at Clarke

 

“He died a long time ago… I only have a few memories of him” Clarke explained “He gave me this” She reached for her neck and grabbed what seemed to be a necklace and showed it to Lexa

“A star” The Commander said

“He always said that I was his star” Clarke said with a shaky voice “We used to watch stars too up there… but the sight from here is so different… it’s amazing”

“I’m sure he would be proud of you now” Lexa told her trying to be soothing.

Clarke quickly wiped a tear that had fallen from her eyes and looked at the Commander “Sure, he’d be proud of his daughter being a prisoner at a strange land and not being able to help her friends”

 

“You’re being very brave Clarke” Lexa said “You may be…. Terribly stubborn and annoying but, you’re strong and smart and I’m sure he’d be proud of that”

Another tear fell down Clarke’s eyes but this time it was Lexa who wiped it gently with her thumb.

Both were a bit startled about the sudden proximity, but none of them moved. Lexa’s thumb cleaned the tear strain but remained there stroking the soft skin as her eyes met Clarke’s deep blue ones.

“You… really think I’m strong?” Clarke asked nearly breathless as she saw how close Lexa’s face was to hers. They both were literally breathing the same air

Lexa nodded

 

“You were wrong before” Clarke said quickly as her eyes focused on the Commander’s lips “I do like you Lexa… maybe not at first but… there is something about you… something…”

She closed her eyes as she felt Lexa closing the short space between them, this seemed inevitable, she could’ve easily pulled away but she didn’t. She couldn’t; Clarke didn’t want to break this moment and she didn’t find the strength to do it either so she just waited for the now expected kiss.

She was about to part her lips when someone abruptly opened the door and immediately, Lexa jumped away from her as if someone just caught them doing something terribly wrong.

 

“Heda” Titus’ voice sounded tired but surprised; he held the doors opened as he eyed both women with a scrutinizing look

Lexa stood up quickly and looked at him “Titus, finally!” she said trying to keep a straight tone.

 

“One of the maidens came to tell me that you never ordered any food nor went to your room… I was worried” He said, his gaze focused then on Clarke, who had just stood up and then looked back at Lexa “I see that you weren’t in any trouble after all”

Suddenly, Kiara and Anya entered the room “What’s wrong?” Anya asked casually as she looked at Titus

 

“We were locked” Lexa said quickly

“Yeah…” Clarke added

Kiara looked between the two of them “Locked? Why?”

“I don’t know. But someone closed the doors and left us here for a while. I want to know who did this” Lexa said angrily

 

“Why were you two alone?” Titus asked not really wanting to know the answer

“Can’t two friends have dinner together?” Anya asked, the man finally moved from his spot and Lexa and Clarke stepped back into the room again

“Friends?” He asked confused

“You didn’t eat anything” Kiara commented

 

“Or maybe they did” Anya laughed winking an eye to the maiden

“Okay, everybody shut up” Lexa said, she was getting tired of all this “No one ate anything because we were locked by someone. You better find who it was or else I’m blaming all of you for it” She said pointing to the three grounders “Now if you excuse me, I am going to my room”

Lexa stormed out of the room without saying another word, she just took a moment to look at Clarke and nod at her and then she left.

“I think I should go too” Clarke said after a moment “I’m a bit tired”

“Of course _strikon_. Have a good night”

 

Once she was out of the small room, Titus turned to the two women and growled at them “I hope you two have nothing to do with this” He said looking between Anya and Kiara who were suspiciously silent

“Why would we?” Anya asked quickly

“It probably was just the wind who closed the doors” Kiara added

Titus rubbed his temples as he snarled “I don’t have time for this… next time I’l...”

“What Titus?” Anya asked laughing “You’ll bore us to death with your lectures?”

 

The man growled but didn’t say anything else; Anya’s Alpha pheromones were strong now, and even if he was a really strong Beta that barely got affected by that he knew very well to not defy an Alpha so he just shook his head and left the room.

 

“Do you think this helped?” Kiara asked as they were alone

“Trust me Kiara, it did”

“I don’t really see why locking them was a good idea”

“Well, these two have been at each other’s throats for too long now. It’s about time that they stop don’t you think?” Anya asked

 

“Lexa is going to be crazy mad if she realizes what we did” Kiara stated as they walked to the door

“She won’t know. Plus you saw how they look at each other too, it’s frustrating”

“I know… but they’re both stubborn”

 

Anya laughed “Yeah, but it’s only matter of time that they realize that they like each other”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Kiara asked a bit reluctant “You know how much Lexa has suffered and you know… you know what she thinks about humans and love”

“Clarke is not just a simple human” Anya said “And Lexa already likes her, only she is just too dense to realize”

 

Kiara smiled and nodded as they left the room and walked along the hallway “I hope you’re right Anya, I honestly hope you’re right”

“Trust me Kiara. Lexa will fall in love again and Clarke is the one who’s going to heal her. You’ll see”


	9. Rut and pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's rut is finally here and some problems happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as always, thanks a million for your support to the story! 
> 
> I wasn't going to say anything about this until later but I noticed that a lot of you guys have already assumed that Costia was Lexa's past mate or something and well, to clear things up, Costia is not in this story.  
> Obviously Lexa has a background that is going to be revealed soon but Costia is not a part of it, I thought it would be nice to change a bit, I hope no one gets mad/offended or whatever about this. You'll know more about Lexa and Clarke's past really soon!

_Rosy lips were right in front of her, so close to her face that she could almost feel them against her own. At the same time, she was enveloped by a comfortable warmth that made her stomach explode with butterflies; green eyes stared at her with a depth that made her feel like she was bare, like her soul was completely exposed and her mind felt at ease._

 

_Lexa smelled amazingly good, and judging by it she must probably taste good too; Clarke wanted to try… she wanted to taste her lips… those generous, inviting lips that were about to collapse against hers._

 

_She closed her eyes, as she saw Lexa getting closer and reached her hand to touch the brunette’s jaw gently trying to pull her closer sooner._

_Just a second later it finally happened. The Commander’s soft lips touched hers and her brain exploded in delight at the contact, because it was the most amazing thing she had ever experienced; the lips were softer than she expected, and moved expertly against hers making her squirm._

 

_She couldn’t help the small moan that escaped her mouth when Lexa sucked delicately on her bottom lip and then slid her tongue gently inside of Clarke’s mouth._

_Clarke was losing it, she had both hands on Lexa; one on the back of the wolf’s neck, and the other at her waist trying to pull her as close as possible._

_The air at the balcony was cold, but as their bodies got closer and their kiss started to heat up, neither women seemed to mind about it._

 

_Suddenly, Lexa seemed to realize something, because she stopped abruptly and pulled away panting hard as she looked into Clarke’s eyes._

_“We should stop” She said between hard breaths._

 

_Clarke instead of answering at first just tugged at the Commander’s shirt and tried to resume the lip lock. “We shouldn’t” She said as she pecked Lexa’s lips and then moved to kiss her neck._

_“You don’t want this, Clarke” Lexa said as she tried to suppress a moan when Clarke nipped the flesh on her neck “You don’t want me”_

 

_The blonde stopped her kisses and looked at Lexa in the eyes; then she moved closer and trapped the other woman’s lips harshly in an intimate and deep kiss. “How are you so sure Heda?” She asked in a sexy, flirtatious tone_

 

_Lexa couldn’t respond for she was too busy with Clarke’s lips. Her strong hands quickly found the human’s waist and pulled her impossibly closer._

_“I should show you how much I want you then” Clarke whispered against her lips._

 

_They had been awkwardly sat at the balcony’s floor since they started kissing, but now, Clarke decided to change positions; she lied down carefully and pulled Lexa on top of her._

 

_Her heart was beating at a surreal speed; she was sure that it was about to break her ribcage and fall down the tower at any second. Lexa’s weight felt so amazing on top of her, it was warm and somehow calming; Clarke loved it._

_And she could tell that the Commander was nervous too, because she was a bit reluctant in her movements and her hands were a bit shaky._

 

_“Do you not want this Lexa?” She asked in a whisper as she nipped the brunette’s lower lip “Do you not want me?”_

_Lexa looked at her and exhaled deeply as she moved to kiss her neck to what Clarke moaned hard “You know I do” She said as she traced with her lips the line of Clarke’s jaw and then moved to kiss the valley between her breasts._

 

_“Then show me” Clarke said as she spread her legs to allow Lexa to fit in better._

_She wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, or if she was going to regret this later or not; but at that moment everything felt so right… she felt like she was at the correct place, and Lexa above her made her feel calmed and good._

 

_The Commander’s left hand was travelling into her chest area at a painfully slow place; and Clarke was nearly moaning desperately for the woman to touch her the way she needed._

_The hand was about to make contact with its destination when suddenly everything around her started to disappear._

 

Clarke opened her eyes abruptly, as if something had startled her and she realized what had happened.

She was not at the balcony but in her bed; and she was panting slightly and noticed that she had a thin layer of sweat covering her body.

She rubbed her face in frustration and groaned as she sat on the bed slowly trying to forget about the dream.

 

How in the hell could she dream about Lexa that way? She nearly had a sex dream with her! How was she going to look at the Commander in the eyes?

“So you’re awake” Anya’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she then realized that the taller woman was there with her.

 

Anya had been sat at one of the chairs there for a while, which made Clarke a bit uncomfortable.

“What time is it?” Clarke asked casually trying to hide the fact that she was flustered.

“Nearly midday” Anya said approaching the bed “Are you feeling okay?”

 

Clarke frowned, she had slept more than expected “Uh, yeah I’m fine…”

“You look a bit sick” The wolf said, she got closer to Clarke and sat at the edge of the bed sniffing the air around her quietly “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes Anya… I’m fine” Clarke said

 

Anya smirked at her and then let out a laugh “You are a terrible liar!” She said between laughs

“I’m not lying”

“Please sky girl” Anya said smiling “You can pretend all you want, but you can’t lie to me. You’re horny… and jeez by what I smell here, you’re really horny!”

 

Clarke’s face turned impossibly red and she felt the need to run as far away as she could; how in the hell could Anya know this?!

“You reek of sex dear” Anya told her seeming to read her mind “Remember that I am a wolf”

“Perfect” Clarke mumbled as she hid her face between her hands.

 

Anya laughed again and placed a hand on her knee “You know it’s normal right? I mean we all get horny at some point. You have nothing to worry about”

“Why are we talking about this?” Clarke asked with a weak voice.

“Well, if you prefer I could call Lexa?” Anya asked casually.

 

Clarke’s eyes opened in horror and she shook her head frantically. The last thing she needed was to see Lexa after having a dream with her.

“What? No! Hell no! Why would you do that?” Clarke asked

“Well sky blonde” Anya said jokingly “Not so long ago you were literally moaning Lexa’s name as you slept”

“No!” Clarke yelled completely embarrassed

“Oh yes you did!” Anya laughed “I had no idea you were into her!”

“I’m not!” The blonde argued “I was having a nightmare”

 

“Sure you did” Anya responded smirking playfully “Lexa, Lexa” she mimicked Clarke’s voice from before exaggerating the words making them sound like moans “Show me”

She erupted into laughter and Clarke grabbed the pillow next to her and slammed it against Anya with force

“Shut up!” She yelled as she kept hitting the woman

“You know it’s totally okay right?” Anya asked as she raised her hands covering her face from the attack “The Commander’s hot, you’re hot; it’s okay that you like her”

 

“I don’t like her Anya. It was just a stupid dream”

“Whatever you say” Anya said smiling

“What are you doing in my room anyways?” Clarke asked once she calmed down

“I wanted to check on you. You usually wake earlier”

“I just felt like sleeping a bit more today”

 

Anya studied her as if she didn’t really believe her words. Truth being said, she wasn’t just there to check on Clarke; she was there mostly because she wanted to make sure the girl was okay after last night, she mostly wanted some information about what happened.

“You sure you okay?” The woman asked quirking an eyebrow

 

Clarke cleared her throat and nodded “Of course, why wouldn’t I be good?”

“Well, you kind of left the room yesterday… I was worried” Anya said

“I was just tired”

 

Anya exhaled a laugh and nodded “Did something happen before we arrived?” She asked trying to sound casual and nonchalant.

Clarke looked down at the question and rubbed her forehead. ‘Did something happen?’ that was a really good question, a good question that she didn’t know how to answer yet.

 

Something happened? Not exactly… they talked and well got a bit carried away, maybe because they got caught up in the moment, who knew, but well they didn’t kissed.

The kiss…

They didn’t kiss. So nothing really happened; and for some reason that thought made Clarke’s stomach tighten.

 

She thought once again about those lips and close they were last night… maybe kissing wouldn’t have been a good idea, but she couldn’t say she didn’t want it at that moment.

“Nothing happened” She said finally deciding on keeping those thoughts to herself “We just waited for you guys to rescue us”

 

Anya obviously didn’t believe her, Clarke was blushing profusely and she seemed nervous but she chose not to say anything else about last night and just nod.

 

Clarke was grateful that Anya didn’t say anything else. For a little more than half an hour they just made some small talk and then finally she decided to start her day, so the older woman went to call the maidens so they could prepare a bath for Clarke.

Once she was alone inside of the tube, the blonde tried to relax and get rid of her previous thoughts, but unfortunately it wasn’t easy. So she had to touch herself a few times in order to forget all the tension she was feeling inside and feel more relieved.

* * *

 

She came out of her room a long while later, dressed with clean clothes and feeling refreshed and better than before. She still felt deeply embarrassed and bad about the stupid dream but at least now she was ready to face the world or at least everyone but Lexa.

 

As Clarke walked through the hallways she tried to think of how she was going to react when she faced Lexa; she obviously was aware that the Commander had no idea about her dreams but, what if Lexa knew anyways? What if she still smelled like sex?

 

She felt her body shiver at the thought. Sex and Lexa were two things that couldn’t be together in the same sentence, at least not for Clarke.

She didn’t like the Commander that way; she couldn’t like her. They were friends, future allies that were working together on getting along, but nothing more than that. Clarke remembered perfectly how reluctant wolves were about humans. ‘Wolves don’t mingle with humans’

 

So it was stupid just to think about it. Lexa would never chose to be with someone like her; she would chose a female of her kind, or maybe she already did, she had all those ladies that worked to ‘please’ Heda… Clarke was just a hormonal human who needed to get over this as soon as possible.

 

She sighed deeply as she approached the elevator and then realized something. There were no guards around that floor, which was weird considering that she was being watched 24/7 since she got there. It was weird to say the least, but she ignored that fact until she reached the first floor which lead to the outside and found out that instead of giant brute guards, as always there were only a few soldiers and everyone around seemed to be nervous.

 

“Can I help you?” One of those soldiers asked as he approached her quickly.

 

Clarke looked at him a bit confused; he wasn’t defiant like the others who killed her with glares and seemed to be about to rip her throat at any moment. This guy here actually seemed like just a normal guy only dressed with military gear.

 

He was taller than her, with brown deep eyes and somehow he seemed to be peaceful. Clarke rubbed her temples and shook her head “I was just heading outside” She told him politely as she tried to walk past him.

 

The guy, with an incredible speed reached her and stopped her quickly “I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible”

“And why’s that?” Clarke asked a bit defiant.

 

The soldier looked at her and smirked “Orders. The tower is closed, and you should remain in your room”

“What?” Clarke asked surprised. Since when was she not allowed to leave the room? Was she locked again? “Who order this? Was it Lexa? I can’t believe this… she told me I could leave whenever I wanted and…”

 

In a matter of seconds the guard grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into a secluded area of the hall “If you want your head to still be in its place Ms. Griffin, you should refer to our leader as Heda instead of her name” He said with a serious voice

 

“Okay… anyways, so why does Heda want me to be in here now?” Clarke asked frustrated

The guy rubbed the back of his neck “These are not Heda’s orders Ms. Griffin”

“And who the hell ordered it? I don’t want to stay here all day”

“Sorry. But for the moment no one is allowed to enter and no one is allowed to leave”

 

Clarke looked at him confused “Am I allowed to ask what the hell is happening?” She asked ironically

He let out a small smile “Well, we got specific orders to not reveal any information about this to you… for now at least”

 

“This is so stupid!” Clarke said “I’m going to talk to Le-Heda about this!” She nearly screamed as she turned around. The guard grabbed her by the arm again stopping her.

“Heda is not to be disturbed”

“Why is she having a private party or something?” Clarke asked

“No Ms. Clarke, but no one is allowed into her room” He explained

 

She wasn’t in the mood for arguing anymore so instead of another sarcastic comment, she just nodded. The soldier insisted in taking her back to her room and they both walked in silence to the elevator.

 

As much as she kept asking the guard never told her a single word a part from the occasional ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if she asked any questions; and this made Clarke really angry, because after all what had happened she was feeling like a fucking prisoner again; yesterday she finally had felt like a normal person again, like she was accepted and like she could even like it there and now, once again, she was locked.

 

“Perfect” She growled as she found herself in her room again.

 

She lied on her bed with her face buried on her pillows trying to not get too stressed about the fact that Lexa wanted her to be a prisoner again, because who else would have given that order? Maybe Lexa was tired of her already… maybe… maybe she was just a stupid human no one cared about there and Lexa had been just nice to her so she could get her to open up but nothing more… she didn’t know why but the mere thought about it made her want to cry.

* * *

 

“Heda” Was all Lexa could hear as she opened her eyes slowly.

She was panting really hard, and her body ached in a way that made her feel like every bone in her body was being broken.

 

Her rut was there.

 

The first thing she noticed was a sweet powerful scent next to her that made her entire body shiver… an omega.

She focused her eyes on the figure talking to her and realized that it was Kiara, who was holding a cold wet cloth against her forehead.

“Kiara…” She mumbled as she tried to sit

 

“Don’t” The woman said pulling her back on the bed “You should rest while you can Lexa. Your eyes are already red, and your scent has changed completely… you’ll be gone completely in less than ten minutes”

“You have to go Kiara” Lexa said. As she spoke, a pang of pain and heat ran through her body and she growled loudly.

“You need an Omega, Lexa” The older woman said worriedly

“No!” Lexa argued

 

“Lexa please” Kiara said “You’re burning up, you’re in pain, and you’re pumping out distressed pheromones. You need to knot someone and you need to claim”

Lexa growled at her, if Kiara was any other person she would probably slid their throat right now but she couldn’t.

She shook her head and then her body contracted painfully “Kiara please, leave” She pleaded.

 

Kiara wasn’t happy at all about the Commander’s stubbornness, but she knew that Lexa was right; she should go.

Lexa was still on her right mind but in a few minutes she’ll probably be completely gone and she could get really violent; and even though she knew that Lexa would never hurt her, it was dangerous to be close to her.

 

So she finally stood up and walking to the door turning around before leaving to see Lexa arching on the bed as she grunted in pain as her whole body started to get consumed by pain and desire.

She nearly started sobbing right there at the sight of such an important person for her suffering so much.

Kiara knew how hard ruts were for Lexa; she hated to see the girl in so much pain and not be able to help or do anything.

 

She saw Lexa standing up slowly and growling angrily at her with her eyes deep red and immediately left the room closing the door and ordering to the Beta guards to not let anyone into the room no matter what.

* * *

 

It was late in the evening when Clarke finally got the chance to get out of her room. She had been locked in there for hours that had been passing slow and terribly boring; she was tired of being there so after one of the maidens left her room she decided to do the same.

 

The guards tried to stop her but she convinced them that she was just going to take a walk around and then she’d be back.

It was actually not a lie; she wasn’t going to leave the tower but she at least wanted to see something else other than the walls of her room.

 

And again, as she walked around she realized the lack of guards and people; maybe it was just her imagination but she remembered more soldiers and other persons working there daily and now everything seemed empty.

 

The hallway was silent as she walked and the only thing she could hear were her steps echoing through the walls; she didn’t know where she was going exactly but that didn’t stop her.

 

Clarke needed to clear her mind, and needed to breathe fresh air and mostly she just needed to clear her thoughts since apparently she was confused since she woke up, and it was really hard to concentrate when she was locked up.

 

Her gaze was fixed on her feet as she walked, she didn’t bother in checking where she was going, she just walked until finally, for some reason she didn’t want to know, she ended up at a familiar door.

She found herself standing right in front of Lexa’s door and she nearly had a heart attack when she realized it.

 

“I’m so stupid” She mumbled as she rubbed her temples. Deep in her heart she knew what she was there; but she didn’t want to admit it. She was mad at Lexa now, and confused, and really tired and still she didn’t want to go.

 

But at the same time, she didn’t know what to do; she had no clue if this was a good idea or a very stupid one, maybe she should just go and leave the issue; in the end, Lexa wasn’t interested in her. She should just continue with her life ignoring her or just being friends.

Clarke was about to leave, to just forget everything and go back to her room and sleep for the rest of the day; but something startled her.

 

A loud thud came from inside of the room followed by a deep growl that didn’t sound human at all. Clarke frowned and stood still trying to figure out what had happened and then she heard something like a glass falling down and breaking into pieces and someone whining and growling harshly again. The growl was so loud and sounded so desperate that Clarke got worried immediately and opened the door abruptly.

“Lexa?!” She asked worriedly as she stepped inside looking everywhere.

 

And what she found there left her completely open mouthed and shocked.

 

The room was completely wrecked; she had been there a few times now and every time everything was in complete order, always so clean and perfect and now…

For starters, the bed was broken, like literally broken and the sheets and furs were all around the place completely ripped. The couches were upside down and the table that was next to them was destroyed, there were pieces of glass all around the floor and also there were candles and various items all around the place.

 

It seemed like a tornado just passed in there and left everything in a complete mess. Clarke looked around in horror and placed her hand over her mouth in shock as she saw everything.

What the hell had happened? Did anyone enter Heda’s room and left it like this? Where was Lexa?!

 

The last question got answered by itself just a second later, because as Clarke walked around in shock, Lexa appeared out of nowhere looking in a very terrible state…

The Commander was a very serious person, always perfectly dressed up, in black clothes with her hair perfectly done and always incredibly polite and correct.

 

But the Lexa that was in front of her looked so… different.

 

She had her hair messily cascading around her shoulders; she was sweating and panting heavily and was dressed in an old black sleeveless shirt and what seemed to be a pair of black shorts… and…

Was that a bulge in her pants?!

 

Clarke blinked a few times and gulped at the sight of a suspicious big bulge between Lexa’s legs; that couldn’t be what she thought right? Lexa was a female… or not?

But the thing that scared Clarke the most were those eyes, the green eyes she was used to see weren’t there anymore, and instead, the Commander’s eyes were red, bright red that stared at her hungrily and with intensity.

 

The blonde gulped audibly and realized that maybe she should run away as fast as she could.

“Lexa…?” She said weakly as she took a few steps back “Are you okay?”

It was pointless to ask that, but she didn’t know what was happening, and she didn’t know what to do.

 

Lexa snarled and bared her teeth to her. That couldn’t be good; Clarke wanted to run but her legs failed and as she tried to move, the brunette with a surprising speed caught her and slammed her body against a wall.

Clarke was trapped now; Lexa’s body was pinning her against a wall with force and all her attempts to free herself were useless.

The Commander’s face was close to hers, really close and her body was firmly pressed against hers.

 

“You smell so good” Lexa whispered as she buried her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck nuzzling the skin there.

“Lexa…” Clarke said in a low voice “Let me go”

Lexa didn’t hear her; she pressed her body harder against hers and Clarke could feel something hard against her thigh.

 

Lexa couldn’t distinguish anything at that point. Her rut was finally there and she was nearly blind with desire. Her body ached to the point that the slightest friction caused her an unbearable pain; every inch of her body hurt and every inch of her skin shivered in desire and want.

She needed to breed, to claim… she was rock hard and her cock ached so much it was making her crazy.

 

At some point she could see Clarke, but she couldn’t stop her actions when she stopped her from leaving and pinned her against a wall.

Clarke should go. She shouldn’t be there; she could hurt her, she was just a human girl and Lexa was an Alpha wolf in rut; she was dangerous and could really hurt the blonde if she didn’t stop.

But she couldn’t.

 

“You’re hurting me Lexa” Clarke breathed out as she closed her eyes.

Lexa’s hard member was rubbing against her thigh and her body was pressing hard against hers. Deep inside her she knew she should stop, but she didn’t find the strength to do so.

 

Clarke in the other hand was overwhelmed; Lexa was too close, and feeling her like that… was just too much.

Lexa’s lips were gracing the skin on her neck and that was making her dizzy and confused but having her rubbing against her was so strange… she didn’t know if she should scream or just be still.

 

“You shouldn’t be here” Lexa said in a deep husky voice

“Then let me go” Clarke pleaded.

 

The Commander growled deeply as she thrusted her hips forward, her hard member landed right against Clarke’s pubic bone and they both groaned; Clarke in horror and confusion but also secretly in a bit of pleasure and Lexa in frustration and need.

 

“You don’t want to go” Lexa mumbled as she thrusted her hips again.

Clarke was scared; she didn’t know what was going on but now Lexa was being harsh and was starting to really hurt her and everything was confusing.

And Lexa was completely gone. She only could think about being inside Clarke and claiming her.

“Please…” Clarke whispered

 

It was obvious that Lexa wasn’t going to release her so, in one quick movement; Clarke raised her knee and hit the Commander right between her legs and then pushed her with force.

 

Lexa landed on the floor screaming in pain and quickly stood up growling in fury. She didn’t even look human by now and Clarke froze in place.

She was about to run to the door when Lexa jumped; maybe she was going to die here… she didn’t stand a chance against Lexa and she didn’t know what else to do.

 

But as she prepared for Lexa’s body to collapse against hers, someone else jumped from behind her and caught the Commander on the air and they both fell on the floor with a really loud thud that made the walls tremble.

“Get out of here!” Clarke recognized that voice. It was the guy from before, who was now in the middle of a battle with Lexa.

 

They clashed against the bed and it broke even more, wooden pieces flew around as they kept fighting. And Clarke was paralyzed; she was shocked and scared and sad because she didn’t know what was happening and she refused to believe that Lexa could hurt her.

 

“Come with me” A familiar voice came from behind her and she felt incredibly relieved when she saw Kiara and felt the Omega pulling her outside of the room.

Clarke looked behind to see the soldier finally managing to calm Lexa and pinning her against the floor as he told her something in Trigedasleng; his words seemed to work because the brunette seemed to calm down.

 

Kiara closed the door as quick as possible and then smacked Clarke’s shoulder hard.

“Hey!” Clarke protested

“What the hell were you thinking about?!” Kiara yelled concerned “Are you crazy?!”

“What? Why are you yelling at me?” The blonde asked still agitated

 

They both looked at each other in silence and it was there, under Kiara’s analyzing look that Clarke realized what had happened or at least realized that she had been in real danger and tears filled her eyes and a sob escaped her mouth.

 

Kiara quickly pulled her into a tight embrace and started pumping out calming pheromones to help the human to calm down.

“I don’t understand” Clarke said between sobs.

The maiden stroked her hair gently and after a few seconds she grabbed her by the arm and led her to her room.

 

Clarke sat on the bed with her eyes red and puffy and still with her heart hammering hard against her chest; she was confused, mad, sad, annoyed; she was feeling so many things that she didn’t know how she felt at all.

She observed Kiara walking around the room, filling a glass of water and handing it to her as she sat on the bed next to her.

 

“How are you feeling?” She asked cautiously.

Clarke took a sip and shrugged her shoulders “What the fucking hell just happened?” She asked “And please don’t tell me that I need to be more open minded to know it shit because… I just want to know why your Commander almost killed me”

 

“She wasn’t going to kill you” Kiara said in a soft voice “At least I don’t think so”

“Then what?”

 

Kiara sighed “She asked me not to tell anything because she wanted to explain this to you herself… but I guess now I don’t have a choice”

“Explain me what?” Clarke asked

“Lexa’s in rut”

 

The blonde looked at her confused and with a raised eyebrow; Kiara sighed deeply as she thought about the best way to explain it.

“You remember what I told you about Alphas right? About ruts…” She said, Clarke nodded

“It’s like they need to have sex or something right?” She asked.

 

“Well, actually it’s much more than that. Alphas need to dominate, to be confident and need to claim their mate; it’s like a primal need they have just as Omegas have the need to submit and be protected. Ruts are periods in which all these primal needs intensify and become an unbearable necessity, they have to breed and claim or else they experience an intense pain that leaves them in a really poor state; they become violent and unfocused”

 

“Like Anya…” Clarke said as she remembered how the nice woman who was now her friend nearly slid her throat when they met.

“Anya would be a great example, but Lexa…” Kiara felt a lump in her throat and had to stop for a moment as she tried to continue “Lexa suffers a lot Clarke” She said simply

 

At this point Clarke didn’t know what to think; she was obviously still mad and terrified but all this information was confusing her even more. She now knew that Lexa wasn’t being herself right now but… still didn’t change the fact that she was about to hurt her… she never expected Lexa to hurt her.

 

“She is in constant pain during her ruts, she gets violent and extremely needy because she’s lost, her body aches for…”

Kiara stopped and took a deep breath and Clarke eyed her confused.

 

“For?” She encouraged the older woman to keep talking

“For her mate” Kiara said finally

“Mate? So she is… like married or something?”  
The smile Kiara gave her was sad and her expression was devastated; she hadn’t talked about this in a really long time and she felt her chest tightening.

 

“No _strikon_ , she isn’t anymore”

“Oh…”

“Do you know what a mate is for us Clarke?” Kiara asked.

“I’m starting to realize that I don’t know a thing about you” Clarke confessed

 

“A mate is much more than just a partner; a mate is our half, wolves chose a mate once they present and start having their heats and ruts and that union is nearly unbreakable. Once you chose your mate, you can’t go back. And it is not just something physical; it is beyond our bodies… mates are meant to mentally and spiritually complete each other, there is a deep connection between them…”

 

“Sounds beautiful” Clarke stated as she thought about it, at least sounded better than the stupid relationships she had in her life.

“It is, having a mate… is the best thing that can happen but losing one…”

“Is that what happened to Lexa?” The blonde asked and Kiara nodded.

 

The maiden shouldn’t tell too much since she knew how reserved Lexa was about this issue, but Clarke deserved to know at least a bit

“The mating bond ties both souls and turns them into one. When one of the mates dies… well… the pain is unbearable, it’s like someone rips a part of your being and you’re left incomplete and alone. And well if Alpha’s ruts are usually hard; an Alpha who lost their mate experiences an amount of physical and emotional pain that can be dangerous for them”

 

There was a long silence; Clarke was trying to process all this information and Kiara was trying hard not to cry.

“We call that mate-sickness” She explained finally “When a wolf loses a mate. I know you are not happy about what happened, you have right to be angry now and confused; but please, just remember that right now Lexa isn’t herself. She’s in pain, she’s lost and hurt and does not know how to control herself”

 

“You seem to know a lot about mate-sickness” Clarke said after a moment.

“Well, I’ve seen a lot of cases” The woman explained “And I’ve seen Lexa suffer it for a long while now”

“And you?” Clarke asked all of a sudden

“What about me?”

“Do you have a mate? Or did you lost one”

 

Kiara didn’t answer. She took a deep breath and let out a soft growl as she stood up; Clarke knew that she might have approached a sensitive issue so she decided not to push it further.

 

“Look, you should not go to Heda’s room in the following days; but Clarke…”

“What?”

“You should talk to her”

“I don’t know if after this I can” Clarke confessed, she didn’t dislike Lexa, but she was honestly scared and confused

“I know, but I think you actually need to talk to her… and I think you know it too” Kiara said

“I guess…”

 

Kiara approached her and placed her hand softly over the girl’s arm stroking it gently “Lexa is not like that at all; she could’ve hurt you really badly but she let you push her away”

“She let me?” Clarke asked nearly laughing “She nearly killed me!”

 

“Do you think that with her strength you’d have been able to push her away?” Kiara asked offering a small smile “She may be in rut now but she still tried to protect you… because she cares about you. So you should give her the chance to apologize and explain”

 

Clarke sighed and shrugged her shoulders. Being stubborn was never of any help for her, but she couldn’t just put her trust blindly in someone like Lexa

“Promise me that you’ll at least try” Kiara said

“I promise”

“Good”

 

Kiara didn’t have anything else to say. She knew that she should let Clarke rest and then send a healer to check on her in case she was damaged in any way; so she walked to the door quietly but was stopped by the human as she spoke

 

“Hey Kiara”

“Yes?” The maiden asked turning around

“Is Lexa a girl?” Clarke asked curiously

 

“She is” Kiara said; then frowned “Why?” She knew why Clarke asked, but Lexa was the one who should respond to those questions.

“I just… when I was at her room I saw… she I… never mind” The blonde said finally giving up. She felt a bit embarrassed to ask and she also was too tired so she decided to drop the issue.

“Okay, you should rest Clarke; it’ll be good for you” With that Kiara was gone; and Clarke lied on her bed covering her face with a pillow.

 

“I’m going to need a fucking century to process all this” She growled as she sighed deeply.


	10. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is not having a good time  
> Lexa finally gives her some explanations...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry for not posting last week! But I was terribly busy and a bit sick so I couldn't write anything.
> 
> Thanks so much for your comments and for taking the time to read this :)  
> I know that some of you weren't exactly happy with what happened in the last chapter but well, things aren't going to be so easy... However maybe things can finally change for good!

So nearly four days had passed. Four long and painfully slow days that rather than calm her, had definitely left Clarke more and more confused. She felt a bit lost there now and honestly she didn’t know how she should feel.

  
The day after the ‘incident’ with Lexa she had been feeling terribly mad and annoyed to the point where she didn’t even want to see anyone; she just locked herself in her room and tried to use her alone time to think deeply about things.

  
Because there was a lot to think about now that she realized it; no one had prepared her for this situation, when she was sent to earth along with the rest, they were only on an explorative mission. The planet was supposed to be empty, or at least just inhabited by a few humans but now she was surrounded by wolves and even though she had been there for a while now, she was just starting to realize how complicated that actually was.

  
The second day she still decided to stay in her room but at least allowed the maidens to prepare a bath for her; she even accepted Kiara and Anya’s company and well started to feel a bit better after all.  
Finally, the third day she decided to leave her room; and it was all courtesy of the nice soldier she met the other day.

  
He went to her room to check on her on the third day; Clarke was in her room sat by the small table with Kiara as she ate something when he entered quietly and offered a smile.

  
“Hey brave girl” He said nicely to what Clarke finally smiled genuinely “I see you’re still alive”  
“I owe you big” Clarke admitted “You saved my life”  
“It is my job” He said “Kiara also did her part”

  
Clarke looked at the woman and nodded “I just helped a bit” Kiara said “How is she?”

  
The question lingered on the air for a moment and Clarke was glad that she asked it because even if she tried to play if cool, saying that she didn’t care she actually wanted to know something about Lexa, even if it was just the dumbest information.

  
The guy looked down for a moment and then rubbed his forehead “She is not good; she’s been acting really violently and crying in pain… right now she’s just trying not to mount something”

  
Kiara looked down really concerned “She won’t accept any Omega right?” She asked  
“No, and no one dares to enter that room again” He said  
“Why does she need an Omega?” Clarke asked confused.

  
“Well, it also could be a Beta actually” The soldier explained “But as an Alpha in rut the only thing that could calm her down and help her ease the pain is to… well you know, either mate someone or just knot”

  
Clarke frowned and nodded, fortunately for her, Kiara and Anya had agreed to explain her a few stuff about wolves so she could understand things a bit better so she actually knew what knotting and mating was by now even though she still needed to process and understand it better.

  
But anyways, that wasn’t the last time she saw the guy because that same night he came into her room and took her to one of the balconies of the last floor to have a relaxed dinner under the stars.

  
His name was Lincoln; Clarke learnt that because as they ate she realized that she didn’t know his name or anything about him.

  
He was a Beta soldier from a village called TonDC and well, besides of being one of the nicest persons she had ever met there; he was funny and really intelligent.

  
Lincoln told Clarke everything she needed to know about Betas, for example how similar they were to humans, Betas didn’t have heats or ruts and were more calmed and focused than Alphas and Omegas.

  
They became friends that same night after talking for hours and having a nice time together and that night when Clarke returned to her room, she was terribly glad that she could meet someone like him. It was nice to have some friends there.

  
She went to sleep with a smile on her face that disappeared as she got up really late at night when she heard a scream similar to a cry coming from the hallway.

  
And it was followed by growls of pain and more cries that made her chest tighten in worry, she didn’t really know what was happening but when she opened the door of her room to check outside she felt her heart constrict when she recognized Lexa’s voice screaming in pain.

  
“You should be sleeping” Anya’s voice startled her.  
The taller woman walked to the door and gestured Clarke to go back inside the room.  
“What’s wrong?” The blonde asked worriedly. As much as she was mad at Lexa for nearly attacking her she couldn’t deny that she cared about her and that she was really concerned

  
“Lexa is not doing good Clarke” Anya explained “She is in pain and she’s calling her mate”  
Clarke looked down and felt terribly sad hearing those words “I wish I could help” She mumbled

  
“Well sky girl, me too but unfortunately we can’t really do anything about this… only Lexa can”  
“How?” Clarke asked  
“Well, she should stop being so stubborn and accept an Omega’s help”  
“Why doesn’t she?”

  
“I think Lexa doesn’t want to betray her…” Anya said sadly “But she’s just making everything worse”  
“But… seriously there is nothing we can do?” Clarke asked again  
Anya smiled at her and shook her head “Look sky girl, I am an Alpha and if I was to enter Heda’s room she’ll probably take my presence as a challenge and would try to slid my throat… and well you’re a human”

  
“I’m also a challenge for her or what?” Clarke asked  
“No dear, not that way, but you’d be a different challenge for her”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I think you know Clarke” Anya said

  
Clarke laughed at the ridiculousness of the statement and waved a hand dismissively “Jeez Anya, Lexa doesn’t like me in that way. She despises humans, just like the rest of your kind”

  
Anya quirked an eyebrow “Well sky girl you and I know that that’s not exactly true. And I’m sure Lexa wouldn’t mind giving you her knot” She said jokingly with a playful smirk.

  
Clarke’s cheeks turned bright red and she suddenly didn’t find any words to say “What?!” She nearly yelled with a high pitched voice “No! That’s so not true… what?!”

  
“Come on blondie, you have been closer to the Commander for a few days now, you might have noticed it”  
“Notice what?” Clarke asked frustrated  
“There is something between the two of you” Anya said smiling  
“No”  
“Yes”  
“No”  
“Yes”

  
Anya burst out laughing and rubbed the back of her neck “Whatever you say Clarke, but as I said, even if you were ready to help Lexa in that way I don’t think that would be wise”

  
“Why?”  
“You’re a human… I have never interacted for so long with one of your kind but I’m sure a sexual intercourse between a wolf and a human wouldn’t be easy… I mean our anatomy is slightly different and well if you were to take Lexa’s knot you-”

  
“Point taken” Clarke rushed to say interrupting Anya. Damn these people didn’t have any problems talking about their sex issues and about knotting and that stuff and every time Clarke felt damn uncomfortable and even more when they talked about Lexa and her the way Anya was talking.

  
“Anyways… you should go back to sleep and let Betas take charge of the situation” Anya told her “Lexa’s rut is about to finish, so she’ll be better soon”

  
Clarke looked down and nodded, then after saying goodbye to Anya she went back to her room quietly and deep in thought.

  
She lied on her bed with a heavy sigh and stared at the ceiling as she tried to decipher why in the hell she couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa.  
It’s not like they were the best friends, they barely knew each other… but that didn’t make anything better. Because despite of denying it constantly, Clarke felt an increasing curiosity for the Grounder wolf and she actually was really concerned about her.

  
She heard Lexa’s cries for a long ten minutes before they faded and the blonde couldn’t help to think how hard this might be for Lexa.  
She had every right to be mad at the Commander, but truth being told… she wasn’t.

  
And that made her be mad at herself, because she shouldn’t care about Lexa; she didn’t deserve it, Lexa attacked her even after promising that she was going to protect her. Maybe Clarke didn’t help at all entering the Alpha’s room but still…

  
A tear escaped her eyes and within seconds she found herself sobbing quietly as she kept staring at the ceiling while submerged in the darkness of the room. She didn’t know why she was crying actually; maybe because she was still scared, maybe because of Lexa, maybe because she was confused… maybe just because of everything.

  
She didn’t really know if she wanted to figure out yet her reasons, because she might not be prepared.

* * *

  
The next morning, Clarke woke up with red swollen eyes and pillow marks on her face; she woke to a bright light hitting her right on the face and once again, that sweet melody Kiara created every time she sang.  
Clarke closed her eyes again as she heard the pleasant song and rubbed her face as she tried to get rid of the sleep.

  
“Morning sleepy head” Kiara said with the softest tone as she also offered a warm and kind smile.

  
Clarke hummed sleepily and opened her eyes before replying with a lazy “morning” to the brunette woman.  
Kiara observed her quietly las she sat at the edge of the bed. Clarke looked lost, it was obvious that she had been crying and it was also obvious that she wasn’t having the best time of her life.

  
“You were right when you all said that I didn’t understand a thing about wolves” Clarke stated with a raspy voice still thick with sleep “I don’t understand a single thing here…”

  
She felt a lump forming in the back on her throat and she chocked on her words as she started crying again.  
Kiara was quick to move and she embraced Clarke in a tight hug as she tried to soothe her with her pheromones and gentle words.

  
“You may not understand things strikon, but you certainly will with some more time. Your spirit is strong and you have a well-placed head” She said after a moment “You just have to stop thinking too much into all this and open your mind and your heart”

  
Clarke looked at her, she was tired of arguing; she was tired of pretending everything was good; she was just tired to fight everyone. So she nodded softly accepting Kiara’s words and relaxed into her arms.

* * *

  
By the time Kiara left the room, Clarke was feeling much more better; not that she was completely positive about all this but she was definitely feeling more capable of face it.

  
The maiden obviously let some clothes for her before leaving and Clarke was delighted to see her beloved jacked and jeans. Grounder’s clothes were okay, but nothing compared to her leather jacket and dark blue jeans that made her look like a badass woman.

  
She dressed up quickly, which made herself smile because she actually realized that she wanted to finally leave the room for good.

  
Over the past days, she had been locked up thinking about everything and feeling miserable but now it was time to stop that; she obviously acted bad not listening to people when they told her not to bother Lexa, but at the same time she wasn’t the only one to blame, so she was done with feeling like shit for what happened.

  
“Jeez sky girl… you scared the crap out of me!” Anya shouted as she nearly bumped into Clarke in the middle of the hallway.

  
Clarke smiled apologetically for she had been the one running madly around without looking around. And Anya folded her arms as she looked at her from head to toe “Did I miss something?” She asked

  
“I don’t think so” Clarke said  
“So you weren’t going anywhere right?” Anya asked raising an eyebrow “You were just randomly running around”  
Clarke laughed and shook her head “Actually I decided to take a walk” She answered “I’ve been in my room long enough”

  
“Wow, I’m proud of you” The taller woman said happily as she rubbed her hand against the top of Clarke’s head obviously messing her hair, Clarke complained but laughed “Actually you might want to let your walk for later”  
“Why?” The blonde asked surprised  
“Because I think I have a better offer”

  
Clarke looked at her curiously and rubbed the back of her head as she waited for Anya to continue “I’m all ears”  
“I am here to offer you a trip to see your friends” Anya said finally and Clarke’s jaw nearly hit the ground  
“What?”  
“You heard me”

  
“But… I mean… why? I thought I couldn’t see them anymore Lexa said…” Clarke felt a her chest tightening at the mention of Lexa and she looked down sadly  
“Humans hardly have our trust Clarke, and Heda didn’t know if she could trust you at first”  
“And I bet now she does right?” Clarke asked bitterly

  
“Actually yes. She told me you can go see them and maybe they could be brought to the tower soon”  
Clarke blinked several times and had to do a huge effort to keep her mouth from hanging open. What the hell had just happened?

  
“She said that?” Clarke asked  
“She did”  
“So… she’s… she’s not sick anymore”

  
“Lexa’s rut ended last night” Anya said “She told me to inform you of this”  
Clarke quirked an eyebrow and then rubbed her forehead “And she couldn’t tell me herself right?” She asked in annoyance “She’s doing this just because she feels bad?”

  
Anya frowned but then offered a smile “Well, Heda is perfectly aware of how bad she acted, trust me, she didn’t want to face you just yet, but well maybe the fact that she allowed you to talk to your friends again was thanks to Kiara’s interventions and well, I actually asked her to do it”

  
“I guess I have to thank you…” Clarke said  
“Maybe you could thank Lexa later” Anya suggested earning a roll of eyes from Clarke

  
“I don’t think going to see her will be a good idea”  
“I think it will” Anya stated  
“Why?” Clarke asked looking down.

  
“I think you know why sky girl. You actually need to talk to her”  
“She could’ve killed me Anya, she could’ve even raped me if it wasn’t for Lincoln and Kiara”

  
“Yeah sure; and the fact that you entered there without permission was also Lexa’s fault right?” Anya asked  
“Are you all going to defend her or what?” Clarke asked annoyed, she tried to walk away but Anya stopped her quickly

  
“Of course not. Lexa is as stubborn as hell and a complete idiot for not letting anyone helping her; if she did nothing would’ve happened; but you didn’t help at all”

  
“Well if someone would’ve told me about the danger and explained me the situation maybe nothing would’ve happened”

  
“And since when do you listen to any of our advices or explanations Clarke?” Anya asked “Let’s face the truth, you wouldn’t’ve listened to anyone because you still believe that this all is just a little vacation with strangers, and refuse to accept that wolves and humans are really different from each other”

  
Clarke wanted to protest and defend herself but she didn’t find any words; Anya was serious, she actually was looking at her as if she was a clumsy puppy who did something really wrong but she wasn’t mad, which was a big relief, because Anya was the closest thing to a friend if not an actual real friend she had there and she didn’t want to lose her.

  
“Look, if you want to hate her, you have every right, because Lexa was an idiot; but at least you should allow her to explain, let her apologize… because she feels terribly bad, trust me” Anya said “But it’s your decision, you chose”

  
“Can we start for going to see my friends?” Clarke asked after a moment of thinking  
“Of course”

* * *

  
“Holy mother of fuck” Octavia exclaimed when she saw Clarke stepping inside of the building and getting close to the cell “You alive”

  
At those words the rest of the group stood up and went to see what was happening “Clarke!” Monty said happily with a weak voice

  
“Jesus Christ Griffin, looking good” Murphy said from his spot at the end of the cell  
“I’m so glad to see you guys” Clarke said as she approached the bars, she then realized that they looked not so good, it was obvious that they were starving, and well the smell and the hygienic conditions weren’t the best

  
“Not everyone can say that princess” Raven said as she emerged from the back of the cell, she stared at Clarke with a serious expression “What are you doing here?”

  
“I came to see you guys and…”  
“Yeah so you don’t feel so bad with yourself?” Raven asked

  
“Reyes, stop” Bellamy said sensing the Latina’s bad mood  
“Oh, my bad” She said ironically “So to what do we owe your presence? You finally got tired of your fantastic life out there and decided to actually care about us?”

  
“Raven I…”  
Suddenly a surprisingly tall woman with a serious face and deep eyes emerged from behind Clarke and stared so deeply into Raven’s eyes that the brunette had to shut her mouth and take a step back.

  
Anya approached the bars and growled at the Latina for being so mean towards Clarke and then approached the blonde asking her if she was okay.  
“She came here because she is actually concerned about you” Anya said “Thanks to her concern you might actually get out of here soon. But I could consider it after all”

  
Raven was about to reply but Bellamy smacked her shoulder lightly telling her to shut her mouth.  
“We’re getting out of here?” He asked with a raspy voice  
“Yes” Clarke said “And soon”

  
They all looked at each other with shocked expressions and small smiles “When?” Monty asked “I can’t wait to see the sun again and eat real food!”  
“Are we going to get back with the others?” Murphy asked

  
“For the moment all I know is that you will be able to leave this cell” Clarke said  
“Heda will let you all live in Pollis’ tower” Anya explained “You’ll remain prisoners but will have a better treatment and obviously some privileges”

  
“Prisoners? Again?” Octavia snapped  
“You’re still in our land” Anya said “And we still don’t know if we can trust all of you. But you won’t be treated as such” She explained “Heda wants to learn about you, to give you the chance to prove that you’re not a threat for us”

  
“And how are we going to prove such thing?” Raven asked

  
Anya was starting to get annoyed about this girl, she was imprudent and clearly immature as well as annoying; she took a few steps to face her and then got lost in big brown eyes that were looking at her intently.

  
The Latina girl might be a pain in the ass, but she was clearly beautiful and strong; Anya cleared her throat “For starters you should quit that terrible attitude and maybe be a little more open minded”

  
“These people actually could help us” Clarke said with decision, she knew she was a disappointment to her friends now, but she wanted to make things better

  
“Getting out of here is a good start” Finn said looking at Clarke with a smile to what Clarke looked away a bit uncomfortable  
“Yeah, if you can get us a better place to sleep with no mysterious goo as food and a place to pee that isn’t a bucket… I’m in” Octavia said

  
“Me too” Monty and Murphy agreed

  
Raven who was still facing Anya finally took a step back and nodded “Okay” She muttered  
“We all agree to that then” Bellamy said

  
Anya took a step back “Okay then” She said  
She placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder to offer support “I’ll wait for you outside” She said before leaving the room.

  
Clarke sighed deeply; she felt bad for her friends, they didn’t deserve this, but also she didn’t like to feel like she had failed them. She was a prisoner just as them, it wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t go to see them or that they couldn’t get out of there…

  
“You’ll be out of here soon” She said confidently “I promise”

  
Octavia nodded and offered a smile, Monty clapped happily and Murphy gave her a thumbs up.  
“We trust you” Finn said looking at her.

  
Raven retreated to a corner and Bellamy went back to sit next to his sister after nodding at Clarke.  
Clarke approached Finn quietly. He extended his hand and she took it allowing him to entwine their fingers.  
Not a long time ago she would have loved that gesture; she lived for moments like that since she realized that she liked the boy.

  
They had grown up together, and had been friends for ages until somehow everything changed between them.  
Finn confessed his feelings for her, he told her he loved her and that she was the perfect girl for him. Clarke was just a teenager so she didn’t even know what love was… she still didn’t know what love was… but she decided to follow her heart at that moment and she sort of dated him.

  
He was familiar, he was home, he was safety for her; she always liked that because she felt safe. But now…  
Clarke didn’t know how she felt anymore; she didn’t feel that tingling sensation in her stomach when she looked at him, she didn’t feel safe anymore; she was confused.

  
“I knew you could do it Clarke” He said with a sweet voice “I’m proud of you”  
She smiled shyly and looked down as she broke the contact between their hands; she didn’t feel comfortable with it and she didn’t know why.

  
“Thanks Finn” She said sincerely “This hasn’t been easy…”  
“You’re strong” He said “I love you”

  
It was the worst moment to say something like that, and Clarke nearly chocked with her own saliva as she heard those words.

  
He loved her? She was broken right now; she didn’t know who she was anymore. Clarke was shattered in a million pieces and she didn’t even know how to start gathering them together, she didn’t deserve his love. She didn’t know what love was and she couldn’t love him back. Not anymore.

  
“You’ll be out of here soon” She whispered “May we meet again”  
Before Finn could say anything else, Clarke was out of the building with tears in her eyes trying to contain her sobs.

  
Anya eyed her confused and despite of not being an affectionate person she decided to hug the blonde girl.  
Once again, Clarke was crying without knowing why; she felt lost than ever and the only person who had been a safe place for her wasn’t anymore… what the hell was she going to do?!

  
“Come on sky girl” Anya said soothingly “We should go”

  
Anya led her back to the tower trying to calm her releasing some calming pheromones; they went back to the building and walked through the hallways in silence.

  
“I think you should rest” Anya told her as they approached the room. Clarke felt her body heavy and tired but she didn’t want to lock herself up again.

  
“I failed them Anya” She said sadly “They trusted me and I failed”  
“You did not do such thing Clarke” the tall woman said “They are suffering but if they aren’t capable of understanding that you’re still a prisoner too, then they aren’t your friends”

  
“I get to sleep on a king sized bed every day and eat as much as I can… I don’t really seem a prisoner” Clarke stated

  
“You’ve suffered too being here” Anya said “However, do not allow them to treat you as if you were less because you aren’t. You’re a leader, that’s why Lexa chose you, that’s why you’re here and not them”

  
“I don’t really feel like a leader right now” Clarke muttered  
“That’s because you need to rest. Leaders need it too, and you could use some sleep and maybe some food…”

  
“I’ll pass…” Clarke said “Maybe I’ll lie down a bit”

  
Anya nodded quietly and offered a smile; Clarke’s human brain was having a hard time accepting the whole situation and processing the information, so maybe it was wise to leave her alone for a while.

* * *

  
For the next few hours Clarke decided to do the most relaxing and pleasant activity she knew: drawing.  
She grabbed her sketch book and started to draw some random lines, drawing was the only thing in the world that helped her disconnect and relax as she focused only on the lines.

  
She didn’t even know what she was drawing at first until she separated her hand from the paper until she saw that she had drawn the lake, the crystal clear water, the trees, some bushes around… it was for sure a beautiful place… as she eyed the drawing she remembered that day at the lake with Lexa, how tense the Commander was when she asked her to swim. Lexa was always tense…

  
_‘Stop thinking about her’_ Clarke told herself as she grabbed a new paper and started again.

She drew a couple of lines absent-mindedly and after a while realized that she had drawn a pair of eyes.  
Clarke sighed in frustration, they lacked of color but if the drawing was painted, probably those eyes would’ve been green.

Lexa’s eyes.

  
She even painted the curious war paint Lexa wore sometimes; not that Clarke payed much attention to it of course… She eyed the drawing and cursed under her breath.

  
In a quick movement, she ripped the paper and grabbed another deciding this time to just watch through the window and draw the sights. No drawing any memories or random stuff, just trees, birds and sky.

  
Less than an hour later she was throwing her sketchbook to the other end of the room as she resisted the urge to scream. She was drawing the sky with a few birds and the sun and then thought about how beautiful it was, and how it was much more beautiful at night with the moon bright on the sky… and the stars…  
Her mind flew to that balcony with Lexa, under the stars…

  
“That’s it!” She yelled angrily “Fucking stars, fucking Lexa! Fucking life and fucking everything” She said as she kicked the chair she had been sitting on.

  
Without thinking too much about it she exited her room slamming the door behind her; she had no idea where she was going or what she was going to do, but she needed to breathe and calm down and probably take a long walk alone.

  
Luckily for her the hallways were pretty much empty; they had been empty since Lexa’s rut started. Kiara explained that during Heda’s ruts, no Alphas were allowed into the tower since it could be dangerous.

  
The only Alphas that could be there were Anya and Gustus but obviously they couldn’t be in the same floor as the Commander’s room.

  
So the tower was full of Beta soldiers and the floor where Heda’s quarters were was almost empty for protection.

  
However Lexa’s rut was now finished; and Clarke had heard that the Commander had left her room finally that same morning so probably the guards would be returning soon.

  
After walking around with no particular direction she decided to head to the elevator, leaving the tower could be a good idea and now that there were no soldiers around maybe she could finally go alone without anyone following her around.

  
She put her hands inside the pockets of her leather jacket and walked quietly with her gaze fixed on the floor; she was tired of too much thinking so maybe it was a good idea to leave her mind blank and just focus on her steps until she could breathe the fresh air of the afternoon.

  
_‘Maybe Anya and Kiara are right, I probably should stop thinking too much and just accept all this’_ she thought still looking at her feet.

  
If she would’ve kept her gaze on the front probably she would’ve seen that someone appeared out of nowhere as she approached the corner of the hallway and they both bumped into each other.

  
“Shit!” She screamed as she nearly fell on her ass.  
Clarke was ready for the fall but she never hit the ground as a pair of strong arms held her tightly around her waist.

  
“I’m so sorry” The person apologized and Clarke’s heart stopped.  
That was Lexa’s voice…

  
She opened her eyes which had been closed for a moment and she was met by those big green eyes that stared into her deeply.

  
“Lexa…” She muttered as she tried to find her words. Her heart was beating faster, she suddenly felt nervous and insecure and her skin was tingling from the Commander’s touch even if Lexa’s arms were touching her over the clothes.

  
“Clarke” Lexa said with a shaky voice. She immediately released the blonde girl and took a step back “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were there” She said

  
Clarke rubbed her forehead nervously “Yeah… I uh… wasn’t paying attention either”

  
Silence

  
Lexa cleared her throat as she tried to think what else to say and Clarke just took a moment to study her now that she seemed to be distracted.  
The Commander looked weak, which made Clarke obviously a bit worried; her face looked pale, with dark circles under her eyes and her lips were dry. She had cuts and bruises on her face and well, she looked thinner.

  
Lexa was wearing a pair of black jeans and a sleeveless black shirt that allowed Clarke to see her also bruised arms that weren’t as toned as before.

  
“You… you look like crap” Clarke dared to say with a slight joking tone to lighten the mood.

  
Lexa looked down to her body and sighed “I feel like crap” She admitted, and it was completely true. When her ruts ended she always felt weak, sick and a bit disoriented since she wasted so many energy the previous days.

  
Clarke actually felt bad for her now that she could see her; she was still a bit mad or maybe not mad but confused and a bit annoyed but she felt bad for her.

  
“Can we talk?” Lexa asked all of a sudden. Clarke panicked instantly and was about to say some excuse to leave as fast as she could but the surprisingly shaky voice of the Commander confused her.  
Since when Lexa’s voice wavered? She was one of the most confident people she knew, Lexa’s voice was always steady and strong as she gave orders or just spoke to her…

  
Instead of running away, Clarke nodded. She found herself actually wanting to speak to Lexa after all.  
Lexa took a step towards Clarke and then placed a gentle hand on her arm before leaning to whisper something in her ear “Not here” She said softly

  
Clarke felt goosebumps as Lexa’s hot breath hit her ear and her knees trembled. Lexa couldn’t be affecting her this way. No!

  
Before she could react she was being dragged along the hallway and within a minute Lexa was closing the door behind her as Clarke stood in the middle of her room.

  
It had been four days since Clarke had been there; the last time she was there, when Lexa’s rut started, the room was completely destroyed but now…

  
It seemed like nothing had happened there

  
Everything was in perfect order, the place smelled nice and clean and no one could really tell that a few days ago Lexa was there breaking everything with her anger attacks.

  
“Clarke… I…”  
“You should sit Lexa” The blonde interrupted her “You look a bit sick”

  
Lexa nodded quietly and walked to one of the couches which was the closest thing she saw and sat there; just a few seconds later Clarke did the same, sitting at the same couch but putting some distance between them.

  
They stared at each other for a brief moment and then they both looked away; Lexa released a breath and decided to just speak.

  
“I am so deeply sorry for what I did Clarke” She started with a husky voice “I know you probably don’t want to hear lame excuses about this but I couldn’t control myself… I didn’t want to do it, but I couldn’t stop” She explained

  
Clarke looked at her; Lexa actually seemed sorry, her face was sad, she was looking everywhere but at Clarke and well, she was visibly nervous.

  
It was actually cute and at the same time confusing. Because Clarke wanted to be mad at her; she seriously wished that she just could be angry at Lexa so she didn’t have to think too much about this but now that she was face to face with her and that she was seeing how affected Lexa actually was, it was difficult to just be mad.

  
Because Clarke wasn’t mad anymore. She was never mad actually… What was happening to Clarke was something very different that she wasn’t going to say because it couldn’t be possible.

  
“I am not asking for your forgiveness here Clarke… because I probably don’t deserve it, but I just wanted you to know that I am sorry. I promised that I was going to protect you and then I failed you” Lexa continued.

“I caused the situation” Clarke said after a moment of silence. “I shouldn’t have come in here in the first place”  
“You couldn’t have known, I told Kiara not to tell you anything about it because I thought I was keeping you safe…”

  
“We both made a mistake” Clarke mumbled  
“I never meant to hurt you Clarke” Lexa said; she took a bold step and got a bit closer to Clarke as she spoke “Under the rut effects I can’t really distinguish anything or anyone”

“I know. Kiara and Anya explained some of the basics to me” Clarke said “I think I have a lot to learn still”  
Lexa nodded and sighed relieved because Clarke didn’t seem mad, she smelled a bit nervous and well, was visibly uncomfortable but she was not angry or mad at her.

There was a long silence in which none of them knew what to say or how to proceed; Clarke rubbed her thighs a few times and Lexa looked around as she fidgeted with her hands.

  
There was a question Clarke wanted to ask, something she had been thinking about but hadn’t dared to ask before; she opened her mouth several times in order to make the question but closed it quickly because she feared Lexa’s reaction and she obviously felt uncomfortable herself.

  
“Are you a female Lexa?” She blurted out all of a sudden surprising herself with the question and leaving an open mouther Lexa in shock.

  
The Commander swallowed hard “I am” She said

  
Clarke looked at her and nodded “But… I mean, you…” She blushed intensely and looked down “You’re not completely female right?” She asked again

  
Somehow Lexa knew that she was coming; of course Clarke was going to ask that. She wasn’t sure how to answer; she needed to be honest to Clarke but at the same time she didn’t know how the girl would take it, in the end human’s anatomy wasn’t the same as theirs.

  
“You sure want to talk about this?” She asked a bit shocked

  
Clarke shrugged her shoulders “I think you at least owe me a proper explanation”  
Lexa nodded “Alright… so… yeah, I am a female but certain parts of my body are not”

  
Clarke frowned but nodded “Can I ask why?” she didn’t know if she wanted to know the answer but still she asked

  
“Well honestly I don’t have a scientific or medical explanation for you. Alphas are meant to breed and claim, in order to do so male and female Alphas are born with penises” Lexa explained with her cheeks a bit red

  
The blonde was going to say something but just sighed and rubbed her temples “I’m sorry” She said “But this is just too much” She laughed ironically

  
“I know” Lexa said in understanding “We may look alike in the outside but our worlds are extremely different”  
“Yeah…” Clarke said “So let me see, so you’re an Alpha wolf”

  
“Yes”  
“You’re a female”  
“Yes”  
“But since you’re an Alpha you have a dick”  
Lexa quirked an eyebrow “Yes”

  
“And you nearly killed me because you were in rut which means that you were completely gone”  
“Yes”  
“Perfect” Clarke said “Just normal stuff a lady has to learn to live here” She joked

  
“I’m sorry”  
Clarke looked at Lexa and nodded “Don’t be… actually I think I am starting to understand some things” She said offering a soft smile “Can I ask you one more thing?”

  
Lexa looked at her curiously “Sure” She mumbled

  
“Who were you calling to?” Clarke asked in a soft voice, the Commander looked at her slightly confused “Kiara said that your ruts were so hard because you lost your mate… and that you were calling for her”

  
Lexa swallowed hard and felt a lump forming in her throat at the mention of her mate; she also felt her eyes watery and had to do a huge effort not to break down in front of Clarke.

  
“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it” Clarke said quickly  
“No… it’s okay” Lexa said “I just… haven’t talked about it for years” Lexa explained “It hurts too much”

  
“Losing someone is never easy” Clarke told her, she was still deeply sad about her father’s loss, so she somehow understood Lexa.

  
“You kind of remind me of her” Lexa said as she looked finally at Clarke. She had no idea why she was saying this but she kept going “You have the same eyes” She whispered “Perfectly blue…”

  
Clarke looked at her with a sad expression and swallowed, Lexa was close to her… too close, and she couldn’t breathe properly anymore…

  
Before something could happen they both pulled away quickly clearing their throats. Lexa didn’t say something else so it was clear that she didn’t want to talk about that anymore.

  
“I should go” Clarke said a moment later standing up quickly  
“Yeah” Lexa agreed as she walked her to the door.

  
“I’m sorry Clarke, for all what happened” The Commander said again; Clarke was about to say something but suddenly she felt Lexa’s warm hand cupping one of her cheeks and her brain short circuited “You deserve better” She whispered

  
“I think you do too, Heda” Clarke said

  
Lexa didn’t dare to say another word; she knew she had failed Clarke in every way possible; she had offended the human deeply with her terrible behavior and almost got her killed. She felt worse than terrible, she felt like a monster.

Her actions could’ve ended in a lot of suffering for Clarke and she was terribly ashamed and sorry.  
Clarke nodded quickly and after that decided to go; there was no point in stand there with that awkward silence as they just looked at each other, so she started to walk away.

  
Lexa didn’t close the door immediately though, she was observing the blonde and Clarke knew it; so without even thinking about it she went back to the door to very confused Lexa, she looked at her, then stood on her toes to match the Commander’s height and briefly kissed her soft cheek.

  
The contact was short, barely a few seconds, but it was enough to let Lexa’s skin and Clarke’s lips tingling. The blonde immediately took a step back and literally started running away as fast as she could. Lexa in the other hand stood there so shocked that at first she didn’t know how to react.

  
Usually she didn’t really liked to have too much contact with anyone, she preferred to keep her distance with people in order to keep her head cool and not be affected. However she couldn’t control Clarke, it was something that was beyond her hands so she had no idea how to react at the unexpected action.

  
She closed the door after a few seconds and leaned her back against it as she brought her hand to her cheek and caressed softly the spot Clarke had kissed.

  
She still could feel Clarke’s hot and soft lips there and she closed her eyes as she tried to remember the sensation.

  
This was probably wrong. Lexa knew it really well, not that she was in love with Clarke or something, but she definitely felt a powerful attraction to that human girl that was not going to be any good for anyone.  
Clarke was never going to see it in that way; for the blonde Lexa was just the Commander, and the one who could help her but nothing more.

  
It was better if she tried to forget all this and just focus on her duties. Humans and Wolves couldn’t be together, it was not allowed and definitely it couldn’t be healthy for any part.

  
“The sooner you forget it the better you’ll be” Lexa mumbled to the empty room, she stood up then with a stoic face and her fists clenched in decision “Wolves don’t mingle with humans” She remembered.

  
She didn’t know if that rule was useful anymore or if it made any sense, but she definitely had to do something. Her feelings could hurt Clarke, and she was not going to be the cause of her suffering again.

  
Not anymore.


	11. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some angst and feelings happen  
> Things are starting to change between Lexa and Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I managed to finish another chapter! *yay*  
> I hope you guys like this and just so you know, things are really close to change and get interesting here! So stay tunned :)

Lexa had been ignoring her. It was so obvious, that Clarke was starting to get seriously annoyed by it; because she thought that after their talk the other day things were okay again.

 

But nothing was okay.

 

The Commander was no longer in that ‘Let’s be friends’ mode but instead was completely ignoring the fact that Clarke existed. She wouldn’t even look at her if they crossed paths at the hallways, which honestly hurt a little bit in Clarke’s opinion. Their rooms were in the same floor and so they crossed ways a few times a day but every time Lexa fixed her gaze at some point far away on the hallway and avoided all contact with the blonde.

 

Other than that, it was obvious in the way she was never nowhere to be seen when Clarke needed something from her, whenever she came looking for the Commander, Anya came with some lame excuse trying to apologize for Lexa’s absence.

What in the hell was wrong with Lexa?

 

They had talked about what happened, and even if returning to normalcy between the two would be a slow process at first, it wasn’t completely impossible and Clarke was willing to do it. She didn’t even know why but she missed those days in where they both were starting to finally be friends.

 

They were only a few days but it had been a nice step for them to leave their differences behind and all that process was now on the trash due to the fact that Lexa was back to pretend that she was a prisoner and nothing more.

 

What had happened? Clarke had no idea; she honestly didn’t understand what possibly could’ve made Lexa think that she had to ignore her, she just did. And it was starting to piss her off.

 

The first time Clarke noticed this ignoring thing was the morning after their talk. She woke up feeling surprisingly better even though she still knew that she had a lot of things to learn and to understand, but she was mostly positive about it.

She changed quickly and instead of asking for breakfast in her room as she had been doing for the past days, she decided to go to the big ‘dining room’ area where she used to share breakfast and other meals with Kiara; she was done with hiding in her room.

 

It was about time that she started to face this situation and it started with leaving the safety of her quarters for good.

When she stepped into the room though, all her positive thoughts and good mood flew out the window as soon as she saw Lexa sat at one of the chairs.

 

And the view made Clarke’s heart stop. Well, not only her heart, but her mind and probably other vital functions too.

The Commander was sat on a chair with her head titled back as she kept her gaze fixed on the ceiling, one of her arms was clamped at the back of the chair and well, as always she was wearing black clothes, this time consisting in black tight jeans and a buttoned up shirt that was currently completely unbuttoned leaving her torso exposed to the cold room.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but looking; she could’ve tried to not be so obvious but it was too late, because as soon as she spotted Lexa, her eyes went to roam all over the woman’s chiseled abdomen.

 

She had imagined that even if she wasn’t the size of a house like most soldiers there, Lexa would probably be fit since she was a warrior and well, sometimes when she wore those sleeveless shirts, Clarke could see how toned her arms were.

 

One could say that it was no surprise to see Heda’s impressive abs but actually Clarke was surprised, because her jaw fell opened and she stared shamelessly at those perfect abs, that v line at the start of her pelvis and well… her breasts…

 

Lexa’s breasts were small compared to Clarke’s, the blonde was well endowed in that department and she didn’t mind at all, but still, no matter the size and even though the Commander’s chest was wrapped in some bindings that probably were what the Grounders here used as bras, still Clarke found herself wanting to reach both hands and cup those perfect round breasts...

 

Luckily for her, Kiara’s voice startled her and dragged out of her thoughts just in time. Apparently the older woman had been there all this time but obviously Clarke was so distracted that she never saw her.

 

“Did you need something _strikon_?” Kiara asked in a gentle voice.

 

Clarke felt stupid, terribly stupid and embarrassed, because the way Kiara was looking at her, scrutinizing her from head to toe and smiling, told her that she had been caught staring.

 

At those words, Lexa obviously reacted and looked down to see what was happening. She nearly jumped off the chair when she saw Clarke there.

“Oh… uh…” Clarke didn’t know what to do now.

Lexa’s eyes met her briefly and she felt her knees become jelly in less than a second “I just wanted breakfast” She finished directing her gaze to Kiara.

“You came to the right place” The maiden said happily “Take a sit” She ordered.

 

As Clarke sat at the table, Kiara turned her attention back to Lexa who had been trying not to combust in embarrassment; she had managed to close the slaps of the shirt to cover her body from Clarke’s sight but Kiara quickly shot her a disapproving glance and ordered her to open the shirt again.

That’s when Clarke noticed.

 

The Commander wasn’t there nearly half naked just because of pleasure; she had some severe cuts and bruises all over her torso and now that she paid more attention, she could see that Kiara had a bowl of water and other ointments resting at the end of the table and a cloth between her hands. She was trying to cure Lexa.

 

“ _Hod op Leksa!_ ” Kiara told her with a hint of annoyance in her voice “ _Ai’s trana sis au_ ” She added as she pressed the wet cloth to a particular long cut that ran along Lexa’s ribs.

Lexa jumped in pain and growled at her loudly baring her teeth; if Clarke was a wolf or at least had their sense of smell she would have noticed all the Alpha pheromones Lexa released and would’ve understood why Kiara struggled to maintain her composure for a moment.

 

However, the maiden was strong and she recovered quickly growling back at Lexa and shoving the cloth against her face.

 

“Do not do that to me again” She warned with a serious tone.

 

Lexa wasn’t happy about that defiant attitude; her inner Alpha growled in fury since she was denied the submission of the Omega but at the same time she accepted it.

In the end, she was never going to ask Kiara for such thing.

 

Instead she relaxed back on the chair and allowed the woman to clean the cut without protesting even though the contact stung and hurt like hell.

“You’re lucky this is all over” Kiara told her nearly ignoring the fact that Clarke was still there “One or two days more and your wounds would be nearly mortal. One of these days you’re going to get yourself terribly injured”

 

“I’m fine Kiara” Lexa said “Stop fussing”

“I will when you stop being such an idiot” Kiara responded “You’re suffering for no reason Lexa”

“Well I am still alive, okay?” Lexa asked quickly “No need to worry so much”

“You alive but can’t barely stand on your feet. And you can’t ask me not to worry; someone has to since you care so little about yourself Heda” Kiara snorted.

 

Clarke observed the interaction from her spot at the table and wondered why in the hell Kiara could talk like that to Lexa without suffering the consequences.

She had seen how much respect the soldiers and the rest of people there showed to Lexa, it was as if they venerated her and thought about her as a superior spirit. No one called her for her first name unless they had permission or were in private.

 

And yet, Kiara didn’t care, she was talking to Lexa as if she was a stubborn puppy who needed to be reprimanded by a progenitor or a mentor.

The situation made Clarke smile slightly as she saw how pissed off Lexa was and how concerned Kiara seemed, and she wondered how was it that these two were so close.

 

She heard them argue and heard Lexa complain and hiss in pain for a while; the Commander was slightly agitated and seemed to be uncomfortable by her presence, she even glanced briefly at Clarke from time to time only to direct her gaze somewhere else as quick as their eyes met.

 

“Heda your services are…” Everyone in the room turned to see Titus stepping in with a stoic face and his hands hid inside the big sleeves of his tunic. “Required” He finished his sentence as his gaze landed on Clarke, who suddenly felt out of place.

Lexa, who hated to be so vulnerable in front of so many people, quickly got up and closed her shirt in less than two seconds standing up fast and clearing her throat.

 

Kiara shook her head in disapproval as she looked at the Commander and then directed her gaze in annoyance to Titus.

 

“Heda should rest” She said in a steady voice. Titus however didn’t mind her attempts to sound authoritarian or serious since he just scolded and shook his head dismissively

“Heda should attend her duties” He said

“Heda is injured now” Kiara told him

 

Titus was about to speak again when Lexa raised both hands to ask for silence “Heda can speak for herself” She said, both Titus and Kiara looked down “Kiara’s right though; I should not do many efforts at least for today”

“We only require your presence in a meeting Heda” Titus said “Afterwards I’ll ask the guards to keep anyone from bothering you”

 

Kiara rubbed her forehead and looked at Clarke, who was starting to regret her decision of wanting to have breakfast there; Lexa’s eyes found hers too for a moment and this time the eye contact lingered a few seconds.

Clarke sighed when she saw those green eyes on her but then felt a pang of sadness when Lexa tore them apart nervously.

 

“I’ll be there in a minute” The Commander said in her cold usual tone.

Titus nodded solemnly and left the room in a rush. Kiara waited until he disappeared to let out a soft grunt and shake her head.

“I swear to the spirits that one day I am strangling that man myself” She said

“Don’t be too hard on him” Lexa said “He’s only doing his job”

“Yeah well, he does it poorly”

 

Lexa sighed and placed a hand on Kiara’s shoulder “You know he’s right though, being Heda means to put my job over my necessities”

“I know” Kiara said sadly “But you have to take care of yourself from time to time, and maybe let others do so”

 

As the older woman said this she somehow turned to see Clarke and the blonde felt slightly uncomfortable. Was Kiara implying something? Lexa seemed to notice this too since she rubbed her neck nervously and cleared her throat.

 

“I need to go” She said quickly

“I haven’t finished cleaning your wounds” Kiara said frustrated “You seriously overdid it this rut”

“You can do it later”

“Actually no, I can’t. I have work to do” Kiara said

“I could help” Clarke said suddenly, her voice still a bit raspy and unsure and as soon as she said it she asked herself if it was a good idea “I know some stuff about healing” She said softly

 

Kiara was about to respond when suddenly Lexa walked out of the room without even looking back.

“Stubborn pup” Kiara mumbled as she rubbed her forehead. Clarke looked at her confused “Don’t mind her now” The older woman said “She could use your help later”

 

Clarke nodded not sure if that was true

 

“Well, now let’s get you breakfast” Kiara said enthusiastically

* * *

 

During the rest of the morning it was nearly impossible to find Lexa, no matter how hard Clarke tried, the Commander always found a way to leave the scene and hide.

 

After the meeting which by the way seemed to be about some secret issue since no one was even allowed on the throne room floor… Clarke tried to find Lexa to help her since she promised Kiara that she would finish cleaning her cuts.

She managed to see the brunette on her way to her room but a few guards blocked her way and well, Lexa didn’t even look at her no matter how many times she called her name.

 

And at lunch time Clarke tried to go to the small living room where she and Lexa were to have dinner the other night before getting trapped at the balcony. Lexa was there with Titus and some other soldiers as Gustus and a few others Clarke didn’t know and as she was about to enter to ask Lexa at least if they could meet afterwards Anya stopped her.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” She asked. Clarke quirked an eyebrow

“I need to see Lexa”

“That I see… the thing is that she’s busy now” Anya said

“She’s just having lunch… I just have to ask her to meet me later”

“I can do it for you” The taller woman said as she folded her arms over her chest.

 

Clarke looked at her defiantly for a moment and then exhaled once she realized Anya was just trying to save her a humiliation if she dared to enter that room.

“She doesn’t want to see me right?” She asked disappointed.

Anya placed an arm gently over Clarke’s shoulders and they both started to walk along the hallway.

 

“Look sky girl, I wish I could be of any help here but the truth is that I have no idea what’s going on… but no, I don’t think Lexa wants to talk to you now” Anya explained

“Why?” Clarke asked “I mean we talked, everything is okay… what happened to learn about each other’s cultures and be friends and…”

“Well that’s still up but you’re going to be doing the learning with me”

“What?!” Clarke asked trying not to sound too disappointed

“Wow, ouch Clarke” Anya said “That’s how little you appreciate me?”

“I do appreciate you Anya… but I don’t understand”

 

Anya stopped and looked into those deep blue eyes “Look, the thing here is that you can’t understand Lexa, because no one can… she’s been complicated for a while and well… she’s really guarded now”

“So there was a time where she actually was nice?” Clarke asked hesitantly earning a laugh from Anya

 

“Of course; you see, there was a time where Lexa was actually funny and nice to be with, she was full of energy and life, always laughing and being cocky but at the same time sarcastically amazing… she was really cool”

“I’ve never seen her laugh now” Clarke mumbled, the Lexa she knew was always serious with a hard expression on her face that slightly changed into a more relaxed one but nothing more and well, she was always tense and defensive “What happened?” She asked although deep down, she kind of knew the answer

 

“That part of the Commander died with her” Said Anya with sadness “I think a little part of us all died with her”

“You knew her well?” Clarke asked genuinely curious, Anya sighed and nodded as she smiled with nostalgia

“I did” She whispered “She was like having a piece of sun with us… always warm and with the brightest smile ever; she was so full of life and love that… she deserved much more than to just die” Anya concluded not really wanting to talk aby further about this.

 

Clarke was actually full of questions now, she wanted to know who was this person everyone talked about and that left such an empty space inside of Lexa’s life and apparently everyone else, but seeing Anya so sad suddenly she decided that maybe it wasn’t time to push the issue.

 

“Okay” Anya suddenly took a deep breath and her smile returned once again lighting up her face “You ready?”

“For what?” Clarke asked confused

“For your first culture class!” Anya announced happily grabbing Clarke’s arm and pulling the girl with her.

* * *

 

The meeting was beyond boring, or maybe it was just the fact that she wasn’t able to focus in anything, and that made the time pass slower than ever and her head feel like it was about to explode.

 

She usually was a well-focused warrior that had her mind plagued with strategies and thousands of ideas but not today.

Gustus was pacing around the throne room as he talked about the situation they had going on; Indra occasionally interrupted him to argue or just tell a few things she had in mind, Titus observed everything from his spot next to the throne where Lexa was sat and the other twelve leaders of the clans listened intently to everything.

 

The situation was not to be taken as a joke actually; some tropes had spotted a few unknown human groups which probably were part of the sky people, they were set at the south west, past the woods which meant that they were at dangerous territory.

 

The west was still part of the twelve clans’ coalition lands but not south. Past the woods, where the mountains started there was what wolves used to call the forbidden land.

Nearly twenty if not more of human tribes lived in the south with a raging hatred for wolves and a desire for vengeance; they had come to a truce time that was still going on since neither them or wolves wanted another war.

 

But years ago, there was one of the most sanguinary, and giant wars between humans and wolves. Thousands of lives were taken from both sides, during over seven years humans and wolves fought until finally, the twelve clans decided to unite forces and defeated humans.

 

Lexa wasn’t Heda at that time, but the idea of creating a coalition and uniting the clans for good was something that stuck in her head since she was a pup and watched how well they all worked against humans. She had been just a pup when the war exploded, but when she became Heda she fought to create that coalition again, and also worked to get a truce with humans in order to get peace again.

 

Obviously that didn’t mean that things were easy. Some humans that had nothing to do with the ones at the south lived hidden in the mountains capturing wolves from time to time and turning them into monsters; and well then there was the ice nation, whose purpose in life was to try and sabotage the Commander’s plans.

 

“We need to get queen Nia soon” Gustus said with a deep voice “She ought to confess and pay for her crimes”

“What crimes?” The Ice Nation representative, who was a tall man with a long mane, stood up as he asked the question

“Your queen did something to that boy” Indra said referring to Jasper, who was still locked in a cage completely silent.

“Ice Nation does not mingle with humans” The man said “Humans are the enemy”

“Maybe not with humans, but what about our three hundred soldiers who died in a fire!” Gustus asked “Do you remember them?”

“The sky people killed them” The man said

 

“Maybe, but what a coincidence that as soon as some strangers land on our territory the Ice Nation retreats its armies from Polis and TonDC and suddenly three hundred people appear dead”

 

Lexa rubbed her forehead; the discussion went on and on and more people entered the argument until everyone was just talking nonstop creating a loud murmur that quickly became into yells and insults.

Titus tried to put some order but Gustus nearly slammed him against a wall. It was obvious that the meeting had failed this time and that it was going to be complicated to ease this situation.

 

It was obvious that the Ice Nation as always was involved here but Lexa had no idea how and honestly at that moment she had no idea how to figure it out.

She felt completely stupid for letting her personal life mix up with her duties; she was Heda after all and she should know better than to let her life overcome her job but right now her mind was so clouded with doubts that she couldn’t focus.

 

She didn’t care about the fact that Indra had pulled out her sword and was about to slid someone’s throat as she yelled constant insults in Trigedasleng; or the fact that Gustus had backed three clan leaders against a wall and was about to punch them all… or the fact that everyone was about to start a fight and Titus was trying to calm everyone down but failing miserably.

 

She only could think about the fact that Clarke had seen her vulnerable that morning and that even though she had spent all night telling herself that she was over the blonde, that she was Heda and was capable of separating feelings from duty, but the moment she saw Clarke her heart had started beating faster.

 

Love was weakness.

Not that she felt love here, but whatever it was that she was feeling was weakness, and she had to stop it quickly. Clarke was dangerous for her and she was dangerous for Clarke.

 

She had proven it when she nearly raped Clarke at the start of her rut; she didn’t want to imagine what could’ve happened if the guards didn’t enter the room in time.

 

Lexa rubbed her forehead and sighed just when someone nearly collapsed against her, for that person had been pushed with force for an angry Alpha.

That was when the Commander finally returned to planet earth and stood up quickly pumping out her powerful dominant pheromones and yelled at the top of her lungs “Stop!”

 

And everyone did.

 

She probably should give some speech reprimanding everyone there for being so violent and acting like pups without control but instead she just looked at Titus and then to the rest of the room “This meeting is over” She announced as she started to walk out the place.

 

No one dared to question her obviously, but Titus and Gustus followed her around to apologize and talk about the issue.

Lexa dismissed both men and walked to her quarters; on her way she saw Clarke, who obviously tried to talk to her about something but Lexa quickly ignored her presence and walked away.

 

She hated the hurt look in Clarke’s eyes and she knew that she was not acting well; but she didn’t know what to do.

The next time she saw Clarke briefly was when she was having lunch with some of her generals at the small dining room; she saw the blonde getting close to the door which was opened and her heart nearly stopped and jumped out of her chest.

 

Fortunately Anya who knew a bit about the situation was quicker and stopped her before Clarke could enter the room.

Lexa felt miserable. Because she wanted to talk to Clarke, to be friends as they were meant to, to go to the lake again, to eat together… but she couldn’t because she didn’t trust herself.

* * *

 

“You’re an idiot Lexa” She heard Anya saying and well, the woman’s words had never been more right

“What do you want?” Lexa asked in a serious tone as she raised her gaze from the papers on the table.

She was supposing to be studying some maps and planning a few strategies, but her mind was off; she was so distracted that she didn’t even hear Anya entering the room and slamming the door.

 

“I think the proper question here Lexa, is what the hell do _you_ want?!”             

Out of all people Anya was the only one in the world probably besides Kiara; that Lexa allowed to talk to her like that. They trusted each other fully, Anya was her mentor, she and Gustus and well Titus at some point had taught her everything she needed to be Heda.

 

Anya was the closest thing Lexa had to a best friend actually, and even if she appreciated her sincerity and how forward the woman was; today it was not the day to accept such behavior so Lexa clenched her jaw and stood up.

 

“Watch your mouth Anya” She warned “Remember who you are talking to”

Anya snorted and let out a loud guffaw at the same time as she got closer; with a single movement she pushed Lexa hard making her sit again “What the fuck do you want _Heda_?” She repeated the question mockingly but maintaining her face serious.

 

In other circumstances Lexa would’ve fought back to such defiant act, but she was not in the mood; and deep inside she knew that Anya was kind of right.

“I don’t know what you are talking about” She said in a low voice

“You do” Anya said taking a sit next to her “Why are you acting like this?”

“Since when do I have to explain my actions to anyone?” Lexa asked in a cold voice

 

“I don’t know, maybe since there are people who actually care about you?” Anya retorted “You’re honestly acting like a kid Lexa; I have no idea what the hell you’re trying to do here but honestly is pathetic”

“I am Heda” Lexa said rubbing her temples “First of all I don’t need anyone caring about me, and second I am doing what’s best for everyone here”

 

Anya sighed and shook her head “Which is what? Hurting Clarke? Making her actually hate you by ignoring her? Pushing her away?” She asked

There it was, Clarke’s name just popped out in the conversation and made Lexa feel nervous all of a sudden.

“You wouldn’t understand Anya. I am only doing what’s best for her, no matter if she has to hate me or not”

“Jeez, I think the only one who doesn’t understand a thing is you” Anya said almost laughing

 

“Clarke is my prisoner here Anya, she’s here in order for us to learn about her and take her help as we try to deal with her people but nothing more”

“Well mighty Heda” Anya said bitterly “I do not believe you”

“That’s your problem Anya, not mine”

 

Lexa stood up and walked to the center of her room; this conversation made no sense; since when Anya cared about a human girl?

“Well you’re mistaken there, because it is actually your problem Lexa” The taller woman said as she stood up following the Commander “I have seen how you look at her”

 

Lexa’s eyes got dark and somber when she heard those words, and the pheromones she released nearly made Anya fall on her butt but the other Alpha resisted and growled at the Commander.

“I do not look at her in any way” She said sharply to what Anya laughed

“And you know what Lex? She looks at you exactly the same way” She added making Lexa even more agitated.

 

The Commander’s breathing got raged and she fought the need to punch Anya right in the guts; she didn’t like what she was implying.

“ _Shof op_ Anya” She commanded even though she knew it was useless.

“I’ve had her all morning complaining about how much you’re ignoring her. You are actually hurting her Lexa, all she wants is to be near you even though she hasn’t realized that yet… and you’re pushing her away”

“Clarke only wants Heda’s power, for convenience” Lexa said

 

“Like hell she does” Anya said “I think that for the first time in years you’ve found someone that actually just wants Lexa instead of Heda”

 

The words hurt like hell, as if someone just stabbed her right in the heart and was making pressure on the wound to make it bigger. Who the hell would want Lexa now? She was broken even  if she didn’t like to show it… she had worked during years to put up walls to protect herself, she had buried her heart on a shell deep inside her and wasn’t ready to expose it to anyone; even less to a human girl.

 

“Clarke doesn’t see me that way” Lexa said more to herself than to Anya

“How could you know? You’re so busy looking at your own misery that you can’t really see what else is out there for you”

 

“Anya” Lexa started with an annoyed voice “I am the Commander of the twelve clans; I am a soldier, someone whose hands are covered in blood and whose mind is full of nightmares of the spirits of those who I’ve killed and who I have lost. I am not a whole person anymore; I am not in a position to offer anything to anyone other than my power as Heda. And mostly, I am in no position to love or care for anyone Anya, to be Commander is to be alone”

 

“Titus seriously has a way with words for you repeat his same speech every single day” Anya said

“This has nothing to do with Titus and you know it; you also taught me that, love is weakness and also you taught me to never trust humans, they are dangerous”

 

“Look Lexa” Anya said approaching her and putting her hands on her shoulders “I agree with that love is dangerous in your position and that humans are hardly worthy of our trust; but you’re a wolf before a Commander, you have needs and feelings as much as the next wolf and even though you have duties to attend to, I think it’s time for you to think a little about yourself”

 

“I can’t” Lexa replied simply

“You could if you took your head out of the gutter for once” Anya said shacking Lexa by the shoulders “It’s been what… six years? Seven?”

“Six years and a half” Lexa said with a shaky voice

“Exactly! Six years of you mourning in every corner of the tower and being absorbed by the pain. It’s time for you to stop it; you have a chance to be happy here”

“With Clarke?” Lexa asked nearly sarcastically “Really? She is a human, Anya. We couldn’t be together even if I actually wanted to, we’re from two different worlds we have different ways to see life and trust me maybe she wants a genuinely friendship with me but nothing more”

 

“You are definitely the queen of stubbornness” Anya commented taking a few steps back and pinching the bridge of her nose “And you know what, _queen_? You actually have more things in common with Clarke that you think, but once again you’ll never find out if you don’t try”

 

“I don’t want to try” Lexa stated turning her back to Anya “She will be better far away from me”

“So that’s your master plan?” Anya asked “Just take some distance without explanation and ignore her for the rest of both of your lives”

 

Lexa just nodded and Anya laughed loudly at this.

 

“And why don’t you let her decide?” She asked after a moment earning a confusing look from Lexa “You are being terribly selfish here Lexa and you know it!”

“I just have to do what’s best for her” The Commander said sadly

“You have no idea what’s the best for you… how are you going to know what’s best for her?” Anya asked sarcastically “She is capable of deciding what she wants”

“I nearly killed her!” Lexa snapped after a moment nearly slamming her fists against Anya “I hurt her! And scared her to death” She said with her voice almost cracking

 

“You were in rut Lexa, you weren’t in control of your actions anymore”

“No but I saw her face. Even if I couldn’t control what was happening I saw her eyes and… she was terrified Anya, she was scared to death, I could smell it; I could see it; I scared her… I nearly hurt her so she’ll be better if I just stay away”

 

Anya looked down for a moment and nodded her head; there was no point in arguing with Lexa and she knew it. Heda was stubborn and was hurt and that was a terrible combination because even though her heart was screaming to love and be loved again; her brain was ordering her to block any hint of feeling and remain strong.

 

“You nearly killed her yeah” She said after a moment with a soft tone and looking at Lexa straight in the eyes “But she’s still here, she could just hate you or fear you but instead she wants to fix things”

 

“Yeah well maybe she’s just a naïve human” Lexa said

“Or maybe you’re the one who’s scared to death” Anya said

Lexa swallowed hard

 

“You’re a lot of things Lexa, but I never had you as a coward” She added before deciding to leave.

 

She was not really mad at Lexa, because she understood that the Commander was not having a good time, but she couldn’t be grieving forever, it was time that she could move on with her life and finally be happy!

 

And even if Clarke was a human and Anya knew how hard things were going to be, she knew that somehow she was the best thing for Lexa. So after spending all afternoon with her trying to teach her a few stuff she finally gave up because all Clarke could talk about was about how upset she was that Lexa was ignoring her so she got tired and decided to face Lexa.

 

She didn’t know what was going to happen, but maybe if the Commander decided to open her heart a bit she could finally find happiness. That’s all Anya wanted for her.

* * *

 

Clarke fidgeted nervously with the hem of her shirt as she stood by the familiar door; she gulped audibly as she felt her stomach twist and tried to calm down. She felt stupid and embarrassed which made her feel mad at herself at the same time.

 

There was no reason for this; she didn’t even need to be there in the first place; she didn’t have to do this so she turned her back to the door and walked a few steps before stopping and sighing.

Why was she so scared? She didn’t need to go either…

 

She turned again determined to walk to the door again but stopped a few inches before reaching it and growled.

Clarke Griffin scared of knocking on a door. Fantastic…

 

She took a deep breath and thought about what she could say if she finally dared to do this, and then rubbed her forehead nervously. “Okay” She muttered under her breath as she got ready.

 

She finally reached out her hand and her knuckles made contact with the hard wood; but she was so hesitant that her hand trembled, and the knock was so soft that she actually doubted that anyone could hear it.

 

However, within a few seconds, she heard movement inside of the room and then heard the creaking of the door as it got opened slowly.

And she was met by a pair of green eyes that left her speechless.

 

Clarke had never been like this, she had never been a mess when it became to feelings or relationships, she had always been a very down to earth person and she hardly lost her nerves over anyone.

 

Partly because she never felt something like this; which was the reason why she was scared; she didn’t like Lexa, she was the complete opposite to her, too serious, too tense, and stubborn as hell; jeez she didn’t even know her too much, and still she couldn’t avoid to feel this… pull inside of her body; it was like she couldn’t avoid thinking about the Commander…

 

And far from being mad at Lexa for ignoring her, she just wanted to talk to her and understand why she was acting like this.

 

“Clarke” Lexa mumbled in surprise.

It was not late at night, but the darkness was starting to settle in on the sky; and after a long day Lexa had decided to just end her duties and go to her quarters to rest, in the end the best thing she could do now was try to sleep.

 

“Can I come in?” Clarke asked hesitantly biting her lip and looking down.

Lexa swallowed; why in the hell Clarke wanted to see her?! She should be mad at her, she should be trying to put some distance between them… but here she was.

 

“I don’t know…” Lexa started not really sure about what she was going to say.

“I just came here to clean your wounds” The blonde said quickly raising a small bag she had been hiding inside the pocket of her jacket.

Lexa looked at it and then looked at Clarke “I’m fine” She said

“You didn’t let Kiara finish this morning” Clarke stated “And I assume you still haven’t cleaned them… if you don’t do so they’re going to get infected”

 

Lexa was going to say something, to make up some excuse to ask Clarke to leave but as soon as she opened her mouth she realized that she couldn’t.

Instead, she opened the door wider so the blonde could step in and once she was inside, she closed the door slowly.

 

Clarke took a moment to look at the Commander as she walked inside the room; Lexa was a bit pale, probably due to the fact that she had been all day working instead of resting, and she also was still wearing the same clothes as this morning; the same buttoned up shirt and the right black jeans.

 

They both looked at each other in silence and feeling slightly uncomfortable; neither of them knew what to say or what to do and Clarke felt like an idiot all of a sudden… maybe it wasn’t a good idea to come here after all.

 

“Uh… should we start or…?” Lexa tried to ask.

Clarke quickly nodded “Sure” they both looked at each other’s eyes nervously “You should sit”

Lexa was going to walk towards the bed to sit there, but quickly changed her opinion; she didn’t want to be near any bed with Clarke Griffin.

 

So she walked to the couch and sat there in silence trying not to show up how nervous she was. Clarke took a sit next to her and started dragging some ointments and creams out of the bag she had in her hand.

 

“Do you have water here?” She asked as she grabbed a small cloth. Lexa pointed to the bedside table where there was a small jar with water.

Clarke went to grab the jar and damped the cloth a little bit hoping it will be enough, and then returned back to the couch where she sat again and looked at Lexa.

“Uh… can you…” She pointed to Lexa’s shirt not knowing how to finish and the Commander nodded frantically as she started to unbutton it

“I promise this won’t take too long” Clarke said as she saw the buttons of Lexa’s shirt being opened.

 

“Not that I have anything better to do” Lexa tried to joke to lighten the mood. Her shirt was finally completely opened and she felt vulnerable and exposed as she felt the cool air of the room hit her skin.

Clarke let out a soft laugh “I thought you were really busy today” She said after that “You know, ignoring me and that stuff”

 

 _Ouch!_ Lexa felt like someone just kicked her in the stomach; and probably she deserved it; she looked down in embarrassment and took a deep breath.

 

Clarke didn’t add anything to that, after inspecting Lexa’s torso, trying to ignore how soft her skin looked and how toned those abs were… she finally pressed the cloth to the first wound to what Lexa hissed in pain.

 

“I’m sorry” She mumbled as she cleaned the dry blood it had at the outside.

“It’s okay” Lexa said “I probably deserve it”

 

Clarke smiled gently and applied more pressure again making the Commander hiss and this time grunt a bit

“Hey!” Lexa complied

“Sorry, you deserved that too” Clarke said smiling

“I thought you wanted to clean my cuts, not make them worse”

 

“I’m cleaning them” She said rubbing the cloth gently “See?” She asked as she showed it to Lexa

The end of that particular cut that went along her ribs, was a bit irritated and Lexa nearly cried out in pain when the cold cloth touched it.

“Jeez… sorry” Clarke apologized; she let the cloth on the table and grabbed one of the creams

“It’s okay” Lexa told her

 

“How did you manage to end up like this?” Clarke asked pointing to all the wounds and bruises she had

“Rage” Lexa responded “I didn’t have a great time this rut; the last day I asked two Alphas to fight”

Clarke quirked an eyebrow “That’s terrible” She said as she applied some cream

“Well, better that than destroy the tower”

“Yeah… maybe”

 

The next cut was smaller and less severe; it was just superficial so it didn’t take much time to be cleaned.

“You should be more careful though” She said looking at Lexa in the eyes “You could’ve hurt yourself pretty badly”

“I’m fine” Lexa said dismissively

 

Clarke then made once again pressure against a cut and the Commander jumped slightly as she hissed and growled in pain “I can see that” The blonde said laughing

 

“Jesus Clarke” Lexa said

“What? You probably deserved that too”

“Are you going to punish me or what?” Lexa asked as she leaned back on the couch once again.

 

Clarke’s smile faded and she looked down “I don’t understand why you’re being like this” She confessed “I should be mad at you”

“Why aren’t you?” Lexa asked “Why are you here?”

 

Clarke cleared her throat and checked some more bruises until her gaze landed on a particular long cut that started near Lexa’s belly button and disappeared under the jeans. She gulped audibly.

 

“Do you mind if I…” Clarke didn’t have the courage to finish the sentence; instead she just moved her hands quickly towards the button of Lexa’s jeans and started undoing it

Lexa was about to complain; she could do that herself but as soon as she tried to stop Clarke, the button was opened and Clarke was pulling the zipper down.

 

The action was beyond weird, and the sudden tension between them was so heavy that it cut be cut with a knife. Clarke tried to remain calm as she pushed the fabric of the jeans a bit down and Lexa tried not to combust right there.

 

The action, even if it was strange, was actually sexy. Well anything Clarke did do would be sexy actually… but seeing her there so close was overwhelming.

There was nothing sexual in this, in fact Clarke was once again concentrated in cleaning the cuts; this one in particular was made when one of the alphas hit her with a spear; Lexa defeated him but she got a bit injured on the way; but despite this moment being genuinely innocent, Lexa felt a pang of arousal hit her body.

 

She cursed inside of her mind as she tried with all her force to not get hard. It was inappropriate and Clarke shouldn’t see her like that.

Clarke’s hand stopped at the hem of Lexa’s underwear, which was where the cut ended and then raised her gaze to look at Lexa’s eyes.

 

The Commander was blushed profusely and seemed a bit nervous; and when Clarke looked down again, she swallowed when she spotted the slight bulge that was starting to grow inside of Lexa’s pants.

 

“I’m so sorry” Lexa said as she sat up straight on the couch and tried to close her jeans

“Lexa…”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you’re here” Lexa said trying to sound cold and the words felt to Clarke like a bucket of really cold water

“Lexa this is not your fault” Clarke tried to convince her

 

The tent in Lexa’s pants was completely noticeable now and she was so mad at herself; Clarke deserved to be treated well and not to have to see something like this.

 

“I apologize for this…” She said embarrassed “But it will be better if you go”

Lexa stood up quickly fidgeting with her fingers nervously and walked as far away from Clarke as she could.

“Lexa please, let’s just talk” Clarke pleaded standing up too and trying to walk towards the Commander, who took a few steps back

 

“Clarke we can’t”

“Why?” Clarke asked with a shaky voice

“Please go”

Lexa turned around but Clarke was quick so in a few steps she walked to her, and grabbed her by the arm spinning her around and nearly backing her against a wall.

 

“I am not leaving this room until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you” Clarke said raising her voice

“This is inappropriate Clarke” Lexa said

“Oh yeah? So what, you want to go back to just ignore my existence? How is that appropriate?”

“Clarke, please”

 

“No Lexa, I’m not doing this anymore; I’m tired of it, you can’t just ignore me without at least giving me an explanation”

Lexa sighed and looked down trying to not show any sign of weakness “I don’t have to justify my actions”

“Being mean to me now is not going to change the fact that I want to talk” Clarke warned her and Lexa clenched her jaw

“What do you want Clarke?” She asked

 

Clarke suddenly took a step back “I don’t know!” She yelled “I don’t know what the fuck I want anymore! But I certainly know what I don’t want, and I don’t want to be out of your life” She confessed “I don’t know why but just the thought of it hurts…” She then got bolder and took some step towards Lexa until this time the Commander was with her back against the wall “You hurt” She said “Because I don’t know what it is that you have but every time I’m with you I feel… different… and I am confused Lexa! This is all your fault” She yelled as she slammed her fists against Lexa’s chest and felt tears running down her cheeks.

 

Lexa grabbed her by the arms trying to stop her, she didn’t know how to react, she was completely out of words now and seeing Clarke so broken made her heart break into pieces.

 

“I cannot hurt you anymore Clarke” Lexa said sadly “The best thing for you is if you are not close to me… nothing can happen here” She said pointing between them.

 

Clarke gulped and then pushed her back again with force, Lexa didn’t oppose any resistance because she knew Clarke needed to let some anger out but she wasn’t expecting what came next.

Because Clarke took one more step until her body was pressed against Lexa’s and her hard cock unexpectedly rubbed against her thigh making Lexa nearly moan.

 

“Why not?” Clarke asked all of a sudden, her eyes puffy red and her voice shaky.

“You know why Clarke” Lexa said

“Do you not want me?” Clarke asked hurt

 

Lexa gulped audibly, it was hard for her to concentrate because all she wanted to do was to grab Clarke, lay her on the bed and fuck her so hard that she would forget everything; but she couldn’t, so instead, she placed her hands in Clarke’s hips making her separate their bodies a little bit and rested her forehead against the blonde’s.

 

“I think you know the answer to that Clarke” She said with a husky voice “But despite of what I want or not, I am not good for you”

Clarke separated from her completely and tried to wipe off her tears “Then again, why is it that you decide what’s good for me?” She asked

“You’re a human Clarke” Lexa said

 

“And wolves don’t mingle with humans, right?” Clarke asked even more hurt “Let me ask you something Lexa. Do you really despise me and my kind so much that you don’t want me close? Is that it?”

 

Lexa looked down “I do not despise you Clarke, but you already saw what I am capable off and…” She made a pause “You deserve much better”

 

“So that’s it?” Clarke asked feeling like someone just had punched her “We go back to being a prisoner and the Commander”

“We cannot be anything else Clarke” Lexa said

“What happened to _let’s be friends_?”

 

“Do you want to be my friend?” Lexa asked quirking an eyebrow

“I don’t know” Clarke mumbled “But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore”

“I’m sorry Clarke” Lexa tried to grab the blonde’s hand but she pulled it away quickly

“Fuck you Lexa” Clarke said with a lump in her throat

 

“Clarke…” Lexa didn’t like to see the girl like this; Clarke was a mess now, and she wished she could do something to help

“Do you know what the worst thing is?” Clarke asked rhetorically as she wiped more tears of her face “I thought that you were actually different”

 

Lexa didn’t dare to say a thing

 

“I see that I was wrong”

 

There was nothing else to say here, Lexa looked down, not knowing what to do and Clarke just decided to leave as quickly as possible.

She needed to get out of there; she needed to be alone, to cry, to scream, everything. She couldn’t believe that Lexa had had the guts to be so fucking cold with her, she tried to finally open up and she just got massively rejected.

 

As she reached her room finally she realized that she was fully crying, sobbing loudly and breathing heavily. She collapsed on the bed and hugged her pillow hard as she let out all the tears and pain she was feeling inside.

 

She was certain that she had confusing feelings towards Lexa, she knew she felt something but she didn’t know that it was this strong… it wasn’t love, of course not… but still it hurt like fucking hell and this pain inside of her made her even more confused.

 

Lexa stood in the middle of her room feeling miserable and defeated; she felt like shit and her chest hurt.

What the hell had just happened? She didn’t understand

 

Clarke just confessed some feelings towards her, which to be honest, made her inner Alpha growl in content but at the same time she knew that she had to stop this.

She obviously felt the same way even if she knew it was wrong, she shouldn’t care about anyone other than her people and her duties and still Clarke had just barged into her life making everything a mess.

 

And now she had hurt her again…

 

Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose as she sat at the edge of the bed; she had fucked everything up… now Clarke was going to hate her for good and she probably deserved it, she wasn’t going to forgive herself for making the girl cry like that…

However, it was better this way, she wasn’t whole; she was not loveable anymore and she had nothing to offer to Clarke so it was better to keep her distance.

 

It shouldn’t be complicated, they didn’t know each other for that long and she was only attracted to the human… it was only attraction, nothing more.

 

But then… why did it hurt so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng translations:  
> \- Hod op: stop   
> -Ai's trana sis au: I'm trying to help  
> -Shof op: shut up
> 
> thanks for reading :)


	12. Trying to move on... and failing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has made her point clear, however things are never easy.   
> The rest of the humans finally are released from the cell.  
> Some sadness ensues... and maybe some jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the waiting! It took me longer than expected to finish hehe but here it is!   
> I hope the next chapter will be finished soon :)  
> Thanks for your amazing support and your wonderful comments!

_The creaking of a door interrupted the peaceful silence in the room and dragged Clarke out of her dreams unexpectedly._

_She opened her eyes feeling slightly confused and disoriented, not knowing where the sound was coming from, or if it was real at all. She sat up lazily and inspected the room as she yawned._

 

_A few seconds later, she heard the door close and she looked into its direction startled and more confused._

 

_Her eyes were still half closed, full of sleep, her hair was disheveled and she felt her mouth dry from sleep, she wasn’t in the best position to be fully aware of anything since she still was fighting to stay awake but the moment she saw a shadow moving inside of her room she nearly jumped in panic out of the bed._

 

_She heard steps that were headed towards her and she immediately tried to stand up and prepared herself to yell as loud as she could._

_“Wait” A familiar voice said in a loud whisper_

 

_Clarke furrowed her brow at the same time as she felt her heart stop and then allowed her eyes to adjust to the lack of light in the room._

_There she could distinguish the tall, thin figure of the Commander, who was now by the end of the bed._

 

_“Lexa?” Clarke asked with a raspy voice; she moved quickly to the bedside table and struggled for a few moments to find the matches Kiara left for her to light the candles._

_She lighted one large candle that she had been using previously to read before falling asleep and then looked at Lexa._

 

_The Commander was serious as always, her features tensed as always too and as always with black clothes._

_Clarke assumed that what she was wearing was a pajama which consisted in black silk pants that honestly looked like sweatpants but without pockets and then a sleeveless shirt that revealed her toned arms and mysterious tattoos._

 

_“What are you doing here?” She asked after taking a look at the wolf._

 

_Lexa looked at her with intensity, her green eyes staring deep into hers as if she was trying to look through her soul._

 

_“You know why” She responded in a serene voice_

_Clarke gulped as Lexa walked towards her “You should go” She said immediately_

_“You don’t want me to go” Lexa said in a nearly cocky voice_

_“You have no idea what I want” Clarke raised her voice “You can’t just treat me like shit and then come here as if nothing happened”_

_“You want me” Lexa said, a knee settling on the mattress making it creak with the pressure “I can smell it” She said as she crawled slowly towards Clarke._

 

_Clarke didn’t know what to do. But before she could say anything back, her back was being pinned to the bed and she felt Lexa’s body hovering over her._

 

_She wanted to fight, kick Lexa to the floor and ran away as fast as she could but she couldn’t; her eyes met Lexa’s and she felt powerless, completely disarmed and hot… because suddenly she realized that her body was really hot._

 

_Deep inside of her she knew she wanted this, and as Lexa rested her body atop hers, pressing their pelvises together and lowered her mouth pressing her soft lips against Clarke’s neck, Clarke realized that she wanted this more than anything else._

 

_She moaned deeply as she felt Lexa’s lips move along the flesh on her neck, the brunette hadn’t kissed her yet but the softness of her lips against Clarke’s skin was incredibly pleasant._

_Clarke could feel the Commander’s body pressed against hers in all the right places and she placed her hands on Lexa’s waist trying to pull her even closer and get some friction._

 

_Lexa’s penis was hard by this point, and Clarke could feel it pressing right against her core; and it felt amazing… she reached her hips up desperate for deeper contact and she moaned once again when she felt the hard member grazing along her core hard._

 

_They both were still fully clothed but as Clarke started to thrust her hips up grabbing Lexa’s waist encouraging them to do the same, the friction they started to create set her body on fire._

 

_“I thought you didn’t want anything to happen between us” Clarke said between pants as she kept thrusting her hips desperate for release._

_Lexa thrusted particularly hard and Clarke let out a throaty moan “Maybe I do”_

 

_“What changed your mind?” Clarke asked_

_Lexa groaned as she started to move faster and looked at Clarke in the eyes for a second; she seemed to be lost in thought for a moment and then opened her mouth to respond…_

 

Clarke’s eyes fluttered open and she sat up lazily on her bed trying to understand what just happened.

 

Lexa had been there… right? She scanned the room trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness, the room was empty.

Empty as her heart; everything had been just a dream; and images of her argument with Lexa hours ago came to her mind.

 

Lexa didn’t want anything with her and had rejected her; not that Clarke was looking for a relationship or anything but somehow she felt like there was something between them and now that she actually found the courage to face Lexa, she had been rejected.

 

She brought her knees close to her chest hugging them and a loud sob escaped her mouth as she started to cry.

She felt stupid; how could she believe that Lexa would feel the same way? She should’ve known better, she should’ve just let her feelings disappear instead of trying anything.

 

But apparently it was not so easy because every passing day she felt those stupid feelings grow inside her chest; every time she saw Lexa or was in her presence she felt something in her stomach… the feelings were even haunting her in her dreams.

 

Everything was easier when she just hated Lexa; why in the hell did the commander have to try to be friends with her? Why spend time together and be nice to Clarke if she just wanted her to keep her distance?

 

It was probably past three or four in the morning judging by the silence surrounding everything and how dark everything was; Clarke lied on her bed again sobbing loudly against her pillow and cursing herself for being so weak. She didn’t know how many hours she was like this, but the sun was starting to rise when she finally fell asleep again.

* * *

 

Anya’s quarters were situated on one of the highest floors of the tower; she loved it there, she had a big balcony for herself, a big bed some armchairs and nice furniture and pretty much everything she wanted; Lexa’s room was bigger though but she had nothing to envy to her, Anya loved her room, it was her space, her only spot of intimacy in this city and she loved it.

 

As every single morning she had woken up a while before the sun rose, she didn’t like to stay in bed longer than necessary for she always had matters to attend.

 

Being the Commander’s second was not easy but she loved the job and took it as a challenge. The room was in silence and she took a deep breath as she wiped the sweat out of her brow with the back of her hand, she loved silence, especially because it allowed her to think.

 

She had just finished her daily-after-waking work out and was just waiting for the maidens to come and prepare her bath. Today it’ll be a hard day and she needed to be ready for it.

 

The door opened just a second later and she turned around slowly to find a very concerned-looking Kiara.

“Everything okay” She said skipping the formalities and just asking the maiden what she wanted to

 

Kiara, who was carrying a small platter with some fruits, bakery and a glass of juice placed it on the table and sighed deeply.

 

“I’m afraid not” She answered sadly looking at Anya.

“I’m assuming it has something to do with Heda?” Anya asked even though she already knew the answer.

“And Clarke”

Anya snorted “What is it now?”

“I have no idea” Kiara admitted “But I’m pretty much sure that I heard Clarke crying nearly all night” She explained “And Lexa left the tower earlier. No one knows where she is”

 

“Damn” Anya said between her teeth “What the hell did these two do last night?” She asked

“Clarke went to see Heda, she needed help with her wounds and I thought it was a good idea to let her help”

“I bet Lexa messed things up” Anya said folding her arms over her chest “I swear she’s the most stubborn person in this planet!”

“What do you think we should do?” Kiara asked with frustration.

 

Not too long ago, they both had realized that something was happening between Lexa and Clarke. Neither woman knew what exactly but it was obvious in the way the two girls looked at each other.

 

However, Lexa was stubborn trying to convince herself that she wasn’t capable to feel anything anymore and Clarke was stubborn in everything. But the thing was that despite of all this they still looked at each other as if there was something more in there… and Kiara hadn’t seen a look like that in Lexa’s eyes in years so she decided to ask Anya for help.

 

“If you ask me…. We should probably lock those two again far away from here and wait until either they solve their issues or either they just kill each other.

Kiara shook her head “Don’t you have a better plan?”

“Lexa needs time” Anya admitted after a moment of thinking “But if she doesn’t accept the fact that the past is in the past and that she can move forward then we can’t do anything”

 

There was a silence followed by Kiara’s sad sigh “I just want to see her happy again”

“Me too” Anya said, she took a step towards her and grabbed her hand between hers “But sadly if she doesn’t accept it, anything is going to change”

 

“Do you really think it is a good idea that they try something? I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time a wolf is with a human… but Lexa is Heda and Clarke is not any human” Kiara stated sadly

“Well, our people despises her people, humans are not well accepted here… but I swear that to this point I would be happy even if Lexa decided to date a cat” Anya said in frustration “And honestly Clarke is not that bad; she’s intelligent, strong, really beautiful and most important, she seems to accept and care for Lexa”

 

“Lexa doesn’t deserve any of this” Kiara mumbled with deep sadness

“She doesn’t. But we aren’t going to help her letting her just keep her pity party, she needs to face the reality and open her eyes” Anya said “Lexa might be lost now but I know she can overcome this, the Lexa we know is still in there and she can be happy again”

 

“May the Spirits hear you Anya” Kiara said sadly

“Yeah… and may these too stop being so stubborn”

* * *

 

When Clarke woke up again the darkness was gone, replaced by the intense sunrays that hit her right on the face making her close her eyes again immediately a bit confused.

 

She felt like crap, and probably she looked like crap too; her eyes were red and swollen from all the crying, actually her whole face felt a bit swollen… her hair was messy and well, in general, she didn’t really felt like today it was going to be her day…

 

She stood up lazily, trying to shut her brain off and not to think about Lexa or her stupid rejection last night…

It was pointless to be crying over this and was even more pointless to keep thinking about the Commander. Lexa said no, okay, it wasn’t as if she was in love with her, Clarke just felt a slight attraction towards her that could be ignored so that’s what she had to do.

 

Problem solved. Moving on

A few minutes later, pretty much as every morning Kiara stepped inside her room carrying the water basin and the towel so she could wash her face and get ready and Clarke was glad, because she seriously needed to get rid of the stickiness of her tears and feel clean.

 

The maiden stood in the middle of the room after leaving the basin on the table and eyed Clarke with scrutinizing eyes.

“What’s wrong _strikon?_ ” She asked concerned; she already knew that something was wrong but she wanted Clarke to open up.

“Nothing” Clarke said keeping a straight face and ignoring the lump in her throat.

Kiara however wasn’t born yesterday so she obviously knew that something was up; she took a few steps towards Clarke and studied her.

“Are you sure?”

 

Clarke nodded frantically trying to not lose it in front of the woman but she ended up failing. She chocked on a sob unexpectedly and within seconds she was crying again.

 

Kiara smiled sadly and opened her arms pulling the human girl into a comfortable hug as she pumped out some soothing pheromones. Clarke accepted the warm hug and buried her face in Kiara’s shoulder as she sobbed.

 

She couldn’t believe that she was fucking crying again. Again! Jesus, how many times was she going to cry?! And more important… why in the hell was she crying so much over Lexa? Not that she was anyone special; she was just a stupid Commander.

 

Clarke didn’t exactly know how or when but at some point, Kiara had moved them both to the bed and now they were sat at the edge as Clarke continued sobbing but in a more controlled way.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me today” Clarke admitted after a long sigh. Kiara eyed her carefully and then smiled gently

“We all have every right to cry Clarke” She said

“Yeah but I shouldn’t be crying. I should be mad, or indifferent or whatever! Lexa doesn’t deserve my tears” The blonde said trying hard not to cry again.

“So…” Kiara moved to face Clarke and placed her hand soothingly on her arm “This has to do with Lexa”

 

Clarke looked down and nodded “Yes, it has”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kiara asked concerned

“Actually there is nothing to talk about” Clarke answered “I needed a reality check, and I got it”

 

Kiara quirked an eyebrow “What does that mean?”

“That I am stupid, for thinking that there was something, when there isn’t” Clarke said annoyed.

There was a moment of silence; both women just looked down as they thought.

 

“Kiara… has ever happened that… you know a wolf… and a human” Clarke started not really knowing how to finish or if she wanted to know the answer at all.

Kiara let out a soft laugh “Yes” She answered convinced and looked at Clarke’s eyes

The blonde looked genuinely surprised “Seriously?! I mean… how? How is it possible?”

 

“Well, I can assure you that it is not easy” Kiara said smiling sadly “Humans and wolves hate each other, so whenever two of each kind decide to fight everything and be together… there is a lot of hatred and stereotypes to break, also some complications due to our differences and well the age thing”

“Oh… sounds bad” Clarke admitted feeling even worse. So now she’d have to accept that definitely nothing had to happen between her and Lexa.

“What do you mean with… _‘age thing’?”_ Clarke asked curiously

 

“Well _strikon_ , you see… wolves don’t age like humans” Kiara explained “Our bodies heal faster, and grow old slower than your kind’s bodies do. We have the gift of the long life”

“What?” Clarke mumbled “So you all are older than you appear?”

“Some of us yes”

“Like when a dog’s year counts like seven human years?” Clarke asked confused

“We’re not dogs Clarke, and no. We just don’t get old so soon”

 

“How old are you?” Clarke asked all of a sudden

Kiara laughed and then sigh “I’m older than you think” She said

“Okay… so that means that humans get old when wolfs don’t”

“Yeah, we get old too, but we take more time” Kiara said

“That makes things even worse”

“It does darling, but that is the less important part of this”

 

“And what is?” Clarke asked confused

“Look, humans, wolves… we may be different but we all have one life, we all live only once and worrying so much about who we love or what the others think is a waste of time. Because life is more than just doing what is right; life is much more than what species we belong too. Life is about being happy and enjoying and doing so with the person you love, no matter who it is… is the best thing ever”

 

Clarke was speechless, somehow Kiara was right but at the same time, things weren’t that easy “Lexa doesn’t want me” She whispered feeling a lump in her throat

Kiara felt bad for her “Don’t say that. She does but… she just don’t know how to react”

“Well I guess now it doesn’t matter” Clarke said shrugging her shoulders “It’s over”

“You shouldn’t give up” Kiara said “Lexa… Lexa is really hurt and well still living in the past. She has no idea how to react to feelings anymore and well I assume she got scared”

 

“Well I am scared too; but I am not a coward”

“You have to give her time” Kiara told her

“She doesn’t deserve it” Clarke whispered

“No she doesn’t. But I think that you are the only one who can show her that there is life beyond her pain Clarke, because trust me, I’ve seen the way she looks at you and even if she says that she doesn’t want you… she does”

 

“What do I do?” Clarke asked sadly

“Be yourself _strikon_ , Lexa will change eventually… she’s lost and hurt and hasn’t opened up her heart in a long time”

“What if she doesn’t change?” Clarke asked

 

“Then you’ll have to let her go” Kiara admitted; she loved Lexa with all her heart and knew that Clarke was good for her, but truth being told, if Lexa wasn’t capable of accepting that the past was over and that she could love again; then Clarke deserved better.

* * *

 

Lexa stood in the throne room with a stoic face, her hands joined behind her body and her gaze lost in the horizon as she looked through the big balcony.

Her exterior was, as always, perfect; her clothes were perfectly clean and without any wrinkle, her hair was perfectly done; her war paint was perfect, her body showed her power as her alpha pheromones filled the room.

 

She looked majestic, as always. She was Heda after all, and had to be always on point.

 

However, inside things were different; because as majestic as she could be seen, Lexa felt like crap that day.

She hadn’t slept all night; her thoughts kept her awake and desperate; the image of Clarke’s sad and devastated face was tucked in her brain and… when she left her room, before the sun rose, she walked quickly past Clarke’s room and could hear the girl cry…

 

She had made Clarke cry

 

She felt like the worst person ever; Clarke didn’t deserve this, but at the same time, Lexa was trying to convince herself that this was something positive; maybe Clarke could get over her soon and be truly happy.

 

Clarke deserved someone better than her, someone who could give her the things she needed; because Lexa had nothing to offer, Clarke wasn’t an Omega whom Lexa could use for the night or for a couple of days and that’s it; Clarke deserved the world and Lexa couldn’t give it to her, because her heart died a long time ago.

 

The door opened abruptly and a very pissed off Anya stepped in; her defiant pheromones quickly hit Lexa making her pump her own pheromones in dominance.

“What’s wrong?” She asked with a serious tone.

“You tell me Heda” Anya said back “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Not again please” Lexa said in annoyance

“You hurt Clarke… I don’t know what the hell you did but you hurt her” Anya said

 

“Since when do you care so much about her?” Lexa asked nearly in a yell

Anya rubbed her forehead “Maybe since I consider her my friend” She answered

“This is the best for her Anya” Lexa explained

“Lexa… I have no idea what the hell happened between you too; but you deciding what’s best for her is not going to make anything better”

 

“I can’t give her what she wants” Lexa shouted, she felt her chest tightening painfully “She deserves the world, to be loved fully and completely and I can’t offer that to her”

Anya looked serious; so after all this time finally Clarke realized her feelings… “You are not a ghost Lexa, deep inside you still have feelings, you could be happy again, but you’re just too blind and stubborn to see it”

 

Lexa growled and folded her arms over her chest “This is how it has to be” She said in a cold tone “She’ll get over it”

Anya smirked at this and scowled taking a few steps until she was close to Lexa; and then leaned to whisper in her ear “And you?” She asked

 

Lexa was about to reply when the door opened again and Titus stepped inside followed by Indra, Gustus and… Clarke.

Blonde hair that fell perfectly around the girl’s shoulders, tight jeans that hugged her curves perfectly… a white blouse that showed the perfect amount of cleavage and skin, and those eyes…

 

Lexa was out of breath when she saw her, and her sweet, soft smell filled the room; obviously it was eclipsed by Indra and Gustus’ terrible Alpha scent but still. And then all that amazing feeling Lexa got when she saw the blonde disappeared when they made eye contact.

 

Blue eyes met green, and Lexa felt like someone just punched her right in the face because that look in Clarke’s face said it all.

There was anger there, a lot of anger, sadness and a bit of hate; she felt terribly bad seeing this, because she was the cause of it.

 

In the other hand, Clarke wanted nothing more than to ran away as fast as she could; she wanted to punch Lexa right in the guts for being such an idiot and run.

She felt pain when she looked at her, and at the same time she got lost for a second in those green eyes that stared at her with such hunger… because yes, Lexa looked at her with hunger and desire; she might deny it but her body didn’t.

 

And Clarke hated her right now for rejecting her when she clearly wanted her.

 

“Why did you call me?” She asked after a moment of uncomfortable staring. The bitterness in her words was almost palpable

 

Clarke could literally smell the girl’s distress and sadness and wanted nothing more than to cross the distance that separated them, grab her in her arms and envelop her with her powerful scent so she could feel protected and make her feel better.

 

“Today is the day Heda honors her promise” Anya answered instead of Lexa and Clarke looked at them confused

“Your friends are no longer prisoners in that cell” Lexa said in a very cold tone “I’ll allow them to live here and receive the same treatment as you” She explained

 

“But don’t forget you are still prisoners” Indra growled as she eyed Clarke carefully

 _‘So she speaks English’_ Clarke thought, she never interacted much with Indra but the few times she saw the woman she heard her speaking in the Grounder language

“We never forget” Clarke said

 

“You can be grateful that Heda is so good with you. If it was for me, you’d be dead by now feeding the creatures in the forest” Indra said

“Indra. _Em pleni_ ” Lexa told her seriously “I did not call her here to argue about this. She’s here to see her people”

Indra growled in disapproval but didn’t say anything else.

 

“I also called you and your people here cause we have an offer” Lexa said “Humans and Wolves have been in war since the great disaster” She explained referring to the big nuclear apocalypse “That was hundreds of years ago, thousands of our people have died because of this and this is still going on. Not long ago, Wolves united forces and worked together to gain peace in our lands, so I think it’s time to do the same with your people; we want to show you our world and we also want to learn about yours”

 

Clarke remained silent, aside from what she felt for Lexa right now, and how much she wanted to kick her, she had to admit that the offer was good, and as a leader of her people, or that’s what Lexa and Anya said, she should accept it; otherwise things could get ugly.

 

“What’s your answer, Clarke of the sky people?” Lexa said. It was surprising how distant and cold she was acting; it seemed as if they just met.

“I accept, Heda” Clarke responded trying to be as cold as possible.

 

The door opened for a third time and a few guards stepped in with her friends behind them; the group of humans, which by the way looked and smelled terribly, walked into the room hesitantly and with reluctance.

 

“Clarke!” Monty said happily as he saw the blonde girl; immediately the rest of them noticed her too

“Jeez Clarke” Octavia said “I never thought I’d said this, but I’m glad to see you”

Bellamy nodded his head at her, same as Murphy and Raven looked at her between grateful and a bit mad.

 

“What are we doing here?” Bellamy asked finally.

“Clarke spoke for all of you” Lexa said “You no longer have to stay in that cell”

 

They all looked at Clarke confused and at the same time completely happy “it’s not a joke” Clarke assured

“You’ll have rooms to stay in here and will be under my protection as long as you are here” Lexa promised.

There was a soft murmur in the group of delinquents as they expressed their happiness and content and also asked themselves if they were still dreaming.

 

Anya and Lexa explained a few things to them and well Gustus and Indra also made a few interventions as well as Titus; the meeting didn’t last too long after that.

Indra and Gustus left and Anya and Titus started to mingle with some of the humans to see how they were like; Anya particularly had some interest in the rude; and quick tempered girl, she didn’t really remember her name but that brunette was so beautiful that she had to talk to her at least a bit.

 

Lexa had been a few feet from all them, just observing the interactions, Clarke had hugged some of her friends and was talking to some of them now; she looked so beautiful.

 

At some point Clarke separated a bit from the group, maybe to breathe some air, a few maidens stepped in to meet the humans and guide them to the rooms and in the meantime as Clarke was alone, Lexa decided to approach her to talk to her.

 

But she couldn’t.

 

Because a tall boy with brown mane approached her, whispered something into her ear and then hugged her.

 

It was a simple and innocent action but the way they hugged… with so much familiarity, with the boy burying his disgusting nose into Clarke’s hair and the way Clarke hugged him tightly was disgusting. And even more disgusting was the fact that the damn hug was lasting too long.

 

“Jesus Christ Lexa, stop it” Anya mumbled as she approached her

 

Lexa acknowledged her and growled deeply, but at the same time realized that she was pumping out dominant and angry pheromones and well, marking pheromones like crazy.

 

“You are not allowed to do that to her” Anya said referring to the marking pheromones

 

Lexa knew it was true, Clarke was not a wolf, she could not notice it, she couldn’t understand it and most important she wasn’t something to be claimed; she wasn’t Lexa’s.

 

But even though Lexa knew this, her insides were screaming, begging her to mark Clarke.

 

 _‘Mine’_ She thought as she saw the boy take Clarke’s hand as they started to walk outside the room.

 _‘Clarke’s mine’_ Lexa’s inner Alpha growled in disgust.

 

Clarke eyed her briefly before walking away; their eyes met and Lexa could see the sad look on her face, could feel the girl’s pain, she was the cause of said pain; and she felt terribly guilty.

 

The boy said something to Clarke and he laughed and she smiled at him and Lexa felt the need to jump him, to fight, show him who was the Alpha, to show everyone who was in charge and make everyone submit… but she had said no to Clarke; she couldn’t do anything now.

 

Clarke finally disappeared through the door and Lexa stood alone in the room trying to think what the hell she was going to do now.

* * *

 

“I knew you could do this princess” Finn said with a huge grin as he approached Clarke.

It was darkening outside, the temperature was a bit cold by now and it seemed like a perfect moment to go for a walk; but they had orders to stay inside the tower, at least until the sky people was settled in.

 

After the meeting at the throne room, Clarke, along with a few guards, had showed the rest of the group around; and then, of course they went to the dining room to eat something.

 

Everyone literally devoured their food; they ate until they couldn’t think about food anymore and Clarke observed them surprised. Monty barely said a word as he ate; same as Murphy and Bellamy who were focused on some pork with potatoes; Raven barely raised her gaze from her plate and Octavia devoured three steaks, a plate with vegetables and a lot of bread.

 

After they ate, the guards showed them their rooms so they could go and rest and Clarke stayed in the dining room for a while chatting with Kiara until Finn came back.

 

Clarke was looking through the balcony when she felt Finn’s strong arms wrapping around her from behind and she smiled; his warmth was familiar, same as his touch, he was like home, safety. And those things were good; they were part of the reason why she had liked him from the beginning.

 

But as she felt his lips near her neck, Clarke felt a pang of… something stirring inside her stomach and immediately moved away with an apologetic smile.

 

“Clarke?” He asked confused.

“I’m so happy that you guys are finally here” She said trying to sound actually happy and sincere.

 

Not that she didn’t want her friends there… she did, and finally they were there, but she felt so confused about herself right now that she didn’t have the energy to celebrate.

 

“Not that this is the best situation to be in” Finn stated trying to take a few steps towards Clarke “But I’m glad to be out of that cell, I was starting to think that I’d never see you again” He said smiling softly.

 

Clarke used to die for that smile… at least in the last year she had loved that smile, it was warm and it reminded her of home.

Finn was home, had been home for her since forever and she always liked that about him; no matter what problem she could be in, she always found safety with Finn.

 

They had grown up together, had been friends since Clarke had memory and somehow, at some point last year, things changed between them and they became lovers.

It seemed a natural progression… Finn was the only person Clarke could trust her heart to, so she started to date him.

 

Now she didn’t know if this was right anymore.

 

She didn’t feel anything beyond friendship when she looked at Finn; not that she ever actually felt something else, but she was starting to a few months ago. Everything was easy with Finn; he was nice, easy to talk to and was a good lover.

 

He had been Clarke’s first everything and Clarke owed him a lot… however, now she didn’t know what was wrong with her but she didn’t feel as she used to.

 

Finn closed the distance between them and smiled at her; his intentions were pretty clear, he was going to kiss her, his face was mere inches from Clarke’s and as he made the movement to press his lips against hers, Clarke felt like running away.

 

She moved her face in the last second so his lips ended up pressed lightly at the corner of her mouth.

 

He was about to say something, maybe to ask what happened to her but Clarke smiled at him and grabbed his hand “We should rest” She said simply “It’s been a long day and tomorrow we have things to do”

 

Finn somehow understood; Clarke must be stressed, he was stressed and tired too, in the last month they had lived a lot of things and were still getting used to live on earth and live as prisoners, so he didn’t push the issue further.

 

“Goodnight princess” He said simply smiling brightly at her and then turned around ready to walk away.

 

It was at that moment when they both realized that the Commander was leaned up against the door watching the scene with a killing glare.

 

Finn gulped audibly and nodded his head trying not to make too much eye contact; in fact he pretty much left the room in a rush.

Clarke in the other hand felt her chest tightening and clenched her fists and jaw as she saw Lexa standing there.

 

“What do you want?” She asked rudely folding her arms over her chest and glancing bitterly at Lexa

The Commander looked tired, her face was pale and expressionless and she sighed deeply as she took a few steps towards Clarke

“I wanted to check how you are” She responded gently.

 

Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose “I’m perfectly fine” She said “Now you can go”

“One of the maidens told me you were having a bad time and I just wanted to…”

“So now you care?” Clarke asked interrupting her

“Of course I do Clarke” Lexa said, she tried to approach Clarke but the blonde took a step back and shook her head

“You have an interesting way of caring about people Heda”

 

There was a heavy silence between them; Clarke felt like she was at the verge of tears again, and Lexa felt like someone was stabbing her in the heart at the coldness of Clarke’s words.

 

“Clarke…”

“What Lexa?” Clarke snapped bitterly “What do you want?” She asked

Lexa opened her mouth with the intention of saying something, but any words came out of her mind; she sighed deeply finally and looked down.

 

She could feel Clarke’s pain due to the hard look the blonde was giving her; it was like she was trying to kill her with a glare but at the same time asking her to not leave.

 

“I never meant to hurt you” Lexa said finally. She was being sincere, she never intended for Clarke to suffer like this, she didn’t deserve it, and that’s why it was better if Clarke just hated her.

It would be better for everyone if Lexa stayed away, even if it was extremely hard for her.

 

“You did” Clarke said bitterly trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to leave her eyes

Lexa tried to take a step towards her, but Clarke moved away and shook her head “I’m really sorry Clarke”

 

Clarke smiled sarcastically and looked down, after a moment a few tears finally betrayed her and she failed to hold on a sob that escaped her mouth.

 

Lexa was aware that this was her entire fault; Clarke was crying and sad because of her, and she hated herself for it; she seriously never meant to hurt the blonde in any way; she deserved the best… and not this…

 

The Commander tried to reach out for her, she wanted more than anything than to soothe her and to just console her; she wanted to trap Clarke in a tight embrace and never let go.

 

As she tried to do so Clarke pulled back rudely, trying to avoid Lexa’s eyes and contact; she didn’t want the brunette near her now.

 

In one of the attempts they both stumbled and nearly fell on their butts; Lexa in an impulse wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist to steady her and held her close to her body.

 

Clarke was breathless; she wanted to punch Lexa, to scream at her, to cry again… but she couldn’t right now because she was concentrated in the warmth of Lexa’s body; how her strong arms felt around her and how good it would feel to have the Commander’s body on hers…

They both gulped at the closeness and Clarke could feel Lexa’s body tense up even more, they locked eyes and suddenly nothing else existed.

 

Lexa’s eyes were on Clarke’s lips and vice versa; Clarke licked her lips slowly as she anticipated what could happen and tried to move forward.

 

They were close to each other; their lips just a few inches from each other’s and their breathings labored. Clarke’s hands came up to Lexa’s shoulders for support and she was about to close her eyes when she felt Lexa pulling away abruptly.

 

“Clarke… I…” The Commander was visibly nervous and blushed. Clarke could see the skin on Lexa’s chin red with embarrassment

“We can’t” Said Clarke repeating the same words Lexa had said the previous night.

 

Lexa nodded feeling terribly bad; she thought that she had the situation under control but clearly she did not.

Clarke pushed her away and walked as far as she could, nearly to the other end of the room, next to the door.

 

“I don’t think it is appropriate than you talk to me anymore Heda” Clarke said with a weak voice “I am deeply grateful for you let my friends out of the cell finally, but from now on it would be best for both of us if we just reduce our conversations and interactions just to formal meetings or important discussions”

 

Clarke’s formal tone and cold words hurt; just looking at her and seeing her suffering and smelling her distress and sadness was hurting Lexa beyond words; but there was nothing she could do.

 

“Clarke” She started, but the rest of the sentence died in her mouth before she could even speak, she didn’t really know what to say now… she knew that she had been the one asking for distance but now…

 

Clarke shook her head and her lip quivered lightly “Good night Commander” She said quickly before leaving the room.

 

“Maybe this was for the best, don’t you think?” Said a familiar voice; Lexa raised her gaze and spotted Kiara stepping inside of the room with a very concerned look

“It is” The Commander confirmed with a very unconvincing tone to what Kiara just sighed deeply

“Why are you doing this Lexa?” The maiden asked sadly, maybe it wasn’t her place to talk, she knew why Lexa was trying to put Clarke away but at the same time she didn’t understand…

 

“Clarke deserves much better” Lexa explained. She knew she was repeating herself, but sadly it was true

Kiara took a step towards her and looked at Lexa right in the eyes “And you don’t?” She asked

 

Lexa swallowed a lump in her throat and shook her head “She has her people here now, she has things to deal with… she doesn’t need another distraction, she needs someone to take care of her”

“And you can’t?” Kiara asked raising an eyebrow

“Not in the way she wants” Lexa explained

 

Kiara nearly laughed, she loved Lexa with all her heart but certainly the Alpha was a stubborn wolf. “How in the hell are you going to know what she wants if you don’t even allow her to explain or if you don’t give her a chance?”

 

Lexa sighed “The decision has been made Kiara. Clarke will be better now that her people is here, she’ll be able to focus on what’s important and even maybe find some happiness so that’s all that matters”

 

“Have you thought about how she will react when she discovers that not all of her people have been released?” Kiara asked

 

Lexa growled deeply; that boy they still had hidden in one of the rooms was meant to be there until they discovered what the hell he was doing with the Ice Nation; he was one of Clarke’s friends, but he definitely was hiding something and Lexa had to find out before he turned the rest of his people against them.

 

“You should focus on your business Kiara, and let me do my job” Lexa said

 

“You know what Lexa, you’re a great Commander” Kiara said sadly “You’re fair and caring to your people, you’ve managed to unite the twelve clans and create one solid coalition but… you a part from that… you have no idea how to live or how to treat people. You push away everyone who shows any small signs of caring about you, you are incapable to accept anyone’s love or affection and if you continue like this you’re going to end up your days completely alone”

 

Lexa sighed sadly and looked at her “To be Commander is to be alone” She said “It is my fate and my duty to protect people and to remain strong and without any attachments to anyone”

“You didn’t seem to think like this a while ago” Kiara remembered her; Lexa growled at her.

“A while ago I was weak, naïve and had no idea what life was about” Lexa said harshly “I’m strong now, I learned the lesson and I am not going to change my mind on that”

 

Kiara smiled sadly “You’re right Heda; you’re strong now” She said “You changed a lot of things but… there’s one that hasn’t changed at all”

Lexa frowned and folded her arms over her chest.

 

“You still have no idea what life is about” Kiara snapped at her with a harsh tone, with that she just turned around ignoring the powerful Alpha scent Lexa was releasing, and left the Commander alone.

 

She hated to treat Lexa like that for she loved her; but she had to confront her, Lexa needed to hear those words, and maybe… just maybe, this time she would hear her and stop hiding from the world.


	13. Wolves (part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets into some serious trouble while Lexa is away. Who is going to save her now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys!! I'm really really sorry for not posting in such a long time! I hate that I made you wait so much but I had little time to write and a huge writer's block! 
> 
> Anyways this chapter was going to be longer but I didn't want to keep you waiting, sooo it's going to be a two part chapter. Hopefully the next part will be done soon :)
> 
> Thanks guys as always for your support!

Clarke’s lungs burn like someone was setting fire on them; her breathing was so labored that she could feel her throat aching and her nostrils trying to expand as much as they could to take more oxygen.

 

Her feet hurt and she was sure that she had a few bruises and cuts for she fell a few times and collided with some bushes and branches before, but she didn’t care about any of that.

 

All Clarke cared at that moment was the fact that she needed to run away; she felt betrayed, hurt, deeply sad and terribly angry right now and her body needed this.

She started to run half an hour ago and even if her legs were about to give up… she couldn’t stop.

 

She didn’t want to stop either.

 

She shouldn’t have trusted Lexa in any ways; she didn’t like her in the beginning and she should have followed her instincts instead of letting her feelings overwhelm her.

 

Lexa had betrayed her, and she didn’t know what hurt more; the betrayal itself or the fact that it was Lexa the one who did it.

 

Despite of it being probably around one or two in the morning, the moon was bright on the sky and since this morning hundreds of birds could be heard happily tweeting and flying around… however, as Clarke ran further into the woods; she realized that she could no longer hear anything but her own steps and that the moon was hidden behind the leafy trees, leaving the place covered in a peaceful but at the same time creepily somber and dark atmosphere.

 

She didn’t care; she was completely lost at this moment, and if she had to come back probably she had no idea how to; but her body needed to keep moving.

 

This situation was surreal; she had never expected something like this to happen, and she was deeply mad and as her speed lowered, she realized that the skin of her cheeks was covered not just with a thin layer of sweat, but also tears.

Clarke unexpectedly tripped with some rocks and fell hardly to the floor, rolling several times until finally her body stopped colliding with a tree.

 

“Fuck!” She yelled as she stood up clumsily rubbing her sore knee which had a cut and then brought one of her hands to her nose and realized that it was bleeding “Shit” She mumbled

 

Perfect, now she had physical pain to match her internal and emotional hurt…

 

Her breathing was still labored from all the running and her legs were trembling, she was exhausted and suddenly realized that she must be really far from the city…

 

Clarke looked around carefully, she had no idea where she was and she studied the place quickly trying to get an idea of the location and how she could come back.

 

She felt completely defeated by this situation and after a moment of recovering her breath she took a seat under one of the trees and buried her face between her the palms of her hands as she sighed deeply.

 

A few minutes passed; minutes like seemed to be hours, Clarke took her time to think deeply about everything and to put her mind in order, she had been in too much pressure since she was captured by the grounders and in between discovering the wolves world and between dealing with her friends, she felt stressed and needed a moment to just stop.

 

The sound of a branch cracking startled her and Clarke turned her head to follow the sound but nothing could be seen but bushes and trees; once again a cracking noise sounded and her heart started beating faster.

 

She was about to start running again when suddenly, a squirrel jumped out of nowhere; the petite animal eyed her curiously but instantly started running at an impressive speed disappearing between the trees.

 

Clarke breathed out relaxed, but when she turned her head again; a high scream left her mouth as she saw a big shadow moving behind some bushes and then saw the scariest creature she had ever seen.

 

She stood up in a jump and gulped audibly at the sight _‘I’m dead’_ she thought as she tried to think of a way to escape.

 

She was trapped; no matter where she tried to go, she wouldn’t really get to run much further than a few steps.

 

Her heart was pounding furiously inside her chest, her palms were sweating and her vision suddenly was blurry with nerves and tears.

 

She was going to die… it was a fact now, in the best cases she would die quickly and wouldn’t have to suffer… or maybe she would wake up in her room and realize that this was a nightmare, so she would open her eyes and hear Kiara’s voice singing for her as she always did, they would chat as they always did and then Clarke would go to the dining room, maybe on the way she would see Anya and the woman would made some joke to her or say something funny, luckily she could also see Lincoln and talk about life and future and then she’d go have breakfast in the dining room as most days, Lexa would be there waiting for her… Lexa…

 

She had been terribly mad at Lexa and now here she was, thinking about her and instead of hatred, anger or any negative thoughts, all Clarke could think was, how wonderful it would be to see the Commander’s face one more time… that tensed up face that showed no emotions and tried to be as cold as possible; Clarke wondered how Lexa’s face would look with a smile on it, how it would look as she slept or as she relaxed…

 

Now she would never figure it out, she would never see Lexa again and she felt a pang of sadness mixed with all the fear that was running through her body.

She slowly closed her eyes waiting for the inevitable fate…

* * *

 

_That morning_

 

The first thing Clarke saw that morning was Octavia’s face mere inches from hers staring at her intensely. As the blonde opened her eyes and saw that, she jumped startled and let out a scream at the unexpected vision; and also because as she jumped she fell off the bed.

 

“What the… Octavia!” Clarke yelled as she stood up

 

Octavia was still kneeled on the bed laughing so hard that there were tears in her eyes “Jesus Griffin! You should’ve seen your face!” The girl said

“What is wrong with you?” Asked Clarke as she sat on the bed again rubbing her eyes and yawning

Octavia sighed and got closer to Clarke “You sleep like a rock Griffin” She stated “Dude you were even snoring”

 

“Shut up” Clarke said with a hint of embarrassment “I do not snore”

“You actually do!” Octavia laughed again “I didn’t know that side of you”

“Fuck you” Clarke mumbled “What are you doing in here?”

 

Octavia sighed deeply “I’m sick of this place already” She said lazily “I’m tired of being in this tower, and those ‘culture’ classes are so boring!”

“Octavia… you barely have been in here for a week…” Clarke said

“Yeah and I hate it already”

“You should give it a chance, is not as bad as it seems at first; you’ll love it in the end”

“Says you who’s been locked up and miserable in here since we arrived” Octavia pointed out with a quirked eyebrow.

 

Clarke looked down with sad eyes and exhaled; it had been nearly a week since her friends were allowed to live in the tower, five days to be precise, and things had been pretty good for them.

 

Anya, Titus and Kiara had been teaching the humans a few important things about living with wolves, they taught them how to survive, how the culture there worked, some basic knowledge about wolves and a few things about the ground in general.

 

It was pretty useful but as Clarke once, they weren’t able to leave the tower yet. Clarke however could still go wherever she wanted since she was already more familiarized with everything.

But she just chose not to go anywhere or do anything other than her daily routine, which consisted in a few classes with Anya, who was teaching her important things about wolves and how the hierarchy worked there and also was trying to teach her some Trigedasleng.

 

Other than that, she just spent the rest of the day locked up in her room sketching or sleeping, maybe she went out with Lincoln some time but never during the day.

 

The reason was pretty simple, first of all there was Finn, who had been trying to talk to her and to have some alone time with her numerous times, and then there was Lexa… who hadn’t tried anything but still Clarke didn’t want to see her.

 

Fortunately nor Lexa or Finn had tried to push her in any way, meaning that they both left her space to think without her even asking for it.

 

Finn because he thought that the situation was complicated so they needed to adjust to it and take a break; Lexa… Lexa just didn’t want to keep hurting Clarke with her actions or words so she decided to take some distance.

 

Clarke was glad to not have to deal with the Commander again but at the same time she kind of missed her a bit; which according to logic was completely stupid, it was not as if they had known each other for years and now they were separated. Three months ago, Clarke had no idea that Lexa even existed, she didn’t know her and now she literally woke up every morning thinking about her…

 

She had thought plenty of times about talking to her again, maybe just go to her room and try to knock some sense into her, or at least try to figure out why in the hell Lexa was so reluctant and stubborn about admitting that she felt something.

 

But the day after Clarke’s friends were released from the cell, the Commander marched with Indra and other generals to check on some villages and collect the armies and do some military exercises outside Polis, so there was no way Clarke could talk to her or even see her.

 

Maybe it was for the best…

 

“Is everything okay?” Octavia asked once she saw Clarke’s sad expression and the way she sighed.

 

The blonde tried to offer a sincere smile, she didn’t want to give any explanations, her friends probably wouldn’t understand the fact that she felt attraction towards a grounder, and not any grounder, the leader of them.

 

“I’ve been on my days” Clarke explained hoping that the other girl would believe her excuse and don’t ask any more questions.

Octavia seemed to believe it, or at least understand her because she just nodded “I just wanted to see if you were still alive” She said “We were a bit worried about you”

“We?” Clarke asked reluctant

“Yeah” Octavia confirmed “Your people, your friends”

“Well, not all of you are exactly my… friends” Clarke said sighing

 

Octavia let out a small laugh “If you’re talking about Reyes… well, I know she’s been kind of a bitch towards you… and pretty much everyone lately, but she’s definitely more calmed now”

“I actually deserve it” Clarke admitted

Octavia didn’t know what to respond to that so she pressed her lips into a thin line and shrugged her shoulders

 

“I hurt her” The blonde continued

“Well in all honesty… yeah” Octavia said “You kind of deserved it… but still Raven should’ve watched her mouth a bit. In the end, none of this was your fault”

“It was… kind of” Clarke said sadly

“Enough” Octavia said standing up and folding her arms “Is this situation your fault?” She asked “Maybe. Were you the only one responsible for it? No; so stop feeling guilty and miserable about it”

 

“Since when are you so nice to me?” Clarke asked confused, not that she was complaining though

“Well, you weren’t exactly my favorite person… but after a few weeks here on the ground… I have to admit that I kind of like you”

Clarke smiled “Wonderful news” She said

 

“Yeah… whatever. So what Griffin; are you going to get your ass out of the bed and join real life or are you going to stay here all day?”  
Clarke finally; after days of being miserable; smiled genuinely and decided to get up of the bed. She’d had enough of being locked in there after all; she needed to move forward, to be strong and to be there for her people.

 

That’s what she had to do; she didn’t come to Earth to pin over Lexa, she had a mission, she still had her people and she still could be there for them.

She didn’t need to be locked inside her room anymore. So, as Octavia sat on one of the couches waiting for her, Clarke washed off, changed her clothes and got ready to start a new day.

 

It was a surprise to almost everyone to see her out of the room. The first person who saw them was Anya; Octavia and Clarke ran into the tall wolf as they walked to the elevator and Anya looked at both of them surprised.

 

“Wow, seems like the skai prisa decided to join real world” She said offering a smirk. Clarke smiled softly and shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess” She said

 

Anya seemed about to make a comment about what happened with Lexa, and Clarke felt a bit nervous but luckily the blonde just nodded with a smile “I’m glad to see that you’re better” She said simply before walking away.

 

The second person was Kiara; the woman didn’t waste too much time talking, she hugged Clarke tightly and asked her a few questions and then just left to keep with her duties as handmaiden.

 

And then of course, she finally got to see the rest of her people. A month ago these people were all she had here, they were not only her friends but home; even though as any normal person, they had their problems and fights, they worked everything out to stay together.

 

Back in the Ark probably Clarke didn’t know some of them too well or didn’t care too much about a few but now that she had spent weeks trying to survive with this group she cared about them all…

 

But something felt different now

Octavia led Clarke to one big room where the rest of the group were after finishing one of the classes with Titus, he was teaching them some stuff about how to prevent a wolf’s attack or something like that.

 

After that they were all allowed to do whatever they wanted, of course inside the tower and under several guards eyes, but still at least they had a bit of freedom.

 

Bellamy saw them entering the room and nodded his head to Clarke offering a small smile which Clarke returned, Monty who was laughing at something Murphy had said waved his hand at her and as Clarke was about to walk to them, she felt someone wrapping their arms around her.

 

“Morning Princess” Finn whispered

Clarke’s lips started to form a smile but she suddenly stopped it and pulled away from Finn’s grasp as fast as she could

“Hey” She said trying to sound casual and trying to ignore Finn’s hurtful look.

 

Raven was there reading some weird book while sitting next to a window, she raised her gaze from the pages when she saw Octavia and Clarke stepping in but then she just kept on with her reading.

 

However, when she saw Finn and Clarke’s interaction she looked at the blonde curiously and quirked an eyebrow.

 

A weird tension grew within the seconds and there was an awkward silence; Finn looked at Clarke, Clarke looked at some point on the floor, and Bellamy and Octavia looked at them trying to decipher what was happening.

 

Fortunately, before the tension could grow, Octavia just came up with some small talk that made the atmosphere lighter and then she proposed that they should do something together.

* * *

 

When Lexa rose her gaze from the maps that were laying on the table, she realized that Indra was staring at her expectantly with her arms folded over her chest, a deep frown on her forehead and she smelled like angry and frustrated part.

 

Lexa cleared her throat when she realized that Indra was expecting an answer from her; an answer to some question she asked and obviously the Commander wasn’t paying attention to.

 

“What?” She asked trying to focus her mind.

Indra growled deeply and rubbed her temples “Would it be better for you Heda if I give you a few hours to rest?” She asked in an incredibly calmed tone

 

Lexa shook her head “I’m fine” She said pretty convincingly. She was Heda after all and she didn’t need to rest, she was supposed to be able to keep her thoughts in control.

“Pardon my boldness here Heda, but you don’t seem okay to me. You look tired, and… distracted”

 

Lexa looked at her defiantly and released some strong Alpha pheromones that made Indra tilt her head in submission.

“I am fine”

 

Indra nodded obviously not daring to say anything against it.

Truth being told, Lexa was far from being fine; she had been able to concentrate on her duties for the past four days, she had forgotten everything and had focused her attention in her people.

 

They had travelled around some villages, helping people, making some negotiations with a few Villages chiefs, then she had focused on training the new soldiers and her armies and everything was going pretty good.

 

She was a leader and she was doing her job. But internally she felt like crap and sadly sometimes she couldn’t avoid showing a hint of emotions.

 

There was something inside of her that ached; Lexa had no idea why she was feeling like this but a part of her soul ached deeply.

Taking a few days to be out of Polis had been a rushed decision but it had been for the best, she still had some duties with some villages and well, obviously Clarke, the main reason why she decided to do this would appreciate some time to think.

 

Things had passed so quickly lately that Lexa felt like she hadn’t had time to process this situation; one day she was accusing Clarke of murder, the other they were arguing about everything and the other they were confused because they might have feelings for each other…

 

Everything was just too intense now and after hurting Clarke again and seeing how content the blonde seemed to be having her friends back, Lexa decided to give her some space.

Clarke deserved some time to think and to clear her head without Lexa around making everything worse, it was not fair to the human girl to have Lexa repeating the same mantra over and over and suffering because of all these unknown and recent feelings.

 

The flap of the tent went opened abruptly and the movement brought Lexa to planet earth again.

“Heda, we’re waiting orders for today” Gustus said as he stepped inside “The armies are ready for whatever you order”

 

Lexa took a deep breath and looked between Indra and Gustus; both of them were looking at her with curiosity and worry, probably studying her and trying to see if she was okay.

 

The had been two days walking nonstop to check on villages, making haunt missions and trying to follow a few Ice Nation troupes, so the soldiers were tired, it was normal, the horses were exhausted too, Indra and Gustus looked also tired and she of course could use some rest.

 

She sighed, she couldn’t be out of Polis for too long anyways “Tomorrow we’ll finish with the rest of the villages and then we’ll go back home. Today we can rest”

Indra seemed to be about to protest but Gustus was faster “ _Sha_ , Heda” He said and nodded his head.

 

Lexa was terrified somehow to go back home… she didn’t know if she was ready to face Clarke again, but at the same time the mere thought of seeing her pretty face again, made her stomach fill with butterflies and her chest warm.

* * *

 

“Nice drawing” A familiar voice said unexpectedly from behind and it scared the shit out of Clarke and she dropped her sketch book and her pencil as she jumped out of her chair.

 

“Finn” She breathed out a bit relieved as she gathered her things from the floor “What are you doing here?” She asked

She had been sat on one of the couches in her room for the past our completely immersed in her drawings so she wasn’t expecting any visits.

 

“Well, you finally left your room earlier this morning, you hang out with us for a while and after lunch you disappeared” Finn said as he sat on the couch next to Clarke

“I wanted to practice” She said pointing to the sketchbook trying to sound casual. She wasn’t going to admit that even if Octavia tried her best to make her feel good she just ended up feeling overwhelmed and decided to have some alone time.

 

Finn eyed the drawing that was lying on the small table in front of them and chuckled “Damn Clarke, you’ve always been so talented”

Clarke blushed and looked down, he moved closer to her “It’s just a sketch… it’s not finished” She explained

 

Finn smiled and there was a silence between them that to be honest felt terribly weird. Clarke had no idea what to say or what to do now; she eyed the boy and tried to offer a smile as well.

“So… how have you been?” Finn asked after a moment, he suddenly was nervous.

Clarke cleared her throat “Fine…” she said with a gentle voice that didn’t sound like her own.

 

Finn quirked an eyebrow and tried to get closer until there was no distance between them “I’ve been trying to talk to you” He said with a hint of nervously “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately”

 

The blonde swallowed and looked down; she felt bad for Finn; he was confused and seemed to be a bit lost and all she had done these past days was ignore him.

“There’s a lot going on” She answered quickly; this was the worst moment to talk about all this.

 

She was still processing her ridiculous infatuation with Lexa and the rejection, she was still trying to adapt to this world, she was still dealing with the fact that she didn’t know what was going to happen with her people in the future… there were lots of things to be worried about.

 

Finn obviously was important but things with him were just not okay for the moment.

He sighed deeply and nodded; their relationship wasn’t at the best state when they came to earth, even less when Raven joined their group after dividing to explore the land but they had been working on it.

 

And then ever since they became prisoners, Clarke had been different, Finn hadn’t noticed at first because they were apart but now he was seeing it.

“I understand” He said “But… I was expecting that maybe we could at least you know… be together again”

“Finn it’s not a good moment to be together or to focus on relationships”

 

“Clarke, I’m not asking us to walk hand in hand, kiss every few minutes and move in together or have what we had on the Ark… things are different I know and I respect you, I am not going to force you into anything you don’t want… but I love you” He said with a heartbroken tone

 

A year ago or so, when Finn had said those three words to her after a romantic date, Clarke had been excited, happy and grateful to have someone like him. They had known each other since they were kids and he was her best friend and the only person that understood her completely. However now things seemed so, so different that it was scary.

 

It had only passed a year and a few months but everything was so different now…

They weren’t 17 years old teens with crazy hormones running happily around hand in hand, they were only a year older but Clarke felt like she wasn’t a teenager anymore.

 

They were far from their families in a still unknown world surrounded by strange creatures that even though they seemed to be humans, they were wolves and everything seemed really messed up.

 

So no, those three words Finn had said with such hope and sweetness didn’t cause the same effect on Clarke; because she wasn’t the same person anymore.

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath; Finn was still waiting for her to say something and she was just trying to find a way to escape.

 

“Do you still love me, Clarke?” He asked finally with fear in his voice.

It felt like someone stabbed her in the chest because that question hurt like fucking hell. Did she love Finn? Did that matter now? Why was him asking all this now?

Lots of questions filled her mind and she didn’t know which one to answer first.

 

She opened her mouth to answer but no words came out and suddenly all she felt was the terrible need to cry.

Finn seemed as terrified as her in this moment and he was about to say something when thank God the door slammed opened and Anya stepped inside with a serious face.

 

Both Finn and Clarke turned around startled as Anya eyed them silently and walked towards their position.

“Anya” Clarke said relieved, she was so glad that someone interrupted the intense moment

 

Anya didn’t even look at Clarke as she stood in front of them; she fixed her gaze on Finn and let out a deep growl “Get out” She snarled at him with anger

“What…” Finn didn’t understand but Anya wasn’t in a mood to explain

“Leave, now” Anya repeated.

Finn seemed scared to death, immediately, he stood up and literally ran out of the room completely confused.

 

Anya sighed and rubbed her forehead, when she raised her gaze she found Clarke’s blue eyes staring at her with confusion, gratitude and fear.

“W-what’s wrong?” Clarke asked. Anya sat next to her and offered a soothing smile

“Are you okay Sky girl?” she asked with concern

 

“Yes… I am okay”

“Really?” Anya insisted “What did he do?” she asked

“Nothing, we were just talking”

“Clarke… I could smell your distress from the other end of the hallway” Anya explained “Something must have happened”

“That’s why you came here and menaced my b…” Clarke made a pause “Finn?” She finished

 

“I was just scaring him a bit”

Clarke nodded and there was a silence between them.

“Are you seriously okay Clarke?” Anya asked again

 

Clarke nodded too frantically but her emotions betrayed her; she felt her eyes watering and her chest filling with sadness and before she could contain it a sob escaped her mouth and tears streamed down her eyes.

 

Anya seemed conflicted for a moment, she was not used to emotions, or crying… she sure had had to deal with devastated families after war, parents that lost their kids, kids that lost their parents, friends and couples that lost their loved ones… she’d had to tell them and console them several times but she was always cold and distant to not let anything affect her.

 

It was her job as a general and as a mentor to the Commander to be ruthless and cold when it came to these issues. However, Clarke wasn’t a devastated widow, or a heartbroken parent she was someone Anya had come to consider a friend and that actually caused empathy in the wolf’s heart so she moved closer and wrapped her arms around Clarke carefully.

 

The embrace was weird at first, their bodies were tense, and Anya was nervous, but then, Clarke placed her head on her chest close to her heart and wrapped her arms around her torso as she cried and relaxed her body so Anya felt more comfortable.

 

She would never admit this but this was kind of nice…

 

She held Clarke tightly as she cried and tried to cheer her up saying comforting things and reassuring words in a soothing tone as she released calming and protective pheromones.

 

It seemed to work because within a few minutes of sobbing uncontrollably, Clarke finally calmed down a bit.

Anya sighed and moved a bit so she could look into the blonde’s face to see if she was a bit better; Clarke sniffed loudly and rubbed her eyes to wipe her tears, she looked small and weak…

 

“Clarke… does this have something to do with Lexa and her departure?” Anya asked hesitant.

Clarke exhaled deeply and shrugged her shoulders “Everything is too much… Lexa, this situation, just everything”

 

Anya offered a warm smile and tucked some strands of golden hair behind Clarke’s ear “Even the biggest leaders can be down sometimes, everyone face problems but what makes a leader different is the capacity to overcome problems and learn from them”

 

The words were somehow comforting and Clarke nodded gently, she didn’t see herself as a leader and even less now that she was crying over Lexa and felt overwhelmed by a situation.

 

“I’m tired of this” She confessed

“I understand. But you’re not alone here, you have friends, you are strong Clarke, you’ll overcome this”

 

Clarke nodded lightly and tried to smile, Anya didn’t seem the type to lie or say certain things for pity; if she was telling her this was because she believed in her.

“Lexa is an idiot for not facing her feelings” Anya said after a moment and Clarke looked at her confused.

“It’s okay” She said dismissively trying to change the subject

 

Anya knew that Clarke didn’t want to talk about it, and she was in her right to not want to, in the end Lexa had hurt her; but she knew how terribly clumsy the Commander was when it came to sentimental issues, Lexa was a ruthless Commander, with great instincts and was a good leader to her people, but when it came to love, she was in Anya’s opinion, stupid.

 

“You’re special, Clarke” Anya said “I know that, Lexa knows it too, but she’s too scared to realized it”

“Well, I’m scared too” Clarke said sadly “But I don’t run away”

Anya smiled “Can I ask you something?” She asked and Clarke nodded hesitantly “Is the sky boy your mate?”

“Mate?” Clarke asked

“Yeah, your lover… significant other, call it how you want”

 

Clarke thought about it for a moment. Her heart and her mind were so confused that everything seemed to be blurry and dark. To be clear, she had dated Finn; after years of being friends and trusting each other finally they had started dating.

 

It was the normal thing to do, so Clarke’s first boyfriend was Finn. But what Finn failed to tell her was that he had had some sort of relationship with a girl from other section and that even though by the time Clarke and Finn started dating they weren’t together anymore, there were still some feelings involved there.

 

So now things were just weird, when they came to the Earth to check the ground Clarke knew about Finn’s past relationship and also knew that he may still have feelings for that other girl, she never dared to ask if he cheated or not… she didn’t want to know.

 

And when Raven was assigned to their group Clarke wanted to die; the girl immediately hated her which made nonsense since she and Finn weren’t really a couple anymore. She just needed time to think and even if the boy did everything in his hand to apologize and to prove her that he loved her, Clarke was not sure.

 

She loved him, yes, but that didn’t mean that she was willing to jump into his arms again, even less now that Lexa had come into her life like a hurricane and had let everything upside down.

 

“No” She said finally after being a few moments deep in thought “Maybe we were… but not anymore”

Anya nodded a bit relieved “Good; he smells like wet mold” She said shrugging her nose and Clarke laughed

“You wolves are so weird with the smell thing” She said

“Well sky blonde, smell is a fundamental part of our lives; it is smell what attracts us to others or help us know some information about other wolves”

“To me all of you smell the same; except for some guards… they just smell like sweat” Clarke said

 

“I guess, your smelling sense is not too developed” Anya laughed

“I’m glad though, it must be tiring to have to smell everyone all day” Clarke said

“Maybe… sometimes I wish I could turn it off for a while” Anya said faking a dramatic face

“Really?”

“Really, you have no idea how disgusting it is to have to smell Lexa’s smell all over you every time” Anya said simply

Clarke sighed and let out a laugh “Shut up” She said smacking Anya’s shoulder playfully

* * *

 

There was something about nights in Polis that made Clarke extremely happy; maybe it was the fact that now that she was on the Earth she could see the stars from another angle, which she loved, maybe it was that she loved the peace and calm that overcame the city once the darkness fell or maybe it was the fact that she simply liked the nights there.

 

Everyone was probably sleeping by now, Octavia and Monty had gone to see her a few hours ago, right before Anya left and then she decided to join the rest for dinner.

 

It had been nice and after that she decided to head to bed; tomorrow she’ll probably start trying to be less sad and locked in her room and more open to the world.

She definitely should go outside more, maybe get Lincoln to walk her around or ask Anya for a ride, she had been asking the woman to teach her how to ride a horse and even though Anya was a bit reluctant, Clarke knew that with a bit of convincing she’ll do it.

 

After blowing off the candles that kept her room lit up in a dim warm light, Clarke lied on her back with her gaze on the ceiling enjoying the silence and the darkness.

She hadn’t been feeling at her best these past days, but after Octavia and Anya’s intervention she definitely felt better, she even realized that she had been like three hours or so without being sad or thinking about Lexa or anything related to her.

 

This now was a bad idea because realizing that, made her immediately think once again about the Commander and her stupid rejection.

She didn’t have any feelings for Lexa but damn her brain seriously needed to give her a break and think about something else.

 

Time passes slowly and she enjoys it despite of the fact that her brain is trying to mess up with her; at some point she gets thirsty and realizes that she forgot to ask Kiara or the maidens to get her water for the night so she stands up, puts a blue silky robe Kiara gave her a few weeks ago and leaves the room.

 

Now that she thinks about it, she hadn’t seen Kiara since that morning… which was weird because the older woman was always around her even if it was just to ask how she was.

 

Probably she had a busy day and had to work so she couldn’t make any time to go and see Clarke; it was not a big deal.

 

Clarke walked along hallways and took the elevator to go to the floor where the ‘kitchen’ was. She had no idea what that building had served for before the nuclear apocalypse but the Grounders definitely had changed a few things.

 

The kitchen was nothing like the ones they had on the Ark; it was rudimentary, with a big wooden table where they probably prepared the food to cook it, and well the important thing is that they had water.

 

She was about to enter and reach for a glass, a cup or whatever when she heard a familiar voice at the other end of the hallway.

Clarke smiled as she heard Kiara’s voice and she immediately forgot the water and walked to meet her; but she stopped in her tracks when she saw that Titus was there too, they were both standing next to a door and it seemed to be something important.

 

The blonde went back to the kitchen to listen without being seen.

 

“The Commander’s orders were perfectly clear” Titus said with an authoritarian tone

“We can’t keep him there forever” Kiara said worriedly “He’s barely eating now”

“We must respect Heda’s orders Kiara; you know it” Titus said

“I have a bad feeling about this entire situation” Kiara admitted after a pause

“Your job is to take care of him, not to evaluate the situation”

Kiara snorted and shook her head “Shut up Titus, I’ll do whatever I want”

“Watch your mouth Kiara”

 

“Or what old man? Are you going to do something against me?” Kiara joked

Titus growled and shook his head “Just don’t forget Heda’s orders” he said

 

Clarke watched the interaction and watched as Kiara left and Titus did the same after a moment.

It was weird; who the hell were they talking about?

 

She had never really noticed that room… there were no guards no maidens nor anyone around so what orders where they referring to? Maybe inside that room there was someone? Maybe not…

 

She waited a few more seconds and then moved by her curiosity decided to walk to it. She had no idea what she was going to find in there but she wanted to know why Kiara and Titus seemed so serious.

 

The door opened with a loud cracking noise and Clarke cursed under her breath, hoping that no one had heard it. The last thing she needed was Titus or some soldier catching her.

 

The room was dark and silent as the rest of the building; Clarke checked it quietly trying to find something, truth being told she thought for a moment that she may had made a mistake and probably the room didn’t have anything inside apart from a big bed and a couple of chairs but as her eyes adjusted to the darkness she noticed something on the bed.

 

There was someone lying there and by the way the figure was slightly snoring they must be sleeping; what the hell? Clarke thought as she approached the bed, this person was on their side and it was for a reason, their hand was handcuffed and the chain was tied to the bed.

 

A prisoner…

 

Her jaw nearly fell to the floor when she finally saw who it was and a pang of a lot of different feelings hit her right away.

 

“Jasper?” She asked confused as she realized that her friend was there and probably had been there for a few days.

 

The next thing she knew is that she was running as fast as her legs allowed her, she left the tower in a few seconds and when she reached the woods was when everything went down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Wolves (part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is in serious danger, Lexa is a knight in shining armour :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks so much for your comments, I'm happy to see that you keep liking this.  
> So it took me a while to finish this but here it is! I don't really know what you will think about this chapter but I hope you guys like it; this chapter was the reason why I wanted to write this story, so enjoy :)

Lexa’s eyes were focused on a map that she was holding between her hands as she stood by the table inside of the tent; it was completely dark outside and she could hear some laughter and some music coming from the camp were the soldiers were having some sort of party.

 

She was holding the piece of paper tightly between her hands but instead of focusing her attention in it like she should, her mind was somewhere else.

It was like a curse she had lately, every single time she tried to avoid thoughts about Clarke, it was like her mind betrayed her and deliberately bombarded her with images and thoughts about the blonde.

 

Definitely her attempts to avoid Clarke and to forget her failed miserably and Lexa hated herself for it.

She was being weak with this entire situation and she knew it.

 

Humans were dangerous; they were traitors, dark souls with monstrous intentions that massacred hundreds of wolves in the past.

Lexa hated them, her memories of the past were blurry but she’ll never forget the blood, the screams, and the hands of a human holding a weapon killing what she loved the most as she, a four year old kid cried desperately.

 

Humans were dangerous and she knew it, but yet, here she was; for some reason she never was able to kill Clarke or her friends, and as the weeks passed she felt something so powerful that she was getting scared.

 

It was no secret that there were wolves that took humans as lovers sometimes, but it was really complicated, humans could not take a biting mark since it was dangerous.

 

A biting mark was designed to stay forever in the wolf’s neck; it was made right in the glands of the neck so their scents mixed, this way Omega’s powerful scent became less calling to the rest of the Alpha’s warning them that they were taken. However, humans didn’t have these glands; a biting mark would cause a wound at first but it would heal eventually… that if it didn’t get infected.

 

But the most important thing was that, being with a human was considering like a betrayal, it was not well accepted for society and usually wolves who dared to love a human were condemned to banishment from their lands or a silent treatment.

 

She sighed deeply trying not to think about this too much… she shouldn’t even consider the possibility of being with Clarke.

 

She took a decision a few days ago; Clarke was better without her, she was Heda and had to be focused on her duties and not in some stupid feelings that would vanish eventually.

 

Lexa placed the map on the table; she should get ready for bed soon and rest so tomorrow she could be refreshed to go back to Polis.

She was about to walk away when she felt something, a sharp pain crossing her chest… like someone suddenly stabbed her with a sword.

 

The pain grew considerably and she held the table to support her body; the sensation quickly turned out in not only being pain but also a weird feeling inside her head.

 

And then she knew it, she didn’t know how but she felt it; something was wrong, terribly wrong.

“Clarke” She mumbled as she finally realized it

 

Without any explanations or anything else, Lexa left the tent running at an amazing speed; Gustus, who was casually walking close to her tent saw her and tried to stop her but as he opened his mouth, Lexa was already disappearing into the woods.

 

“What the hell?” Indra asked as she approached him.

Gustus growled “Problems” He said worried

“Do we do something?”

“Of course” Gustus said “Prepare the horses”

* * *

 

Clarke’s scream was so loud that it probably could be heard in the space, but the truth was that she wasn’t so sure if someone was actually going to help her.

She was running as fast as she could in the middle of the darkness, the atmosphere was slightly cold and other than the steps and rushed breathing of Clarke, everything was extremely silent.

 

She could hear a ragged breathing behind her as heavy and rushed steps came closer; in an attempt to look behind, Clarke tripped with something on the grass and fell down a small hill rolling uncontrollably and hurting her limbs and head as she did so.

 

“Fuck!” She yelled as her body collapsed against a tree

 

She stood up weakly, her clothes were dirty and ripped at some parts due to the fall, she had blood on her knees, hands, elbows and nose and probably more places that she wasn’t going to check in that moment.

 

Her vision was a bit blurry since she had hit her head a few moments ago and she felt dizzy and slightly disoriented; she looked around quickly trying to find the best escape route but she was so lost by that point that escaping was nearly impossible. She was fucked up

 

And tears fell down her cheeks mixing with sweat and blood; her lungs once again burnt, and she honestly wasn’t sure that she could resist much more time running at such a fast speed.

 

As she was trying to start running again, she heard once again a deep growl behind her and she turned around terrified.

“No… please” She mumbled with a shaky voice as she saw that terrifying creature coming closer.

 

Without any doubts this had to be the biggest, most mysterious animal she had seen since she landed on Earth. Because it had to be an animal… right?

 

Standing on four legs, with blackish dirty fur there was a giant, and giant meaning that it was nearly Clarke’s height… it was some sort of wolf…

Clarke had no idea that wolves or dogs could be this big but there it was; its fangs were sharp and big, its mouth was open in a silent snarl menacing her and its eyes were a yellowish shadow with big pupils that were staring at her deeply.

 

The ‘wolf’ or whatever the hell that was stared at her for a few seconds growling and walking around her as if it was trying to get on her nerves.

 

Clarke’s heart was biting faster than ever and she didn’t know if the best thing was to move or to run.

 

The beast was standing in four legs but still its height was impressive, she didn’t want to know what would happen if that creature stood on two legs or jumped to her direction.

 

The animal suddenly growled a few times and seemed to get ready to an attack. Clarke yelled in desperation and her first instinct was to grab a rock as quickly as she could, she threw it with force and it landed in the head of the beast but didn’t harm it too much.

 

The wolf then moved to attack.

 

It all happened so fast that Clarke barely had time to react; she saw the giant animal jump in her direction, its yellow eyes staring at her creepily… she fell back to the ground and tried to cover up her body as much as she could but once the wolf settled atop her she knew that she was doomed.

 

“HELP!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, a giant paw rose slowly with the intention to probably hurt her but the scratch never came.

 

As Clarke closed her eyes accepting her fate, she felt a loud thumb coming from a side and then some sort of crying sound.

She opened her eyes terrified and trembling and let out another scream when she saw a second beast even bigger on the other one.

 

The fight was brutal; apparently the second wolf appeared out of nowhere and jumped on the other one tackling it and then all Clarke could see and hear were fangs digging into skin, growls, cries and paws that scratched every were with force.

 

She tried to stand up a few times but the shock and the severity of some of her wounds were too much at that moment so she barely could manage to sit and watch horrified the scene.

 

Within minutes; that honestly seemed like endless hours, Clarke heard someone cry loudly and one of the wolves ran away fast and with erratic steps, probably hurt by the fight.

 

It was a relief to see the creature leaving the scene but suddenly she realized that a second wolf was still standing there, breathing deeply and growling.

Clarke stood up finally full of fear and with trembling limbs that barely could hold her weight. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure of what was happing and she was hoping to wake up at any time on her bed after having a macabre nightmare.

 

The wolf slowly turning to look at her and Clarke took a step back completely terrified; her savior had done her a huge favor but she wasn’t sure if it had been a heroic exploit or just that the animal wanted the food for itself.

 

Running sounded good now, because looking at the wolf… this one was bigger than the other. It had dark brown fur, that unlike the other wolf that had blackish dirty fur, this one had a healthy appearance, with clean fur that seemed soft, a long tail and with the particularity that this wolf seemed to have giant green eyes.

 

Clarke had been about to start running once again when she noticed this and froze in place as she tried to process the information.

Those green eyes were so familiar that she almost felt like she was staring at…

 

“Lexa?!” she mumbled with the weakest voice.

 

The wolf eyed her and snorted softly as it took a step towards her; Clarke tried to put distance again but then realized that if the animal wanted to hurt her, probably it would’ve done it already.

 

Also, it seemed to be walking weakly as if it was hurt from the fight; at this point Clarke thought that she was hallucinating completely; she just nearly got attacked by a giant wolf, out of nowhere another appeared and now she was staring at green eyes and thinking about Lexa… jeez.

 

But those eyes… those eyes were so familiar, so warm and at the same time so beautiful; Clarke got lost for a moment in that stare, it was as if for a moment she just forgot everything, forgot her pain, her sore body stopped bothering her, her breathing got steady again and she just felt at ease looking at those green eyes.

 

And then it happened.

 

The giant wolf growled deeply and with a hint of pain, the fur that covered its body started to change as well as the features of the animal and suddenly, as if a miracle had just happened; Clarke was no longer looking at a scaring creature of the night but at… Lexa

 

“Lexa?!” This time, Clarke’s voice was steadier and it was no longer a weak whisper; because she was incredibly shocked.

What the fuck had just happened?!

 

This giant animal that seemed like a killing machine was Lexa? How could it happen? So when the Grounders referred at themselves as wolves it actually meant _wolves_?!

 

Clarke’s thoughts clouded her mind; she stared at Lexa completely surprised, with her mouth hanging open and her eyes nearly exploding.

Lexa was naked as the day she came to this world, her body glorious and perfect under the moonlight but Clarke couldn’t concentrate in just admire her body, her toned arms, perfect abdomen… no. Lexa was bleeding; she was covered in long scratches and wounds that were bleeding profusely.

 

The situation was so much for Clarke’s mind that even if she tried to do something, to at least help a bit or something; her brain couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Clarke’s vision became blurry and dark, her body suddenly felt heavy and within seconds her body collapsed on the floor as she lost consciousness quickly. Just a few seconds later, Lexa’s body did the same, collapsing against the ground close to Clarke.

 

Not much time later, the sound of horses could be heard, as well as people screaming Lexa and Clarke’s name.

 

Indra and Gustus along with a group of soldiers appeared at the scene and contemplated the two bodies on the ground. None of the girls could tell what had happened since they were both unconscious but it was obvious that there had been a serious fight and the smell to another Alpha that was no longer there suggested that the attacker was gone.

 

Gustus threw her long jacket over Lexa’s naked body and lifted her up and Indra did the same with Clarke; they were about to place them on some horses to go back to Polis when Lincoln and Anya appeared there.

 

“What happened?” Anya asked worriedly as she examined the scene and looked between Clarke and Lexa.

Indra sighed “A fight” she said

“Who did this?” Lincoln asked seriously

“A shifter” Gustus said, he looked to Lexa’s body “Heda’s wounds can only be made by a shifter”

“What do we do?” Lincoln asked

“We have to find that traitor before he or she gives us more trouble” Indra said

 

Gustus nodded worriedly “Send a troupe with our fastest horses and our best hunters” He said to one of the soldiers “We need to find whoever that made this and bring them back to Polis as soon as possible”

 

“No one besides us can know about this” Anya said seriously “If our people discover that Heda has been attacked by one of us… we’re going to have serious problems”

Gustus, Indra, and Lincoln nodded in agreement.

“You guys go back to Polis and make sure Heda is healed properly. I’ll take charge personally of the haunt mission” Indra said as she moved to saddle her horse.

 

A silence fell between them once Indra and a few soldiers disappeared; Gustus ordered the rest of the troupe to get Clarke and Lexa to Polis as soon as possible.

“How could one of our people do this?” Lincoln asked

“We can’t know until we don’t ask Heda and Clarke about what happened” Anya answered

 

“Let’s just keep this between us and hope that the traitor is caught” Gustus said

* * *

 

The sun rays invaded the room with force signaling a new day and hitting Clarke’s face making her stir weakly and wrinkle her nose.

She could hear birds outside, and people talking and some movement on the hallways. Clarke smiled a bit, just a normal morning in the tower.

However, as great as it was to receive a new day; there was something weird.

 

Clarke opened her eyes slowly, her eyelids were heavy and it was hard for her to keep her eyes open.

Her head was pounding so hard that when she tried to sit she fell back and placed her hands on her temples to try to ease the sharp pain.

 

Clarke’s body in general hurt; and that’s when she realized that she was bandaged. She was wearing a silk nightdress instead of her usual sleeping clothes. Her right forearm was bandaged and also was her left wrist.

 

Also she had a bandage on her right thigh and a few cuts and bruises lying around her body.

 _‘What the hell?’_ She thought confused, her mind was blurry at that moment and she closed her eyes trying to remember what could had happened.

And then it hit her like a truck; memories came to her brain finally and she opened her eyes as if she had just woken up from a terrible nightmare.

 

She suddenly remembered running from the tower, going into the woods, falling… and…

 

Wolves

 

Clarke sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes frantically; so she had been nearly killed by a giant animal very similar to a wolf, and then another wolf came out of nowhere and then she saw Lexa..? What?!

 

The door opened slowly and a very tired looking Kiara entered the room carrying a platter with a water basin, a few bandages and some cream on it.

The woman walked to the bed where Clarke was lying and placed the platter on the nightstand and then sat at the edge.

 

“I see that you’re back into planet Earth” Kiara said offering a smile as she eyed Clarke

“What the hell happened, Kiara?” Clarke asked with a weak, raspy voice that sounded way to huskier

“Well _strikon_ , you sure went through a traumatizing experience” Kiara said, she gestured Clarke to lie down again. And starting to undo one of the bandages

“Yeah well I think I already knew that… but… I don’t understand” Clarke said confused, she tried to sit on the bed again but Kiara pushed her down quickly.

“You’ve been unconscious for three days Clarke, you have multiple cuts and bruises and a few severe wounds so if you don’t want them to get infected; I suggest you to let me do my job”

 

Kiara sighed as Clarke silently obeyed and lied down allowing the older woman to proceed. Kiara carefully dipped a piece of cloth on the water and placed it on Clarke’s left wrist, where she had a really deep cut that was swollen and red.

 

Clarke hissed in pain “I’m sorry” Kiara said soothingly “But I must say that this actually looks really good; you should’ve seen it a few days ago, it looked terrible”

“Kiara… this situation is so confusing” Clarke said with a weak voice “What the hell?”

The wolf finished with the wound and looked at Clarke seriously “You nearly died out there Clarke”

“I think that part I already know” The blonde said a bit sarcastically, Kiara eyed her and shook her head.

 

“You don’t understand” Kiara said “You put your life seriously in danger out there, by going into the woods on your own and without any protection put yourself in serious danger, and also you nearly costed Heda’s life”

 

Clarke was no longer in the mood for sarcasm; she looked at Kiara and then looked down; so Lexa had been there… it had not been a dream.

 

“Lexa…”

“She’s severely injured” Kiara explained with sadness and worry in her voice “She saved your life”

Clarke nodded but then she just shook her head “Wait a minute” She said as she pinched the bridge of her nose “Lexa was there” She stated

“Yes” Kiara confirmed

“That’s not possible, I was attacked by…”

“What?”

 

“Kiara… there was a monster in the woods” Clarke said nervously “It was massive, black, scary and for some reason it tried to kill me; I was running and out of nowhere another one appeared and… Lexa…”

Kiara let out a soft laugh as Clarke failed at trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together

 

“You don’t believe me, right?” Clarke asked feeling pathetic. Why if she just imagined everything, maybe it was too dark and her brain was too exhausted and blurry so she probably just saw a regular wolf but flipped out and she imagined a monster.

 

Kiara eyed her and took a deep breath “Of course I believe you honey” She said and Clarke’s eyes opened like plates. So everything was true?

“What?” Clarke asked “So I am not crazy?”

 

“Of course you’re not Clarke” Kiara rubbed her forehead “There are some things about us that you don’t know yet; for these past weeks you’ve been learning about our culture and how to survive here, I guess we were waiting for the right moment to tell you”

“To tell me what?” Clarke asked “That there are terrible monsters out there waiting to kill us!”

“To tell you about our nature” Kiara said

“So what you were waiting until I was face to face with a beast so you could say it?”

“Your stubborn spirit is lovely at times Clarke, but I must say that it is also the reason why we were waiting”

 

“Why?”

“What happened to you is the reason why humans hate us” Kiara explained

“Well if you train giant wolves to kill us then I think I can understand” Clarke said

 

Kiara laughed and shook her head “Also it is the reason why your kind don’t understand us”

Clarke quirked an eyebrow, what was there to understand? A wolf attacked her, nearly killed her, she didn’t need to understand anything, if the Grounders had beasts like that one locked somewhere then no wonder why humans were scared of them.

 

“Understand what?” The blonde asked confused

Kiara smiled softly “We are called _tu keryon”_ she started “In your language this means double spirit, it refers to our human and animal nature; both of our spirits are tangled and that’s what makes us so different from you”

“That sounds really nice Kiara but…”

 

“What I am trying to say” Kiara interrupted Clarke “Is that when we say we’re double spirited it isn’t a metaphorical sentence; it means that it gives us the power to be between human and wolves' world”

 

Clarke looked more confused than ever, she looked at Kiara not knowing what to say anymore and the only thing that escaped her mouth at that moment was a quiet “what?” as she processed the information

 

“Those animals you saw at the woods weren’t common wolves” Kiara explained “They were some of us”

“But… Lexa” Clarke mumbled as her head started to put the pieces together

“Lexa was one of them”

 

“A wolf?” Clarke asked “Lexa is a real wolf? And you?”

“I am too” Kiara said “The shifting gift is something that belongs exclusively to Trikru”

 

Clarke brought her hands to cover her mouth as she tried to accept this. So basically being a wolf didn’t mean only to be an Alpha or an Omega it actually meant that they could be real wolves…

 

Suddenly she felt dizzy and weak and her head started to spin as she felt her eyes getting closed slowly.

Kiara quickly placed the wet cloth on Clarke’s forehead to help her relax and started rubbing her arm soothingly as she eased calming pheromones.

Maybe they’d waited too much to tell this information but sadly, Clarke hadn’t been exactly ready to know this.

 

Clarke closed her eyes finally as she once again drifted to unconsciousness and Kiara quickly changed her bandages and cleaned her wounds; what Clarke needed right now was to rest and have time to think.

* * *

 

Anya growled deeply as a warning for Lexa to stay still which seemed like an impossible task sine the Commander was kind of hyperactive right now.

 

“If you don’t stop moving I am going to tie you to the bed” The blonde said in a commanding voice.

Lexa snarled at her trying to show authority but Anya placed the wet cloth over a particular sore spot and Lexa hissed in pain.

“That hurts!” The Commander said

 

“It’d hurt less if you stopped moving” Anya replied with frustration

“It would hurt less if a healer did this” Lexa said

 

Anya scolded and threw the cloth against Lexa’s face with force “Healers already saw you, you dumbass, and they already did the hardest part. Applying you a herbal cream and cleaning your wounds is not a big deal” She said “Plus you know I am concerned about you”

 

Lexa knew; in the end she had spent nearly four days unconscious after the attack in which she had been severely injured. She had a deep scratch that ran along her ribs and that was deep and had been at the edge of become infected.

 

Apart from that, she also had multiple bruises and cuts and was extremely pissed off that one of her people had been capable of doing this.

“Why the hell did you do this Lexa?” Anya asked after a moment of silence. She had wanted to ask that since Lexa was brought to Polis after the incident and now that the Commander had finally woken up she needed to know the answer.

 

“Do what? Saving a damsel in distress?” Lexa tried to joke “Ouch” She yelled as Anya started to apply the ointment carefully over the large wound causing it to sting terribly and hurt like hell.

 

“Stay still for the spirit’s sakes” Anya said “Why the hell did you ran into the woods like that without warning anyone?! You didn’t take any soldiers with you Lexa; you threw yourself completely alone into a brutal fight that could’ve gotten you killed. You were extremely lucky that Lincoln and I found Clarke and that Gustus and Indra were looking for you”

 

“I couldn’t help it Anya” Lexa said with a weak voice as she hissed once again at the pain

“That’s not a real answer” Anya said “You’re Heda; a Commander can’t put their live in danger without giving it a thought”

 

Lexa tried to sit down with a huge effort; Anya helped her carefully and then continued her task “You don’t understand Anya…” Lexa said seriously

“Then make me” Anya said

 

“I felt it” Lexa explained a bit reluctant, because she was the first one who didn’t understand and Anya looked at her confused “I literally could feel Clarke when she was in danger… and I couldn’t think about anything else, I had to save her, I have to do something”

“You felt her?” Anya asked

 

Lexa nodded “I’m not crazy Anya… I felt it right here” She signaled to her chest “It was so strong…”

“I see” There was a silence then; Lexa looked down, she felt her entire body sore and heavy, and her limbs felt weak as well as her brain.

 

She was wearing loose silk shorts and the usual cloth she used to wrap her breasts, because she couldn’t wear a shirt right now since the slightest touch hurt like hell; also Anya was about to bandage her side again.

 

“How is she?” Lexa asked finally

Anya sighed; both Clarke and Lexa had been in a really poor state when they found them after the fight. The sky girl was terribly bruised since she had been running for a while; she had cuts all over her body and was completely unconscious.

 

Lexa was still a bit awake, she was breathing heavily as blood came out from her wounds and she was obviously in a lot of pain; she fell into unconsciousness as they carried her to Polis and she didn’t wake up until a few days later.

 

The recovery however had been great so far; Clarke had woken up yesterday, Kiara told Anya and the rest of the sky people that she had been awake for a while… then apparently the blonde for some reason fainted again and woke up feeling better a few hours later.

 

“She’s okay” Anya said offering a smile, Clarke had woken up again that morning and had even afford to eat a whole meal without any problems, she even walked a bit around the room so that meant that she was getting better.

“Is she hurt a lot?” Lexa asked

“Well Lexa, you both are, but she’s a fighter, as well as you so she’ll survive”

“I want to see her”

 

“Stop right there you lady killer” Anya said as she saw Lexa trying to stand up

“Anya I have to…”

“Nothing” Anya said firmly “You don’t have to do anything because if you don’t rest as the healer ordered you’re going to rip your wound open again and then you’ll be in trouble”

 

“I’m not going to ride my horse or run around Anya, I just want to go to her room” Lexa said

“No” Anya snarled “You’re staying here and rest or I swear to the spirits that I will tie you to this bed until you’re healed”

“I’m Heda” Lexa protested

“Yes, and Heda needs rest because we can have you dying just because you couldn’t keep your ass in your bed. Plus I don’t think it is a good idea that you and Clarke see each other for now”

 

“Why?”

Anya looked down “She’s had a traumatizing experience and has gone through a lot these days since she found out about shifters; she is okay but she’s still recovering and you are not going to help if you just go into her room and talk”

 

“I need to see her Anya” Lexa said after a moment “I… just need it, it’s like I have something inside that’s asking me to protect her… to make sure she’s okay”

“She is okay Lex; if you rest today I’ll do anything so you can at least talk to her for a while okay?”

 

Lexa thought about it; she knew she should rest, it was not a complicated task actually… but her insides burn with need, and it was something she had never experienced in her life.

 

She had already been scared when she suddenly felt Clarke when she saved her, but now it seemed like they were somehow connected… she didn’t understand and she just wanted to go back to normality so she could just move on with her life.

 

Anya finished bandaging her again and asked a maiden to stay inside the room to make sure Lexa didn’t move and then told the soldiers not to let anyone disturb her and to sedate Lexa if she tried to leave the room.

 

Then, after saying goodbye, she left the room and walked along the corridors with a worried frown as she tried to process the information that was running through her head.

 

“How is she?” Kiara asked as she saw Anya walking to her door; the maiden was just returning from checking on Clarke.

Anya rubbed the back of her neck “Well she’s stubborn as a mule, you know that”

 

“Yes” Kiara said smiling “So I assume that she’s not taking the resting orders too good”

“Of course not…” Anya fell silent

“What’s wrong?” Kiara asked concerned

 

“We need to talk” The taller woman said in a low voice “In private”

 

They were already standing next to Kiara’s room so the maiden opened the door and invited Anya to step inside.

“You’re worrying me Anya; what’s happening?”

“Lexa felt Clarke” Anya explained

“What?”

 

“In the woods, she said she felt her like she knew what was happening”

“Oh…” Kiara paced slowly around the room as she thought

 

“You know what that means right?” Anya asked

Kiara stopped and sighed “I do”

“How in the hell is that possible?”

 

“Are you a hundred percent sure?” Kiara asked

“Yes and at the same time I don’t know… this can’t happen… Clarke is human” Anya said

 

“She is, but she’s not any human” Kiara stated

“Still… what do we do?” Anya asked concerned

 

“For the moment we can’t do anything”

“We have to, Kiara. Lexa is not any wolf, she’s Heda”

 

“I know, but doing anything against it would hurt her and you know it” Kiara said “We should make sure first that this is true”

“I hope for Lexa’s sake that it is not” Anya said “Because if it is then she’s going to struggle a lot”

 

“Let’s keep a close eye on them both for the moment” Kiara suggested

“Can Clarke feel it too?” Anya asked curiously “Has she mentioned something?”

 

“No” Kiara said “But if she does feel something she’s going to feel it in a very different way”

“I can’t believe it” Anya said

 

“Let’s just not mention any of this for the moment okay?” Kiara said “We need to see if this is true first, because if it is, things are going to get seriously complicated”


	15. We need to talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally talk and some good stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot guys for your great support! I finished the new chapter so I hope you enjoy it!

_Clarke found herself running desperately in the middle of the darkness; once again, she could see trees around her and she could hear her rushed steps and her heavy breathing as well as her heart pounding inside her skull._

 

_She had no idea how she got there but it seemed like her nightmare was once again there; she was running away from something, she could hear a growl behind her as the creature approached her fast._

 

_The place was so dark that Clarke barely could see where she was going; apart from a few trees ahead her it was like the rest was just darkness._

_“Leave me!” Clarke yelled as she kept running, trying her best not to fall; it was hard to keep her pace now because with each step, she fell more and more tired and more and more weak._

 

_It was as if something was sucking the energy out of her body; the beast behind her growled loudly and deeply and jumped with force, landing right on top of Clarke, making her fall hardly to the ground._

 

_“Please! Please!” She tried to scream, but her voice only came out as a weak plea that vanished into the cold air of the night._

_The wolf looked at her, with those yellow eyes and scoffed “No one’s going to save you” it said with a mocking tone. Clarke felt trapped and lost, and she started crying in frustration and pain._

 

_She tried to kick the animal away with force, but it was too strong and her attempts to push it away were useless._

_Then, something unexpected happened and it made Clarke freeze in place. Those yellow eyes suddenly changed its color; at first it wasn’t noticeable but slowly they started to turn into a deep green color that was too familiar._

 

_Those were Lexa’s eyes…_

 

_And then the wolf started to shift, slowly changing the fur into tanned skin and brown hair until Lexa was hovering above her with a strange look._

_“Lexa?” Clarke asked_

 

_The Commander was silent, as if she was taking a moment to say something; something that obviously never came out of her mouth because as she opened it to speak, blood fell out of it and Lexa’s face contorted in pain._

 

_“Lexa!!” Clarke said, she managed to push her away until she was lying on the floor. Lexa was covered in blood; she had a scratch on her stomach that was deep and long._

 

_“Lexa, no!” Clarke yelled as she tried to make pressure on the wound; Lexa coughed weakly and looked at her_

_“Stay with me… Lexa please” Clarke pleaded_

 

_Lexa took a deep breath “Run” She said with worry as she struggled to keep her eyes open_

_“No, Lexa! Lexa!!!”_

 

Clarke’s eyes snapped opened and she sat so abruptly that she fell off the bed and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

She was covered in cold sweat and was crying; immediately, Clarke brought her hands to her face and wiped the tear stains from her cheeks as she stood up.

 

It all had been a dream… but it was so real…

She sat on the bed again trying to recover her breath when the door of her room opened so abruptly that the walls trembled.

 

“What’s happening?!” A very worried Anya asked as she checked the room, Clarke eyed her curiously and noticed that the woman had a sword in her hand.

“Anya…”

 

There was a moment of silence as Anya finally realized what had happened; Clarke looked terribly scared and small sitting in the middle of the bed trying to cover the evidence that she had been crying and trying to hide her body under the covers.

 

“I’m sorry…” Anya said quickly referring to the way she burst inside the room; she placed her sword on a nearby table and walked to the bed “I heard you scream and I got worried”

“It’s okay” Clarke said with a husky voice.

 

Anya sat at the edge of the bed and shook her head “It’s not okay Clarke” She said with a gentle voice trying to be soothing.

Clarke tried to offer a smile to show Anya that she was fine but her attempt failed; she quickly felt her eyes watering again and a sob escaped her mouth.

 

“Hey, hey” Anya said moving to hug Clarke settling on the bed next to her “It was just a nightmare” She said as she started to release calming pheromones that quickly filled the room.

“No” Clarke mumbled between sobs “It was so real…”

 

Anya sighed; she had no idea what the hell to say right now and she kind of regretting being there since she felt like she was not going to be of any help. In the end Kiara was always the one who had a way with words.

 

She took a deep breath and shook her head “I know sky girl, but it was just a dream. You went through a terrible experience and it is normal to have nightmares like that, but just remember that you’re okay now; you’re alive and here because you were brave and strong”

 

Clarke wanted to believe that, because she felt seriously miserable for what had happened; she nodded lightly and tried to wipe her tears.

 

“This is so hard…” She said; referring to the process of understanding the new information; Anya smiled and shook her head

“No one said living here with us was going to be easy, Clarke”

“I thought I was going to die” The blonde said after a moment

 

Anya reminded silent then; it was not expected that Clarke would be fine after such a hard experience; in fact, probably the sky girl would never be the same again after this.

 

But she felt bad for her; because it must’ve been horrible for Clarke to be alone and about to die not even knowing what was happening.

 

“Clarke” Anya said after being deep in thought “I think you should see Lexa”

It was a sentence that Anya never expected saying; she had asked Lexa not to talk to Clarke for the moment because she thought it was the best, but now… seeing Clarke like this made her change her mind.

 

“I don’t think so” Clarke said with a low voice

“You need to talk to her Clarke”

“No, I don’t” Clarke said stubbornly “She betrayed me” She made a pause “I saw Jasper”

“That’s why you ran away?” Asked Anya

“Jasper is my friend, and he was tied to a bed”

 

“There’s a reason why he was there”

“A reason I assume you’re not going to tell me, right?” Clarke asked, Anya’s silence told her the answer

“Lexa saved you”

“Yeah, and I am grateful for that… but she betrayed me”

“And still, you were screaming her name a few minutes ago” Anya pointed out

“What?” Clarke’s cheeks turned red

 

“I heard you screaming her name” Clarke was going to reply something when Anya talked again “And something tells me that you wished she was with you in this bed instead of me”

Clarke shook her head frantically “What?! No!” She said angrily “There is no way I want to be in the same room with Lexa… even less in the same bed”

 

“You know Clarke, you are a terrible liar” Anya said “Seriously, horrible”

“Shut up!”

Anya smiled mischievously “You desire her” She said playfully but seriously

“No!”

 

“I can smell it on you Clarke, and I can’t blame you… Lexa’s a nice person, she’s protective, pretty and for what I’ve hear she’s a great lover”

“She can be what she wants” Clarke said dismissively “But I don’t care”

 

“Are you sure about that?” Anya asked

Clarke was about to say that Lexa could go to hell but she couldn’t.

 

She had been at the edge of dying a few days ago, she could’ve thought about anything or anyone, maybe some of her friends, her mom, even her dad, who she missed a lot, but no; she thought about Lexa.

 

Lexa was the last person to come to her mind when she was about to die, it was like for a moment there was nothing else in the world to think about.

And then the Commander had saved her; Clarke had no idea how in the hell Lexa knew it, but she saved her life risking her own and ending up injured; Clarke couldn’t say that she didn’t care.

 

She shook her head “I don’t know what the hell I want any more Anya” she said sadly

“I think you actually know, but maybe you’re too scared” Anya said

“She rejected me” Clarke said once again remembering that shameful experience

“Yeah, but she saved you, didn’t she?” Anya asked “She cares more than she’s willing to admit and for both of your sakes, you should talk”

Clarke reminded pensive “I don’t know…”

 

“Try at least for five minutes; just check that she’s okay, maybe thank her, maybe just chat about whatever, but seriously, you need to see her. You two shared a terrible experience and she’s the only one who can understand you now”

 

Those words were true, even if Clarke didn’t like them too much; it was a complicated situation because she had no idea how she should react, she didn’t know if she should be mad at Lexa or grateful or both…

 

“I guess I could give her five minutes” Clarke finally said rolling her eyes and Anya smiled brightly

“Wonderful news” She said jumping off the bed “I’ll go tell the maidens to prepare you something to eat”

“Wait… I didn’t say I wanted to do it now” Clarke’s words went unheard as Anya kept ranting

“I’ll tell Kiara to clean your wounds quickly and to prepare a bath and…”

“A bath?” Clarke asked

 

“Yes darling, in case you didn’t notice, you stink”

“Thank you” The blonde said sarcastically

“You’ll be ready in an hour and a half probably” Anya said “Perfect, you get out of the bed; I’ll set up everything else”

 

There was no time to reply or protest, because the moment Clarke got to open her mouth, Anya was already gone.

Clarke let her body collapse on the bed again and sighed deeply “Fantastic” She mumbled with frustration.

* * *

 

Two hours ago, Clarke and Anya were walking along the hallway, escorted by a few guards in complete silence. It seemed like after Clarke decided to run away from Polis so abruptly, now she had some guards to keep an eye on her 24/7.

 

They arrived to the Commander’s room and stopped in front of the door “Leave us” Anya ordered to the soldiers.

The guards looked a bit confused at first, as if what Anya was telling was not serious “I don’t think the sky girl will be running into the woods any time soon” She explained

 

They nodded and walked away slowly after warning Clarke that they will escort her back to her room once she was finished.

“Before you enter the room” Anya started “You must know that Heda is not in a good state right now, so may want to be gentle with her for the moment”

 

“Wait… you aren’t coming with me?” Clarke asked

Anya smiled “Not this time little human, you must do this on your own”

“Does she know I’m coming?”

“Not that I know” Anya said “I bet she’ll be glad to see you”

 

“I doubt it” Clarke mumbled

“Well Clarke, you’ll never know until you try”

 

Anya didn’t say anything else; she pushed the door opened and gestured Clarke to go inside with a smile on her face.

“Good luck” She whispered before closing the door again.

 

Clarke didn’t really know what to expect of all this; she had no idea of what she should say, or what to do… she felt a bit lost.

She looked behind as the door closed slowly and then gulped as she tried to calm down; she was alone in this…

But her nervousness and fear kind of flew out the window once she started walking into the room and spotted the Commander’s bed.

 

She had been a few times in that room before, but for some reason, it felt different now. Lea was not pacing around in her armor or her usual dark clothes and long jacket, like she used to do.

 

This time, Lexa was on the bed, and not looking at her best to Clarke’s opinion, which actually made her forget her previous anger towards the leader wolf and actually feel sorry and bad for her.

 

Lexa’s body was in the middle of the bed, covered with the furs and she seemed to be in a deep, peaceful sleep.

Clarke walked to the bed with hesitant steps and a feeling inside of her chest that she should go rather than stay there.

 

She approached Lexa slowly and stood at the feet of the bed observing her; the Commander’s face looked relaxed and young, she looked totally different without the usual frown she used to wear on her face or that hard exterior she always used while in public.

 

Right now she just looked like Lexa.

 

Her mouth was slightly opened and she was breathing steadily, her chest rose slowly with each breath; she looked vulnerable and incredibly beautiful and Clarke felt an explosion of butterflies in her stomach.

 

Suddenly she felt the urge to protect Lexa; to get into the bed with her and hug her tightly, to whisper gentle words into her ear and promise her that she’ll never leave.

 

Lexa might be a ruthless warrior and leader when it came to her people; she always had to care about everyone’s needs and pleas, but who cared about Lexa? Who took care about her needs?

Did she have someone to lean on when she felt bad? Because from Clarke’s perspective; Lexa was a very lonely person.

 

She sure had good friends like Anya, Titus some times, and Kiara… but it didn’t seem like she had someone special in her life; someone to love and to take care of her.

 

And that feeling made Clarke feel tremendously sad.

 

She was deep in thought, observing Lexa so intently that she didn’t realize that the sleeping woman started to stir.

 

“C-Clarke?”

The sound of her name startled her; Clarke came back to planet Earth and looked into deep green eyes that were studying her sleepily.

 

Lexa blinked a few times and rubbed one eye to get rid of the sleep as she tried to sit; the movement wasn’t too rushed or abrupt but the scratch on her side once again sting and she hissed and growled.

 _“Jok!”_ She said with a weak voice

 

Clarke immediately run to her side and tried to help her

“Stay still” She said “Let me help”

 

“I’m fine” Lexa said trying to maintain her pride. However Clarke didn’t pay attention to that for she just kept helping her to sit without any pain.

“You look like crap Lexa… I don’t think you’re that fine” Clarke said absentmindedly trying to lighten the mood; she offered a small smile.

 

Lexa looked at her for a moment and then looked down “Thanks for that, I could say the same thing about you”

This time Clarke’s smile was genuine and from ear to ear; she sat cross legged at the edge of the bed facing Lexa.

“I’ve had better days” She said “But I think I will survive”

 

“Its’s good to see that your optimism is still intact” Lexa pointed out with a mocking tone

“Well it’s good to see that your sarcasm is still in shape” Clarke joked back

 

Lexa nodded but as always she didn’t smile, which caused Clarke to let out a soft laugh, she thought for a moment if she’ll ever get to see Lexa smile and be free like a regular person.

 

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked finally after a moment of silence. Lexa shrugged her shoulders a bit

“Honestly, I feel like someone just hit me with a rock and stabbed a sword on my side” the brunette explained “But Anya was right, resting is not that bad… how about you?”

Clarke took a deep breath; she had constant nightmares about the attack, she even dreamt about it while being awake, she felt lost and scared but she was afraid to admit this.

 

“My body feels horrible” She said “But I am okay”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow as she studied Clarke carefully; the girl looked really tired, she had dark circles under her eyes, she had a frown on her face and well, a part from Anya’s disgusting smell on her body, Clarke seemed to have like a distressed smell on her body, as if she was worried or troubled.

 

Certainly Anya’s scent didn’t go unnoticed by Lexa, who immediately pumped out her powerful pheromones to cover it.

“Are you sure?” Asked Lexa confused

 

Clarke sighed and nodded; they both fell into a weird silence not really knowing how to proceed with the conversation.

Should she tell Lexa or not? Anya had suggested that she should, but why should she? 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked a moment later feeling like there was something the blonde wanted to say.

 

Clarke felt some tears falling down her cheeks and she let out a soft sob “I am so sorry Lexa” she said with a sincere tone and a watery voice.

“I’m sorry for what I did and for what happened to you… you nearly died because of me… I put you in danger running into the woods even though you warned me not to do it”

 

In a matter of seconds she was a mess, sobbing uncontrollably and trying to wipe her tears; and obviously feeling miserable and weak.

Lexa watched the scene a bit surprised but tried to move closer to her to comfort the human girl.

“It was not your fault Clarke” She said

“It was… I was so mad at you that I didn’t think about it”

“Mad?”

 

“I saw Jasper” Clarke mumbled as she looked into Lexa’s eyes

Lexa looked down and swallowed “Clarke”

“I don’t want to hear about it now” the blonde said sadly

 

“I swear there was a reason for him to be like that, but he’s not suffering nor receiving any kind of harm”

Clarke nodded; she was still mad and frustrated but those feelings were eclipsed by her sadness and her unexpected care for Lexa.

“I’m sorry for lying to you Clarke” Lexa said finally “None of this would’ve happened if I just told you the truth in the first place”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Clarke asked sadly

“What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were a real wolf, Lexa?”

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck and looked down “You wouldn’t have believed it”

 

“I could’ve tried!” Clarke raised her voice

“Clarke, you’ve been questioning everything here, doubting everything and being stubborn since you came here” Lexa explained

“I was so scared! Lexa, I was terrified” Clarke said feeling the tears once again “I had no idea what was going on, and I thought I was going to die”

“It’s okay Clarke”

 

“No!”

Clarke’s yell was so loud that Lexa was a bit startled “It is not okay” the blonde continued “Because now I can’t close my eyes without seeing those eyes! Every time I try to sleep or to rest I see that beast; every time I am alone somewhere I feel like that creature is going to jump out of nowhere just like that day… Jeez I even see those eyes when I am awake”

 

“I’m sorry” Lexa mumbled

“I have constant nightmares Lexa, horrible nightmares about that night, and that beast… and you”

“Me?”

 

“You nearly died to… you were there too… and I nearly saw you die, and I couldn’t do anything; I see you too every night fighting that monster, but other times I just dream that you are that monster” Clarke’s voice cracked

 

“Clarke” Lexa tried to move towards Clarke but the girl pulled back abruptly a bit scared; the Commander tried to follow her but her wounds hurt once again and she fell back on the bed with a hiss.

 

“Fuck!” She said as she placed her hands over her side to try and ease the pain

Clarke was still a crying mess but suddenly she realized what she had done and feeling terribly guilty she run to Lexa’s side to help her.

 

“I’m so sorry Lexa” She mumbled as she tried to look at her side; she kneeled next to the bed and tried to check the bandage, but Lexa’s hands were on the way “Let me see” She asked

 

Lexa stubbornly growled and shook her head, she’d had enough healing for one day and she didn’t want any more rejection from Clarke today so she just wanted this to end quickly.

 

“Please Lexa” Clarke whispered leaning closer “Let me help”

It was as if Clarke’s heat and soft scent had a powerful effect on Lexa; because she slowly retired her hands and relaxed.

Clarke in the other hand also felt something, because she had a strange need of taking care of the wounded Alpha, it hurt her to see Lexa like this and she felt the need to do something.

 

She carefully undid the bandage trying not to hurt Lexa in the process; there were a few blood stains there revealing that the scratch opened a bit with the abrupt movement.

 

Clarke looked around the room “The healer left his stuff there” Lexa pointed to a box under her nightstand. The healer left the box there for the maidens, or Anya to be able to use it in case they needed to change Lexa.

 

The wound looked pretty clean now, but it was still a bit infected, the edges of the scratch were reddish and swollen and some blood drops were coming out slowly.

Lexa looked embarrassed and in pain; she kept her gaze fixed on the ceiling as she waited for Clarke to finish.

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you like this Lexa” Clarke said softly as she took a cream and got ready to apply it.

She put some cream on a cloth and carefully applied it on one of the sides of the wound; Lexa immediately cried out and then snarled at her baring her teeth to her.

 

“Sorry” Clarke said in a low voice as she made less pressure

“It burns” Lexa said

 

Clarke nodded in understanding; then she had an idea. Putting the cloth aside for a moment; she undid the bandages better, until Lexa’s torso was free except for her chest bindings.

Lexa looked at her curiously and the blonde shot her a knowing look as if she was asking Lexa to trust her.

 

Then Clarke proceeded to use the cream again; obviously Lexa growled in pain once again and started to get mad but unexpectedly; Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s abdomen and started to stroke her skin gently, drawing small circles with her fingers.

 

It was the most pleasant thing Lexa had felt in a while and even if she felt her wound sting at the contact, she nearly let out a moan at the soft caresses.

Clarke smiled content that her idea was working; she kept cleaning Lexa’s scratch as fast as she could and continued with her gentle touches, loving how Lexa seemed to be enjoying it.

 

She finished after a few minutes but her caresses on the Commander’s stomach didn’t stop, it seemed like the physical contact not only had calmed Lexa but also had calmed Clarke.

“Do you feel better?” The blonde asked after a while

Lexa looked at her and nodded; Clarke smiled at her and without really thinking about it she placed a soft kiss on Lexa’s ribs next to the wound.

This action caused Lexa to moan lightly and Clarke to feel a deep tingling sensation on her lips, as if she was on fire from the contact.

 

“Sorry” She muttered feeling like she was about to die of embarrassment

They didn’t make eye contact for a while, both of them too embarrassed and shy; Clarke sighed deeply as she tried to think of what to say. Maybe she should just go, run to her room and lock herself in there.

 

She was about to do so when she finally saw Lexa react; the brunette had been silent and pensive for a while, trying to not combust right there.

To be honest, it had been a while since Lexa had felt so close to someone; it had been a long time since someone touched her the way Clarke just did, and that gesture made her feel all of a sudden as if she was home.

 

She had no idea why but she needed Clarke’s contact; just with a few caresses she had managed to calm her down which was a really complicated thing. And it scared Lexa a lot.

Clarke was a lot of things but she was not weak, and she was not a coward, and it was visible in the way she showed her emotions and thoughts.

 

Actually Lexa had been the coward one in this situation; she was the one who rejected Clarke even though she desired her with her body and soul, she kept avoiding her and now she didn’t know how to react.

Clarke was obviously a bit scared of her, Lexa just saw it in her eyes and in the way she smelled and it hurt a lot.

 

The last thing Lexa wanted was for Clarke to be scared and to hate her.

It was understandable but at the same time Lexa felt a pang of hurt in her chest; because Clarke deserved so much better than that. And she had been so worried protecting herself from her past that she completely forgot that Clarke needed her even if she didn’t want to admit it.

 

So suddenly she reached out her hand and placed it softly on Clarke’s cheek; the movement was hesitant, and she did it slowly in case that the blonde wanted to pull away; but that didn’t happen. Clarke seemed a bit nervous at first but then she just remained still as Lexa’s thumb started to stroke her skin softly.

And suddenly everything seemed to be okay in the world.

 

Clarke felt a sensation of peace that she had never felt in her entire life; it was as if suddenly her body was at ease and she was completely happy… she even forgot about her previous fears and problems because in her mind, there was only Lexa.

 

She closed her eyes for a moment to enjoy the contact, because Lexa’s hand was warm and soft, and her touch was relaxing and calming.

Lexa looked at her for a while as if she was staring at the greatest piece of art ever; she kept her ministrations until Clarke finally opened her eyes again and they both looked at each other deeply.

 

“I don’t want you to be scared of me, Clarke” The brunette said finally with an almost shaky voice; as if she was scared of her own words.

Clarke felt guilty and bad because she knew she had no reason to be scared; Lexa had saved her in the end.

She looked down embarrassed and holding back tears once again, Lexa was feeling insecure now because of her… perfect.

 

This was the last thing she wanted now; she wanted to tell her how angry she was because of what happened and because of Jasper, then she couldn’t; then she wanted to apologize for putting Lexa’s life in danger, and then she just caused the Commander to be insecure because she subconsciously was scared.

 

She swallowed her tears along with the lump that was settling in her throat; she could simply go back to her room but she was not a quitter.

And she couldn’t let Lexa feel bad because of her.

She bandaged her quickly again but at the same time trying to be gentle; Lexa protested a few times but she soothed her somehow so she could finish her task.

 

Once she was finished she stood up and under Lexa’s scrutinizing look, Clarke went to the other side of the bed and crawled inside, slipping her body under the covers and lying right next to a very surprised Lexa.

Clarke was nervous; her heart was beating faster than ever and she was sure that Lexa could feel it, but there was no going back.

 

The heat of the brunette’s body was inviting and pleasant, and she smelled sweet and like something very familiar; as she pushed her body closer to Lexa’s she had the feeling that she was at home.

Lexa observed her in complete amazement; she hadn’t expected that, and as Clarke lied next to her, she felt calmed and so good that she wanted to howl in happiness.

 

She had never experienced something like this.

 

Clarke was closer than ever, so close that they were nearly breathing the same air; and then the blonde placed her hands in Lexa’s hips softly to have more contact.

They were both lying on their sides facing each other and the eye contact was so intense that they were lost in each other.

 

“I’m not afraid of you” Clarke whispered with sincerity

Lexa really wanted to believe her; she looked down sadly.

“You saved my life Lexa, you risked your own life to save me, and I have no words to say how grateful I am”

 

“I had to” Lexa said, Clarke looked at her confused; to be honest she had no idea how Lexa knew where she was that night, or how she knew what had happened, but she didn’t know if it was something too important to know.

“Why?” She asked

Lexa looked away pensive, she didn’t know how to explain it “Someone had to, Clarke; we need a stubborn sky girl around here to keep our lives interesting”

Clarke laughed, and she laughed hard, like she hadn’t laughed in months. The sincerity of Lexa’s words was endearing and it caused her heart to feel warm and happy.

 

“Can you stay here?” Asked Lexa after a while, she needed some courage to say those words but she needed to say them. She didn’t know why but Clarke’s presence was helping her, she felt relaxed and rested and she didn’t want that to end. She didn’t want Clarke to go.

 

Clarke seemed to be thinking about it, but a few seconds later she just nodded and offered a warm smile.

“Is it okay if I…” The blonde didn’t know how to end the sentence, and Lexa looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“What?”

 

Clarke didn’t waste time trying to speak, she needed more contact; she needed to feel protected so she got even closer. She moved closer to Lexa, until she was between her arms and nudged the Alpha to hug her.

At first the hug was uncomfortable; Lexa was stiff and visibly nervous and Clarke felt a bit out of place; but then she just rested her head under the Commander’s chin, allowing her body to relax and to rest.

 

Lexa released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding as she felt Clarke so close to her; she felt so good that for a moment she thought she was dreaming.

None of them dared to say anything else; both too afraid to break the moment, sure they had a lot of stuff to work on still, things between them weren’t still fixed but for the moment this was all they both needed.

 

As minutes passed they both drifted off to a peaceful sleep; and for the first time in a few nights, Clarke didn’t have horrible nightmares or saw those awful yellow eyes; all she could dream about was Lexa, and how good she felt with her.

* * *

 

That scene was the one Titus and Kiara found a while later as they went to Heda’s room to check on her.

Lexa with her arms protectively around Clarke; and the blonde hugging her tightly as she rested her head under Lexa’s chin

 

“This is unacceptable” Titus said horrified

“Don’t raise your voice. You’ll wake them” Kiara ordered

“Heda must rest; it is not appropriate for Clarke to be here and even less to be in bed with her” Titus ranted

“Shut up” Kiara said

 

“Don’t tell me to shut up!” Titus growled

“I’ll tell you whatever you want, you grumpy wolf” Kiara argued “Get out of here so Lexa can rest”

Titus snarled and shook his head in disapproval “This is unbelievable” He muttered as Kiara pushed him back outside the room.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, but let’s just let them rest. You can be mad at Heda once she’s recovered”

 

Titus scolded and walked away muttering disapproving words under his breath; Kiara watched him go with a proud smile and then look back to the scene that was inside the room.

She hadn’t seen Lexa so relaxed in a long time; and they both looked so sweet now that she could only smile as she closed the door quietly.

 

“I hope Clarke’s the one for you Lexa” She whispered contently. Because maybe Lexa had finally found someone to be happy with after all this time; maybe Clarke could be that someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng translations:
> 
> Jok: fuck


	16. Chasing sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's nightmares continue, but maybe that can be something good in the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry guys for the late update! Here you have the new chapter!

Clarke woke up confused and disoriented; she opened her eyes slowly, blinking sleepily a few times and then tried to stretch her body, which for some reason was impossible.

 

There was some kind of weight on her that seemed to make difficult any attempt of moving; Clarke rubbed her eyes with her left hand, which was the one she had free since the other was… trapped.

 

She quickly wiped out the small drool from her mouth and looked down to see what was happening; and she couldn’t help but smile stupidly at the scene.

 

Lexa was wrapped around her body as if Clarke was a giant pillow; the Commander’s head was resting on Clarke’s chest, one of her arms was around the blonde’s body protectively, she seemed to be in a peaceful sleep; breathing steadily and looking really relaxed.

 

Clarke’s right arm was wrapped around Lexa, supporting her as the brunette’s body was half on top of her; while her upper body was on Clarke’s torso, the Commander’s legs were pressed against her side.

 

It seemed as if subconsciously Lexa was a cuddle person; because she was hugging Clarke as if she was a giant teddy bear.

Clarke enjoyed the moment with a smile; who knew when will be the next time she would get to be this close to Lexa?

 

The Alpha was not like this when she was in her Commander role; she was cold and distant with everyone and Clarke somehow felt privileged now for having her like this.

 

Lexa’s body emanated a soft heat that was comforting and relaxing, and it made Clarke’s heart melt; their bodies felt so cool pressed together…

Her thoughts stopped when she realized how close they actually were; because Lexa moved her head slowly and buried her face on the crook of her neck, nuzzling her nose on the skin there and making a soft purring noise.

 

Clarke smiled in content and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist a bit tighter but without waking up the sleeping wolf.

It actually was funny to think that the great, ruthless Commander was hugging her and nuzzling her neck. Clarke took a deep breath and closed her eyes to enjoy the moment, but the magic of the moment didn’t last long, because subconsciously, Lexa moved closer to her, pressing her body to Clarke even more.

 

And Clarke opened her eyes startled because as the movement happened, she could feel a part of Lexa that didn’t seem asleep.

 

Lexa’s groin was pressed to Clarke’s leg and apparently that part of her body was starting to stir, because Clarke could feel something a bit hard against her leg.

The situation suddenly turned weird; Clarke was a bit nervous but at the same time and even if she didn’t want to admit it she felt a bit aroused and everything was making her want to run as far away as she could.

 

She tried to move gently at first; but Lexa was too heavy so she didn’t get to do anything. Clarke sighed, she didn’t want to leave the bed like that, but she didn’t know how to react so the best thing was to put distance.

 

“Lexa” She whispered nudging Lexa’s side; the Alpha mumbled incomprehensible words followed by a mewling sound but didn’t wake. “Someone’s a heavy sleeper” Said Clarke to herself as she gave up momentarily.

 

Clarke kept with her attempts to wake Lexa for a while, and finally, after a few minutes she got the older girl to start to stir.

Lexa opened her eyes slowly and lazily, her body was still wrapped around the blonde and it took a while for her to realize this.

 

She yawned lightly and realized that she was lying on something soft and that smelled heavenly; it smelled like home and like everything she wanted in life and it made her relax and breathe deeply at the sensation.

Then she looked up and saw Clarke’s deep blue eyes staring at her with an unreadable expression.

 

“Morning” the blonde said with a raspy voice.

Lexa was about to reply when she noticed that Clarke was looking down now and then she realized what was happening between her legs and separated immediately covering her body with the sheets.

 

“Shit” She mumbled embarrassed; her cheeks turning red quickly.

“Lexa…”

“I’m sorry” Lexa said feeling like a stupid hormonal pup who just presented. She could feel that Clarke was a bit uncomfortable and that was the last thing she wanted.

“Lexa, it’s okay” Clarke observed how the Commander looked down embarrassed and felt bad; Lexa shouldn’t feel bad because of her.

“No… this is an inappropriate behavior Clarke and-” Lexa couldn’t finish her sentence because as she tried to move, once again she felt a rush of pain on her side and she cried out loudly.

 

Clarke immediately forgot about the previous situation and moved closer to the brunette to check on her wound.

“Stay still” She ordered as she tried to check the bandages.

 

Lexa felt embarrassed beyond measure but did as told trying to hold the sheet closer to her body.

“How do you feel?” Clarke asked trying to sound casual; Lexa had better color than yesterday, and the bandages didn’t look stained with blood, at least not in the outside, but maybe this wasn’t the best situation to be so close…

 

“Good, I’m good” Mumbled Lexa

“Liar” Clarke said quirking an eyebrow “You’re in pain”

“I’m not” Lexa muttered

 

Clarke let out a laugh “You know it’s okay to admit that you’re hurt sometimes, right?”

The brunette looked at her a bit surprised but didn’t say anything else; she let Clarke check the bandage but as soon as she could, she pulled away.

“I should call the healer” Clarke said standing awkwardly

 

“Yeah…”

There was an uncomfortable silence between them; the air suddenly seemed thicker than ever and the distance between their bodies seemed to ache.

 

Lexa felt the need to run to Clarke, hug her as tightly as possible; carry her to the bed and not letting her go ever again. And Clarke in the other hand wanted to jump Lexa; she wanted to kiss her, hug her just feel her in every way possible… the need was so powerful that the atmosphere was charged with a very powerful sexual tension that could be cut with a knife.

 

“Okay then…” Clarke finally said after swallowing a lump in her throat “I should go”

“Yeah” Lexa mumbled awkwardly

 

They both nodded and Clarke turned around to walk to the door “Clarke” Lexa called her before she reached the doorknob. The blonde turned around slowly “Thanks… for everything” The Commander said

 

Clarke offered a smile “You saved my life Lexa… so I’m the one who should say thank you”

 

With that, she finally stepped out of the room fighting her need to come back inside; she didn’t know how it was possible that her feelings for Lexa could change so fast even if they knew each other only for a few months, but everything had changed; and she felt butterflies in her stomach every time she was in Lexa’s presence… and she wasn’t sure if that was okay; in the end there were too many complications for them, and well… Lexa didn’t feel the same so… she should try to relax a bit and just wait until everything could go back to normal.

 

Lexa watched as Clarke left the room and remained silent on that bed as she tried to keep her thoughts in check; she had no idea how someone as perfect as Clarke could exist, but there she was. Lexa knew she was screwed, because no matter how many rules against humans her people had, her feelings for Clarke were growing each passing day and she didn’t know if she could ever stop them.

 

“You are saving my life, Clarke” She mumbled to the empty room as she moved to lie back on the bed again.

* * *

 

“What the fuck is that smell?” Anya asked covering her nose and looking at a very blushed Clarke, who was looking at her confused.

“W-what?” She asked not knowing what to say

 

Anya inspected her carefully; Clarke’s hair was a bit disheveled and judging by the early hours in the morning, it was obvious that she had just woken up, but she wasn’t coming from her room…

 

“You slept with Lexa” Anya said in a loud whisper as she opened her eyes in surprise and smiled devilishly

“What?! No!” Clarke nearly yelled at the same time as her cheeks turned red

“What was it like?” Anya asked in a playful tone. Clarke looked down and sighed

 

“I did not do such thing” She said

“You’re coming from her room honey, you reek of sexual hormones and you reek of Lexa” Anya explained

Clarke raised her gaze and met Anya’s eyes for a moment; that super sense of smell wolves had was starting to get on her nerves…

 

“Nothing happened…” She said finally in complete embarrassment

Anya observed her with a frown but then smiled devilishly “But you wanted something to happen” She said

“No!” Clarke replied; then fell silent for a moment “Y-yes… I don’t know”

“I do, sky girl” Anya said softly “You two are the most clueless people I’ve ever seen in my life!”

 

Clarke frowned and Anya laughed “Come on” The wolf continued “You two have the most annoying heart eyes ever when you’re around each other! And all that disturbing sexual tension… It’s so obvious that you want each other”

 

“I…” Clarke had to swallow hard “I don’t know” She said reluctant and with a hint of sadness, she did want Lexa… it was something she had to start accepting because the more she tried to push that feeling away, the more hurt and miserable she ended, but she didn’t know if Lexa would be open to have something with her… in the end she was the great Commander of the wolves, and she was just a human. “It’s complicated” She said finally

 

“Fuck complicated, Clarke” Anya said seriously reaching the blonde’s eyes “Sometimes in life you have to stop using this” She pointed to Clarke’s head “And start feeling with this” She pointed to Clarke’s heart

 

“Lexa is a leader… I can’t stand on her way” The blonde mumbled

 

Anya took a step towards her and placed a hand over her shoulder “You’re a leader too Clarke, you are strong and brave, and Lexa needs someone like you by her side” She took a deep breath “I know she wants someone like you by her side”

 

Clarke felt a lump in her throat and her eyes watery, the need to be with Lexa was strong, but her fear of another rejection and to end up hurt seemed to be stronger at some moments.

 

“Come here” Anya said as she opened her arms offering a hug. Clarke accepted it quickly and breathed deeply trying to calm herself down.

When they separated, Anya wiped a few tears from Clarke’s cheeks and smiled at her sweetly “Where were you going?” Clarke asked trying to change the conversation

 

“I went to check on you but you weren’t in your room” Anya explained

“Uh… we kind of fell asleep…”

 

“No need for explanations, I bet you two ended up tired” The taller woman joked “Anyways, the rest of the sky people are going to their first trip outside the tower today, and that guy… Finn was looking for you”

 

Clarke cleared her throat; Finn was still on the picture… “It’s okay” Anya said “I told him that you needed rest so he won’t bother you for now”

Those words were a huge relief for Clarke; she didn’t have the strength now to deal with him, she probably should at some point; she owed to him but… everything was so messed up in her head that she needed time.

 

“You should really rest for a while Clarke” Anya said a moment later

“I’m fine…”

“Sure you are” The wolf said sarcastically “You’re still healing and you just survived to a traumatizing experience so you better rest. I’ll go check on Lexa… she if she is still alive”

 

Clarke smiled and looked down, Lexa was very alive last time she saw her; but Anya didn’t need to know that so she just nodded and started to walk away.

 

“Oh and Clarke” Anya said quickly, the blonde turned around

“What?”

 

“You should totally consider doing something about that sensual tension” She said jokingly “Seriously we can’t have you two smelling like that all day”

“Shut up Anya!” Clarke said, her cheeks completely red.

 

She turned around again and walked away as she heard Anya’s laughter behind her.

* * *

 

Lexa cursed to the sky, to the spirits, to the woods, to anyone on the planet and the sky because of her stupidity. It had been a while since Clarke had left her room and she still felt horrible about what happened.

 

Clarke didn’t seem to be disgusted by it or anything but Lexa wasn’t a hormonal pup; she should be able to control herself, and not make Clarke uncomfortable.

Also her wounds really didn’t help because she was feeling so bad that she couldn’t take care of her problem.

 

She ordered some maidens to prepare some cold water for her and she managed to shower with some help; at least she could ease her problem without ripping her cuts open.

 

The Commander was trying to move a bit and walk when the door of her room opened and Anya stepped inside smiling brightly.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” The woman asked to her folding her arms.

Lexa growled and grabbed a chair that was nearby for support “I’m running a marathon” She joked

 

“I see the attack didn’t take away your incredible sense of humor” Anya said “I’m glad to see that, but you should be in bed”

“I’m Heda… I need to heal fast” Lexa mumbled

 

“Heda needs to get her ass on the bed if she doesn’t want to make things worse”

Lexa looked at her with a killing glare, but walked slowly to the bed and sat at the edge; arguing with Anya wasn’t going to take her anywhere.

 

“What do we know about the attacker?” She asked after a moment. Since the healers had told her that she should rest, no one had told her anything about the attack or any other matters; Gustus and Indra had stayed away from the tower a bit to avoid stressing Lexa and Titus tried to just inform her with official issues if it was strictly necessary.

 

Anya eyed her carefully and sighed “It was a Trikru… that’s for sure”

“Yeah Anya, I know that” Lexa mumbled “Wolves from other clans can’t swift forms”

“It’s like a ghost, we don’t really know who it was”

 

“Perfect” Lexa said rubbing her temples “You need to work harder on it, you need to catch that bastard, that wolf needs to pay”

“I know, we are trying…”

“But?”

 

“Do you know someone with yellow eyes?” Anya asked as she sat next to Lexa

The Commander frowned “Yellow eyes?”

“Clarke described the wolf with yellow eyes”

 

Lexa remained pensive for a moment, her impulse had been to save Clarke, no matter what or how, she just felt the urgent need of saving her and protecting her, so she never payed attention to any yellow eyes, she just jumped the wolf and did her best to defend Clarke.

 

“I don’t know anyone like that…”

“Titus thinks Clarke might be so traumatized that she doesn’t remember but… I think she’s telling the truth” Anya explained “Something really weird is happening here Lexa” She said worriedly “First our people dead… then that human called Jasper, and then this”

 

“I know” Lexa said

“We are trying to keep this as a secret but… I think something bad is about to happen, you should be careful Lexa”

“What I care about now is Clarke being safe” Lexa said after taking a deep breath

 

“Clarke huh?” Anya offered a smile “I like her” she said and immediately she felt the incredible amount of possessive, defiant and jealous pheromones of Lexa, who was clearly mad “Easy Heda” Anya said raising her hands “I just meant that I like her for you. She’s a lovely girl, you two will be really good together”

 

“We won’t” Lexa said standing up and pacing around slowly

“And why not?” Anya asked following her

“You know why” The Commander said “Clarke doesn’t need any more complications in her life”

“I see… so you want to protect her”

“Yes”

 

“And the fact that she is incredibly sad every time she sees you walk away and that she’s heartbroken every time you reject her… is that protecting her?” Anya asked

“What?”

 

“Come on Lexa, that girl likes you; she clearly is all enamored with you and it’s obvious that you are too. Why fighting back?”

“Clarke is human”

“So what?” Anya asked “You’re Heda honey, you can change the rules”

“Is not that easy”

 

“It is”

 

“Fuck you Anya!” Lexa blurted out “Let’s just pretend for a moment that we are together” She raised her voice a bit “What is going to happen when she realizes how possessive wolves are, specially Alphas? What is going to happen when we want to get more intimate and we realize that we can’t because I’ll may hurt her if knot her or if I get carried away?! What will happen when I go into rut again? What’s going to happen when she gets older and I don’t… What if…”

 

“If what?” Anya asked with a low voice

“We can’t mate” Lexa said simply “We are from different worlds Anya…”

“Humans never mate” Anya said softy “And still some of them have the most intense bonds ever…”

 

“You know what I mean” Lexa said

“I do” Anya nodded “And I understand you, Clarke’s human nature is fragile compared to ours; but I think you should remember something Lexa”

Lexa looked at her questioningly “What?”

 

“Wolves have been involved romantically with humans before, at first we all thought those were legends but you and I know someone who spent a lot of years with a human” Anya explained “And she doesn’t regret any of it”

 

“I’m not like her” Lexa said

 

“No; but that doesn’t mean you can’t try” Anya told her “I’ve seen you suffer day after day for years Lexa, consumed in sadness and fear and since that girl appeared into your life I can see how you’re starting to change little by little; you shouldn’t close the door to happiness just because you’re scared”

 

There was a silence after that; Lexa looked down and swallowed a lump in her throat. Clarke was too good for her… she was a ray of sunshine in her life, a breeze of fresh air, she made Lexa feel things she hadn’t felt in a long time and some others that she had never felt in her entire life.

 

And in one hand Lexa didn’t want those feelings to stop, she wanted to cherish them; but at the same time she was terrified.

“Clarke deserves better than me” She mumbled sadly

“But she wants you” Anya asked “And you can’t change that”

 

Lexa didn’t answer, she looked down again and shook her head lightly “You should start accepting that and just let her in” Anya continued “You’ve been a long time inside those walls you built, it’s time to let go and try something new”

 

Tears filled the Commander’s eyes, but she didn’t let them fall; Anya was right and she knew it, if Clarke wanted her she couldn’t do anything; but that didn’t keep her from being terrified, what if she messed up? What if she ended up losing Clarke? She needed to accept that she needed to try and she wanted to despite of her doubts, but how do you try when you don’t know where to start?

 

“You two are amazing people Lexa; and I know that you both are what each other needs” Anya said offering a sweet smile.

 

Lexa nodded softly and sighed, how in the hell could she be what Clarke needed?

* * *

 

The day for Clarke passed painfully slowly; she did what Anya said and went to her room to try to rest, but things weren’t as easy as she thought.

 

She definitely had an amazing night and she was able to rest incredibly well; but the moment she found herself alone in the room again all those memories and terrible feelings came back to her instantly.

 

No matter how many times she tried to sleep, no matter how many glasses of milk she drank no matter how many times she tried to draw to distract herself from the thoughts; she always ended up seeing those yellow eyes and remembering the attack.

 

Her morning passed slowly and tremendously boring, being alone usually wasn’t a problem for Clarke, but that day loneliness was killing her, making her anxious and weak and even if she didn’t want to admit this; it was making her miss Lexa.

 

At some point around lunch time, Clarke was sitting next to her window, with her sketch book between her hands drawing some random lines that were helping her brain to not think for a while.

 

The door behind her opened slowly and when she turned around startled by the creaking sound, she was met by Kiara’s big brown eyes that as always were sweetly staring at her; the maiden was smiling brightly and was carrying a platter with a bowl and a few other stuff in it.

 

“Hello, _strikon_ ” Kiara said with a light tone as she walked to the table to place the platter there.

Clarke smiled at her and looked at the food “I don’t think I am hungry, Kiara” She said sadly; ever since she woke up after the incident, her stomach had been a bit weird, sometimes only thinking about food made her nauseous.

 

Kiara, despite of knowing this just smiled and grabbed a chair that was near them to sit in front of Clarke.

“Your body needs food, dear” She said “And you need some energy”

 

Clarke sighed and retired the small piece of charcoal her hand was holding from the paper; she had been drawing so absentmindedly that she hadn’t paid attention to the final result.

 

But obviously Kiara did, because she looked at the paper, then looked at Clarke and smiled softly at her “Maybe you need something else?” She asked jokingly, to what Clarke’s eyes widened and quirked an eyebrow.

 

Kiara pointed to the sketch book and smirked; Clarke then realized that as multiple times before, she had ended up drawing the Commander’s face.

Her cheeks turned red and she opened her mouth several times to say something but no words came out, so she just looked down deeply embarrassed and closed the sketch book to hide the drawing.

 

“I see you’re still suffering for love” The maiden said sadly

 

“I’m not” Clarke said with a weak voice

Kiara smiled at her “Darling, you’re not the first person who has suffered this and you won’t be the last; and to make you feel better I can tell you from experience that this is going to be better soon”

 

“How are you so sure?” Clarke asked with a desperate tone.

“Because I see how you two look at each other”

“You’re not the first one to say that” Clarke mumbled

 

“Maybe not, but look; I’m the one who knows Lexa for the longest time here, I know how she is and why she refuses to love and to get close to anyone; and I’ve noticed the way she looks at you”

“I don’t know Kiara…”

 

“We can’t chose who we love Clarke, we can fight against it all we want but at some point we all have to give up”

 

Clarke felt tears in her eyes, how was she supposed to give up? How was Lexa going to give up? Was it possible for them? The situation was starting to get harder than she expected, because her feelings were not only a mess but were also growing and rather than just feeling an attraction for Lexa, she realized that she felt a need to be with her all time, to feel her, to talk to her…

 

“What should I do?” the blonde asked after a moment of thinking.

Kiara smiled softly and looked pensive for a moment “You should eat” She said calmly “your body needs some food to recover” Clarke laughed softly “And then strikon, I think you should talk to Lexa”

 

“But…”

“You need to talk Clarke, but really talk” Kiara said “As in talking about feelings and just let everything out”

 

Let everything out…

 

Clarke sighed long and deeply as she rubbed her forehead; talk right now was the last thing she wanted to do… things between her and Lexa were weird and tense, but at the same time she could start seeing a small part of a softer side of the Commander that she loved and that she wanted to keep seeing… she needed to say something before it was too late.

 

“You’re a brave girl, Clarke” Kiara told her as she stood up to hand Clarke the food “Just remember that and everything will be okay”

* * *

 

As the evening passed, Clarke found herself feeling a bit better since Kiara decided to keep her company; they talked about life, about wolves and humans about meaningless and important things, at some points Clarke just drew while Kiara sang softly for her and with that, she kind of forgot the attack and her problems for a while.

 

Once it started to get dark the healer came to check on her wounds and bandages and told Clarke to rest to recover strength.

She had been so relaxed and distracted all the evening that the idea of closing her eyes and sleeping didn’t sound that bad.

 

So Clarke agreed and after getting ready for bed with Kiara’s help she decided to go just lay down and sleep.

 

It didn’t go bad at first; she probably slept a few minutes without any incidents or nightmares; but at some point, her dreams once again turned into darkness and fear, and a sudden anxiety overcame her as she, once again, saw those yellow eyes and those fangs right in front of her.

 

The images were so real that for a moment Clarke thought that she wasn’t sleeping anymore, she was cold all of a sudden and lost, and her heart was beating incredibly fast, her breathing was ragged and she became more and more desperate.

 

Luckily for her, at some point of the nightmare she just opened her eyes abruptly to realize that she wasn’t in the woods again but in her room, and that she wasn’t in danger.

 

However this sensation of relief she felt by realizing that she was in her bed didn’t really calm her down; within seconds she was sobbing uncontrollably as she hugged her legs close to her chest.

 

She had to admit that she was not good; she had been trying to avoid thinking this but, she was not okay; she needed help, she couldn’t stand being alone…

 

She was about to look for Kiara and ask her to stay the night there when she suddenly remembered the previous night; despite of the small incident in the morning, sleeping next to Lexa had been so… calming…

 

She still could remember the girl’s arms around her and the soft heat of her body… how calmed she had felt with her.

She needed Lexa.

 

Clarke had no idea what time it was; it was dark outside and she couldn’t heat any kind of sound around so she assumed that it must’ve been late…

 

Probably Lexa was already sleeping but she had to try; she needed that calming sensation that only the Commander could provide her.

 

Clarke stood up quickly and left the room in a rush, not caring about the cold sweat that was covering her body or the tears that were stained on her cheeks; she just wanted to be safe once again.

 

The hallways were empty, and Clarke could hear her steps as she walked fast, the silence was so strong that she could even hear her own thoughts as she approached Lexa’s quarters.

 

What was she going to say? She hadn’t thought about it… she had no idea what she was going to do but she was already there, so she had to try.

 

The doors were closed and there was no sound coming from inside the room; for a moment Clarke thought that maybe it was not a good idea but finally she just decided to open the door slowly and step inside.

 

Once she closed the door, she took a look around and saw that the room was surrounded by the dim lights of a few candles…

 

“Clarke?” Lexa’s sleepy voice startled her and she then saw the brunette lying on the bed with a book lying on her chest.

 _‘Shit!’_ Clarke thought; she just woke Lexa!

 

“I’m so sorry Lexa… I had no idea you were… I mean I knew you were sleeping, it’s late and… I knew but I thought that maybe you weren’t… or that” Clarke rambled for a few more seconds as she looked anywhere but at Lexa; her cheeks were completely red  and she was wishing that the earth could swallow her right now.

 

Without saying a word, Lexa got up slowly from her bed as she heard Clarke ramble nonstop and took a few steps towards her.

 

“Clarke” She said finally making the blond stop

“Sorry…” Clarke mumbled

“What’s wrong?”

 

Clarke was about to turn around and walk away, or just say ‘nothing’ and leave and hide in her room forever; but she couldn’t.

 

Tears left her eyes once again and this time she didn’t want to hold them back, she just started sobbing quietly feeling miserable for her situation.

 

Lexa’s heart broke into pieces seeing this; she could literally feel Clarke’s pain inside of her and she wanted nothing more than to make it all go away and make Clarke happy, she’d kill to see her happy and to be the cause of that happiness…

 

For a moment she didn’t really know what to do or how to react; but finally she decided to move. Lexa got closer to the blonde and opened her arms awkwardly at first…

 

Clarke didn’t even thought about it; she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s back tightly clutching to her shirt and buried her face in her chest as she sobbed.

 

Lexa swallowed a lump in her throat, she was a bit lost at first but then she just wrapped her arms softly around Clarke allowing her warmth to envelop her and releasing some comforting pheromones to help her calm down.

 

They were like this for a long time, just holding each other in silence as Clarke’s tears faded and Lexa’s fears vanished…

 

Who could’ve said that holding a stubborn human in her arms could make Lexa feel so strong and content? It was as if everything was okay now, she didn’t need anything else; nothing else mattered in that moment.

 

After a few more minutes in complete silence, Clarke finally pulled away just enough to look into Lexa’s green eyes “Can I sleep with you?” She asked with a weak voice “Not as in… _sleep_ I mean just… sleep” She pleaded “Please” More tears came out “I need to feel safe”

 

Lexa carefully brought her hands to Clarke’s cheeks and wiped the tears softly with her thumbs; after that she just took Clarke’s hand gently and led her to the bed.

 

They lied on the mattress just as the night before, facing each other and close; none of them knew what to say… Clarke wanted to say lots of things… but she couldn’t now, she just needed Lexa and her presence.

 

“You’re safe here, Clarke” Lexa whispered to her sweetly “Nothing can touch you while I’m here” She promised

 

Clarke nodded feeling finally relieved; then she took Lexa’s hand between hers and turned around slowly until her back was pressed to Lexa’s front still holding her hand.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked a moment later

 

“What?”

“Do… do you think this could work?” Clarke’s question was made in such a low whisper that she was afraid that Lexa couldn’t hear it.

 

But luckily Lexa heard; she wrapped her arm tightly around her and rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder “I don’t know” She said sincerely, Clarke couldn’t help to look down in disappointment “But… what I know is that I am tired of fighting back”

 

Without any other word, Lexa moved a little and placed a soft peck on Clarke’s neck making the girl squirm lightly.

 

This was enough, this was exactly what Clarke needed and what she had been waiting for; she smiled brightly as she felt Lexa’s lips on her skin and finally could feel relieved.

 

They would need a real talk about this… but knowing that at least Lexa was ready to try was enough for Clarke right now.

 

And with that in mind she just closed her eyes and felt into a peaceful and nice dream, she felt protected and safe in that moment and thanks to that, she slept better than ever.


	17. A new step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa tries to get over her wounds, Clarke tries to get over her nightmares...

“Look what we have here ladies and gentleman! Isn’t this the mighty Clarke of the sky people who finally decided to join the rabble?” Octavia smiled devilishly as she saw Clarke entering the room.

 

As Clarke opened the door and heard Octavia’s voice coming out of nowhere, she jumped slightly backwards startled and surprised. The younger woman was lying comfortably on her bed with a few papers between her hands.

 

“What the hell Octavia?!” Clarke asked as she recovered from her little heart attack

“Morning Griffin” Octavia said jokingly as she saw the blonde close the door and walk towards the bed.

“What are you doing in my room?” Clarke asked folding her arms and frowning seriously.

 

Octavia sat on the bed slowly and eyed her friend carefully for a while; Clarke was wearing a silk robe over her nightdress, her hair was a bit disheveled and her eyes still showed some signs of sleep. The brunette smiled and shrugged her shoulders lightly and questioningly.

 

“The question here Clarke is, why were you not in the room?” She asked

“I was in my room” Clarke said nervously “I went for a glass of milk” she cleared her throat

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”

 

“I’ve been here for nearly two hours darling, so either you drank the biggest glass of milk ever or either you got lost or… something else” Octavia said

Clarke cleared her throat and looked down “I…”

 

“Were you maybe with the Commander?” Octavia asked with a low voice to what Clarke blushed furiously and shook her head quickly trying to deny it.

“How can you say that?! I was… I couldn’t sleep and…”

 

Octavia quirked an eyebrow as she saw Clarke stutter miserably and then smiled at the scene; she picked up one of the papers she was holding before and showed it to the blonde who immediately recognized one of her drawings of Lexa.

 

“I haven’t had the pleasure to really talk to her or anything… but I’ve seen her enough times to realize that this is Lexa” Octavia said

Clarke sighed “Yes, yes that’s her… I drew her because I was bored some day and…”

“Clarke” the brunette interrupted her and grabbed some more papers “These are all from her”

 

There was a brief moment of silence, in which Clarke looked down trying to find an answer as she gulped slowly and Octavia folded her arms waiting to hear the explanation.

 

“Of course they are” Clarke said finally trying to sound unaffected “The Commander and her stupid soldiers have been the only people I’ve seen since I’m locked in here”

 

Octavia turned her lips into a thin line as she thought about the words “That’s also the reason why you sleep with her?” She asked half-jokingly

Clarke immediately blushed and her heart started beating faster than ever; she looked at Octavia with dismay at how the question sounded and shook her head.

 

“I’m not sleeping with her!” She said trying not to raise her voice too much

“Then?” Octavia asked

 

Clarke took some distance and started pacing slowly around the room as if she tried to find a way to escape; the brunette observed her quietly for a moment.

“Since when are you so interested in what I do huh?” Clarke asked finally

 

“We’re alone down here Clarke” Octavia said in a more serious tone “I don’t know if you realized that but we have no one to help us… and these people or whatever they are seem to have chosen you to be our leader, if we have to support you we need to make sure you are on our side”

 

Clarke stopped her pacing and stood close to Octavia facing her “I’m on your side” She said seriously

“Then I don’t think the best idea for you is to get involved with the Commander” The younger girl said “That’s dangerous”

 

Clarke looked down sadly but immediately changed her expression for a serious one; she couldn’t let Octavia know how affected she was. Her intentions when she came here weren’t to develop any kind of feeling for Lexa… God knew she did everything to avoid that, but what could she do now?

 

“I’m not involved with anyone; but we need to be friendly and open with this people so they help us instead of destroying us”

 

Octavia looked at her, and it was not a serious look anymore; she eyed her with a hint of sadness and empathy and at the same time comprehension… Clarke wasn’t sure if she believed her or not, but at least she was not judging her.

 

The brunette girl sighed softly as she nodded her head, probably giving up on the argument and then started to walk to the door.

Clarke didn’t move, she was frozen in place as she tried to contain her emotions, she wasn’t going to cry, but she definitely needed to have some time alone to think.

 

She heard the door opening but before hearing Octavia walk outside the girl spoke one more time “We are all with you in this Clarke… so make sure you don’t get too friendly or too open with these people” She said “They’re not like us”

 

Once the door closed, Clarke released a breath she had been holding for a while; slowly and without much energy, the blonde crawled into the bed and sat there in silence trying to think about Octavia’s words.

 

Her friends weren’t going to approve on her ‘relationship’ if they could call it like that, with Lexa. She already knew it was going to be complicated and now… well if she wanted to keep seeing the Commander it would have to be a secret.

* * *

 

After a few hours in which Clarke just laid in bed looking at the ceiling deep in thought; the door opened slowly, making a loud creaking noise and soft steps entered the room.

 

“Octavia, if it’s you again I swear I…” Clarke sat on the bed lazily thinking she was going to see the brunette girl again but no.

 

Kiara stood by the bed, her arms folded and her eyes offering a concerned look as she studied the blonde human from head to toe.

“Kiara…” Clarke’s shoulders relaxed as she felt the presence of the older woman in the room; obviously she didn’t know that Kiara was releasing soft pheromones to calm her down.

 

“What’s wrong _strikon_?” she asked with a calmed voice as she approached the bed to sit next to Clarke.

There was a moment of silence, Clarke looked down sadly and sighed deeply; Kiara knew she was not okay, she had learned after all this time living there, that wolves knew how she was even before she could even understand how she felt and there was useless to deny it.

 

There was no response though; no words came out of Clarke’s mouth for she could only think in Octavia’s words, so she just released a sad breath and kept looking down.

 

“I assume darling, that this has something to do with Lexa… am I correct?”

The question lingered around the room for several seconds until Clarke finally raised her gaze from the floor and dared to look at Kiara on the eyes.

 

There was no other answer needed; the look of guilt, sadness and fear was enough to confirm the brunette’s thoughts. Clarke had been having intense feelings towards Lexa for a while now, but she never dared to say it out loud, it was probably something she shouldn’t feel and well, after Octavia’s words… she knew she shouldn’t feel that.

 

But at the same time… why should she not feel that? For the first time in ages she was feeling something so, good and now it turned out that it was forbidden…

“Everything is so complicated…” Clarke muttered finally

 

Kiara offered a smile and nodded “Well, but you knew that from the beginning dear” She said soothingly, Clarke nodded and a few tears fell from her eyes “Come here” Kiara said as she opened her arms to offer a hug which Clarke accepted willingly.

 

“I don’t want to stop seeing her…” Clarke whispered sadly to what Kiara smiled proudly and nodded

“I know _strikon_ , I know”

* * *

 

“DAMN IT!” Lexa’s yell was loud, more like a roar instead of a simple scream of pain and it could be heard all along the big back patio, the near part of the city and probably the last floors of the tower.

 

She dropped her sword to the floor as she hissed in pain and covered her side with both hands as if she wanted to contain her pain making pressure.

Titus, who was sat on a bench close rubbed his neck as he shook his head in disapproval but reminded silent, Lexa looked pissed off, and mad nothing like Anya, who was clearly enjoying this.

 

This all had been Lexa’s idea from the beginning; her stubbornness was something they all already know and both Titus and Anya knew it was going to be impossible to make the Commander rest for many more days.

 

Lexa had insisted in start training again so she could be fit as soon as possible; thing was that sadly her body wasn’t ready yet for such a physical effort and instead of returning her back in shape, training was starting to frustrate her and become unbearably painful.

 

Anya had her arms crossed over her chest in signal of disapproval as Titus, but she was actually laughing at the scene as if it was the funniest thing she ever saw.

“You still think this was a good idea _Heda_?” She asked as she observed Lexa fight the pain.

 

Lexa showed her teeth and growled at her but hissed again when she tried to move “Shut up” She growled.

Titus exhaled a soft guffaw and shook his head and Anya smiled “The idea of training is usually to help you get back in shape… not making your wounds worse” She commented

 

“I just need more time” Lexa said stubbornly

“Time to what? To get more injuries?” Anya asked

 

Lexa was mad, she knew Anya and Titus were true since the beginning; she was blinded by her need to be back on duty as soon as possible and she was overestimating her capacity to heal. Wolves healed faster than humans, they were hard to kill and usually a severe cut or arrow wound could be completely healed in less than a week, even just a few days. But wounds created by shifters were different. Wolves that could change forms were different and those wounds were harder to heal; but despite of knowing this, Lexa knew she needed to get back to work and keep her duties as the Commander, so she was trying to push this as much as she could…

 

So now that she saw herself in this amount of pain, not even being able to hold a sword, she felt humiliated and mad.

“There’s nothing wrong with taking some time to heal and recover Lexa, it’s actually a wise decision proper of a wise leader” Anya reminded her

 

Lexa heard the words and knew were true but her Alpha instincts were now at full display and her inner wolf felt humiliated and needed to fight so she wiped the sweat from her forehead grabbed the sword again trying to use all the strength left inside her and with that she ran towards Anya ready to attack.

 

Anya who saw this coming didn’t even bother raising her sword to fight back; the moment Lexa raised her arm with the sword a sharp pain ran along her body and she fell to the ground releasing the sword and crying out in pain.

 

“Told you” Anya whispered

Lexa was covering her side as she breathed heavily and growled in pain and that’s when Titus finally decided that it was over and stood up with decision “Enough” He said

 

Both Anya and the Commander whose vision was a bit blurry but still could see Titus figure looked at him “You will not be able to do your job as _Heda_ if you keep ripping your wounds open like this. Training will not help at all if you don’t wait until you can get out of bed”

 

“I can’t be out for that many days” Lexa said in a low, weak voice. She reached one arm out for Anya to help her get up.

“You shall be out for as much time as you need in order to be fully recovered Lexa” Titus said “ _Heda_ can’t do anything if she’s at the verge of fainting with every step”

 

Lexa sighed frustrated “We’re in serious trouble…” She said “We need to find a way to resolve this entire situation”

“Indra and Gustus are taking care of it, alone with Titus and the rest of the council” Anya explained “We’re all doing our job, so you need to do yours and rest until you heal properly”

 

Titus nodded in agreement and they both waited until Lexa finally seemed to give in after a moment of deep thinking and she looked down nodding slightly.

There was a moment of silence, in which Titus pumped out calming pheromones to help Lexa calm down, since her pheromones were distressed and angry.

 

“Oh my God… is that blood?!” A very familiar voice appeared and all three looked startled.

 

Titus obviously growled in discontent and folded her arms, Anya smiled softly and nodded and Lexa swallowed heavily as she felt her stomach jump and butterflies running through her body.

 

Clarke was standing right there, with her hands covering her mouth and a really concerned look as she checked Lexa’s state.

 

The Commander did not look good; Lexa was pale, with sweat on her forehead and neck, her body looked weak and thinner and she had blood on her side since she opened her wound training.

 

Titus observed Clarke for a moment and opened his mouth to say something when Clarke started to walk towards Lexa ignoring everyone else.

 

“What the hell are you doing out of bed?!” She said raising her voice as she grabbed Lexa’s shirt and raised it up a bit to look at the wound

“Clarke…” Lexa muttered but she couldn’t finish the sentence, and Anya didn’t have time to explain either cause the blonde girl kept talking

 

“Oh God, you need stiches… how did you do this now? You shouldn’t be here… you’re bleeding and you look… you look” Clarke looked at Lexa’s face and frowned “You look like crap Lexa!” She yelled

 

“Thanks…” Lexa whispered

“I’m serious; you don’t look good at all! What were you thinking?”

“She wasn’t” Anya said as she helped Lexa walk to a close bench and helped her sit

“And you agreed on this?” Clarke asked to Anya as she looked between the two wolves

 

“Hey don’t look at me. This was all her idea” Anya said pointing at Lexa

“Let me see this” Clarke said as she sat next to the Commander and started to check the wound

 

Titus once again was about to say something when Anya stood in front of him and nudged him to walk “We should get going Titus” Anya said in a whisper

 

“Wha-” Before he could finish, Anya had grabbed him from the sleeve and he was being pulled away from the scene.

 

“I’m fine Clarke, I don’t need – AAHH” Lexa screamed in pain as Clarke touched the edges of the cut and sighed

“This is still infected” Clarke muttered “And you’re an idiot”

“What? Why?”

“Why did you not think of all this before doing it?”

“Being in bed all day is killing me, Clarke… I needed to do something”

“Well, now you need more days in bed” Clarke said

 

Lexa looked down, her inner wolf was tired of being humiliated with all those words but at the same time she felt ashamed and regretted. But among all this she felt the sharp pain of her wounds and the warm touch of Clarke’s fingers on her skin.

 

“This wounds you have are severe… if you don’t take care it could end up worse” Clarke said softly

 

Lexa looked at her briefly, because when she turned her head she could see how close Clarke was and so she decided to return her gaze to the floor.

“I will be fine Clarke” She said trying her best to sound good, as if the pain wasn’t that high.

 

“Like hell you will!” The human raised her voice, as she folded her arms “Infected wounds are dangerous, losing blood is dangerous, don’t you understand that?! What if you dismiss all this situation like is nothing and… and you get worse…”

 

Clarke made a bold movement and got closer, she placed her hands on Lexa’s knees as she leaned forward and looked into her big green eyes. “You understand that? You can’t just do whatever you want without caring, you have to take care of yourself, you have to let others take care of yourself; you need it… your people needs you healed, I need… you” Clarke stopped abruptly at that confession and realized what she just said, she blinked a few times and cleared her throat.

 

Lexa gulped heavily and did her best to look into Clarke’s eyes as if she was waiting for her to say something else; and Clarke said it, in that moments they had the most intense conversation they had ever had, only not with words.

 

Because in that moment their eyes said everything that needed to be said; they held each other’s gazes and as if someone was pushing them, their bodies got closer and closer.

 

As Lexa leaned forward her cold façade, the one she put around everyone else started melting and she started to feel fire in her soul as she hadn’t felt it in years. But also as she leaned forward her wound sent her a new wave of pain and she immediately pulled back hissing in pain.

 

“I’m taking you to the healer” Clarke said as she stood up to help Lexa.

* * *

 

“That human will only bring trouble” Titus said with a deep voice as he paced quietly along the room.

 

Anya who was observing him shook her head as she smiled “Come on, ever since she came here she has made Lexa recover her energy”

 

“ _Heda_ was finally starting to focus again” Titus said “And now she gets involved with a human… we all know nothing good comes out of humans”

“Not all humans are the same Titus, and Lexa is a grown up, she can decide what she wants”

“You and I know that’s not true” The man said sadly “Lexa has a complicated position, both of us trained her all her life to be a good leader, and as Commander she has responsibilities, to be Commander is to be alone… and you know that, it’s always been our way”

 

“You know I started to question our way a long time ago” Anya answered

 

Titus growled softly and shook his head “You can’t change our laws and culture Anya”

 

“You love her as much as I do, Titus” Anya said after a moment “Yeah, we both know that Lexa was chosen to be _Heda,_ and we trained her to be a leader and a warrior.

 

But we also know how big was the price she had to pay to be where she is now; she sacrificed her entire life to be the best leader possible and you and I have seen how quickly she has lost all her light during the process…

 

To be Commander is to be alone, but for what I see, being alone has only made her be lost, and sad, and has brought her more pain than anything else, and if there’s someone that can at least bring her a small flash of light, and bring her back to life, then I’m going to forget our damn laws for a moment”

 

Titus reminded silent as he thought, his job as Lexa’s teacher was fulfilling yes, but also hard and implied sometimes to make hard decisions, but Anya’s words somehow made sense to him even if his job now should be to remind faithful to the laws.

 

“I’ve wanted to see Lexa happy again for as long as you do; but you can’t ask me to forget about the fact that Clarke is a human, humans hate us, we all know they are never good news and also you and I know that it is impossible for a human and a wolf to be together” he said

 

“It isn’t” Anya and Titus had been so caught up in the conversation that they didn’t see Kiara stepping inside the room. “It’s not impossible” She said

 

No one replied “Things may be more complicated but never impossible. Humans can be as committed as wolves and you know that”

 

Kiara was serious, so serious that she had tears in her eyes even though she made a good job holding them back. Titus closed his mouth since he didn’t dare to respond anything and Anya approached the maiden.

 

“I’m sorry” She muttered, Kiara nodded and sighed

 

“It’s not impossible” Titus said nodding “But Lexa is an Alpha; we all know what that means”

 

“Maybe we could just drop this issue until she’s healed” Anya said abruptly “We already have important business to focus on; we have several matters to attend. At least Clarke takes care of her, so let’s just leave them”

 

There was a silence; Kiara nodded in agreement and Titus was silent for a moment but then he nodded too, in the end, Anya was right now.

 

“The leaders of the clans you wanted to meet are here” Kiara said finally changing the subject.

 

Titus and Anya looked at each other with decision and nodded “Tell them to come. And also tell everyone around not to interrupt us” Anya said “We have a long meeting ahead”

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you” Clarke said as she sighed frustrated but at the same time eyed Lexa with a tender look.

 

The Commander was sat on the edge of the bed, with her face holding a serious expression and her arms folded.

 

“They don’t know how to do their job” She said stubbornly

 

“Oh really? Clarke said with irony “You didn’t stop moving and yelling at them in your language, what did you expect?”

 

Lexa growled slowly but didn’t say anything else, it was actually a miracle that she accepted to see the healers and that (with a bit of difficulty) she let them do their job.

 

Clarke could have kept ranting about that situation but she saw how stressed Lexa seemed to be and she decided to make silence.

 

Instead she sat once again next to the wolf and looked at her “Are you feeling better?” She asked softly

 

Lexa nodded lightly and sighed “What are you doing here?” She asked

 

“What?” Clarke didn’t understand the question and after a moment Lexa realized that she may had not asked correctly

 

“You were at the patio before… you have been with me for the past hours with the healers… how did you know where to find me?”

 

Lexa hadn’t said anything because she was thrilled inside that Clarke was spending time with her, but she hadn’t tell anyone that she was training, or that she was out of bed again.

 

Actually Lexa thought that even if they got to talk and decided the other night that they wanted to keep seeing each other and not fight back that maybe Clarke will keep some distance still.

 

“I don’t know” said Clarke with honesty “I… you were in pain” She said

 

Lexa quirked an eyebrow and looked at her confused.

 

Clarke didn’t know how to explain this; after talking to Octavia that morning she had been for a long time with Kiara, and then she had spent some time drawing and then when she decided to take a little walk around the area she just… how could she explain that she suddenly had a strange feeling inside and she knew she had to find Lexa?

 

“You were in pain and I knew where to find you” She said finally

 

Lexa nodded, she understood, and suddenly they both were in a comfortable silence looking at each other.

 

It was a nice moment, none of them dared to say anything but at some point, Lexa made a quick movement and grabbed Clarke’s hand hesitantly at first; their hands touched slowly and shyly but then they intertwined their fingers slowly.

 

Clarke was enjoying this; she felt content inside and complete as she held Lexa’s hand, it was like she didn’t need anything else. Like everything now was in order.

 

It was at that moment when they both realized how much they actually felt for each other, no one dared to say it out loud obviously, it would be too complicated, but they both knew.

* * *

 

Clarke decided to cancel whatever activity she had for the rest of the day and she just stayed there with Lexa; the Commander pretty much just slept, made an effort to walk a bit, took a warm bath with the help of some maidens and then she just sat in her room happy to have Clarke’s company just for her.

 

She would never admit it, because it wasn’t proper, Alphas were never ones to admit feelings or express them, they were more about control and power, also Lexa had never liked to waste time trying to find words for what she felt, but this time she allowed herself to at least feel a bit.

 

She didn’t say anything about her thoughts, she didn’t tell Clarke, but she felt good, like she never felt in many years.

 

They pretty much just ended up talking about random things and at some point Clarke decided she wanted to draw and use the Commander as her model.

 

“You know it’s okay if you move right?” The blonde asked as she drew thin lines on the paper, lines which slowly were starting to create Lexa’s face

 

“Ah, I thought you needed to see” Lexa muttered as she finally changed position, Clarke let out a laugh and shook her head

 

“I’m just making a quick drawing, no need to remind unmoving, at least you can blink” She said as she laughed and watched Lexa carefully, as always the brunette didn’t join her with the laughter, she didn’t even showed a sing of smiling, but she nodded.

 

“Why do you do it?” Lexa asked after a moment of silence and Clarke quirked an eyebrow confused

 

“Do what?”

“Drawing”

 

Clarke looked down a moment and stopped the pace of her hand as she thought “I don’t know… It calms me”

“Calms you?”

 

“Yes, I don’t know how to explain it; it just brings me peace and allows me to forget the world a while”

 

“I can see you love it” Lexa said

“I do, it is one of the few things in the world that brings me peace and joy”

 

Lexa nodded again and reminded pensive as Clarke resumed the drawing “You have something?” The blonde asked absentmindedly “You know, that brings you peace and joy”

 

A somber expression crossed Lexa’s face for a second and she shrugged her shoulders sadly, those two words were not very common in her life or in any of her people’s lives lately.

 

“I had” She said finally “Time ago”

 

Clarke felt tempted to ask what had happened; there were many things about Lexa and her world that she didn’t know, and she really wanted to get to know more details and learn about her, but it wasn’t the right moment to ask.

 

“You’re very talented” Lexa said after a moment

 

Clarke smiled at her and just kept drawing, she wondered if she’d ever be able to see the Commander happy or at least see her relaxed, she always seemed to be so tense…

 

She thought that it would be amazing if she could be the one to bring joy again to Lexa’s life, but at the same time, she didn’t know if she could be able to do such thing, she was just a human after all.

* * *

 

Night arrived quicker than expected; and Clarke found herself being terrified.

She had decided that she needed to start sleeping in her bed; not that she had been many days sleeping with Lexa but she didn’t want her friends or anyone else noticing, so even though she wanted to share bed once again with the Commander she decided not to.

 

Other than that, she really wanted to start getting over her fears and recover quickly so she wanted to try to stay in her bed.

 

But that didn’t stop her mind from being terrified; she had the recent events very fresh in her brain and she feared that the nightmares would come later.

 

Once Lexa and her had something for dinner and had a long conversation about life on the ground and space, it was time to say goodnight.

 

Lexa was visibly tired and she needed her bed quickly, so Clarke didn’t entertain her much with more chatter; the maidens picked up the table and once Lexa left they led Clarke to her bedroom.

 

The room was cold and dark, she quickly lighted up some candles to at least have some light and after changing into her night dress she rushed inside the covers to get warm.

 

She sighed deeply as she sat on the middle of the bed; loneliness had never bothered her, she was the ice lady, always enjoying being alone, preferring to spend time with her sketchbooks than with people.

 

She was a lonely wolf like her mom used to say, although she didn’t know if she was allowed to use that expression anymore, since real wolves existed, now loneliness made her feel unprotected and in danger.

 

Finally, Clarke laid down slowly and placed her head on the pillow carefully; she reminded there quietly watching the candles that were next to her bed.

 

She was there with her eyes fixed on the flames for god knows how long, until finally her eyelids felt heavy and she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

 

The sound of a scream woke Lexa up immediately, she sat quickly on the bed which she immediately regretted because her wound ached badly but she forgot instantly when a second scream resounded through the hallways.

 

It was then when she recognized the voice; it was Clarke…

 

Lexa had feared that something like this would happen, Clarke was still affected by the attack and it would probably take some time to go away.

 

It was already a surprise that the blonde didn’t ask her to share the bed, or at least asked for someone to accompany her through the night.

 

Lexa was sleeping without a shirt, just a black garment to cover her breasts but nothing more other than her sleeping pants, shirts felt uncomfortable since she was wearing a huge bandage on her side.

 

She got up as quick as she managed and grabbed a gown she found next to the bed; she needed to go to Clarke’s room as soon as possible.

 

It was late at night since no one could be seen around, everyone was already sleeping and Lexa was glad because she didn’t want to walk in front of anyone like that, but her focus was now on Clarke.

 

She got to her room and opened the door so hard and abruptly that she nearly tears it apart, she even felt the walls shake a bit but she didn’t care, she closed the door and run to Clarke’s bed.

 

Clarke was having a heavy nightmare, she was sweating, and she was moving her arms and legs in all directions as if she was trying to fight someone, she groaned in pain or fear, and started screaming again.

 

“Hey, Clarke!” Lexa sat close to her and shook her by the shoulders trying to avoid the punches; she got no response for Clarke was still deep in her sleep so she tried again.

 

Lexa called Clarke’s name several times and kept shaking her “Come on, wake up!”

 

Blue eyes opened slowly, showing a terrified look and suddenly Clarke was sitting up breathing heavily and feeling confused.

 

“Oh my God, oh my God” She repeated constantly and Lexa tried to calm her down

 

“It’s okay Clarke, it’s okay, I’m here” She said softly

 

Clarke took a moment to realize what was happening, her breathing was so fast and heavy that she was about to choke; she saw Lexa and immediately she crushed her body against hers holding her as tightly as she could as she cried loud.

 

“Lexa…” She managed to say between sobs, Lexa ran a hand through her hair as she tried to calm her, she released a few calming pheromones and waited.

 

“He was here” Clarke mumbled

“No one is here, it’s just you and me okay?” Lexa said

 

Clarke nodded but kept crying; they both reminded silent as they hugged.

 

A while passed until Clarke could at least breathe better, her face was buried in the crook of Lexa’s neck and her hands were on the Commander’s back; she could feel the warmth of her skin, and she slowly raised her head to look at Lexa’s eyes

 

She was a mess, she was aware of how pathetic she must look, but there was Lexa, looking at her with a tender look and holding her without saying a word, she had no idea what to think or what was going to happen but she knew that she needed something.

 

Her breathing started to go a bit fast again and she licked her lips quickly before leaning over and clashing her lips against Lexa’s.

 

The kiss took Lexa completely by surprise, Clarke’s mouth was desperate and she didn’t have time to react.

 

“Clark-”

 

She didn’t even bother in finish what she was going to say, she felt the girl’s arms around her neck pushing them closer and after sloppy first kisses and a few clashes of teeth due to the desperation the kiss became softer and Lexa was about to lose her mind.

 

She just gave up, and focused everything she had in that kiss, it was sweet and tender but at the same time wild and hungry, Clarke was literally trying to devour her mouth and Lexa couldn’t be happier at that moment.

 

“We should stop” despite of her happiness Lexa tried to come back to planet Earth and pulled away for a second to talk, maybe they should not rush too much

 

“Please Lexa” Clarke said as she once again leaned in to continue the kiss.

 

Lexa was having trouble to find will power to do something, Clarke was just all she had ever wanted and she had been wanting her for so long…

 

They kept kissing, and kissing until finally Lexa felt her body being tugged down and then she realized.

 

They were lying down; Clarke was beneath her body, wrapping her arms around her and kissing her with passion.

 

As much as Lexa wanted to keep doing this she knew what she had to do “Clarke” She said this time with more decision. She pulled back but Clarke followed her “It’s necessary to stop”

 

“No… more” The blonde said reaching her lips again, Lexa smiled and sat on the bed helping Clarke to do the same

 

Clarke was blushed, her cheeks were wet from the tears and her hair was disheveled, still Lexa thought she was breathtakingly beautiful.

 

Lexa leaned forward and gave Clarke a soft peck on the forehead “I’m sorry…” Clarke said

 

“No one should go through an experience like this alone” Lexa said

 

“The kiss… I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay” Lexa whispered

“You will stay?”

 

Clarke didn’t dare to look Lexa in the eyes again; she felt embarrassed but at the same time her heart was beating fast and her lips asked her for more action.

 

Lexa nodded “Yes”

 

It was a relieve, Clarke made room on the bed and Lexa laid right behind her wrapping her arms protectively around her body.

 

They reminded silent for a while, just enjoying the moment, there was not much to say right now, Clarke was a mess but at least now she felt safe.

 

But now her mind was just confused; she had kissed other people before, she was no saint in love matters but… she had never felt something like that, Lexa’s lips were something different, so soft and… she just wanted to kiss her again, and again.

 

But she wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do; things were different between them now that they agreed on their attraction, but one thing was to like each other and another thing to actually do this… what could happen?

 

She kept thinking about it for a while, Lexa was the Commander, she didn’t look like a person that had a relationship, she didn’t know what was going to happen.

 

Things seemed to be weird right now but all she knew was that she wanted to kiss Lexa again, she wanted to feel her and she wanted everything of her.

 

She didn’t care.


	18. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the kiss things are not going to be that easy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my amazing co-writer (aka my best friend) for the amazing ideas <3

Lexa couldn’t really remember well the last time she kissed someone; obviously she had memories flying around her mind but as time passed, every day those memories looked farther and farther away. It was like little by little her mind had just put her thoughts away and had created a wall to create the cold and distant Commander everyone knew.

 

She brought her hand slowly to her mouth and caressed her lips with her fingertips, the same lips that had been joined with Clarke’s not long ago; she closed her eyes briefly to try to remember again that tingling sensation and that warmth she had felt at the moment and then let out a sigh.

 

Clarke was sleeping peacefully next to her, with Lexa’s other arm wrapped around her. Lexa felt her arm numb from having the blonde’s weight on it but she didn’t care.

 

She carefully disentangled her body from Clarke’s, trying not to wake her and doing her best to be silent and she got up from the bed with slow and tired moves.

 

Her body was definitely not in the best condition, that was for sure, because every move hurt like they were ripping her skin, but among all that there was something even more painful that was set right in her chest. Just in her heart.

 

Lexa paced around the room; the sky was starting to be less dark but it was still really early, everyone was still sleeping, but her mind was too busy to go back to sleep.

 

What the hell was she doing?

 

That was a question she had been asking herself for years but that was resounding inside her brain more than ever, because it really seemed like she had no idea what she was doing anymore.

 

If anyone knew about control and rules it was Lexa, there was no one in Polis or the entire Earth with more discipline and order than her, it was part of her.

 

But there was a time, or that’s what Lexa thinks, when she wasn’t like that; she doesn’t know if it is a memory or just a dream she had but she was different in other time, many years ago when she was not _Heda_ and when there was no war.

 

She could vaguely remember a time of freedom, where she would just care about haunting with her pack and having fun.

Having fun, what was that again?

 

All those memories were buried in the back of her mind, where they remained locked and hidden; she was not a pup anymore. What she remembers perfectly is coming to Polis, to be trained, she remembers rules; she remembers battle, in between she gets flashes of short memories of a love, a story that is now forgotten but that cut a hole inside of her soul.

 

But she was a warrior, a Commander; she couldn’t mourn or let anyone see a single spot of weakness, so she became who she is now.

 

She pushed the old Lexa away from her life and locked her away from the world, as she promised herself that it was for the best; it was the right thing to do. _Heda_ was stronger, reckless and powerful and it was what her people needed.

 

_Heda_

 

That was her; Lexa was just the name right now, because her soul was locked.

She stopped her pacing in front of a small mirror hanging on a wall and she looked at her reflection for a while.

 

Her face was thinner than a few years ago, her hair was also longer; the only thing she could tell it was the same were her eyes. Kiara always used to tell her that she had the biggest green eyes she had ever seen, and that she should be grateful to her parents’ good genes. Truth is that Lexa doesn’t know about that; she doesn’t know if her eyes are like her mother’s or her father’s or if she looks like them or not.

 

Lexa didn’t recognize her reflection anymore, she felt like she was looking at a stranger, staring into unknown eyes and trying to decipher a mysterious expression.

 

She tried to force a smile; tried hard to curve her lips up like she thinks she used to do, but the smile never appears.

She turned around and stared at the bed.

 

Clarke

 

Blonde locks of hair were sprawled all over the pillow, she looked calmed and peaceful. Lexa approached her quietly and just observed.

 

Her mouth was slightly parted, letting out steady and long breaths and her arms were holding the covers close to her body; it was a beautiful sight according to Lexa.

 

There was something inside her that was telling her to slip back into bed and hold Clarke between her arms again, it was a voice inside her brain screaming and begging her to give in. It was the same voice that was always pushing her towards Clarke, making her want the blonde and making her feel.

 

Lexa had never felt more at ease than last night, she had never been so calmed ever than when her lips joined Clarke’s, she never felt something that strong.

 

It was like for a moment her demons vanished, and the locked Lexa peaked her head out of the cage for a few seconds to breathe fresh air.

 

But at the same time, her wolf part was also screaming at her. It was begging her to claim; her alpha was always begging her to claim and to possess.

 

For wolves it was normal, their anatomy was made for it, alphas needed to knot and claim in order to be good and healthy and Omegas needed to be claimed and to be submissive, it was something they had inside.

 

Wolves were meant to find a mate, a partner that would complete them and help with their needs; mates were for the rest of their lives.

 

Lexa could recall perfectly the thousands of times that Titus and Anya had displayed in front of her beautiful Omegas so she could try to pick one, they had insisted her in that she should meet someone or at least find a partner for her ruts.

 

She had tried the ruts thing since hers were particularly hard, she was aware that she could go crazy if she didn’t knot but at the same time she just wanted to refuse any kind of contact.

 

She hadn’t really wanted anyone in years, hell she didn’t even remember that feeling.

And here she was, she wanted everything Clarke could give her, good, bad, she just wanted Clarke.

 

Her spirit wanted her, her body wanted her… but what scared the hell out of Lexa was that her wolf wanted her.

 

What could she do?

 

It was pretty obvious what Clarke wanted from her, she wanted her too, Lexa knew in that kiss that Clarke wanted her as much as she did; she knew that the blonde wanted commitment and to be able to have something with her

 

But what would happen when…

 

Lexa slapped at herself mentally for thinking about such things, they were not on that spot yet; she didn’t even know if they would get there, she didn’t know for sure but she couldn’t help but think: what will happen if we do?

 

Actually the whole idea of having something was terrifying, Clarke was fragile, and she was a mess.

 

“You’re a princess, and I am a monster” she whispered as she reached her hand to caress Clarke’s cheek softly “Princesses are meant to end up with their prince”

 

For the first time in years, Lexa actually asked herself how her life could be if she wasn’t _Heda_ anymore, how she could be if she didn’t have rules and laws to follow.

 

She asked herself how it could be if she didn’t have to worry about her being a wolf, or Clarke being a human, and then she felt something she also hadn’t felt in a while.

 

Her eyes were humid, more than usual, it was strange because she wasn’t used to this but she could feel how the tears formed inside until she finally felt one leaving her eye and rushing down her cheek.

 

She reached her hand to wipe it quickly and clenched her jaw. There was no space to cry here, she was not a baby anymore that had to cry at the slightest emotion, she had to stop it.

 

But then she looked at Clarke and groaned; she doesn’t want to stop anything. She leaned slowly and placed a tender, warm kiss on the girl’s forehead before walking towards the door and leaving.

 

As much as she wanted it, she had to leave Lexa locked inside the cage and become _Heda_ for the rest of the day.

* * *

 

When Clarke wokr, she felt confused and a bit lost.

 

A strong sun ray hit her in the face making her start to stir; it was a shame since she was sleeping so great and so comfortable, and after a moment of struggling, she opened her eyes lazily.

 

Memories came to her mind as she fully woke and she smiled happily as she remembered the kiss; the situation had been a mess, since she couldn’t get rid of the damn nightmares but she could actually smile proudly because she had tasted Lexa’s lips, and God it was so great.

 

She had no idea that a kiss could be so pleasant; that the fact of joining your lips with other person could make her feel so complete. Lexa had made her feel like flying with just that kiss and she sure wanted to see what else she could make her feel. Lately being with Lexa had been a journey for Clarke to feel safe and like herself and she wanted to keep exploring that.

 

But her thoughts disappeared when she turned her head to see Lexa and she found no one, just an empty bed.

 

Clarke sat slowly as she yawned and touched the sheets with her hand, they were cold which meant that Lexa had not been there for a while…

 

A bunch of emotions settled in her chest in just a second as she thought about what was happening; she may be silly but she had expected to wake up next to Lexa, to wake up in her arms or at least to just open her eyes and see her there with her.

 

Was Lexa disappointed? Did she leave for duty? Or maybe she just didn’t want to see Clarke right now…

 

Several minutes passed as she thought about the possibilities and a lot of ‘what ifs’ crossed her mind, until she decided it was enough and took the decision to get up and get her day started.

 

Plan was easy, she dressed up, got ready and she just had to find Lexa.

 

That was the plan, she had no idea what she was going to say to be honest but she had to do something, they probably had to talk again. So Clarke got out of her room decided to find the Commander and have a few words, who knew, maybe even kiss again.

 

But as long as she crossed half of the corridor instead of Lexa she found a familiar figure that seemed pretty happy to see her.

 

“Clarke!”

 

Clarke wanted to scream, she didn’t have time for this now, she had to find Lexa; but Anya walked towards her and blocked her way.

“Thank God I found you, I was looking for you” The wolf said

 

“What’s wrong?” Asked Clarke

 

Anya let out a mischievous smile as she took a moment to study Clarke; she looked the human girl from head to toe carefully “I think I could ask the same question” She said

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke tried to sound nonchalant

“You seem… troubled” Anya answered

“I’m okay”

“Sure?”

“I’m fine”

“You’re fine”

 

“I’m perfect” Clarke said offering a smile”

“You’re fine and perfect”

“Never been better”

 

Anya shook her head “You’re a terrible liar, it’s really easy to read you”

“So you’ve said…”

“Why lie to me when you could just talk?” Anya asked

 

“It’s not that easy” Clarke mumbled

“Okay, let me guess” Anya took a step close to her and sniffed deeply “Lexa?”

“I hate when you do that!”

 

“Well, it’s not my fault you reek of her”

 

As many other times, Clarke smelled her clothes quickly, tried to smell the skin of her arms and hands but smelt nothing “You wolves are so weird”

 

“Something happened?” Anya asked

“No…” Clarke said “Not really. Do you know where she is?”

 

Anya remained silent for a moment as she thought “No idea, I haven’t had the chance to see _Heda_ this morning, your sky friends have kept me busy for a while” She said. Clarke frowned confused.

 

“My friends?”

“Yes, I have to say that… what’s her name, Raven I think, that Raven girl is… complicated”

Clarke sighed and nodded “You could say that”

 

“Anyways” Anya said dismissively “I just wanted to come and tell you that they were asking for you”

“Yeah… I guess I haven’t been around much”

 

“It’s okay if you want your space” Anya said “No one will oblige you”

“I know, and thanks for that” Clarke looked down “I guess I could go and say hi”

Anya smiled at her “Yes, or you could continue your quest of finding Lexa”

 

Clarke nodded and for a moment she looked sad “Are you sure nothing bad with her happened right?” Anya asked serious

“No, it’s okay, I guess I can wait until later”

 

“Okay” Anya said “Do you want some company?” She asked politely trying to offer Clarke another plan for the day

Clarke smiled at her “Thank you Anya, but don’t you have duties?”

 

“I do, but who cares?” Anya laughed “You always know where to find me”

Clarke smiled too but she looked at her thankful “Thanks”

“Now move out of my way sky blonde, I have places to go” Anya joked

 

“I thought you didn’t care?” Clarke laughed

“I don’t, but Titus does so I better get going” Anya said and winked an eye

 

Clarke saw her walking away and she smiled softly a she sighed; Anya was always so nice to her… minus that first time they met, but after that she had always been nice.

 

The rest of the group was around the tower, they all had been trained for days to know about life there so each one had their tasks and they didn’t have to stay locked inside the tower all day.

 

She walked outside to the back patio and found Bellamy and Octavia concentrated in a sword fight that was being supervised by Lincoln who was with his arms folded watching.

 

“You need to be faster” He said loudly as he kept his eyes on the fight “Move faster Bellamy”

“So you’re a teacher now?” Clarke asked as she approached him

 

“Seems so, yeah” Lincoln said “You guys could use some fighting lessons, in case any trouble happens”

“I guess it’s a good idea”

 

“Watch out Clarke!” Octavia said excitedly as she noticed she was there “See how I kick Bellamy’s ass!”

“You should remain concentrated” Lincoln said

 

The fight kept going for a while until finally Octavia lost her balance and fell on her ass losing the battle. “What were you saying about kicking my ass?” Bellamy asked laughing

 

“What are you doing here?” Octavia asked ignoring her brother and facing Clarke as she stood up

“I thought I could be around for a while”

“That’s wonderful news, finally you decided to join us” Octavia cheered

“Yeah”

 

“Perfect, because there’s a lot we can do today, come on” the younger girl grabbed Clarke by the sleeve; the blonde had no idea where she as going but at least she knew she could be entertained for the day.

* * *

 

Lexa had been missing all morning, no one saw her getting up or going out of her room, no one saw her at breakfast time and definitely no one saw if she left the tower or not; she was just missing for several hours.

 

Titus had been a bit mad at first but then decided to just let her; _Heda_ needed rest so maybe with some space she could get it. He took care of everything along with Anya during the morning; they just had some meetings and tried to still figure out what the hell had happened into the woods with Clarke that night but still no news…

 

Anya left the dining room after finishing her plate ready to go for a walk to clear her mind when she suddenly stopped on her tracks. First of all, the smell of distressed pheromones mixed with alpha scent were floating around the area and they were pretty strong, and also she heard the sound of something being shattered into pieces, which obviously got her scared.

 

It was pretty obvious who was behind the noises; Lexa’s scent was unique and Anya only needed to follow it for a few seconds until she arrived to the throne room, where Lexa was pacing nervously as she looked for another jar to break.

 

“What the hell is this?” Anya asked as she closed the door behind them “You’re making a real mess”

“Leave me alone” Lexa snarled

“What for; so you can destroy the room?” The older Alpha asked “What is going on?”

 

Lexa finally stopped her nervous pacing and folded her arms; and as soon as she did it Anya couldn’t help but think that’s he looked like a lost puppy, for a moment she went back to the days were Lexa was a pup and she was being trained to be _Heda_ , she had always been defiant, and had a special love for breaking rules so arguments between them had been an everyday thing during years.

 

Now though… Lexa seemed really lost

“Clarke” Anya said simply, and she saw how Lexa clenched her jaw and looked down sadly

“Yes, Clarke”

 

“Why don’t you just talk to her?”

“If only it were that easy” Lexa breathed out

 

“Since when your life has been easy Lexa?” Anya asked ironically “You already know how things are; you are the Commander”

“You have an amazing way of cheering up Anya” Lexa said

 

“I’m not cheering you up you silly wolf; I am telling you how reality is, and now that you and me both know how things are, why don’t you just act upon what you feel?”

 

Lexa was silent for a while considering Anya’s words, what the hell was she trying to do?

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked cautiously

 

“Oh for fucks sake, Lexa just…” Anya looked down sadly “For once in your life just dare to be happy”

“I was happy” Lexa said bitterly

 

“No you weren’t, you were too busy hiding that happiness from the world and it ended up exploding in your face”

“You should be here telling me that I should stick to our laws” Lexa said “And that I should remember I am _Heda”_

 

“That’s your problem Lexa, _Heda_ is all you are, you don’t know anything else, and I really despise humans as everyone else here but… maybe not everyone is the same, and maybe you can have a chance to be happy one day”

 

“I can’t” Lexa breathed out, her eyes were starting to get wet again “And I don’t expect you to understand”

“Oh I understand” Anya blurted out “Trust me”

 

“You don’t” Lexa said trying to walk away, she was about to get to the door when Anya spoke again

“Your efforts to protect her won’t do anything but damage her more, but among everything you forget the worse part” Anya nearly yelled

“Yeah? And what the hell is that?!” Lexa asked turning around

 

“You are going to be damaged too. Actually the one carrying the biggest wound will be you” Anya sad defiantly as she walked to Lexa until they were face to face “Love is not to be denied Lexa, on the battle field you have no opponent but trust me, you have nothing to do against love. Choose carefully what you will do”

 

Lexa swallowed hard and left the room slamming the door really hard, she didn’t have to hear all that; Anya knew nothing, and she just needed time to think, she had no idea what she needed to do, to give in or stop, to just feel or try to contain herself… what was she going to do?

* * *

 

“So you heard the news?” Octavia asked Clarke as she chewed on her food

 

Clarke looked at her curious and shook her head “What news?”

 

“Party” Bellamy said not even bothering to raise his eyes from the plate, he was too entertained cutting the deer steak.

 

Clarke furrowed her brows and Octavia cleared her throat before talking again “Yeah I don’t really know what kind of celebration it is but we heard that creepy bald man and Kiara talking about it”

 

“Something about the moon and _Heda”_ Raven said after a long time of being silent, Clarke looked at her but didn’t really dared to say anything

“Yeah we don’t really know what it is about but seems important” Octavia added

 

Bellamy nodded as he swallowed “Yes we saw they were preparing lots of foods and well, many stuff”

“You think we can go?” Octavia asked as she smiled

 

“We’re prisoners Octavia, we’re lucky if we are able to go out this fucking tower” Raven said

“They barely treat us as prisoners anymore Raven” The younger girl said

 

“They just want to understand us” Clarke added

Raven gave her a death look “No one asked you” She said rudely

 

Clarke suddenly felt uncomfortable but just decided to forget about it, Octavia did the same because she just kept talking “Anyways, it can be nice I think because really I’m starting to get bored of doing the same every day”

 

A familiar voice spoke “You are thrilled about your fighting classes Octavia”

Everyone turned around to see Finn walking in to the room, and suddenly the situation was just uncomfortable.

 

He walked to the table trying to keep a small smile in his face and sat next to Clarke which only made the girl feel worse. “Hi…” He whispered

Octavia cleared her throat again and kept ranting about the party and what she thought it was and Bellamy followed the conversation to help.

 

“I’ve been trying to talk to you” Finn said again in another whisper than anyone but Clarke could hear but he got no response.

 

Raven was staring at them angrily and Clarke was looking at her feeling really bad; Finn was just something she hadn’t thought about in the past days and she definitely didn’t want to think about yet, it was complicated.

 

“If you excuse me, I think I’ll leave” Raven said as she got up, but before she could do anything Clarke stood up and grabbed her plate.

“No, I will leave” She said with decision “I’ll finish this in my room”

 

Raven looked at her but said nothing, she just sat again as she watched Clarke remove the chair and start walking to the door.

 

Things happened too fast for everyone to realize.

 

Finn got up as well ready to chase Clarke and finally have a real conversation; he left the room in a rush to get to her.

 

Clarke had walked a few steps away from the dining room and was about to reach a corner when suddenly someone crushed against her and her food…

 

She was carrying a plate of chicken broth that had some chicken breast, vegetables, rice and most important, it was hot.

 

The collision was hard, Clarke didn’t have any time to react since the other person just walked on her, she didn’t even see who it was; she felt her body falling backwards and saw the plate flying until it landed on the other person’s body. Then she just heard a scream.

 

“Lexa?!!” She nearly yelled

“What the hell!!” Lexa screamed in pain

 

Clarke got up quickly and as much as she wanted to help Lexa she couldn’t avoid laughing a she saw the scene.

 

Lexa was sprawled on the floor, her clothes and face were covered with chicken broth, she had rice all over her hair and shirt and the chicken breasts were on her stomach.

 

“Why is it so funny?!” Lexa asked annoyed as she threw the plate

“I’m so sorry” Clarke said as she tried to stop laughing “You look…” She couldn’t even finish the sentence for she started laughing even louder.

 

Lexa looked adorable and at the same time really funny with all that food on her, she looked like a kid.

 

“I’m glad at least you have fun” The Commander said as she stood up and tried to remove the food from her body, she was soaked from the broth and it burned

“I’m really sorry Lexa” Clarke said as she tried to stop laughing “I didn’t see you… Let me help”

 

She took a step closer not even thinking about it and went to remove some rice from Lexa’s hair when she realized how close they were… and she started shaking.

Lexa cleared her throat a bit “I’m going to need new clothes” she whispered

 

“Clarke!” Finn’s voice startled her again

 

The boy appeared there and remained silent as he saw the scene, Clarke felt nervous and she tried to take some distance from Lexa

 

“What do you want Finn?” Clarke asked

 

Finn gulped audibly, Lexa was killing him with a glare “Uh… I just want to talk, we need to…”

 

“I need to change” Lexa said abruptly as she started to walk away

 

Clarke sighed and didn’t even need to think twice; she looked at Finn apologetically and ran after Lexa “Wait, she told her”

They walked for a few seconds until they were far enough and Lexa looked at her “No talk?” She asked

 

“No” Clarke answered “I have places to be”

“Places to be” Lexa said quirking her eyebrow

 

“I have to help with this mess” Clarke said as she pointed at Lexa and smiled again

“You can go and talk if you want, I don’t mind”

 

Clarke smiled at her and took her hand “Come here” She instructed.

 

They walked to Lexa’s room to find new clothes. Lexa entered after Clarke and closed the door, she felt a bit embarrassed for being covered in food but at the same time she felt a lump in her stomach.

 

“Take off your shirt” Clarke said

“W-what?”

Clarke smiled “You don’t want to smell like chicken for the rest of the day right?”

“Uh… no” Lexa said

 

Clarke walked to the place where maidens usually left the water jars and the cloths to wash and soaked the cloth a bit as Lexa removed her shirt.

 

She approached the Commander and laughed once again when she saw some pieces of vegetables fall from her shoulder and the rice stuck on her skin. “I’m really sorry Lexa, I should’ve been more careful”

 

Lexa looked at her and nodded “It’s fine Clarke, it’s a good reminder that I didn’t eat… I should”

 

Clarke started to rub the cloth gently along Lexa’s face wiping off the rice and the sticky broth that was getting dry.

 

She found this endearing, she didn’t think Lexa could have this kind of moments with anyone else there, she was sure no one else really took care of her and she really wanted to be that person, she wanted Lexa to feel as safe as she felt with her.

 

“You have clean clothes?” Clarke asked as she rubbed now the cloth on the spots of Lexa’s torso where she saw liquid.

“Over there” Lexa pointed to a big and old wooden wardrobe; Clarke raised her gaze and their eyes met

 

It was strange, Clarke was sure there will be a feeling of proximity now; that now that they had kissed things would be easier; maybe more intimate between them but… it didn’t

 

She had woken up to an empty bed, she had been all day trying to find Lexa and now that they were inches from each other it felt like they were miles away.

 

There was tension, but not like before, not that defiant and hard tension they always had the first days they met; it was different now, they atmosphere was heavy in a weird way, Lexa felt her breathing speeding up, same as her heart beat and Clarke couldn’t decide where to focus her eyes; either on Lexa’s lips or her big green eyes.

 

“I’ll get a shirt” Lexa said as she walked past Clarke and walked to the wardrobe

“Lexa I…”

 

Clarke didn’t dare to finish the sentence, her words died in her mouth and she looked down sadly as she turned around to see Lexa.

The wolf was with her back to Clarke, as she grabbed a black sleeveless shirt and put it quickly, truth was that she didn’t dare to face Clarke; she was terrified…

 

“I tried to find you” Clarke finally said taking a step closer

 

Lexa opened her mouth but no words came out, she couldn’t even breathe properly and she felt for a moment like she was about to choke

“Where were you?” She asked sadly

 

“I… I had some stuff to do” Lexa said simply

 

“What stuff?” Clarke asked hurt and Lexa didn’t dare to lie again, she just decided not to say anything else “I woke up, and you weren’t there and… God I feel so stupid”

 

Clarke turned around as she folded her arms “Don’t say that” Lexa told her feeling suddenly like an idiot, if Clarke was feeling bad now it was because of her

 

“What happened last night…” Clarke started; she faced Lexa again but didn’t look at her

“Clarke I…”

 

“You regret it?” The blonde asked with obvious fear in her voice that cracked Lexa’s heart; she looked so small as she tried to ask

Lexa was out of words “Clarke is not that…”

 

“I was hoping to open my eyes this morning and see you there you know? I thought what happened… that the kiss was just a dream, a very good dream and I hoped that when I woke up I’d see that it wasn’t, that it was real and that you were there with me, that I’d feel you close to me but… I opened my eyes and nothing, you were gone. I just wanted to know why, why you vanished but you have been all day gone and… I don’t know what to think anymore”

 

Lexa swallowed heavily and looked down “I’m really sorry I left you Clarke”

“I don’t want to hear a damn apology!” Clarke said starting to get angry “I just want to know the truth”

 

“What truth?” Lexa asked scared

“What do you want, Lexa? What do you want from me; from us?”

 

Once again, Lexa had no idea what she was doing, her mouth was dry and she was out of words, what did she want? How could she know?

“Do you even want me?” Clarke asked, her voice cracking at the last word

 

“Clarke, of course I want you” Lexa said; if she knew something at that moment it was that she wanted Clarke, and God how much she wanted her…

“Then?”

 

“It is complicated… there are things that are complicated”

Clarke took a bold move and got really close to her again defiantly “What things?”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you Clarke” Lexa nearly whispered “There are aspects of me… that can affect you, I can’t hurt you!”

“Look at me” Clarke asked, Lexa didn’t so she reached out her hands and cupped Lexa’s cheeks, Lexa had never felt so vulnerable “Look at me” She repeated

 

The eye contact felt intense and somehow painful, Clarke had tears in her eyes and Lexa felt horrible seeing her cry, even more knowing that she was the cause of the tears.

 

“How can this hurt?” Clarke asked “We kissed… you kissed me back… did you not mean it? You don’t feel the same?”

 

Lexa was breathing heavily, that was the fucking problem; she felt the same! She felt so much that she feared it would consume her. And she had to fight against it somehow before she ruined Clarke

 

She pulled away softly and tried to calm down; Clarke watched her trying really hard not to cry.

“Say it” Clarke said suddenly

 

“What?”

“I dare you” Clarke said as she clenched her jaw “I fuckin dare you to say it!”

 

“To say what?”

 

“That you don’t feel the same; tell me that you don’t want anything, that it was just a silly kiss for you. Tell me that you don’t feel the same as me and I will leave you alone”

 

Was Clarke being serious? Lexa felt her heart stop, her Alpha wolf was now roaring in pure anger, she was being defied again, she was being tested, and she hated that, she should be able to get it together and just act normal but her heart was beating so fast she couldn’t even react.

 

“Just say it!” Clarke yelled angrily and once again things happened too fast.

“No!” Lexa’s yell was a deep growl followed by her rushed steps that went directly to Clarke.

 

When the blonde could finally realize it she was pinned against the wall and Lexa was against her, her body was pressed against her… they were so close it made Clarke dizzy.

 

“Say it…” Clarke started sobbing feeling completely overwhelmed, her hands held onto the neck of Lexa’s shirt and she looked down

“Fuck it” Lexa said finally as she pressed her forehead against Clarke’s “I can’t take it…”

 

“Wha-” Clarke shut up  the moment Lexa’s lips met hers, she felt a rush of electricity run along her body and the only thing she could do was to wrap her arms around Lexa’s neck as she responded hungrily to the kiss

 

It was fierce, desperate and fast, as if somehow Lexa couldn’t get enough, she just couldn’t get herself to stop; as much as she wanted to kiss Clarke tenderly she just couldn’t control her actions anymore.

 

“You and I” Lexa said between kisses, still not ready to let Clarke’s lips go “It’s so complicated”

Clarke buried her hands in her head pulling her closer as she kept kissing harshly “Then why are we doing this?”

 

Lexa groaned, she took Clarke’s bottom lip between hers and sucked slowly, making the girl moan, she pressed her body even more to her “I don’t know” She managed to say

 

Several minutes later, once they realized they needed to stop to breathe some oxygen Clarke rested her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck, breathing her in “You want me as much as I want you, I know…”

 

Lexa hummed in response

“If this feels so good… how can it be a mistake? Why try to avoid it?”

 

“This needs to go slow Clarke” Lexa said finally and she heard Clarke sigh deeply “If we want this to work… it needs to go slow, I really don’t want to cause you any damage…”

“I know you won’t”

 

“I’m a wolf, Clarke” Lexa said

“You’re Lexa… and as stubborn and serious and uptight Lexa is… I want her; I want you… please don’t put me on the side”

“Clarke…”

 

“I will not push you Lexa” Clarke said finally raising her head

“I can’t be away from you Clarke, as much as I try… but let’s be careful okay?”

 

Clarke nodded slowly trying to think what that meant, maybe it will take time for them to be able to be close enough to be… a couple? Was Lexa the relationship type? She remembered Kiara and Anya getting her a queue of girls not too long ago, maybe Lexa wasn’t used to this… however she really wanted to try, how could she ignore such a powerful feeling?

 

“Okay, just promise me one thing”

“What?”

 

“That you won’t run away from my bed” Clarke said

Lexa looked at her “Next time you sleep there I want to see you in the morning” She kept saying and Lexa nodded

“Deal?”

“Deal”

**Author's Note:**

> Trigedasleng traductions:  
> \- Nou sen yu fut daun nowe: Don't take another step.  
> \- Veida: Invaders  
> \- Frag emo op: Kill them  
> \- Em pleni: enough  
> \- Shof op: shut up  
> \- Gostos ai ste be yu daun teik ai frag em op: Gustus please I beg you, let me kill her  
> \- Jus drein jus daun: Blood must have blood  
> \- Teik em: take them  
> \- Heya Klark Griffin: Hello Clarke Griffin  
> \- Sha: Yes  
> \- Ban op: leave  
> \- Monin Klark kom Skaikru: Welcome Clarke from sky people  
> \- I laik Lexa kom Trikru: I am Lexa from Trikru
> 
> Hope you liked this, I'll be back soon with a new chapter! Don't forget to share your opinion with me.


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